Summary:
Love is supposed to heal. Not hurt.
A/N:
Chapters 1, 3, 5 and 7 are present. Chapters 2, 4 and 6 are flashbacks.
Chapter 1:
Finally, Booth and Cullen had arrived at the house of Antonio Merzanno. It was a big, isolated house, its location ensuring the fact that Merzanno could do whatever he felt like, no nosy, curious neighbors to take into account. For once, I'm glad that a suspects house is isolated. Booth didn't want his boss to accompany him to 'interrogate' their suspect, so when he saw Cullen reach for his gun, Booth spoke up. "I need one more favor. You can't come in with me. This, well, it's personal. Besides, I will tell you what happened soon, but I have to do this first." After all, nobody knows what happened yet. Bones is still much too weak to talk and even if she wasn't, she wouldn't just want anyone to know. And I haven't told anyone either. I have had more pressing matters. Booth frowned as he recalled the last 8 hours. During the most horrible 8 hours in his life, he had almost lost one of the two most important people in his life, he had tracked down the man that had tortured them. And he had made the decision to go up against the Merzanno's.
"Booth!"
Booth's eyes snapped open when Cullen's two strong hands gripped his shoulders.
"Finally! I have been yelling at you for the past 5 minutes and you didn't even blink!"
Cullen's actions had brought him back to the present. He established and held eye contact with his boss, while he waited for his reaction to the request.
"I'll wait in the car until backup arrives Agent Booth. I want you to go out and scan the area. Make sure that it's safe." Cullen 'ordered' Booth, giving him an excuse to face Merzanno alone. In private.
Booth left the car, thanking God and Cullen. By giving him the order to scan the area and securing it, Booth had been given a reason to enter the house before backup had arrived. Booth almost laughed out loud as he heard Antonio Merzanno drop, what sounded like every damn kitchen utensil present in a kitchen. And he probably would've laughed, had he not felt the intense hatred he was feeling. He slowly made his way over to the kitchen. Come on! How stupid is he? He was either stupid or cocky, Booth decided when he noticed that the kitchen door was left open, making it easy for Booth to enter.
He was bending over, picking up the kitchen utensils which were all over the kitchen floor, with his back to Booth.
"Slowly raise your hands, keep 'em where I can see them and turn around."
The moment Booth's voice filled the kitchen, Antonio reacted. Without thinking about it, or listening to Booth's demands, he turned around. When he saw Booth standing there, he simply started to laugh.
Booth was shocked. He had expected a lot. He was ready for a huge fight. An epic battle. He was ready to defend Brennan the way she had defended him. He was ready to fight, suffer the pain that came with fighting, in order to make sure Bones would be safe. Well, at least from the Merzanno's. "Put your hands on your head. Now!" When Merzanno didn't move, Booth added in a low, dangerous, determined tone of voice, "Do NOT make me say that again."
When Antonio provokingly crossed his arms in front of his chest, Booth pulled the trigger. It missed Merzanno's ear by an inch.
Booth knew that playtime was over as Merzanno's green eyes darkened.
He put his hands on his head and spoke softly. "I've been waiting for you, Seeley."
Before he could continue, the sound of another shot pierced the air. "Do NOT call me that."
Antonio simply continued, seemingly unphased by the threatening man in front of him. "Although I am glad you are here, I did think that it would take more time before you could get yourself to walk out on her to come seeking your revenge." Antonio's lips curled into a smile. ''But then again, a corpse is a corpse. That's all that is left of her, right? Just another corpse on another autopsy table."
Booth knew he shouldn't give him the information. That he HAD kept Brennan safe, but he couldn't help himself. As if he needed the reassurance himself, he said, "She is alive."
"Oh. Well, clearly, this wasn't supposed to happen." He grinned as he said the following words, knowing what the Agent's reaction to them would be. "Let me try again."
Let me try again… Those four awful words triggered a flashback.
Chapter 2:
Booth was sitting on the floor. He was leaning heavily on the wall next to him. He was trying not to let the wall touch the burned skin on his back. He was looking at Brennan. She was standing in the middle of the room. The only thing that was keeping her rooted to the floor was the threat Antonio had made. Move and I will shoot him. He knew that it was her concern about his safety that wouldn't allow her to move. He knew that he should wait for the perfect opportunity. And that she would just deal with anything that came her way until then. His breath hitched in his throat as he saw Antonio reach for a red hot poker. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the painful feeling when the red hot poker was pushed onto his shoulder. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't block out the scream that was ripped from her throat. "NO!" Her scream was followed by her pleading. "Stop it! Please stop! I'll do anything! Just stop!" As he heard her pleading, he opened his eyes and the sight in front of him, made his gut clench painfully when he took in the despair and pain in her eyes.
