Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or any related characters.
"Dean?" Castiel called out, nervous for the first time in quite a long while. Sure, he got scared, or anxious when the Winchesters decided to do something stupid again, but never nervous. Not until now.
And not getting an answer didn't help. Castiel ran his fingers through his hair, glancing at his reflection as he passed a mirror. That didn't do anything for his confidence level—he was white, wide-eyed, and his lips seemed unusually dry. Not for the first time, Cas considered abandoning this venture…but no. He'd chickened out before, but this was the day humans (for whatever reason) celebrated love. So it was the perfect time to join in the fun. Besides, Sam had encouraged him to go through with this, so maybe it wasn't as pointless as it felt.
Taking a deep breath, Castiel walked forward, knocking on the closed bathroom door. "Dean?" he asked again.
"Give me a minute, Cas!" Unsure whether to be more or less nervous, now that he had found Dean, Castiel stepped back, counting slowly in his head. One minute passed, but that was fine. Cas had long since learned that Dean was never very accurate with time. But when five minutes had passed, he started to worry again. It was silly—it wasn't like Dean would be hiding in the bathroom, or anything like that—but Castiel couldn't help but frown, nevertheless maintaining his steady count.
Finally, 327 seconds later, Dean opened the door, almost running into Cas. Oops. He thought he had given the man enough room, but it appeared he had been wrong. "Jesus, Cas! What is it?"
Now that the time was here, Castiel couldn't seem to say anything. "I, um…I…I need to talk to you, Dean."
The older Winchester was hardly paying attention, analyzing himself in the mirror. It was then that Cas noticed, with some surprise, that Dean was actually dressed up, wearing a suit he usually reserved for impersonating the authorities rather than his usual leather jacket. Castiel didn't like that, not at all. It just wasn't…Dean. "Can it wait, Cas?" said man responded vaguely, straightening his tie before turning around. "I've got a date."
"Oh, alright, that's…fine, Dean," Castiel murmured back, turning away to hide his face. He was rather good at preventing his expression from giving him away, but in this case…well, Cas couldn't take the chance that Dean would see his emotions. Everything inside Castiel seemed to crumble with that simple statement.
"Cas? You okay, you seem a little…off," Dean said, walking around to face Castiel. Concern colored the man's expression, and Cas fought hard to keep his face straight. "Hey, this date, it's not that important. What did you want to talk about?"
Not that important? Well, why was Dean bothering to go on a date then? Honestly, Castiel would never understand that about the man. Why was he constantly chasing flighty women, looking for one night stands…when Cas was standing right there?
Well, he'd just about had it. Dean was being an idiot (no surprise there), but this time Castiel wasn't going to just sit back and watch, he was going to do something about it. "No, no, you go," Cas replied, his voice deceptively unconcerned. "It's fine."
"Alright," Dean agreed after a slight pause, his eyes still searching Castiel's face. "I'll be back in a few hours, okay? We can talk then."
"Goodbye, Dean."
"Later, Cas!" And with that, Dean pulled the motel room door shut, leaving Castiel standing there, alone. With no one around to see, Cas let his face fall. He did have a little hope; Dean didn't seem particularly enthusiastic about his date, and had actually been earnest in his offer to stay and talk, so he couldn't be that attracted to whatever woman he was meeting up with. So maybe there was a chance that Castiel could change his mind. Still, it was hard to watch someone you were about to confess your love to walk out the door like that.
A few minutes later, the same door opened again, and Sam stepped in. "So?" he asked, breathless with excitement. "How'd it go?"
"It didn't," Castiel answered bluntly, irritation and sadness mingling in his voice. "Your brother had to leave. He's got a date planned."
"Oh," Sam breathed, his eager expression melting away. "God, Cas, I'm…I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I wouldn't have told you to go for it if—"
"I know," Castiel interrupted. "It's not your fault. Dean's just…"
"Blind, apparently."
"I was going to say 'ignorant,' but that works too." Cas sighed, looking around the room. "You don't think…this could be serious?"
"Dean? Never," Sam snorted, placing a comforting hand on Castiel's shoulder. "I told you, he never gets really involved with women. He cares about you more than any girl he meets, okay? And I still think if you talk to him, he'll give you a shot because of that, even if you are a guy. It's just really bad timing, is all."
Cas nodded. "I know. I'm just…angry. I'm angry, Sam. How can he not see how—how I feel about him? I turned my back on heaven for him."
"Cas, he does see it. You should hear the way he talks whenever we can't find you. He get's…frantic. My brother's just an idiot. If you were a woman, I guarantee he would have made a move by now. Dean just can't quite wrap his head around you as a guy. He needs a little nudge."
