AN: I know it has been a long time. I'm sorry. And all of you following me are following me because of my Tudor stories. I am hoping to get back to them but it has been rough. I have had two babies in two years and dealt with severe postpartum depression. Like, badly. I had no motivation to even READ on here. I am just catching up on thing and go into 50 shades of grey. I don't know how far I am going with this story. Maybe just two or three chapters, a different 50 Shades Darker type. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. Please if you see a big mistake let me know. I am so not used to writing in the 1st person so I had to go back and edit several times.

ANA POV

Two weeks. It's been two weeks since I've seen him, since I left him. I've been rather numb, going through the motions, unable to shake the loneliness and emptiness I feel. I've lost half of me. It feels stupid as we barely knew each other but I can't help what I feel. It wasn't even a month!

Today is his birthday. An easy Google search (something she didn't want to admit to anyone) was able to tell her that. She wondered where he was, if he missed her. Of course not, she shook her head. He was clear in his affection to her. He couldn't or wouldn't love her. Either way, it wasn't enough. She wasn't enough for him.

She placed her empty tea cup in Ray's sink. She'd been here for the last two days. She had asked her dad to come get her before Kate got home. It hadn't worked out at SIP for her. She quit with no notice after she started to suspect that Christian had bought it, the main thing being a rumor going around of a hostile takeover. Ana may not have known Christian long but she knew that was him. Her boss, Jack Hyde, tried to convince her to stay but she didn't take to his charm that she could clearly see he was trying to lay on her.

So, with the nasty break up and quitting her job she left a note for Kate that she wouldn't be there when she got home from Barbados with his brother. She couldn't stomach seeing them in love and ran to her dad's house. Ray, thankfully, didn't poke or prod her, trying to force her to talk, unlike her mother who Ana had taken to avoid her phone calls and emails.

"Ana?" Ray called from the living room. "Everything okay?" Ana sighed.

"Yeah, Dad, I'm fine. I think I'm going to go for a walk, get some fresh air." She walked towards him, grabbing a light grey sweater near the door. She slipped on her nude flats and smiled weakly at Ray. He had a frown on his face but once again, Ana was thankful that he was one for emotions and talking. He nodded and went back to whatever sport game was on the TV.

Without thinking, Ana grabbed her purse and walked. Thankfully Ray lived close to the main center of Montesano so it wasn't a far walk for her to go and find something to do. However it she wasn't two blocks away before a black Mercedes pulled up next to her. Ana closed her eyes and kept walking just briefly before stopping and giving up. She knew it was Kate and she only hoped that she came alone.

"Steele, get in the car." Kate yelled through the window. Ana glanced at her of course she looking fucking fantastic she thought, slightly bitter. Blonde, tanned and radiant. Kate had a gleam to her eyes, even through her glares. Deciding it wasn't worth it Ana slipped into the car, enjoying the blast of AC that was on.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you been unpacking?" Ana questioned Kate. Kate had only been back from her vacation with Elliot Grey for a day.

"Well, consider the note I found on our kitchen counter from you tagged along with the way Mr. Moneybags looked when we saw him this morning, I decided to come see you, since you aren't answering your phone."

"You saw him? When? Why?" Ana couldn't help herself, she felt so stupid caring about it. It's her fault. She had been ignoring his emails and phone calls from the first week. There was no communication between him after she quit SIP.

"This morning," Kate replied, still parked on the side of the street, looking at Ana. "Grace forced him to have a birthday breakfast since he refused the party that Mia wanted to throw him tonight. He looks awful, Ana. You look awful. What happened between the two of you?"

Tears came quickly to Ana's eyes. She brushed them away. "We...I...it just wouldn't work." Ana saw the Kavanagh glint in Kate's eyes and wondering what the hell was on her mind.

