Note: So I tried writing this a long time ago and I have recently come across it. I made an effort to try and rewrite it but it turned into more than what it was.

Same premise, darker themes, a lot more swearing and more chapters.

Also open to a beta reader but not entirely sure how to go about it so if you're interested let me know x

Disclaimer: Not my characters :(

1. Breakin'- All American Rejects

He looked at her from across the room, a fire of contempt burning through him, flashes of her hair on his pillow making him growl.

He clenched his free hand into a fist, trying to take control of the coldness running through his veins.

Her behaviour was unacceptable to him. The way she smiled at her boyfriend, letting him wrap his arm around her like that. Not after….

Fuck her!

How dare she?

How dare she forget. He couldn't, so why the fuck should she?

Fuck her!

Flashes of her skin on his. He could still feel her whispering his name against his chest.

Had all those months together not meant anything to her?

Caleb moved a strand of hair behind her ear, away from her face.

How dare she let him touch her like that.

How dare she fucking forget!

What they had. What he said. What he felt.

Caleb stroked her cheek, she gave him a smile. He gave her a kiss.

How dare she looked so goddamn gorgeous standing next to that fucking prick.

He could feel his knuckles turning white as he swallowed the urge to stride up to Caleb and punch him in his goddamn prick face.

He growled deeper.

Would Caleb have annoyed him as much if nothing happened between them last year?

Probably, he thought maliciously.

She never did quite understand the magnitude of what he felt for her. Perhaps, that's what her problem was.

Perhaps, that's what was both their problems.

"What's wrong Jamie?" a voice purred into his ear, shaking him out of his reverie. Something moist followed, tracing his earlobe.

He resisted the urge to flinch, as he looked at the blonde sitting on his lap.

Instead of offering an answer, thankful for the distraction, James dipped down, catching her lips on his, in an effort to stop her from talking.

Taking advantage of the lack of light, without breaking their kiss, he traced his free hand down her side, making sure he presses all the right places.

She moaned against his lips. Taking the opportunity to distract himself further, he slid his tongue inside his mouth. He let his hand go to her lap, where he so very slowly inched her dress further and further up her thighs.

Her hands moved away from his hair, down to his waist. Smiling coyly against his lips, she started tugging at his shirt.

His fingers discovered her skin, making her moan once more, excitement at him discovering another part of her. Drawing small circles while he climbed further up her leg, he made her moan against him and arch her back.

In doing so, she pressed deeper into him, making him let out a groan. She paused ever so slightly to grin at him with pride, before bowing her head to his neck.

He was finding his clothes unbearably unnecessary and unreasonably restrictive as she battled with his belt buckle. She proceeded to suck on the spot his neck met his shoulder, where she could feel his pulse getting faster and faster.

"Sorry to interrupt the romance," a melodic voice broke through his distraction.

His head snapped towards the intruder. He closed his eyes in anticipation and growled once more at the feeling of her standing in front of him.

He tried in vain to suppress the inner turmoil within him that was trying to get out.

He breathed in, fixing his mask of nonchalance before he reopened his eyes.

"Evans," he scowled, freeing his hand from the blonde's legs and ran it through his hair, never taking his eyes of hers.

"Rachel," she said curtly to the blonde on his lap in semi-acknowledgement. She smirked at the visible discomfort she seemed to be in.

"Lily," came the reproachful reply. She was not thrilled about the interruption, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What do you want?" asked James, rolling his eyes as Lily took in the situation.

"We have to open the dance floor," she stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, her eyes snapping back to his.

He stared at her blankly.

"What?" he asked stupidly. She raised an eyebrow.

"We have to dance the first dance to start the ball," she muttered exasperatedly. She wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea.

"Why?" he whined. She smiled at him. He glared.

"Because you're Head Boy," she snapped, her temper rising.

Why was he behaving like this?

James bent his head low and cursed. There was nothing in the world that he wanted to do less than dance with this creature.

Not after…

He shook his head, wondering for the millionth time why in Merlin's beard he had been named Head Boy.

Someone was having a cruel joke, he mused.

