Chapter one: It Started with A Hair Cut
Ryou Bakura's POV
I wasn't sure when it really happened. The mind is a very fragile thing. He knew that well. He counted on it. He enjoyed it. Although I wasn't 'Conscious' when he came out, I saw the results. Broken people with broken bodies and minds. All because He either wanted some fun or wanted the Millennium Items. As it turned out, they weren't the only victims of His sick games. You see, eventually I gained enough courage to resist him taking over my body.
It started when I met Yugi, Joey, Tristen and Tea. They became my friends and stood by me even though they knew I had a psychotic alter ego, who was actually the spirit of a five thousand year old thief from Egypt. I had great and caring friends. But there was a downside, Yugi had the Millennium Puzzle, which He wanted. This, in addition to him feeling such pleasure in torturing me, caused him to want to cause them bodily harm. Many occasions he either tried or succeeded in sending them to the shadow realm. Thankfully Yami, Yugi's alter ego who was also the spirit of a five thousand year old pharaoh, always saved them.
Yami could save them, but couldn't save me. Eventually, my alter ego grew tired of my struggles. So to amuse himself, he tortured me. Not physically though. If he killed me or injured me too badly, he wouldn't have body. So to torture me, he dragged me into my soul room. Before, I'd never been there, nor did I know it existed. It was a strange place but it reflected my soul. It was hard to believe though. It was so beautiful, despite the cracks in the walls. Those must have representing the emotional scars I was inflicted. It was all white, like a snow covered landscape. On the floor were pieces to role playing games, my favorite, scattered around. The room seemed to change every time I was dragged there. Different games on the floor, pictures sometimes appeared on the walls and some other things from my life. But not everything that appeared in the room was good. More cracks sneaked their way up the walls like snakes. The white walls dimmed until they became darker and darker shades of grey. Shadows clung in groups around the room, as if waiting for the moment to strike. Waiting to get to me. I guess it was from every time he dragged me here to torture me. At first it was subtle, yelling, slapping me around, and smaller stuff. But it steadily grew worse each time.
He somehow summoned a knife to him. It was long and razor sharp. I'd scream until my throat felt raw each time the blade was ripped across my skin. At the end I'd be lying in a puddle of my blood. How did I bleed when this wasn't really my real body? I don't know but I did. I couldn't die and when I'd wake up in the real world, I'd have no mark on me. No proof. I thought about telling my friends, ask them for help. He would laugh at me. My thoughts were never private. Then he would torture me for even thinking about going against him.
Soon I could take no more. I submitted. I let him do what he wanted. Up until his final plan. I fought him… and lost again. The next thing I knew I was in Egypt, laying painfully face down on stone stairs. To my relief, He was gone! I was free! I tried to stand but found I was so weak. I barely stumbled down the stairs without falling. He had starved me. That was the final punishment. I found my friends at the bottom. I fell but Joey caught me. Then I heard the most wonderful news. He had been defeated! I truly was free!
I watched the pharaoh leave and we returned to Domino together. I was happy… for a while. But every waking moment I was afraid. Afraid that He wasn't really gone. What if he came back like he always did? The Ring always came back to me. I couldn't accept that it was over. Soon my grades suffered as I lost sleep. I was afraid to close my eyes for fear that I'd wake up to find that my body was once again no longer mine. I feared my shadows and my reflection, thinking it was him. I knew no one could help me if it were true. The pharaoh was gone, the only person to ever be able to stand up to my alter ego and win.
I slowly fell into madness. I took my fist to every mirror in my apartment. Shattered pieces of glass littered the carpet as I no longer kept it clean and tidy. I almost stopped eating. I only ate when my friends forced me. They knew something was wrong but didn't know what. They tried. Oh lord they tried to help me. But I pushed their help away. I didn't realize though. I did it without knowing. I stayed locked up in my apartment. I kept the drapes drawn over the windows so that I didn't risk seeing my reflection in the glass.
Why was I afraid of my reflection? It was because each time I looked, I saw my image morphing into him! I soon heard his voice again, taunting me. I refrained from speaking as well. My voice was identical to his but softer, kinder. His was rough and mean. I heard it all the time now. I was foolish to think that I could ever be free from him.
The day it happened, I went to school like always. I faked being alright so not to worry my friends. And for a while, I even tricked myself. I was smiling and feeling happy. I soon forgot all about my alter ego. It happened during the last period of the day. We were in study hall. In English we had to do a poster on a story we were reading in English rather than Japanese, as the class taught us. It was a story about a girl and some sea shells? I don't remember. It was rather dull but it was appropriate for our level of knowledge on the language.
