AUTHOR'S NOTE: This series is canon up to the end of season 6 (with a focus on Buffy and Spike) which that means all the wonderful and terrible things that have happened to that point in the lives of our TV friends are fair game. With that said.
DISCLAIMER: None of the aforementioned gang --- I just borrowed them over the summer.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please!
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One: WELCOME BACK
Buffy was asleep.
It had been a long few days, but Willow's dark side had been reined in, Giles was recovering from his injuries, and another crisis, averted.
What a relief to know that everyone was OK: the world had been saved and life would go on. Feeling the gentle weight of his strong arms around her gave Buffy the sense that even if the next apocalypse was just around the corner, she'd be alright. Together they'd survive.
Morning came and he was gone.
Now Buffy was forced to realize that she wasn't "alright" and that the latest disaster was already upon her: the cataclysm of her heart. Spike was gone. She didn't know where he was or if he'd ever be back. All Buffy knew was that the last time they'd seen each other things had gone horribly wrong. She was hurt, angry and frightened then, and she did what came naturally: Buffy lashed out. Spike had tried to force himself on her. She had to make him stop; had to get him off of her; had to get him away from her.
"Ask me again why I could never love you!" she demanded clutching her robe. The scene repeated over and over in her mind. For weeks, Buffy had relived those few moments. At first all she saw was the demon; only some evil soulless thing could ever try to force its will on a human. on a woman... on Buffy.
Things were different now and Buffy wished she could tell him.
Unsure when the images in her mind of that night changed, Buffy began to see his eyes. These were not the gleaming yellow she'd seen so often during their initial encounters; eyes like so many of the vampires she'd seen come and go and turn to dust in the years since she'd first received her Calling. No. These were the same concerned blue eyes that comforted her when she'd look into them in those early days after she'd come back from the dead... when she needed someone to talk to. Eyes that had said so much without words ever passing the air. Eyes that reinforced that last night the truth she'd been unwilling to hear: Spike was sorry. Spike was shocked and ashamed and so full of remorse for what he'd tried to do... for what he had done. Inside, Spike was a man.
And now, Spike was gone. Gone and he hadn't said goodbye. Heck, Spike hadn't even suggested he was going; he just left. Angel told her he was going to leave. Riley even gave her a chance to stop him before he left. But now, just like with Riley, Buffy realized how she felt too late: too late that she needed him; too late that she wanted him; too late with Spike, that she did love him.
------- o -------
Spike was asleep.
It seemed as though days had passed. He couldn't think straight. Spike remembered enduring the challenges put to him by the cave demon and surviving, but everything else was such a jumble of sounds and images. So weak now, just waking up was a challenge he wasn't sure he'd overcome.
As he lay there, Spike detected the smell of meat cooking over an open flame. Pangs of hunger surged from his stomach. Then through still closed lids, he felt brightness in his eyes and heat on his hand. "Oh bugger!" he choked, grabbing back his hand as he lurched up and leaped away from the light.
He found himself at the mouth of the cave as the sun was starting to make its way into the darkness. Peering down at his hand, Spike discovered no burn and that he felt no pain on his hand. Blinking and looking around, desperate to understand what was going on, he discerned that the pain he felt was in his head (spinning from all that was going on in it), in his gut (screaming with hunger from days without food), and from his chest (where a heart long dead was now racing).
He gasped, "I'm alive," then collapsed.
------- o -------
Months passed and the warm summer nights were beginning to yield to cooler ones.
As seemed usual for Sunnydale, evil had largely been on hiatus over the summer and things had been almost tranquil. Out on a routine patrol, Buffy began to take stock of her life and how different things were from just a year ago. The biggest change, of course: the whole being alive thing.
She had a new job at the local gym doing some personal training and teaching a few self-defence and aerobic classes 5 days a week. It gave her a reasonable income and benefits, and kept her nights free to fulfill her duties as Slayer. The job helped put her mind at ease about how she and Dawn would cope financially and gave her a sense of pride that her skills could be used to help people --- not that protecting the community from vampires or saving the world from total destruction on a semi-annual basis wasn't "helping people".
Her relationship with Dawn had improved. Sure, most nights Buffy still couldn't spend with her younger sister, but the time they did spend together was good quality. Sundays, they'd lay out a proper linen cloth and set the table with their mother's "guest plates". Xander would join them for a real meal. (Dawn, incidentally, was becoming quite a good cook and being able to contribute something to the household gave a much-needed boost to her self-esteem.) Buffy was sure that the time and genuine attention given to her sister was at least partly responsible for the turn around in the teen's grades at summer school. This coming school year, Buffy was confident that Dawn would be back on track.
Willow was away working with Giles and some of his "colleagues" trying to get herself back on the straight-and-narrow as regards her use of magic. Instead of going "cold-turkey" this time, she was learning to control her darker side. Buffy kept in touch with Willow regularly via the Internet and spoke with Giles every few weeks on the phone. She was always so happy to hear the comforting sound of Giles' voice and Buffy knew from it that he was proud of her.
"You know, Buffy Anne Summers," she said out loud with a smile on her face and eyes beaming, "your life is really coming together."
No sooner were the words out of her mouth than she got the funny feeling she was being watched. "Great... should've known things were going too well. Let's get this over wi-" Turning, she was caught mid-sentence by what she saw.
