SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: It's back – are y'all as excited as I am? Anyways this first chapter will be taking place during the episode "Provenance" I am also very saddened to tell you that the Harvelle's will not be in this story – not that I don't LOVE (and miss) them terribly I just couldn't find a way to write them in. Another person that does not exist in this verse' is Miss Cassie Robinson :( I know I love her too, don't get me wrong, I just want Lila to be the only girl for Dean. So that's it I guess I will try to do a detailed time line for each chapter. Hopefully I don't confuse you guys. -Thanks for reading. The comments/likes/messages have been my favorite part of this story. Knowing someone is actually into what I'm writing makes me such a happy little cupcake. I Love You ALL!

Summary: Some times she even believed her charade.

Just Like A Ghost

Chapter One:

"The Worst Kind Of Heartache"

Sometimes she was whole.
Sometimes she felt as if the pieces of her heart were shattered into a thousand pieces, and most times she never got them all back.
Losing Dean was hard. But she was prepared for his inevitable void. She knew Dean Winchester was gold, and we all know what they say about gold...
So here she was, twenty one, broke, and pretty much flat on her ass.
But she was okay.
As long as she was still drawing air into her lungs she would be okay.
Her momma taught her that.
Thinking of her now was bittersweet. She spent that first year without her trying to live her life to the fullest. Her and Del took an extended stay trip to Hawaii.
Three weeks in the sun on the beach avoiding anything that had to do with the real world.
She went skydiving – nearly puked her guts out on the way down but she did it. She got a new tattoo, a rose on her thigh with her mom's name. She looked at it all the time and tried to remember the way her voice sounded.
Lila got pretty good at distracting herself from the pain.
But some times it found its way to the surface.

Believe it or not, Lila loved to work.
She thrived at her job. And even though she was just a bartender and some nights she got shitty tips and got hit on by every guy she waited on, she enjoyed her job.
Del was a good boss, and not just because once upon a time she was her mother's best friend. They spent most of the night laughing and talking about the drunk people behind their backs.
There was even a guy.
Peter.
He was nice and normal and he told her he loved her all the time.
But there were ghosts inside Lila's heart.
And one thing she knew to be true about ghosts is, they have to be vanquished.

She dreamt about him all the time.
Like how he looked when he was driving down the open road, Led Zeppelin blaring on the radio. Or the way his mouth looked when he laughed, and how his whole entire face smiled.
Dean Winchester was a heartache that Lila revisited all the time.
Deliciously sweet torture.
And yes, it broke her heart all over again when she woke up from one of those dreams only to realize that was all it was. But those dreams also made her life bearable.
Once upon a time Lila Dawson had everything she ever wanted right at her finger tips. And he left her.
In her head it was like this: Dean leaving was inevitable. He was not meant to be tied down or to stay in one place for long. He was a rambling man. Lila knew all of these things about him. She was trying this new thing where she took her mom's advice and she was trying to remind herself that she was better off without him.

It didn't make it hurt any less – but whatever.

"You feelin' okay doll?" Del asks her, flipping a dishtowel at her arm.
Lila looked up from the notebook. It was slow and she was pretending to balance the register but really she was drawing a car, a black car, in the corner of the paper. "I didn't sleep much last night."
Del smirks. She had such a beautiful face, even though she was well into her forties. When you commented on her beauty Del's response was always the same: black don't crack honey.
"Did Peter Rabbit keep you up all night?"
Lila laughs, Del's little pet name for Peter was always hilarious, and she had been telling Del about Peter's... Stamina and she blurted it out, loud enough where the cooks in the back heard her.
"No, actually Peter didn't come over last night."
Del purses her lips together and eyes her. "I am completely ashamed of you,"
"Why?"
"You're young, you got a beautiful man and you didn't spend last night with him?"
"You know sometimes people do actually enjoy being alone..."
She rolls her eyes. "Keep tellin' yourself that honey."
Lila looks back down at the paper, her eyes drawn to that black car. Had it really been almost three years since she saw him? Because most times it felt like it was longer and sometimes she felt like it was just yesterday...

She called him once after he left. She was drunk and that payphone seemed to be lit up like the fucking angels wanted her to call somebody.
Of course she called him, who else did she have?
It rang for what felt like hours. Then in his hoarse voice her answered, a muffled hello that made Lila's heart skip a beat.
"I didn't mean to wake you..."
"Lila? Is everything okay."
"Yeah," she whispered, twirling her long hair around her finger. "I just- I don't know why I called you..."
"Where are you?"
"Doesn't matter. I'm sorry I bothered you."
She slammed the receiver down so hard that it echoed in her ears.
She was a fucking idiot.

Peter popped into her life not log after that phone call.

He was a regular at the bar and he was nice and funny and he had tattoos all up and down his arms. Lila was transfixed by his blue eyes from the moment she looked into them.
He was just a nice, normal guy and he came into her life during a time when she needed someone the most.
Best part about him was the fact that he cared about her.

Really truly cared.
And that was kind of different for her. But some times different was just what you needed.

Some things never change

Lila took comfort in that fact – it was what kept her going most days.

She was still hurting and still grieving and still living half a life, but she was happy.

So it was about time for a Winchester to show up...

a/n: Sorry this chapter is so short - I just really wanted to post something tonight. Promise the next chapter will be twice as long... :)