*Sigh*….
….
"Do I have to??????"
"Yes, it's too far to walk and the police have got my license, I'm sorry Mikan"
Urrrgghhh!! This is soooooo unfair!! I inwardly groaned. . "Whatever…."
"I'm sorry" my mum repeated. I couldn't think of a response quick enough, "come on, you've got to get going" she said literally pushing me out of the door. "I'm going" I muttered. This wasn't going to be fun I predicted while walking to the bus stop -which by the way is miles away. I have to start getting the bus to school, all my friends have taken the bus for years and for any normal girl this wouldn't be a problem, but I hated it. Let me explain.
Getting the bus would mean walking miles before and after school and occasionally running if I was late (which I knew I almost always would be) I'm a pretty lazy person and it should be an official law that I don't have to run. (A/N: It's not actually miles but it feels like it….lazy Mikan!)
Its winter and its FREEZING!! People would think I look like a dyke in my scarf (woo French-ness!) and my big extra puffy coat which makes me look mega fat .
I'm small and weak; if someone picked a fight with me (and they most probably will) I wouldn't be able to defend myself. Plus I'm UBER claustrophobic and I've heard the bus gets pretty cramped most days.
I breathed out deeply, this is possibly the worst news I've had all week. Wait scratch that, this should be the least of my worries, what with everything else going on, so why is it bugging me so much? Anyways….like I mentioned there's a lot of bad stuff going on in my life. I don't have enough time….or patience for that matter (A/N: lazy, lazy Mikan!) to list all of my problems so instead I'll just write the main things that are making my life hell.
Firstly, I keep getting in trouble, it's not fucking fair, and everyone else can get away with anything but when it comes to me… Hmmph . Normally, this wouldn't bother me but I have gotten in loads of trouble lately and my mum is really disappointed in me, I can't let her down, especially not after my dad's death….she needs me more than ever. The other bad thing about getting in trouble is that if I keep getting in trouble, I'll be put in isolation and then I won't be able to pass my exams, I won't be able to go to college and I won't be able to finally pursue my dream of becoming a writer….Stupid huh? I'd have more lucky becoming an Olympic gold medallist *snorts*
Secondly, my mum and big sister keep telling me I should change. It's not fair, why won't they just leave me be? I like to dress in black….so what? I wear other colours too (mostly neon because neon colours rock! XD). I wear eyeliner, big deal. I have my own style GET OVER IT!!!!! I should be congratulated for being unique, not put down like this. I can't help but think I have to be two different people: one to please my family and one to please myself. I don't like arguing, especially not with loved ones so I just take all of their nasty comments (especially my sister's) and I put up with it, all the suppressed anger is bottled up and then taken out on myself when no one's around, in the form of cuts and slits.
Thirdly, I almost blew the BIGGEST secret in the WORLD. It almost ruined my whole entire life, I had to lie to try to get myself out of it and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for lying and I hate myself for bringing it up in the first place. Especially to those….those chavs .
Story made short: I took 4 paracetamols one break time, some chavs asked what was up, I blurted out I was depressed. They asked why, I blurted out that my parents abused me. They went and told a teacher now I'm in big shit and soon, I could get separated from my family. I told the chavs it wasn't true and that they HAD to go tell the teacher that it wasn't true and now… I feel like trash because the chavs keep calling me a liar and are threatening to tell everyone what I said, my mum still has no idea what's going on, I'd hate to have her find out, she would feel so betrayed.
So yeah… My life sucks and that's just the beginning. I've contemplated suicide many times but I can't do it to my mum, I just love her too much.
