Alright, so, the truth?

You want the truth?

Well, honey, you can't handle the truth.

However, I can handle you not handling the truth.

So I was having my day off, I had gotten a sharp blade, and my wrist was just begging to be cut.

I'm a closet emo.

All Fairy Godmothers have to have an outlet after the bratty twits they help.

So, there I was, about to cut my wrist, when…

Ring. Ring. Ring.

My cell phone will burn in hell along side me.

"Hullo?" I slurred into the phone, for I had also, for the benefit of the story, been drinking an apple martini.

"Right, well, Ann, you've got a #4632."

"Ravenous frogs?"

"No, no, the other #4632"

"TIH?"

"That's the one."

"Ug, Lizzy, it's my night off."

"She's real sweet Ann."

"As I recall, TIH stands for Twit-in-hysterics"

"Please Ann?"

"No."

"Thanks Ann! I'm taking you there now."

I hate my sister sometimes.

So, in a second, there I was.

In a sickeningly charming garden, in my pink robe, holding a razor to my wrist.

Great.

"Oh, girl? Come on out girl. I'm your Fairy Godmother."

The quicker, the better.

"You sure don't look like a 'Fairy Godmother'"

Came the snide reply, and out strode Cinderella.

She was ugly, she had a torn, too big, red dress on.

And worst of all, she had blond hair.

I don't work with blonds.

"Well…sweetie, I am, and I'm here to help you."

"Really?"

She was a pushover, this would be easy.

"Yes, now tell me what 'ya want and I'll make it come true."

"With a magic wand?"

"No. With the razor."

"Oh."

"So spit it out dear, hearts desires."

Cinderella took a deep breath.

"I want; tobethemostgorgeousgirlinthekingdomandtohavetheprincefallinlovewithmeatfirstsightandtohaveagooorgeousdressandtheprettiestshoesintheworldandareallyprettyhorsetogetmetotheballandfortheprettynessonmetoneverwearoff."

I let that sink in for a second, yea Liz, this ones a winner.

"Well honey, I usually don't grant these kinds of requests, but in this case, with you being such a sweet and selfless girl, you get it all."

Cinderella beamed.

"So, have fun, Cindy."

With a wave of my magic razor, she was gorgeous, I was home, and the news paper (early edition) was at my door.

'Mysterious Beauty, Runs from Ball in Peasant Cloths, Prince Searching for Her.'

Oops.