"Anything, huh?" Merzanno smiled mischievously as he approached her. "In that case, why don't you say what I want to hear?"
When he saw her, shaking her head, Booth closed his eyes, not prepared for the onslaught of pictures. Memories of what he had done to her the last few times she had refused to tell him what he wanted to hear. A picture of her muscles tensing as she was being beaten by a wooden bat. The image of him whispering horrible and ungodly things in her ears as she was lying curled up in a ball on the floor, only meters away from him. When he opened his eyes, another image assaulted his senses. The image of her beautiful blue eyes, widening in horror as the red hot poker was held mere centimeters from her face.
Antonio was standing on her right, where he could watch both her and Seeley's reaction. "Now why don't you just admit it, Dr. Brennan? We all know it's true. You just proved it."
Booth desperately tried to catch her gaze, but she was staring at the wall.
"Fine, Dr. Brennan. You will find out that I can be very convincing. Now lift your arms."
Booth watched in horror as she immediately reacted and lifted her arms. He felt a little relief when he saw the distance between her face and the poker increase. However, the relief was short lived. He felt the relief make way for raw panic.
Antonio took a step back and looked at her body. He took in her entire body as he studied it slowly. After a few minutes, he spoke up again. "Turn around, Dr. Brennan."
Because of the fact that her arms were still raised, Booth could see the small of her back. He could practically feel the smooth cure of his back against the palm of his hand.
Antonio took a step closer and placed one hand on her abdomen, snaking it underneath her shirt, effectively holding her in place as he pressed the red hot poker against the small of her back. "Does his touch burn too, just like mine?" He whispered softly in her ear as he kept eye contact with Booth. As she cried out in pain, he slowly removed the poker and told her to lower her arms and ordered her to turn around again. "Now, let's try this again. Admit it."
"No. I will not." Booth wasn't surprised by her answer.
Antonio turned to Booth. "And she says it as if she means it." He turned back to her. He slowly started to walk in circles around her. "Have you ever been tortured before, Dr. Brennan? And I'm not talking about fighting with someone who got physical.. Or even being beaten up. No I'm talking about torture. Indescribable pain that will make you question your humanity?"
For a few seconds, Booth knew he didn't want to hear the answer. Because no matter what it turned out to be, he was NOT going to like it. "No, I haven't."
Antonio leaned in closer and responded, "Well, you ain't seen nothin' yet. You know," He paused, seemingly deep in thought, "if I can't convince you to admit it, maybe Seeley here, can."
Booth was surprised when he heard the slightest hint of panic in her voice. "You promised not to hurt him!"
Antonio laughed maniacally, "My dear Dr. Brennan. I won't hurt him. You will." He walked over to Booth and pulled him to his feet.
"Seeley, please walk as close to her as you can." Antonio ordered.
Booth immediately approached her. Four feet away from her, he had to stop. The chain wouldn't allow him any closer.
"Good. Now, Dr. Brennan, walk towards him until I say stop." After she had taken three steps, Antonio ordered her to stop, which she immediately did.
It scared Booth to see how easily she listened to Antonio's each and every command.
"Dr. Brennan, please lift your arms."
Once again, Booth felt an unknown panic rise when she immediately complied.
"Seeley, please, put your hands on her hips."
Booth hesitated for a moment and immediately regretted doing so. She is the one being tortured. Not me. And yet, he was scared. He placed his hands over her hips and softly gave a slight squeeze, trying to reassure her through his touch.
"Good. Now ask her to admit it."
Booth stared into her eyes, "Bones… Please, just say it. Please." He pleaded softly with her. He didn't really expected it to work, but he wanted to cry out in frustration as she interrupted him with a short, abrupt, 'No.'
Antonio spoke up, the anger ever present in his voice. "You better hold onto her Seeley. Cause this is going to hurt." He reached for the poker again and once again pressed the hot end of it onto the small of her back.
The cry, that originated from the core of the woman, on whose hips Booth's hand currently rested, sounded like the one coming from a wounded animal. "STOP IT!"
He stopped, looking at Seeley. "Why? So she can say no again." He shook his head. "You see, I can't do that. You see, I'm curious to find out how long it would take her to pass out from the pain. Let's find out, shall we?"
Booth immediately countered his statement, driven by the urge to try and protect her. "No. Let me – let me try again."
He looked at Seeley for a moment and after another moment of silence, he nodded slowly, "Go ahead."
Feeling slightly stronger at the possibility of being able to prevent more pain, Booth shifted his attention to his partner. "Temperance… Temperance, look at me." When she finally did, the pain in her eyes only made him more determined. "There is no shame in admitting it. You know that I…" His words died on his lips as he saw her walls coming back up. Despair rose inside of his body when he saw her shaking her head and bracing herself. He hadn't studied kinesiology, so normally, he would have missed that. But he could feel her pressing herself into his hands. A silent plea to help her hold it together. Booth took the hint and gently started to rub his thumb over the smooth skin, the moment the poker made contact with her lower back. The cry that followed, tore his heart in pieces.