"Well, I have a cure for whatever the hell is bother you. We're going to Portland for some fun. I've called some of the girls and we are going to have a fun night and drink ourselves stupid. "

Ana groaned. No, please no. Her cradle her head in her hands and tried to breath. "Kate, listen-"

"No, you listen. You need this. We are just gonna go dancing. I brought you some of my clothes, we'll get you looking hot and maybe even laid tonight!" Ana thought she was gonna puke from the idea. Once Kate gets her mind on something, good luck trying to stop it.

Ana didn't reply she just put her seat belt on and made a call to her father.

CHRISTIAN POV

I fucking hate my life. Ever since Ana left my life has gotten worse, if that was even possible. Mostly because Mia and my mother are up my ass all the time, wondering if I was okay. They really loved her and I made her leave. Because I couldn't give her more. I didn't even really try. I'm so fucked up that I drove her away. I need her back.

"Fuck!" I screamed to no one in my office. No one would dare come look to see why. It was Saturday anyway, no one was here. I was in fact was getting ready to leave to go to my parents house for my birthday breakfast. "Fuck," I muttered more quietly this time. I picked up my phone and texted Taylor to pull the car around. I went to lock my phone and stopped. The picture of Ana was still on my background. I had set it right before she left and hadn't removed it. I wasn't able to tell her then that I loved her. I didn't want to admit it to himself but I did. I love her so much. I loved her probably from the beginning when she fell right in this office.

I bought the company that Ana got hired at as soon as I knew that she was. I had wanted to get into publishing anyway and this was a good company. It was okay for about a week after she left but then Ana suddenly quit. She had ignored the emails that I had sent. I had offered to drive her to Jose's art show but she went by herself. I only knew that because I had hired a man to watch her, make sure she was safe. I always would. I would spend his life worrying about her. Pressing the elevator button to go down to the car, I gave a quick text to the man, Sawyer was his name, checking in on Ana. The reply was quick, she was still at her dad's house, spending the second night there.

I had just barely put his phone in my pocket before I had to take it out again, this time a message from Mia, threatening bodily harm if I didn't come today. I ignored it and resisted the temptation to throw my phone against the pristine elevator wall. The doors open and Taylor was there waiting for me. We walked in silence to his car and drove that way to my parents house.

I honestly couldn't tell anyone what the food tasted like. I had opened the small pile of gifts at the table and thanked everyone, without really caring what I got. It wasn't what I really wanted anyway. I only wanted Ana. I also didn't like the looks that Kate was giving me and was frankly tired as hell of them.

"So, Kate, what are you doing this weekend?" Mia asked brightly to my right, perfectly unaffected by my bad temper.

"Oh, I'm going to go see Ana, probably go out for drinks or something." Kate replied nonchalantly. Everyone at the table, except for Kate, tensed up at Ana's name. Kate just took a sip of her Mimosa and smirked at me. Elliot tried to whisper in Kate's ear but she brushed him off. "She left me an odd note saying she was visiting her dad so I thought I would just pop on over and get her." I found myself extremely jealous over the fact that Kate could do that.

"Mother, thank you for the lovely birthday breakfast. I have some things to do this afternoon." I got up and gave Mia and Grace a kiss on the cheek. Grace wisely said nothing about me leaving early. She knew my moods. Mia pouted a bit but I would make it up to her, let her go shopping or something. Taylor gathered my gifts from the table and I gave a tight smile to everyone.

"Christian, could I have a word?" Kate asked sweetly. Elliot grabbed her arm and whispered harshly into her ear, but again she just shook him off. She didn't wait for me to reply and got up and with her drink in hand, I turned on my heel and lead her out of the room, into the family room off of the dining room.

"Grey." she started sweetly, so unlike her. "It was nice to see you."

"Likewise, Kate" I replied tersely. What the hell did she want from me?

"So, I'm going to take Ana to Portland tonight." She paused, looking at me. I could feel the muscles in my cheek twitch as I clenched my jaw. Kate sat down on the couch, crossing her legs and still nursing the mimosa. I kept standing. "Do you want to know where?" It was the last thing I expected to hear from her but I was interested.

"Why would you do that?" I didn't bother to tell her that I would already know. Kate looked at me shrewdly.