He should just resign, he thought, not for the first time.

He sighed deeply, standing up abruptly, dropping Rachel to the ground by his feet.

She protested loudly, but he merely looked at her absentmindedly. He muttered an apology while tucking in his shirt.

He strode to the dance floor without a second word or glance to either of them.

What the fuck was that about? Lily thought as she rolled her eyes at Rachel. She turned her heel to follow James to the dance floor.

She met him in the middle, where he was waiting for her, the colour of distaste colouring his face.

There was something about him; something odd and different, something she couldn't quite place.

She pushed the nagging worry away to the back of her mind, dismissing the behaviour as typical, even though she knew better.

Deep down she knew she was the cause of this behaviour.

She shivered as she remembered his fingers tracing her back.

"Right," he stated awkwardly, "let's get this over and done with shall me?"

He hoped he sounded better than what he felt. He couldn't stand being so close her. He could feel every single one of his blood cells through his skin.

Breathing steadily, he could feel people watching expectantly, making him place one hand in hers and one on her waist.

Music filled the hall.

It was a soft, melodic sound that brought back memories for both of them. Memories of happiness, want, angst, ecstasy and pain.

Subconsciously he held her tighter at the memories.

"You in a hurry to get away from me James?" she half joked, trying to distract from the electricity she felt from his touch.

He looked at her intensely; deeply. She blushed and looked away.

"Yes," he said simply. Something inside her stung, but she would never admit it.

She looked over his shoulder with a scowl disturbing her otherwise serene features.

"To go back to your slut?" she bit back under her breath.

He looked down at her as she was trying to look away, almost smiling at her obvious jealousy.

Almost.

There was no reason for it.

He didn't want it anymore.

He didn't want anything she had to give him.

He only ever wanted or needed one thing from her, but she had refused.

There was nothing left.

He lifted his gaze over her head, toward the doors.

"No," he said matter-of-factly. She felt her eyes search him. He willed himself to keep his eyes forward; not to look at her.

How long was this song?

"I want to leave," he added.

Uncomfortable silence followed as they fell into a swaying rhythm. Couples began joining them on the dance floor, surrounding them.

"So," James started, "how's Caleb?" his voice was lazy but he could he feel his heartbeat out of control. Try as he might he couldn't keep the scorn out of his tone.

Her head snapped to him.

"James," she warned, her voice low and menacing.

"Oh come on Evans. You can't possibly tell me I can't ask you that can you? After -", he was pushing her, he knew.

"James!" she snapped at him, stopping his words before they came out, glancing around quickly, making sure that no one had been overhearing them.

His eyes flashed. Was that pain? Anger?

"Still scared aren't you Evans?" he smirked mirthlessly. "Scared people will find out you aren't perfect?"

"I am not!" she told him. "You have no right to mention it! Especially in public! Who the fuck do you think you are?" she snarled at him, still looking around to make sure people were ignoring them.

She missed the lightning flashing in his eyes.

Surprised, she felt him grip her, bringing her closer. She looked at him, his lips in the shape of a smile, but it didn't feel like a smile. It felt...wrong.

"I'll tell you who the fuck I am, Lily," he breathed against her ear, making her shiver.

"I'm the one you fucked for the majority of last year." he grasped her in his arms as they swayed closer.

"I'm the one that wanted you more than life itself. I'm the one you look for when you're alone at night. I'm the only one that truly knows you and the only one that can ever make you fucking whole," his breathing was coming out raspier, sending shivers of emotions and memories from her heart to every inch of skin he was touching.

He pulled away, looking at her straight in the eye. She hadn't realised until now but they had stopped moving.

He didn't think anyone would notice.

He didn't really care either way.

She opened her mouth to speak.

"I'm the one you broke into a million little pieces without a second fucking thought," he stopped her.

He'd gone too far. Gave her too much.

She had that effect on him.

"James," she started.

Something in her voice angered him.

"Don't even fucking think of saying anything Evans," he snarled. "You might have been the first ever woman I ever loved but you're sure as fuck won't be the last."

The song ended.

He dropped his hands to his sides.