"You have one last chance, Seeley. If she doesn't admit it, I suppose I'll find out sooner rather than later."
Booth was getting desperate. He didn't stop rubbing the soothing circles onto her skin. He once again established eye contact as he whispered soft pleas, "Baby, please… Just admit it. I don't want this to be the reason why you got hurt. Please, just," He was cut off as she silently shook her head and he felt her pushing closer to him once again as the red hot poker pushed into her. Booth had never felt so hopeless as he did right now. Why won't she just admit it? We all know it's true. A little voice argued with him. Saying it out loud, would be making it a fact and she can't deny facts. She can't ignore facts like she does with feelings. She is just trying to get herself through this. Be supportive Seel. But he couldn't stop the words from slipping through his lips. "Please, stop. Not – not again. I can…"
"You can what, Agent Booth? You can make her say it?" The disbelief was dripping from his words, "Clearly, you don't have the big impact on her or her heart, like you think you do." Instead of removing the poker from her flesh, he pushed it in deeper.
She cried out in pain and as her arms dropped to her sides, Booth felt her falling into his bigger and far more steady frame. He immediately wrapped his arms around her shoulders, far away from the familiar, now tainted place, that he knew so well. The only place of her body that had always been his. And now, it had been taken from him. The only thing he wanted to do was sit down, gently cradle her into his chest and holding her close.
Chapter 3:
Booth was snapped out of his flashback by Antonio's ranting.
"What the hell do you think you are doing anyway, huh? Bursting into my house, with your gun drawn, when I'm not posing any threat? I know my rights, Seeley. This is against the law."
Booth's hands clenched around his gun and his entire body tensed as he spat, "So is torturing my partner. But guess what, Merzanno? The law won't punish you for that. I am here for that…" Booth's own words, triggered a new wave of memories.
Chapter 4:
"She fainted, damn it!" Booth spat out as Antonio tried to lower her to the ground.
"Well yeah… that was kind of the point."
Booth looked up at him with an expression in his eyes that just screamed, 'Are you kidding me?'. But the only answer Booth found in the other man his eyes, was the fact that he was, as a matter of fact, not kidding.
Antonio's eyes were cold. Determined. "Now that she finally fainted, I can try to figure out other ways to make her admit it." Antonio turned to Booth.
Booth was shaken to his core at the haze of lust that clouded Antonio's eyes, taking the focus off of the gun that was currently aimed at him.
"Let go of her, Agent Booth. You don't get to hold her. I am here for that."
Chapter 5:
Booth shook his head, trying to force the memories out of his head. "She was the LAST person you will ever hurt. "Booth's eyes turned dark and hard. "I've never killed before, without feeling guilty about ending the life I took." He paused, aimed and shot. "Well, I suppose there is a first time for everything."
At that moment, Cullen and the backup stormed in. "Agent Booth! You better have a damn good explanation for this!"
But Booth could see the warmth and lack of rage in Cullen's eyes. His shoulders still slumped as he thought back to the last part of the ordeal they had been through. When the other Agents started to invade the house, Booth felt trapped. He couldn't stay inside. When his eyes locked with Cullen's, he saw his boss, nodding at him. Cullen mouthed to Booth: 'Go tell her.'
Booth nodded in gratitude and slipped out of the house, unseen. He noticed that his body was trembling as he walked back to his SUV. When he had managed to unlock his car, he climbed in and as he rested his tired, battered body in the car, he closed his eyes as the last part of the memories invaded his mind.
Chapter 6:
"Let her go. You don't get to hold her. I am here for that."
Booth felt cold air replace her warm body as Antonio forcefully ripped her out of his arms. Without Booth's support, she fell to the floor.
Antonio quickly grabbed her arms and dragged her out of Booth's reach. He pinned her hands above her head as he straddled her.
Booth stood there, desperately fighting his chains, with all the strength that was still left in him, but it wasn't enough. He couldn't move an inch forward. There was nothing he could do but watch and listen.
Antonio brought his face closer to hers. He leaned into her left ear, so she would be forced to look at Booth, the moment she regained consciousness. He licked her ear before he started to whisper, "Wake up, Temperance. Because in three minutes I'm going to start unbuttoning this ugly shirt you are wearing.
Booth let out a breath when he saw her eyelids flutter.