"Well…" Castiel began, brooding. "Maybe this would be better if I took another vessel? I can look like a woman easily enough. It can't be too hard to find someone who is willing to…take me in."
"No," Sam argued, "if anything, I think that would make it worse. This is a bad example, but…look at how I was with Ruby. When she changed bodies, at first it felt wrong. Like I wasn't really talking to her. Humans get really caught up on appearance. I think if you became a woman, it would seem like you were a different person, and Dean would just end up missing you like this."
Cas sighed heavily. "Your brother is irritatingly complicated."
"Yeah," Sam agreed, grinning. "But I wouldn't change a thing about him, and I know you wouldn't either."
"You're not wrong." Castiel looked around the room blankly. "I don't suppose you know where he's going?"
"No idea."
"Excuse me, then. I'll have to find him." And with that, Cas appeared to disappear, flapping invisible wings and flying faster than could be seen, hunting for Dean.
Dean was having trouble concentrating on his date. Jen looked…well, amazing, and that low neckline was quite the tease, but...he couldn't stop thinking about Castiel.
The look on the angel's face as he left had been worrying. It could be hard to read Cas, but Dean swore, for a moment, it looked like he was…hurt. And that was the last thing he wanted. Since he had sat down, Dean hadn't been able to shake the feeling that he should have stayed in, should have made Castiel talk to him, find out what was bothering the angel. At this point, Dean was almost considering skipping the part where he went home with Jen, he was so worried.
But he wasn't quite sure. It wasn't necessarily proper to leave a woman who was clearly into him on Valentine's day.
Okay, that was complete bullshit. He'd never hear from this woman again after tonight, whereas Cas…Cas meant the world to him. The angel was easily as important to Dean as his brother, or Bobby. And Castiel had done so much for him, too…the only problem was, it was Valentine's Day. And Dean couldn't help but feel that any kind gesture on his part towards Cas would be seen as romantic.
Castiel wasn't a brother to him, and he wasn't a father to him. Which placed the angel in that oddly open area between lover and friend, and Dean wasn't comfortable trying to pin down where he belonged. Not on a holiday that celebrated couples.
Still, it was pretty mean of him to just leave Cas hanging like that for some lady. He would definitely make an exit after dinner, he'd just have to apologize profusely to her (and his dick)—
Jen screamed, breaking off in the middle of whatever she was saying, and Dean snapped back to attention, only to see that the candle centerpiece on the dinner table had fallen over. The flames were barely spreading, but the woman was freaking out. Of course. Sighing, Dean whipped off his jacket, batting the fire down with ease. Still she wouldn't shut up, and he was just about to get snappy when he saw why.
Some invisible force was pulling at Jen's hair, not hurting hurt, just weaving it into tight braids. Really, it wasn't threatening, or anything, but it made sense for her to be frightened. Not as irritated as he maybe should have been that his date had been interrupted, Dean looked around, eyes searching for anything else that was awry in the restaurant…other than all the gazes that had fallen on them. No flickering lights, and he couldn't see his breath…but there, on the table, Jen's wine glass fell, the liquid flowing in neat, purposeful lines rather than soaking into the tablecloth as per usual. That was interesting.
Dean hurried around to the other side of the table, ignoring a now crying Jen, to read the words the wine was forming. "Go away," he murmured. Odd, how such a threatening message could go with so many other gestures that, really, were rather innocent.
"Jen. Jen!" Dean yelled. "I'm sorry, but I think you might want to get out of here." The woman didn't need telling twice. She rose immediately, gathering her things and running from the restaurant. Sighing, Dean threw a few twenties on the table—they hadn't even gotten to eat, damn it—and followed. Something about this was a little suspicious, and he had a feeling he would be roasting someone's ass back at the motel.
"Cas!" Dean roared, slamming the door shut behind him and throwing his jacket on his bed. "I know you're around here somewhere!"
"Yes, Dean?" He spun around, and there was Castiel, blinking up at him with an innocent stare. Too innocent.
"What the hell, Cas? That was you at the restaurant, right?" It was funny, Dean wasn't really all that upset, but the more he thought about it, the more that stunt seemed…abrasive. "Jesus, why the fuck would you do that!? Acting like some poltergeist instead of an angel!"
"I had to send you a message, Dean," Castiel replied, a slight frown forming on his face.
"Why?" Dean asked again, rising in volume.