"Because you look like hell. I'm sure Ana does as well. I talked to Ray last night, he said that she is not doing good. You aren't doing good and with the note she left me….I put it all together. You guys love each other. You guys need each other. I'm pretty sure you fucked up big time but I know you care for her. I'm willing to help you get another chance. If you want it."

The breath in me left. Was it that obvious to everyone? Did everyone else know that I loved her before I did? Does Ana know? "Yes," I whisper, never taking my eyes from hers. There was a pregnant pause.

"Good, I'll text you later. Get cleaned up and get some rest. You really do look like shit. We'll see you tonight in Portland." Then she stood up and left the room, her high heels making the only noise in the room. Well, that was surprising. People don't usual surprise me either.

I ran my hand through my hair, unsure of what to do next. Perhaps Kate was right. Maybe a nap is what I needed. I have barely slept these last few weeks but now, maybe just maybe with the promise of seeing Ana tonight I could get an hour or two before I flew down to Portland. I could feel a small smile lips. If I could get a second chance with Ana, I'll never let go. I'll do whatever it takes to give her the more she wants and deserves.

After I left my parents house I had Taylor drive me back to Escala. I tried, I really did, to sleep and maybe got about an hour. I showered and got dressed, a white button down shirt and dark jeans. Nice enough for most clubs, especially for Portland, where they are lacking on the exclusive type clubs that L.A. And New York are known for.

It's a quick flight to Portland. Clear skies and no issues. Taylor is with me and already has the rental car waiting for us when we get there, a black SUV, just what I like. We head to the Heathman, waiting for the Kate to contact me. I still can't believe I'm letting Kavanagh control this night but I'm fairly calm. Waiting my time. I know that I can't live without Ana. I know it now and I need her. I want her as my wife and my future. I can only hope that she still loves me. Kate gives me hope for that but I've never been one to expect the best out of situations.

It's only six in the evening and I'm on edge again. I've ate dinner, I've thought about what I wanted to say to Ana when I saw her, when I got to talk to her tonight. I've rented the VIP tent at the club 'Holocene' that Kate had texted me and told me where they would be. Finally, I gave up relaxing the normal way and went back to my way; doing work. I pulled out my Mac Book and started with my emails and making my way through that list.

Several hours later I hear my phone vibrate. I glance at it and see it's a message from Kate. I open it and holy fuck! It's a picture of Ana, she is talking to another girl that I couldn't give a fuck for but his Ana looked sexy. I was angry that she even was going to wear that outfit! And turned on at the same time I had to admit. It was short and it was tight in all the right places, thin straps and matching heels with it. She was holding a glass of wine and a small smile on her lips. She looked so fuckable. I was instantly hard and had to adjust myself.

*We are heading out in a few minutes, meet you there. Kate*

*See you there, C*

"Taylor!" I yelled. We need to go. NOW.

The girls showed up several minutes after I did. I told Kate to use my name to get in past the line and it worked well, well it should because I paid very well for it. My breath leaves me again today as Ana walks in. It's clear she doesn't see me and I made Taylor stay outside, much to his displeasure. But he's close enough if I need him, it isn't a huge club. I watch as Kate forces Ana to take some shots, and my own displeasure rises. A drunk Ana is not an easy Ana to talk to. Kate glances over at me and winks. I have no fucking idea what she is playing at though.

Soon the girls are on the floor, the two girls that came with them have already found men to dance with, they worked quickly. I could see the other men in the club looking at Kate and Ana. I text Elliot, knowing he is on his way, leaving Seattle earlier. He should be here very soon. I sip on my beer, slowly, just watching Ana. Watching her hips move. Sometimes the dress she is wear slips up ever so much more. I could watch this all night, just her dancing with Kate, which I have to say more than I like, was kind of hot with the two. I literally shake my head from to get rid of the thought. Fuck if I'm thinking that….what is everyone else thinking?

