(Stage. Curtain opens to reveal two comfortable armchairs, with Artemis and Holly sitting in them.)
Holly: Hello, and welcome to our show! This is Art, and—
Artemis: My name's not Art!
Holly: Yes it is!
Artemis: No it isn't!
Holly: Yes it is!
Artemis: No it isn't!
Holly: (pulls out gun and points it at Artemis) YES, IT IS!
Artemis: Okay, okay! It is!
Holly: THANK you. Now, as I was saying, this is Art, and I'm Hayley, and today—
Artemis: Your name is NOT Hayley!
Holly: Yes it is!
Artemis: Is not!
Holly: Is too!
Artemis: Is not!
Holly: Is too!
Artemis: JULIET!
Holly: No, no, you fool! Her name is Julie! Not Juliet, Julie! J-U-L-I-E! JULIE!
Artemis: JULIET!
Holly: Art, I'm warning you…
Artemis: JULIET! And my name's not Art, it's Artemis!
Holly: (prods him with her gun) Art….
Artemis: Okay, FINE! JULIE!
Holly: Thanks. (Puts gun back away, but keeps her hand on it just in case.) (To audience) Okay, today—
Artemis: --ET!
Holly: (looking daggers at Artemis) ART!
Juliet: (coming in) What's wrong, Artemis?
Artemis: (stands) Well, see—(Holly stands also, walks over to him, takes gun out again and points it at him)—never mind. Nothing. You can go now, I guess. But…
Holly: Now then, we've got that settled, Art. Shall we proceed? (To audience) Today—
Juliet: Just a minute. I want to know exactly what's going on here. Why did you call him Art?
Holly: (impatiently) Because that's his name, Julie!
Juliet: No it's not!
Holly: Yes it is!
Juliet: No, it's not! And my name is NOT Julie!
Holly: Yes it is! And my name is Hayley!
Juliet: No, it is not!
Holly: YES IT IS!
Juliet: (sweetly) Hol—uh, Hayley, how would you like to learn the spin-drop-kick? It's a wrestling move I made up myself.
Holly: That would be great!
Juliet: Okay. Come
here.
Holly: (comes) Okay, how do you do it?
(Juliet picks her up)
Holly: Hey! Hey, Julie! What are you doing!
Juliet: (still sweet) Didn't I tell you I would be practicing on you?
Holly: Okay, okay, FINE, I'll stop calling you Julie!
Juliet: AND?
Holly: (reluctantly) And I'll stop calling Artemis Art, and myself Hayley. Just put me down!
Juliet: Will do. (Puts her down.)
Holly: Phew! (Catches her breath.) Okay, now then…since we only have half an hour to do this in (shoots glares at Artemis and Juliet), we should probably get started. So…AS I WAS SAYING (looks daggers at Artemis and Juliet again), today we will—
Metallic voice from the ceiling: I'm sorry, your time is up. Please get off the stage.
(Giant hook grabs Juliet off the stage. She is too surprised to do anything.)
Holly: (freaks out) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
(Chases Artemis off the stage, waving gun wildly and shooting randomly.)
Take that! And that! And that!
Artemis: Hey! Watch where you're going with that thing! Hey! Stop shooting! Aaaaah!
Holly: Take that! And that! Take that!
(Curtain closes.)
Metallic voice from ceiling: Thank you for watching. We hope you enjoyed the show.
THE END