"Fuck this shit," he muttered, sensing her wanting to say something.

Without another word he turned his heel and stormed out the Hall, a pair of silver eyes watching him closely.

Now what the hell was that all about?

OoOoOoOoO

Lily was left breathing heavily in the middle of the dance floor, couples still moving around her.

She hadn't realised how heightened her senses had become. Being so close to him brought everything crashing back.

Memories of last year flooded over her; the emotions, the touches, the smells, the need, the pain.

She found her throat drying and any attempt to slow down her racing heart proved fruitless.

The need for a drink overcame her as she made her way to the punch, hoping Sirius had already spiked it.

"Hi sweetie," she heard her boyfriend greet her as she arrived.

Perhaps it was the effect James was having on her, but she had to fight the urge to roll her eyes at him.

"Hey," she muttered unenthusiastically.

"Are you ok?" he asked tentatively, detecting a strange tone in her voice.

He placed an arms around her waist, guiding her to their table.

Instead she swatted it away.

"I want to get some punch," she explained at his quizzical look.

He smiled at her before bringing his arm back around her.

"Wouldn't recommend it. Black's spiked it," he tried guiding her to their table once more.

Bingo!

"Perfect," she exclaimed swatting his arm away again.

He looked at her for an explanation that never came. Instead she started moving toward the punch.

"I'll go get some and meet you at our table," she told him.

Apprehensively he watched her, wanting to follow her, before making his way back to their table.

Away from him, Lily allowed herself to roll her eyes at Caleb's inability to trust her in walking from one side of the room to the other without getting lost.

His tentativeness had been sweet at the beginning but it hadn't taken long to feel unnecessary and if she was being frank, annoying.

She was surprised by the harshness in her thoughts, realising for the first time that she had been doing that kind of thing more and more lately.

Judging him.

She sighed.

It wasn't his fault. He was never going to replace him.

She made her way back to Caleb and his friends. Observing him closely as he interacted with the people around him, how he had immediately grabbed her hand when she sat next to him, she struggled to figure out her feelings for him.

He was smart, yes.

He was kind, yes.

He was safe, yes.

But something just didn't fit.

Maybe it was time.

He glanced at her, catching her eye. He smiled at her and a wave of guilt washed over her as she smiled back at him.

She poured content of the glass down her throat.

OoOoOoOoO

He watched him from the shadows, trying to see if he could read him.

He seemed troubled.

Watching the night sky while holding a lit cigarette in one hand, while the other ruffled his hair as if he was trying to shake a memory out of his mind.

"James?" he whispered, not wanting to startle him.

James looked over at him for a moment before returning his gaze back up the the heavens.

The vastness of it always mesmerised him, making him feel small.

It was the only place he felt like he could focus. Somehow knowing how small and insignificant he was in comparison gave him perspective on his own problems.

"Sirius," he greeted simply, taking in a drag from his cigarette.

"That looked intense," he said casually, stepping up to him, taking his cigarette.

He smoked it, waiting for him.

James shot him a calculated look, snatching his cigarette out of Sirius's mouth.

"Wasn't," was all he could say.

If he said more, he knew that Sirius would know he was lying.

Sirius watched him closely.

"James -," he started slowly.

"Padfoot, please don't," he whispered quietly, trying so hard to keep his voice from breaking.

He looked up, closing his eyes. He took a long final drag from what was left of his cigarette. Finishing it, he flicked it over the side of the tower.

He blew out the smoke slowly, enjoying the burning sensation.

He sighed and looked at Sirius again.

"Prongs -," he tried again, worry now more evident in his urgent tone.

"I can't," James cut him off again, "please," he begged him.

Sirius shook his head anxiously defeated.

He looked up at the sky, taking in the stars. He breathed deeply.

"When you're ready," he told him matter-of-factly.

James felt an explosion of love and gratitude towards him.

He smiled at him softly.

"Soon," he told him looking up, "I promise."

A promise given to the universe itself.

Neither of them daring to leave each other, they stayed there, side by side..

Unbroken silence surrounding them comfortably.

Neither of them knew how long they had stayed there for.