Hello everyone! I go by the alias Flame on this site, and Raven on others. I had the urge to read one of my oldest fics and, well, that always goes great. Little, twelve year old me didn't quite understand grammar or much, just yet. Actually, I'm not too sure if I do, still. But, hey, I know I've improved. So, to prove such, I'm going to rewrite this story! Hopefully this goes well.
I don't really know how to rewrite, so I'm going to just, re-read the chapters and go off of them. If you read the previous story, then I should warn you, that this one, although it will follow the same path, will be different. Different cats will die, different pairings may happen. Who knows?
As usual, read and review!
I squinted against the bright light of the flame, tail lashing behind me. I could barely make out the shapes moving towards me, and the smoke had pretty much blocked out their scent. I gulped, allowing some ash into my lungs, and then proceeded to cough.
"Cookie?" I heard, faintly. It was my father, Ashes, who called for me. He and a smaller tom brushed against my sides, supporting me as I coughed out the foreign substance. Alright, that's two down.
"Yeah, I'm here. Have you seen Storm?" I asked, grimacing as the fire flickered. I heard sirens before I heard an answer. Humans would take care of this, but I couldn't wait for them to see if anyone else survived this.
"I'm right here, Momma." I heard, faintly, which was followed by a cough. Coal shifted around me to get to his sister, and I ushered them all away from the flame.
"Okay, that's one, two... three..." I counted them up, realizing we were still three short. There were seven of us in the barn before a bunch of small humans decides to set it aflame, and I could only see three, not counting three. "Mokey isn't here. Rayn and Mimi, either." I grumbled. I heard my adopted children whimper, and watched as my father continued to push them away from the fire.
"You called?" I heard a voice behind me, and saw the grey tom that I traveled with. I couldn't help but smile, only to look around.
"Yeah, but that still means that two of us are still in there." I worried, staring ahead. It didn't take me long to turn to Ashes, tail lashing. "Watch them, and don't let them out of your sight." I huffed to the old man. He only nodded, wrapping his tail around them. I turned to Mokey, and he nodded. The two of us made our way back to the fire, him calling to our missing friends and me navigating us through the debris.
"Over here!" I heard Mimi call, and within moments we found her and her mate. Sadly, her mate happened to be stuck under a piece of rotten wood. Mokey went quick to move the plank, and with the help from Mimi and I, we were able to lift it enough for Rayn to shimy out. Mokey took to dragging the blank and white cat while Mimi and I began making a path. Before long, we were back with the others.
Coal trotted over to Rayn as soon as he saw him, but we were still too close to the fire to stop and see the damages. The seven of us moved as quickly as we could to the other side of the large path, the siren monster passing us by. We watched as the humans climbed out of the monster's insides and attempted to quench the fire.
The others began to bustle about, Coal tending to Rayn's wounds and the others searching for somewhere to rest. I was too busy staring at the carnage. That was my home, our home, and now it was gone.
"Momma?" I had heard murmuring before the call, but I didn't think it was directed towards me. I turned my head, cheeks growing hot when everyone began to stare at me. I blinked and turned to Coal, who had called my name.
"Oh, what is it, sweety?" I asked, finally leaving my spot to join the others. When I was close enough, he began to check my wounds. Before long, he started to speak again
"You're good, and everyone else just needs to get fresh air, I think." I scanned the small group. Even Rayn, who was trapped under the wood, seemed revving to be far away from this place. Coal pressed his side to mine and also looked towards the group. "Momma, where are we gonna go?"
"I've been asking myself the same question, sweetheart." I murmured, head low.
"Well, we can aways stay here." Ashes suggested, Storm by his side. She still had a cough, but her eyes were locked on the dying fire behind me. "Actually, I change my mind. We need to find somewhere else to go." my father chuckled quietly after that. I rolled my eyes, tail swishing around Coal and holding him close.
"Alright, how about we wait until day to make that decision?" I suggested. After a small bit of murmurs, my friends and family agreed. "Great, now to assign jobs before we sleep. Who is stable enough to go?" Immediately, the murmurs turned into enthusastic 'I do's. It was my turn to giggle. "Alright, alright. Coal and Rayn, go find some herbs. Ashes, Storm, and Mimi make some temporary dens and nests. Mokey, come hunt with me." They were more demands than suggestions, yet everyone went to work. Mokey and I walked with the herb group for a bit before splitting off. I caught a thrush and a mouse, while Mokey secured a rather large rabbit and a pigeon. He was always the better hunter.
When we returned, Coal and Rayn were separating the few herbs they had gathered. Mimi was putting a finishing touch on the dens, which happened to look pretty amazing, if I do say so myself. I placed my kills in front of one den, while Mokey went to the other. When everyone was finished, we all sat down and ate. My children and I ate the rabbit, while Rayn and Mimi ate the pigeon. Mokey and ashes shared my kills, as Mokey was a big eater and Ashes wasn't. Soon enough, we separated into the dens and rested for the night.