Thankfully, they go back to the bar and get something else to drink. I can't see what it is from here but I am sure it is more shots if Kate ordered. However this time, when Kate brings them back to the floor, some men decide to join them. Kate elbows the one that came on to her, which I have to admit I was proud for but Ana, my Ana while she pulled away slightly she didn't all the way. She looked over her shoulder and then kept dancing. I never knew anger before this moment. It rises faster than I can think clearly and suddenly I'm up and making my way to my Ana.

ANA POV

I felt like a fucking barbie doll. Kate and our college friends Tiffany and Kelly were pulling and teasing my hair all sorts about. I was in the shortest black dress I think I have ever seen, at least on me. I am wearing some fuck me high heels shoes, not quite sure how I was supposed to walk in these. Everyone else was dressed similar to me.

"There!" Kate smiled proudly. "I have to say, you look fucking hot!" I blushed slightly. There is no reason for me to look like this. I have no one to impress. Kelly shoves a wine glass in my hand, my second of the night and it was only 9pm and we haven't even hit the club yet. I drank it blindly, I hope I don't puke tonight. I really don't want to do that. At least Christian wouldn't be there to see it.

"Here, Ana, let me take a picture of you." I didn't even know why Kate bother to ask, she already clicked the picture with her phone, smiling. Awesome. "Okay, ladies, let's go!"

The four of us pile into Kate's car. We are going to some club a few blocks from Kelly's apartment in Portland. The name is Holocene, a 21 and over nightclub. Tiffany rambled something about it be being Booty Bassment night since it's Saturday. The line was already going around the block but Kate managed to get us right in. She mumbled something that I couldn't quite catch but whatever. I was starting to pick up the vibe from the girls. Tiffany and Kelly were both brunette but that is where the similarities stopped for them. Tiffany was short, Kelly was tall. Kelly had brown eyes, Tiffany had green. Both were dressed in tight dresses, Tiffany in pink, Kelly in green. Their eyes were bright as they followed Kate and both grabbed my arms half carrying me since walking in the heels were still a little hard for me. They will probably kill you, my smart ass inner self says. I roll my eyes at myself. Fuck, I'm losing it.

The club was already loud and full of people, we skipped the full line of drink in the front and went to the back, Kate had told us that they had a cash bar that usually went much faster. Britney's "Hold It Against Me" was blaring loudly. Kate order us all two shots and demanded that we drink them and quickly. I hesitated, for some reason the rule that Christian had for me about drinking came to mind but I ignored it and took the shots. They burned going down but I was determined (okay more like I was strong armed) into having a damn good time and for one night, forget about him.

I held my clutch close to me as Kate dragged me to the floor by my arm to dance with her. Tiffany and Kelly had left us to go dance it up, both already have their arms around some guys on the floor and grinding against them. I stayed close to Kate. It took a few minutes but slowly she got me to unwind and we danced with each other. I was grateful that Elliot wasn't here for multiple reasons but the big one being that I knew Kate wouldn't leave me alone.

A good hour went by before Kate made me have some more drinks with her. I'm quite drunk by this point, I can tell, but I'm loose, I'm happy. It may be a medicated one but I am. Rihanna's S&M came on and Kate squealed. She dragged me again (I was start to feel some bruises on my arms from where the girls have dragged me tonight) to the dance floor, I felt another hand on my hip and I looked behind me. It was a handsome guy, he was tall and blonde. He smiled at me. Not my taste as I prefer more red in my mans hair. Get over it, Steele. It's over. My subconcious snarls at me. She's right of course and I'm several drinks into the night and while I don't allow him to come super close to me I let him dance with me. My inner goddess however is looking him up and down and seems to disapprove. I close my eyes and let the beat take me.

Feels so good being bad

There's no way I'm turning back

Now the pain is my pleasure

Cause nothing could measure

I shake my head of the lyrics. Too painful. Suddenly I feel a jostle and the hand is removed. Before I can even turn around to see what happened I feel him. He has both hands on my hips and pressed into his front. I feel everything about him. His hardness presses into my lower back. I gasp. I take in his scent. I open my eyes to look for Kate, a slight panic in my eyes but she's gone. Christian moves his hands up my body, he raises my arms up, rubbing them with his hands.

