An Act of Procrastination

A/N: This is a one-shot that I thought up whilst… procrastinating (I actually made cakes to avoid homework… they were lush:3). Please don't feel obliged to give me a review and don't be afraid to not like it, we all have different opinions This will be in L's POV

If only. If only. Those same two words keep running through my brain. It's not like me to think like this. What's going on? Why am I wondering what could have happened if I'd done things differently instead of putting right what has happened? Should I have arrested Light from the moment I knew that he was Kira? I shouldn't have been so irrational, I shouldn't have let my feelings get in the way.

"Is everything alright, L? You seem… far away."

"Yes, Watari." I hesitated. "Come on, we've got a world to save."

Watari knew something wasn't right… I could just see it in his eyes. Watari, the man who usually motivated me to get my butt into gear… is not motivating me. Something definitely isn't right. Does he feel the same as I do? Does he feel the danger? Am I going mad? Am I losing my head? I think I need a cake…

If only I had used my initiative. If only I had thought to stay focused on the task instead of letting my feelings get in my way. If only I had not let Light Yagami get in the way. Why do I sense that I don't have long left? What's going on? Light is Kira, that's near enough obvious. Misa Amane is the second Kira, I know that for sure.

Should I just give up now? Enjoy what I feel is my last few hours, or do I take it as I'm going mad? Losing my head, maybe? Maybe I'm thinking too hard into it, maybe I need a break?

If's and But's are all I can think of, Watari is quiet… Light Yagami has the occasional smirk across his face and Misa Amane is, well… Misa.

Could this be the last sweet treat that I enjoy? Light Yagami, I will get you back. In person of from beyond the grave, I will confine you as Kira and I will have you sentenced to your death. Oh, why must you be so charming? Is it your looks, the hidden mischief? No… I don't like Light Yagami. Light is bad, Kira is bad, Light is Kira, Light is… desirable.

I can't back down now. I can't let him get in the way. I kill him now, I get it over with.

How could I think of something like that? I'm not a murderer… I'm not a hypocrite. I can't stop this murderer by means of murder. I won't do it, someone else will.

TIME LAPSE:

I bring the blade to my wrist. I need to let out some of the irrational thoughts. I need to clear myself. The blade glides through my porcelain skin, making the faintest of marks. I press the blade into the scratch I just made, finely slicing the skin. As my injustices pour out onto my arm, droplets of sin fall into the sink below my arm. I am not pure yet… one more… one more to free me of this burden…

"L Lawliet! Wha…what are you doing?"

I dropped the bloody blade onto the floor. Watari, the man who had made me strong, the man who made me who I am today… has just seen me do the unthinkable.

"Watari? What are you doing?!"

"What does it look like? I can't leave you here to bleed to your death."

"…Cameras. I should have known."

Watari fell to the ground, carrying me with him. I knew instantly what had happened. How did I let Kira get him? How long until he got me? Why Watari?

Is it heartbreak or a heart attack? I could have had him out by now, Kira could be gone if I hadn't let my feelings get in the way. Light Yagami could have been gone if I hadn't let my feelings get in the way.

I feel myself slipping away… I will bring Kira to justice. So watch out Light Yagami, my death is merely an act of procrastination.