Erin gazed down at the grave before her with silent eyes. Though she had come here millions of times before, it never got any easier and only buried the knife deeper into the wound. Reminding her of what she had lost, whom she had lost and how ungrateful she had been as a child towards the mother who tried to give her everything.
Though she hated wearing dresses with a passion and would do so only with leggings or jeans. She had done so today because she knew it would have made her mother happy. She had swallowed her pride, went shopping and found the most mature and respectable dress she could find that would have made her mother happy.
It had long sleeves that reached her elbows with see-through material, a heart shaped chest that hugged her tightly and a knee length flowy skirt. To match she was wearing black shoes. A very mature yet womanly look, unusual for a girl of her age (18) and yet somehow so fitting for her. Comfortable even.
She was gripping a bunch of white lilies to her chest and trying hard not to cry. Using everything in her willpower not to cry and break down like the lost child inside of her begged to. The emotions in her heart slowly but surely consuming her like a dark mass of smoke. Trying to make her give in and lose the battle.
Every day she missed her mother, not a day went by that she didn't pass through Erin's mind. Wishing she had appreciated her mother more instead of acting like such a little shit all the time. But she had been a child back then, a young girl. Naive, foolish and innocent, not knowing how blessed she had been.
Suddenly she felt a familiar hand on her shoulder and softened. He was finally here, bringing a small sliver of light into her very miserable day. She felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She slowly reached back with one hand to cup his own, intertwining his fingers with hers in an affectionate manner.
Jean wore a look of sympathy and pain. He had just finished work so he was wearing his shirt, work trousers, his tie hung loosely around his neck and his jacket under his arm. His grip hard on Erin's shoulder as he conveyed the emotions he was currently feeling into her. He then took a shaky breath "Sorry I'm late babe" he apologized in an apprehensive tone.
He was holding a bunch of white flowers in the hand that held his jacket. He had picked them up on the way from work at the bar, but made sure they were of the best quality. However, that had been hard to given the journey he had to make and how quickly he had tried to get here without damaging them in any way.
Erin smiled, her green eyes calm yet unreadable as the storm of emotions swirled inside of her. "No, I'm glad you could make it at all. I know how busy your job is" she replied fondly. It showed he cared, next to her adopted sister and Armin he was the first person who had ever come to visit her mothers grave with her.
Jean worked a 24/7 job behind a bar that made him work late. But he had gotten off early today especially for her knowing how hard this would be on her which she appreciated. She then placed down the flowers on her mother's grave as did Jean. A silent but gentle breeze blowing from behind, causing the flowers to flutter and tilt slightly.
"She'd be proud of you Erin. I know I am" he replied tenderly. Erin had done well to be strong all this time, to cope with her mother's loss at such a young age. His own parents had divorced when he was very young, his mother raising her alone. Though he had been a little shit previously, after learning Erin's past he became more grateful of what he had.
To have her father abandon her at age 10, then be raised alongside her adopted sister Mikasa and her uncle. On top of having to deal with being an orphan and losing her mother in such a traumatic way. God knows what kind of demons she had lurking inside of her heart, keeping them locked away from the rest of the world.
Erin then stiffened, the wall holding the damn of overflowing emotions inside of her breaking. Large tears welling up in her eyes and spilling down her soft cheeks. She then flung herself into Jean's arms sobbing loudly and soaking his shirt. It hurt, it hurt so much and though the pain would get easier with time, the wound would never truly heal.
"I… I… m… miss her s… so much. J…Jean I… if you weren't h… here I… I don't..." she sniffed her voice unable to come out from how hard she was crying. Her eyes blinded by the tears pouring from her. It hurt, it hurt so much. To see her face in her mind, in her dreams and memories. Knowing she was gone and never coming back.
Not a day went by that she wasn't glad to have Jean in her life. Because she wasn't alone, she didn't have to carry the burdens in her heart by herself. Because he was here by her side. That he would always be by her side and never leave, it was the biggest relief and happiest reminder she could ever ask for.
Jean then wrapped his arms around Erin tightly, holding her as if she would break if he released her. Clutching the sobbing woman in his arms like a lifeline, not wanting to let go. Afraid of what would happen if he did, of what would happen to the girl in front of him if he even so much as loosened his grip on her.
Erin may have acted tough, but she was truly a broken girl who was lost inside. Angry and resentful at the world for taking away her happiness and leaving her to cope with the aftermath. Though at first he had thought her a bitch, after getting to know her he now understood why she acted the way she did.
But Jean would always be by her side. To act as her shield when Erin wasn't strong enough to stand on her own, just like she was right now. He stared at Carla's grave still holding her, his fingers gently wound in her soft brown hair. "I'm here Erin" he whispered hoarsely.