"Anastasia." He growls in my ear. Holy shit I nearly came in my panties. His hands are down at my hips again and he turns me around to face him. He looks angry and sexy at the same time.

Love is great, love is fine

Out the box, out of line

The affliction of the feeling

Leaves me wanting more

I'm breathless. He moves me to the beat of the song, I can hear the blood in my ears. I see nothing but him. I missed him so much. I knew I did but it was until right now, right this moment with him holding me close that I knew how much. My body is in tuned with him. I don't even care that we are dry fucking on the floor right now to the music. I want him. I need him. She leans down and takes me ear into his mouth, he bites gently then hard for a brief second.

"You are mine." Three words have never sounded so powerful. I'm swept up. At this moment I don't hear anything else, I don't care about anything else, I don't care about tomorrow as he crushes his lips into mine. Our tongues mingle in our mouths and oh my God, it's amazing. I grind my pelvic into his and he groans into my mouth. I feel so sexy right now. I want him now.

I love the feeling

You bring to me

Oh, you turn me on

It's exactly what

I've been yearning for

Give it to me strong

And meet me in my boudoir

Make my body say ah, ah, ah

Christian pulls me through the club quickly, breaking the kiss. He's practically carrying me as we push our way through the club. I see Tiffany's jaw on dropped as she looks at us. Christian has us through the door faster than I can blink and pulls me into his car. He opens the passenger side of the black SUV and I get in quickly. My breathing is coming fast, I'm turned on, confused and excited at the same time. I am refusing to think about what happens after. The talk that will have to come. Christian gets behind the drivers wheel and neither of us say anything. Not even the radio. I have a idea of where we are going and if I'm right we should be there in about five minutes.

He makes it in three to the Heathman Hotel and I'm impressed, even in my turned on state. My Panties are soaked and my body is tingling. I just want to feel him on me. The valet opened my door and see Christian tipping him quickly and we enter the hotel, heading for the elevator.

As soon as the door closes he is on me, his lips are everywhere along with his hands. I'm doing the same, I can't get enough of him. I know it's the alcohol because sober Ana is shaking her head at me, knowing this is just going to lead to more of a broken heart. But Drunk Ana doesn't care and my inner goddess already naked and panting. My hands are in his hair pulling him closer her, his lips are on my neck. He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, my dress pulling up higher on my thighs. The door of the elevator opens and the carries me through, his lips never leaving my body, always moving. In the back of my mind I am impressed by this and even more so when I opens the door without putting me down. He finally sets me down once we are inside.

"Get undressed and go lay on the bed." His voice is quiet and sultry. Subconscious Ana shook her head refusing to go, knowing that it wasn't the smart choice. But the little vixen in my head won when Christian ran his hand down my face in the most gentle way. I quickly turned on my heel did as I was bid. He followed closely behind, taking off his clothes as fast as I was. He reached into the side table drawer and pulled out a condom. I laid down, naked now except for my shoes, which I quickly threw off before I scooted myself up the bed. Again, before I could say anything his hands were on me, his lips as well. He slipped two fingers down to my folds.

"Always ready for me, aren't you sweet girl?" I arched my back and thrust my hips to meet his fingers, urging him to go fast but he refused. He teased me and rubbing all the right spots, soon I was building higher and higher.

"Let go for me, Anastasia." He whispered into my ear, moving his mouth to my nipple. He bit it slightly and I exploded around his fingers, I had just reached the peak of it and was coming down when he entered me fully and completely which started me back again. I screamed his name and raised my hips to his. He didn't take long to finish and he soon saying my name over and over again. When he is finished we just lay there, letting our breathing calm down. He rolls off of me and leaves my body, making me feel empty and sad for some reason. He pulls me close to him, we are nose to nose and he looks at me, deep in my eyes. He looks scared, vulnerable. He takes a deep breath and whispers something to me I almost didn't catch it.

"I love you, Anastasia."