Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. 30 Day OTP Challenge for the Fluff Impaired Prompt# 1: Inside Jokes


Well, I've already deleted it, but someone decided to my first review. And boy, was it a doozy. Apparently, I'm delusional, disgusting fag who should kill myself. The best part? The person left it on the LAST chapter. I'm sorry, but where does someone get off on saying something like that after going through the story. I mean, really? Anyway, just so future readers know - I won't be broken by some imbecile who thinks that I'm going to off myself 'because they say so'. Uh, no. Sorry, sweetheart, but life doesn't work that way for me and I'm not that weak willed. I've dealt with a lot of crap in my life - from abuse as a small child to loosing my baby brother. If those things haven't broken me than why the actual fuck do you think you can? I won't tell anyone to go kill themselves, I won't call them horrible names, and I certainly DO NOT BELIEVE IN BULLYING! The person who posted that review - I hope you are ashamed of yourself. How would you feel if someone said the same thing to you? If they told you to kill yourself? Would you do it because that person said so? If the answer is yes, then, please go seek the help of a psychiatrist.

As to everyone else, if you post a review like that not only will I delete it, but I WILL CALL YOU OUT ON IT. Bullying is a disgusting, horrible thing and I want no part in it. I can only hope that others that read this will take up the banner as well.


Please don't use this poem without permission.

From then to now

Do you remember it?

The years that passed

As a childhood dream?

From then to now

We've changed so much.

It's hard to believe

We were once young.

From then to now

We were best friends.

But it's changed now,

The feelings are different.

From then to now

We've supported each other.

Now here we are

Standing face to face.

From then to now

We've faced many hardships.

And can you believe

How far we've come?


The first thing Neji saw when he stepped into the kitchen, after finally coming home from a month long mission, was not something he expected. Shikamaru, his husband of five years, was standing in one of their kitchen chairs, clutching the broom in one hand and a can of bug spray in the other so tightly that his knuckles were white. The Nara was out right glaring at the bottom of the refrigerator, his face was blanched a stark white, a tic had formed at his right temple and his jaw clenched rhythmically. These signs, Neji knew from experience, were the ones that denoted extreme negative emotions. What concerned the recently turned twenty-nine year old though was the fact that these signs had never all been present at the same time. Shikamaru kept a tight rein on his negative emotions and usually only showed one or two of those signs if he was severely upset, never all five at once.

Concerned, Neji moved further into the kitchen only to receive a harsh look from the corner of the Nara's eye. Neji frowned, "What in the world has you so worked up?" He looked around the refrigerator, "I don't see anything."

"You wouldn't," Shikamaru snarled uncharacteristically. "The damn thing's hiding! Now would you stop distracting me and PLEASE get the fuck out of the kitchen?!"

Neji raised an eyebrow at the Nara's abnormal show of temper, "If that's what you want?"

"It is."

"Very well then. I do need a shower after this last mission. I'll see you when I'm done."

"Fine."

"By the way, where are Shikaku and Yume?"

"In their rooms - napping."

"I see. Well I'll leave you to whatever it is that you're doing."


Twenty minutes later Neji had just slipped on a clean pair of pants when he heard a loud crash from the kitchen followed by Shikamaru cursing the air black. He sighed harshly as he crossed the room to yank open the bedroom door. When he did he found his four and a half year old daughter staring up at him with her pale eyes.

"Tou-san, tou-chan's gone nuts," Yume stated promptly.

"I can tell. where is your twin?"

"He's watching tou-chan. He sent me to get you."

Neji sighed, "Of course. Let's go see what you tou-chan has gotten himself into."

"Okay."

When Neji entered the living room his son, Shikaku(named after his deceased grandfather), looked up at him with the same dark and intelligent, yet uninterested, eyes that Shikamaru had, "Hi tou-san."

Neji smiled at his son, "Hello Shikaku. Do you know what's going on in there?"

"There's a REALLY big spider in the kitchen," Shikaku pulled his arms far apart for emphasis. "I don't think tou-chan likes it."

"It most certainly sounds that way. Why don't the two of you go outside and play while I help tou-chan catch the nasty spider, okay?"

"Hai, tou-san," the twins chorused in unison. They turned and ran outside laughing, "Tag! You're it Shikaku!"

"Hey! No fair!"

Neji shook his head with a smile as he entered the kitchen, "A spider, Shikamaru? Seriously?"

The Nara was now on the counter. "Oh fuck you! That is no mere spider! It's a mother fucking tarantula!" Shikamaru spat, "I HATE those things!"

Neji blinked slowly, "A tarantula?"

"Yes,"

"You're joking right?"

The glare Shikamaru gave him could have caused spontaneous combustion it was so heated. "If looks could kill I would most certainly be dead right now' Neji thought.

Mildly amused now, Neji made a decision, "I'll catch the spider for you. On one condition."

The Nara eyed him suspiciously, "What type of condition?"

"You have to hold it."

"OH HELL NO! Hell to the mother of all NOs!"

"Would you like to remain on the counter?"

"You are an utterly despicable bastard," Shikamaru seethed.

"Perhaps, but no husband of mine is going to fear such a docile creature."

"Docile my ass!"

"All things considered, I'm now fairly certain you provoked any hostile encounter," Neji said. "Tarantulas do not normally attack people if they are left alone. Now do you want off the counter or not?"

Shikamaru glared at Neji for a minute longer before he sighed roughly. "Fine," he growled.

Ten minutes later Neji was holding the spider out to the Nara on his hand, "Well?"

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"You suck."

"You still have to hold it."

Shikamaru grit his teeth and shuddered hard before he thrust out his hand, "Just get it over with."

"As you wish," Neji smirked to himself as he carefully tapped the tarantula until it moved to Shikamaru's hand.

"Oh gods," Shikamaru closed his eyes tightly as the creature crawled half way up his arm. "Why me?"

"You're okay, you silly Nara. Look, it's just standing there."

Shikamaru finally opened his eyes to stare at the large spider. The tarantula didn't even twitch and the Nara slowly started to relax, "It's not doing anything."

"If left unprovoked that's generally how it stays."

"Right. Okay, so I don't bother it and it won't bother me."

"It's not so bad now, is it?" Neji smiled at his husband.

Shikamaru's eyes flicked up and his brows drew down into a familiar look of annoyance as he stared Neji in the eye, "You're sleeping on the couch."


Three Months Later

Shikamaru winced as Naruto let out an ear piercing shriek of terror, "Holy crap! What's his problem?"

"Monster spider!"

"Oh. Never mind."

Neji smirked, "Kiba 'acquired' a tarantula recently from Shino. Now aren't you glad you're not afraid of spiders?"

Their friends looked on in confusion as Shikamaru broke down into hysterical laughter.


AUTHOR'S NOTE

I was inspired to get back into writing by AwayLaughing on Archive of Our Own. You can find me there as SilverFox89. This prompt ties into at least two others later in the series and is actually further into the future.

Ugh, why won't the spaces between paragraphs stay?!