"Cookie?" I heard Mimi's voice, still a bit scratchy from the smoke.
"Yeah, I'm in here. Careful, though. Storm and Coal are asleep." I hush whispered, my tail flicking on Storm's back. They didn't usually sleep this close to me, but I guess tramatic events make them miss the days where I held them so close. I don't mind, really. I'm just happy that they allowed me to adopt them. I remember when I first found them, in the dead of leaf-bare. Storm was so sickly, and Coal was so harsh. That was a while ago, but it still haunts me. Who could do such a thing to their kids? I shiver slightly, knowing that my mother was worse.
"Oh, alright. I just wanted to talk to you for a bit."
"Well, I'm not going anywhere." I purred quietly, pawing the nest next to me, which was empty due to Storm and Coal not occupying it.
"First, when I was out looking for nest materials, I ran into this... tom. I think he was one of those Clan-cats Luna was always talkin' about." Luna was a kitty-pet that often graced us with her appearance. She stayed with her humans tonight, which was probably for the better. "He wanted me to leave, but when I explained myself, he said that he wants us out by morning." I nodded slowly.
"Then, out by morning we will be." I hummed, resting my head on the ground.
"Oh, I wasn't done." I looked up at her, rolled my eyes, then motioned for her to go on with my paw. "Well, I found out the other day that... um... I'm pregnant?" she seemed unsure. My head shot up, eyes wide. "I felt a few kicks, so I've been carrying for a while now. I asked Luna about it, and she brought me to her human. Her human, she says, is a doctor for us cats, whatever that means. But Luna translated and said that I should be kitting soon." My jaw was slack.
"Does... Does he know?" I asked, tail lashing. Coal shifted, my tail having kept him warm. I squeaked and moved my tail back.
"I haven't told him, but I'm sure that my body has hinted it. I thought I was just eating too much." She let out a nervous, quiet giggle.
"I didn't want to say anything, if I'm completely honest." I laughed. She pawed my face and stood up, wobbling a bit before going to leave. "Goodnight!" I called after her. I heard a giggle as she left.
"Goodnight, Cookie."
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"Momma! Wake up already!" I finally was shaken out of my dreams.
"Y'know, I didn't think she'd be such a deep sleeper. Especially with how she just moms everyone around when she's awake - Luna, stop that! Luna, come here. Luna-" I rolled my eyes and batted towards the voice.
"I can hear you, y'know." I grumbled, stretching. I saw the black cat, and how she was nervous. "What are you doing here, anyways?"
"Oh, my humans kicked me out." she said, a slight shrug in her shoulders. I blinked and rolled onto my stomach, staring at her. Storm was still sitting next to me, rolling her eyes at the black cat.
"I thought they liked you?" Storm spoke up. Storm and Luna didn't get along too well, with Luna being on the crazier end of the spectrum.
"Oh, they did. But then they figured out that the baby human was allergic to me. The adult humans argued for a bit before pushing me onto the front doorstep and shutting the door." She looked at her paws. I began to stand up when she continued. "I waited a few days to be let back in - that's why I kept visiting you guys. Last night, though, I saw the male human go inside, and I followed him. He pushed me back out, and didn't even offer me any food." She stuck her nose to the air. "So, I went to the barn to start living life like you guys. It looks like dung now, though. What happened?"
"A fire." Storm stated bluntly before leaving the den. I rolled my eyes at my daughter.
"Well, isn't that harsh. Where'ya guys goin' now?" Luna continued on.
"We have to figure that out now." I hummed as I licked between her ears. She ducked away at first before brushing against my side. She followed me out of the den. "Storm, can you get the others?" I asked. My daughter nodded and trotted into the other den. Soon enough, everyone was out. Mimi was leaning on Rayn, and everyone stared at me.
"Alright, everyone. We have to decide, are we going to stay in the den, or find a new home. Those who want a new home, go to the den I slept in. Those who want to go back to the barn, go to the holly bush over there." Almost immediately, Luna, Storm, and Mimi found themselves at my den. Ashes stared longingly across the past before walking with Coal to my den, as well. Rayn trotted over to support Mimi. They whispered to eachother, and I watched his eyes lower to her stomach.
Finally, it was Mokey and I. I looked up at my travel buddy, and knew what he was going to choose. Together, we joined everyone else.
"Then, its final." I purred. I looked at my group of friends, an equal mixture of excitedness and fear dwelling in their eyes. We got everything together, and began moving out.
Normally, that would be the prologue, but I feel like its more first chapter material. So, I hope it was better than the original, and I hope you return for more!