Joey, Tea and I were in a group together. Tea drew the pictures and I wrote out the words. What did Joey do? He was in charge of cutting out the pictures and gluing them to the paper. It was the only thing Tea trusted him to do. The blond wasn't very good at following instructions, like rules. Plus he got bored easily. So it was no surprise that the scissors got covered in glue. "Joey!" Tea said in exasperation. I couldn't help but smile as the blond apologized and tried to wipe them on his shirt. It was doomed to failure. "Now what do we do?" Joey said. "We wash them off." Tea said. Poor Tea. She has the patience of a saint and a nun.
I volunteered to go wash them in the bathroom, forgetting about all the mirrors and how secluded it was. "Uh maybe I should go with ya." Joey said nervously. I frowned at him. "Oh come on Joey, don't be ridiculous. I think I'm old enough to go into the restroom without an escort." I said. I got up and walked out of the classroom without waiting for a reply. There was nothing to worry about, I told myself. I walked into the boy's restroom and ran the scissors under the water in the sink without incident. I shut off the water and made a mistake. I looked up, my eyes locking with that of my reflection's. At first I was met with surprised eyes that had a glint of terror hidden in their depths. However as usual it morphed into a twisted sneer, glaring eyes, more spiked wild hair that mine and the unmistakable glint of evil in the eyes. It was him. My mouth went dry. I couldn't speak nor could I scream.
Ryou you weak pathetic Mortal. What do you think you're doing? Do you honestly believe you can forget about me? Without me you are nothing. Nothing.
I covered my ears. No. please no! I held the scissors so tightly it was a miracle that they didn't bend.
Ryou… no. Landlord. Yes. You are not a real person. You don't deserve a name! You're nothing but property! I own you!
No! No! No! No! I covered my ears against the on slot of his voice and maniacal laughter.
How bad of you to forget about me, Landlord. I have to punish you again.
I backed up. I was soon stopped by the cold tiled wall. The bright blue paint on the walls above the white tile hurt my eyes when I tore them from the mirrors.
Look at me! Don't you dare look away from me!
I had to look back. I was afraid of him, no terrified. That fear made me obedient. I couldn't disobey. Thoughts of the old moments of torture came back to me and clouded my reason. It wasn't real and yet I couldn't convince myself of this. I couldn't get free of my terror induced haze.
I am still there, in your mind. Every time you look at your reflection, I am there. You and I were the same person. We look alike, sound alike… you are me and yet you're not. I own you. You are weak. That I why I own you. You exist for the sole purpose of serving me.
I suddenly woke from my haze. His words were true. I looked at the scissors in my hand. I knew how to change one way he spoke of. I grabbed a lock of my hair. It was pure white like his but tamer. My eyes narrowed. "You used to. You are gone now. If you think I will let you control me again, you will be unpleasantly surprised." I said, my voice hoarse. I watched as I cut off a chunk of the hair. I brought the fistful of hair in front of my eyes and stared at it. I heard him scream in fury. I released the hair and watched it flutter to the tiled floor. I grabbed another chunk and cut. And cut, and cut. Soon I felt lightheaded from the sudden release from the weight of my hair. It was now shoulder length. My hands dropped limply to my sides, the scissors barely hanging from my fingers. My hair was now shorter but the gentle spikes were still there and smaller spikes were formed at the ends of my hair. I looked back in the mirror. My alter ego was gone! I stared back at myself. But I barely recognized myself. I looked so different. The shock of what I'd done washed over me.
I sank to my knees. What had I done? I laughed in relief. I would no longer see him in the mirror! I'd only see the new Ryou. I wasn't Bakura anymore. I was the new and real Ryou. Suddenly my blood ran cold.
You little bastard! You think that will stop me! You will never get rid of me!
It was true. His image was gone but there was no way to get rid of his voice. It was in my head. There was one way. I'd never thought about this one way. It was always forbidden. If I was dead, there could be no voice. Suicide. Was that my only option? But I'd be dead and free. Maybe I'd catch a glimpse of my mother and my sister, Amane. Only a glimpse. They were in heaven and from what I'd been taught, people who committed suicide didn't' go to heaven. They went to hell. Hell or not, I knew that it was the only place I could go without being under his control. I never believed in Hell though. So would I just fade away? Maybe I'd become a ghost. I'd always loved the supernatural. The thought of being a ghost was exciting. But his voice made me snap back to reality. I'd take my chances.
