He hates how he is able to feel pain once again. Not like this.
He stares upon the blank, white ceiling of his large—yet empty room as he lies on his bed, unable to ignore the soft, small pains that pushed through his chest with each passing moment. His lips part, as if wanting to say something, but nothing slips out.
"You must've been very relieved when you realized you weren't carrying my offspring," he remembers mumbling after she had pointed out that being a father wasn't in his infamous Chuck Bass routine.
Chuck was surprised for a slight moment. Because the moment he let those words slip from his mouth, he began to feel.
Pain. Not physical pain, but emotional pain.
He keeps a straight face as the wave of disappointment and sadness surges through his mind. And when Blair's eyebrows furrow for the slightest moments, his mouth moves on, unable to control his commentary.
"It certainly would've derailed your fairytale," he states as a matter-of-fact.
After she points out of her complicated fairytale, Chuck makes up his mind. He wants her, as he starts realizing that she is not happy.
He also wants her gone.
Blair announces her departure. "I should leave."
"Yes."
"Louis is waiting for me." She takes a step back.
"Of course." He grabs his drink again.
"There was a part of me that really wanted it to be yours," she whispers, voice having lost hope.
Chuck's pain turns physical. He begins to feel a stinging pain in his chest, and his mouth grows dry. His shock makes his body grow stiff. All he does is stare, not moving a muscle. Blair walks out of his penthouse, and all he does watch.
The pain begins to consume him.
The bed's comfort does not reach him. The pains in his chest grow heavier. Every word, every syllable of the last sentence that left out of her lips are played like a tape recording in his mind. His hand immediately reaches to his chest, loosening his tie in one swift motion. He feels claustrophobic, almost unable to breathe. A shaky breath exhales from his lips as he wraps his palm around his favorite purple tie, trying his best to get some form of comfort. His lips quiver as he breathes in and out to relax.
His vision blurs, and he doesn't realize that tears are building up—nor does he care.
The pain grows more, and he hates it. He had been wanting to feel again, but not like this.
A tear glides down from the corner of his eye, and down his temple. He's crushed, heartbroken, and devastated.
At that moment, he wishes for the pain to disappear. The numerous bruises covering his body are nothing compared to the pain he feels at that moment. He doesn't want to feel.
Chuck feels the presence of Monkey on the bed. He doesn't push Monkey away.
Monkey seems to sense his negativity, and immediately cuddles onto his Master's chest. Chuck's hand slowly rests on Monkey's head, and he pets his head gently. Looking down, he then dips his head, and gently kisses Monkey's head, thankful for his company.
More tears glisten from his eyes, this time at a more relentless rate.
He hates how he is able to feel pain once again.
A/N: A rusty little vent drabble. And a first-timer to writing for this fandom.