"Why did you have to just leave like that?" Cas shot back, voice just as loud. "Why is it that when I tell you I have something to talk about, and you can tell that it's important, you just walk away?" The angel's volume dropped suddenly, his anger subsiding into what could only be called dejection. "After all that I've done for you Dean, why do you just ignore me like that? Can you blame me for doing something to get you back here?"
Instantly, Dean's irritation melted away, replaced by searing guilt. He knew he'd been unfair in how he treated Cas, but…to see the angel so hurt by it was excruciating. "I'm sorry," he murmured, stepping closer, frustrated when Castiel refused to look him in the eye. "Hey, Cas, I mean it. I felt bad as soon as I left, and was going to cut the date short anyway to come back to talk to you," he continued, placing his hands on Castiel's shoulders. "I'm sorry. But I'm here now, and I'm all ears. What did you want to say?"
Rather than relax at his apology, Cas tensed up, still avoiding Dean's gaze. "It's…Valentine's Day," he began. "And if I am correct, it is tradition for humans to celebrate love on this day…right?"
"Yeah," Dean answered, not entirely comfortable with where this conversation seemed to be going.
"I thought it would be a good time to join in the fun," Castiel murmured, so low Dean had to strain to hear the words. "To, ah…confess." The angel took a deep, shaky breath, and finally looked Dean in the eye. "I love you, Dean."
Caught in that bright blue gaze, Dean couldn't respond, couldn't pull away. What was he supposed to do now? Cas deserved an answer, at the very least, but…Dean didn't know what to say. He shied away from a rejection, just because…well, it wouldn't be fair to say he didn't love Castiel. It was just that Dean also couldn't share the sentiment. He couldn't admit that his care for the angel had stepped over the bounds of nice, platonic friendship, and into something more.
"Cas…" Dean choked out. "Cas, I…I don't know."
Castiel's hopeful expression fell, and his voice turned desperate, his words coming out all in a rush. "Please, Dean, just hear me out! I've loved you for a long time, a really long time, and I've never really regretted any of my decisions because even though it's made life a little harder for me those choices have made me closer to you and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Literally. And I—I know you care about me too. I can tell, and I don't think I'm wrong—you let me do things you don't let other people do. And you took to me so soon, calling me 'Cas' before we even really knew each other, and—and I know I'm a guy, and that's not the norm for you, but please, please don't push me away just because of that. If it bothers you that much, I—I don't know. Sam told me it was a bad idea, but I could always take another vessel, a female—"
"Don't ever change!" Dean interrupted forcefully. He shook his head, looking at Castiel beseechingly. "You can't ever change. You're perfect just the way you are." He had reacted so automatically, Dean almost missed another important tidbit. "Hey, did you say Sam told you not to offer that?"
"Yeah," Cas whispered sulkily. "He said you wouldn't like that, but—but if it's the only way you'll admit that you care about me too, then…" The angel trailed off, giving Dean a wet, puppy eyed look that he had to have learned special from Sammy.
"Sam, playing Cupid," Dean snorted. "Look, first off, he's right. I don't want you to change yourself just for me. You…you wouldn't quite be the Cas I know if you did that, and not just because you'd look different. Because that would be like letting someone else dictate what you do, and you gave that up a while ago." As Dean spoke, he became aware of the words he wanted to say next and stopped. Why was he always holding himself back like this? Because he was afraid of what people would think? Yes. Yes, he was. Because while Sam (obviously, that sneak) would take it well enough, and Bobby wouldn't give a rat's ass, there were people that would think him less capable, less manly, less of a hunter…because of his sexuality.
But did all that really matter, if facing the facts brought a smile to Castiel's face?
"Dean?" Cas asked, hesitant, even resigned. "Was there a second part to that?"
"Yeah," Dean replied, smiling suddenly as he looked down at his angel. "Fuck it." And with that, he bent down, pressing his lips to Castiel's. Cas gasped, hands immediately finding their way to Dean's face, cupping his cheeks. It was, without a doubt, the most passionate, wonderful kiss he had ever experienced—and that was saying something.
When they broke apart, Dean found himself panting. Castiel was simply grinning, a stunning, bright smile that reassured Dean that it would all be worth the while, as long as he got to see Cas this happy.
He'd never imagined being open about his feelings could reap such a reward.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Cas," he whispered, resting his forehead against his angel's. "Thanks for ruining my date."
Castiel laughed lightly, breathlessly, a sound that warmed Dean's heart. "I couldn't let you walk away just because you're challenged at expressing your emotions." He was prevented from disputing that comment by another quick, sweet kiss. "Happy Valentine's Day, Dean."