I looked down at the scissors. They weren't that sharp. I doubt they'd even cut my skin. I looked at my wrist, or rather the veins on my wrist. I had heard some people cut themselves to commit suicide. I could bleed to death. It was slow but convenient. I wanted this… didn't I?
I was interrupted before I could even lift my hand. The door opened. I should have locked it. Joey looked down at me in shock. "Bakura, what are ya doing down there? What did ya do to your hair?" He said. He froze. He must have seen the crazed look in my brown eyes. The blond looked confused. "I- I- uh- I got distracted and- u-um." I said softly.
Joey held out his hand. "Bakura… give me da scissors." He said softly but urgently. I looked down at them before looking back at him. "No." I said. "Bakura… give 'em to me." he said. "No you don't understand. I need them, Joey." I said. I moved them closer to my opposite wrist. "Need 'em for what?" Joey said suspiciously. He tackled me before I could stab my arm. He slammed my wrists to the floor above my head. I lay on my back, thrashing around, trying to get free. Joey tried to get the scissors but I held them too tight. "Bakura!" Joey yelled. "No! No! I need them! I-I need to be free from him!" I screamed. Joey froze. I stopped thrashing and looked up at him. Tears stung my eyes as they fell, rolling over my face and into my hair. "I-Is this what this is about? Ya want to hurt yourself because of the spirit of the Ring?" Joey said. I nodded. "Bakura, he's gone. He can't hurt ya anymore. He's gone." Joey said.
I shook my head frantically. "He's not! He's not! I see him all the time. He's in the mirrors! His voice is in my head again!" I shouted. I thought he'd understand. But I was wrong. "No. No, Bakura. He's gone. Yami… Atem destroyed him. He can't come back. It's all in your head." Joey said. I saw it. He didn't believe me. He-he thought… "I'm not crazy." I said harshly. "You're not! You're just confused. Ok, man? I'm gonna help ya. Ya just have ta trust me." he said. I could tell he meant it. Before, I thought I was just a tag along. Someone who was a friend that didn't really matter. But I saw in his eyes that I wasn't like that. I was just as important as Yugi or Tristen. I sobbed. I relaxed my hand and Joey knocked the scissors out of them. They slid somewhere across the tile.
Joey picked up my numb body and hugged me. He must have had so much experience from comforting Serenity. This was a side of him only his friends could ever see. His brotherly side. "Don't tell anyone. Please." I said when I calmed down enough. "But Bakura, ya need help." Joey said. I felt so tired. My eyes were sliding close. "No. Please. Please." I said weakly. "At least the others. We can help ya!" Joey said. "I'll tell them… when I can. Please." I said. The world was going dimmer. Why was I so tired all of a sudden? Was it all the emotion that had coursed through my system just moments ago? "Please…"
When I awoke I knew I wasn't at school anymore. I was on my bed, in my apartment. Tea was sitting in a chair next to my bed. I felt a wet washcloth on my forehead. "Hey, Bakura. You feeling better?" she said. "What happened?" I asked. Tea helped me to stand up. "You collapsed in the bathroom. Joey found you. He carried you home. He said you were sick." She said. I saw her eyes travel to my hair. I was relieved that Joey didn't tell her what really happened. "Yeah, you could say that." I said. "The others are here too. I hope you don't mind. But we saw how your apartment was. You must have not been feeling like yourself for a while. I know how clean you always keep it here. So the others are cleaning up a bit." Tea said.
I could tell by her voice. She knew something was up. Tea was a smart girl. I gave her a weak smile. "Yeah." I said. "Do you want to talk about it?" Tea said. "I'm fine." I lied. Tea looked at me with kind but serious eyes. "Bakura, you haven't been yourself since we got back from Egypt." She said. I took a shaky breath as I heard that sinister laugh in my head. "I- I know." I said. Tea put her hand over mine. "You can tell me anything, Bakura." She said.
I fought off the urge to laugh. Hysteria. I was losing it again. "Tea. You all have been so kind to me." I started. "Bakura? Are you alright." She said worried. My eyes were wide as I stared down at my lap. I must have looked real freaky, as Joey would put it. I didn't notice the others. They had come in. when I didn't' know. I laughed. It sounded strange and similar to his laugh. It wasn't evil. Just… insane. "No. No I'm not… alright." I said gasping slightly. I could tell the others were tensed. "I-I've gone insane. A-Aha! Ha ha ha!" I laughed. I continued to laugh. Someone grabbed my arms and shook me. I stopped laughing and looked up into Joey's face. "Calm down." He said. "I-I can't! I didn't want to believe it before but I am crazy!" I said grinning. Something inside me had snapped.