"Atta girl, Temperance. Now look at him and just admit it… Or, face the consequences." Antonio grinned, he had been told to stop them from investigating the Jules murder. But this, it was so much more appropriate. After all, the only reason Christine Jules had been murdered, was because of the fact that she had never said those precious words to him. "Say them, Dr. Brennan. Or I'll do to you, what I did to her. Why shouldn't I? She never told me either. She never let me know…"
Booth was surprised when he heard her voice. It wasn't as strong as usual, but it still had the authorative tone, he loved so much. "I don't need to say anything to let him know. He knows. In his heart. I don't have to ADMIT anything." That last sentence, sent Booth over the edge. He couldn't hold it back any longer. "Damn it, Bones! Just say it!" Booth realized he had to d something as he saw him reach for his knife. "I don't want you to die because of this! Because of me!" He nearly fell to the floor out of sheer frustration when he saw her shaking her head. "Damn it, Brennan! Just admit you love me! Cause god knows I love you!" He could see tears welling up in her eyes. There, he had said it out loud. Maybe now, she can do the same thing.
Antonio grabbed her left arm and slashed her wrist, before turning back to Booth. "Well at least you had the guts to say it. So I just thought you might like SOME time to say goodbye." With that, he got up and walked out of the room.
Brennan was dying in front of him and there was nothing he could do. He couldn't save her. He had left them alone. Trapped, in their own version of hell…
By the time Booth finally heard the tell tale sounds that told him the FBI had arrived, he could do nothing else, but watch the life slowly flow out of her.
Chapter 7:
Booth stopped at the door of her hospital room. He rested his forehead against it as he closed his eyes. He just couldn't see her like that. He wasn't used to it. She, who was usually sparkling with life, healthy, joyful, beautiful, couldn't look the way she did now. A small smile lightened his face, thinking, the son of a bitch, who was responsible for this, was dead. The smile was quickly replaced by a frown. Why did this happen? Why didn't she just say that she loved me. I mean, she could've just said it to keep herself from being viciously beaten, even if she doesn't believe in those words. Taking a deep breath, he turned the doorknob and slowly pushed open the door. He finally let himself in, averting his gaze to her. She wasn't asleep, she just looked lost. When his eyes made contact with her blue ones, he could see that he had gotten the message across. She didn't say anything, though. She just softly smiled and, too weak to say anything else, she whispered a soft 'thank you'. He maintained their eye contact as he responded. "You're welcome." He slowly approached her bed and took place in a chair next to it. A minute of silence slowly ticked away, followed by another one. How could he ask her? How could he expect an answer to his question when she had preferred to be viciously beaten and tortured over saying three simple words?
"Booth?"
"Yeah, Bones?"
"I'm sorry."
"Are you kiddin'? What are you sorry for?" He asked as he gently wrapped his hand around hers. Of course, he knew why she was sorry. She was sorry to make him believe that saying she loved him was worse than being burned and almost dying. She was sorry for not listening to him. She was sorry that she hadn't just said those words to Antonio, even though she just could have lied.
She looked up at him, eyes filling with tears. "I'm sorry I couldn't say it."
His heart broke for her in that moment. It broke for her and for everything she had been put through. His heart broke for the woman who held his. "Shh, it's okay, Bones. It's over now."
"No, Booth. I'm sorry you had to endure that. I – I just should have told him, but I – I just couldn't." Her words ended in a soft plea, begging him to understand.
But he couldn't understand. He needed to know. "Why?" Why couldn't you Bones? All you had to do was say it. You didn't even have to mean it." He leaned in closer as he slowly brushed a few stray hairs out of her eyes. The hurt and confusion were clear in his voice.
She knew that she had hurt him by not admitting it to Antonio, but she thought that he knew. That he understood. The thought that Booth didn't understand why she had refused to say it, was slowly killing her from the inside out. He was supposed to be the one good at reading people. He was supposed to know.
"Temperance?"
His voice brought her back from her thoughts.
As he lifted her chin, he was shocked to see tears in her eyes. "Please, tell me, Bones. Help me understand. I NEED to understand."
She slowly nodded and scooted a little closer to him. "Can you hold me please?"
Booth immediately wrapped his arms around her shoulders, knowing she needed the physical proximity to be able to give him an answer. "I'm here, Bones."
"I know." She took a cleansing breath and spoke up. "I didn't say it, because… Well because it's true. But my love for you isn't supposed to hurt you. She looked up at him and stared into his shocked brown eyes. "Just think about it, Seeley. If I would've admitted it, he would've either physically hurt me to hurt you or even worse… He would've tortured you. I couldn't let that happen. Love is supposed to heal. Not hurt." She slightly pulled back and ran her finger over his cheek. "Can you understand that?"
Speechless, desperately trying to hold back tears, he nodded.
She pulled him closer and pressed her lips against his. "Besides, it's like you once said, Booth. What goes on between us, is ours."
The end!
Feel free to let me know what you thought!
Just like my last story, Epiphany, this too, is dedicated to the wonderful Lilalo264888!
WHAK, Junesse