The grin vanished from my face and was replaced by a glare. My eyes were narrowed. "It's his fault! He's gone but he still won! He broke me completely! No!" I said. My face looked scared now. "H-he-he's still here! I can hear him! All the time!" I said. My eyes darted around. I expected him to jump out of the shadows. He never even had a real body and yet I suddenly expected him to. Tea was sobbing. Did I scare her? Or was she so sad from how I suddenly snapped. Yugi looked on in horror. Tristen looked like he didn't know what to do. Joey shook me again. I didn't mean to but I'd started laughing. So he had shaken me. "Snap outta it!" Joey said.
Joey stumbled back as I swung my fist into his jaw. "D-D-Don't touch me! Don't you see? He's here! Y-you all need to get out! Before he hurts you!" I said. Tristen rushed forward to restrain me but I jumped up and head butted him in the stomach. He stumbled back. Evidently my insanity made me stronger than normal. "Please stop it Bakura!" Yugi yelled. I looked down at him in horror. "D-Don't call me Bakura! I'm Ryou! Ryou! We called Him Bakura, remember? Remember, Yugi?" I said. I grabbed his arm. Yugi winced. "S-Stop! Bakura, you're hurting me! Please!" he said. I pushed him, yelling "I'm not Bakura! I'm Ryou!"
I saw my friends on the floor, except Tea. She was frozen in her seat, terror in her eyes. I gasped. They probably thought I WAS Bakura! The evil me! I had hurt them! I stepped back. "Wait! Bakura!" Joey yelled. I turned and ran out of the room. How could I have done that to the people who were trying to help me? I ran down the hall to the kitchen. His laughs were getting louder in my head. Was it possible that I didn't have control over my actions? Was I being possessed again? I didn't want to take the chance of staying. I had to end this now! I reached into a drawer and pulled out a long sharp knife. The knife itself was about half the length of my entire arm. I sliced along my wrist, wincing at the pain.
It was a funny feeling. The blood was warm and it ran down my hand like water. I made a few more slices and switched to my other arm. I heard my friends crash into the room. They gasped in horror at what I was doing. I held out the knife at them threateningly. "Don't come near me! I don't want to hurt you!" I said. They backed up as I walked toward them. I had to get out before I lost control again. "W-Wait, R-Ryou. D-Don't do this!" Tristen said. I shook my head and put my other hand on the door handle. It was slippery from my blood but I was able to open it. "I have to. I love you all. I can't risk hurting you. Good bye." I said. I ran out the door.
They ran after me. I was sluggish from blood loss but I could still out run them. Adrenaline is a wonderful thing. I ran out of the building and down the street. They pleaded with me to stop. I wouldn't. I couldn't. I had to get away and finish this. For their sake and mine. I suddenly made like I was turning left but turned right. They skidded past the road but turned and ran back. I found myself running to the park. Somewhere I lost them in the trees. I hid behind a tree, hearing them yelling out my name.
Well well well. How interesting. Running as usual, Landlord.
I kept quiet. He wanted me to speak so that they found me. I wouldn't let them get hurt. I stumbled away from the tree and started walking. That's when I heard his footsteps behind me. Logic had left me all together now. I thought he was behind me. I stopped. I felt something icy around my throat. Had I been in my right mind, I would have realized it was my imagination. But in that moment I thought he had his hands around my throat. I panicked. I clawed at his hands, not realizing I was really clawing at my own throat. I gagged as blood filled my mouth. I was frightened and angry. I didn't want to die by his hands! God damn it! I want to die by my own hands!
I had dropped the knife. I saw it gleaming in the moonlight. I hadn't realized it was night. I leaned over and vomited blood. I fell over. I landed face-down on the grass. I shuddered and lay still. I knew I was dying. I cursed in my fogged mind as the others found me. I hadn't wanted them to see. They must have called the cops because everything was suddenly bathed in red and blue flashing lights. My vision blackened as I was put onto a gurney. They were shouting but it sounded like a dull buzzing sound to me. They tried to stabilize me as the ambulance sped toward the hospital. I didn't care anymore. My friends were safe… and I couldn't hear his damned voice anymore.