"Hello, Buffy," came the deep and dulcet tone of a voice she thought might be gone forever.
Buffy couldn't move; she just stood there with her mouth still stuck open.
The dark figure stepped closer, an inquisitive look in his eyes. Those eyes... In them, she saw the awe of the night she'd returned from the dead, descending the stairs behind Dawn to meet him; the tender blue she searched the night Riley'd come back with his fabulous life slapping her in the face and she needed to know someone loved and wanted her.
"I love you. You know I do... I always want you." She could hear it in her head as if he'd just said it.
"Spike..." Buffy whispered, almost choking.
"How've ya been?" asked Spike, trying to curb his angst.
"Spike..." she repeated, her heart fluttering.
Cocking his head and raising an eyebrow, Spike replied with a teasing tone, "Yyyyes. you said that already."
"Wha- I mean... Where... er... I... How... ah..." Buffy couldn't get the words out; couldn't even figure where to start. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she tried again, "I... missed you." Chin down but eyes wide looking up at him and with more than a little trepidation, she reached out her arms to him.
Quickly closing the gap and filling the void offered him by her outstretched arms, a relieved Spike wrapped his own around her tiny frame. With tears welling he managed to utter, "I missed you too, luv. So much."
As if startled by the reality of his presence, Buffy broke free and jumped back. "Where've you been? Why haven't you called or written or something? Did it ever occur to you somebody might have been worried? I mean.hello??? Sunnydale. Hellmouth. Ring a bell? And what about Dawn? You left without even saying goodbye. I mean... I realize that-"
"Buffy," he cut her off. "Tell you all about it. But for now can we go somewhere and get a bite?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy looked disgusted.
"Oh I dunno," Spike replied, rolling his eyes. "Thought maybe we could get somethin' to eat. Somewhere quiet. where we can talk."
"Sure... ah... why don't we pick up some of those chicken wings you like then we could go back to my place. Dawn's staying with a friend tonight, so it should be quiet," she said, almost immediately afterwards wishing she hadn't. A public place... she thought. You should have picked a public place!
"An' how is the Little Bit?" Spike inquired with concern and just the slightest hint of sarcasm.
"She's doing really well; we're doing really well. I mean, things between us have really gotten better the past few months. She..." Buffy stopped walking and looked at Spike. "She was really hurt when you left. Angry... You didn't say goodbye and then Xander told her ab-" No, she ordered herself, I won't talk about that. I don't want that incident to ruin this night.
"Buffy, I." knew this wasn't going to be easy. Spike sighed dropping his head and swallowing hard. "I'm sorry. Sorry about not saying goodbye. 'bout leaving. And." His head was shaking now. It stopped and he looked up, his face full of sincerity and the pain of the burden in his beautiful blue eyes. ".so sorry about how I behaved that night."
Placing a hand on his arm, she said with a tenderness that even surprised her, "I know."
Spike felt his heart skip a beat --- an odd sensation, but not entirely unpleasant.
They resumed their walk in silence.
------- o -------
When they arrived at the chicken place, Spike took a seat at one of the outside tables while Buffy went in to order. This is going well, he judged. She offered a hug. Would've been nice if it had lasted a little longer, but at least she hasn't tried to hit me in the face. Spike sat smiling to himself as he watched Buffy ordering at the counter.
Suddenly, he felt his chair being yanked from underneath him. Spike stumbled to his feet then was grabbed by the arm and spun around. Before he knew what was happening, he heard a crack as something hit his face. Losing his balance, his ass hit the ground followed by the back of his head.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" came an angry voice.
"Bloody Hell," Spike mumbled one hand on his nose.
"Get up!" Xander demanded, ready to take another swing.
"Look mate," Spike began while slowly rising to his feet. "'m not gonna fight you."
"Xander!" barked Buffy sharply, a serious scowl on her face. "Leave him alone! We're going."
"Buff. What do you mean 'we'? You're not letting Evil Dead here back into your life, are you? After what he tried to do!" Xander was livid. "He's been gone. And I for one say good riddance!"
Buffy set the take-out bag down on the table and walked to her friend. "Xander please." Putting her hand on his arm she said softly, "Spike's just come back. He and I need to talk. I'll be alright."
"But Buff-"
"Please..." she urged.
Xander's face softened and some of the tension eased from his body.
"I'll call you tomorrow. I'll be alright."
Xander wandered off as a somewhat annoyed Buffy turned back to Spike.
"What happened?"
Still holding his nose, Spike replied, "Oh you know that wanker. Blowin' off a little steam. S'nothing."
"Nothing!? Have you seen your face!? Your nose? The blood!? How many times did you let him hit you?" she shrieked.
"Buffy, let's just go. We'll eat. We'll talk. " He grabbed the bag and motioned her to go. "Luv?"
------- o -------
When they arrived at her house and slowly climbed the front stairs, Spike felt a sick feeling wrench his gut remembering the last time he'd crossed that porch, rushing from the house after he'd attacked Buffy. The flashes of the past flooded his mind causing him to stagger and drop the bag he was carrying.
"Are you OK?" Buffy questioned.
Nodding, Spike steadied himself on the railing.
With him now below the porch light, Buffy noticed just how awful Spike's face really looked. Clearly Xander had done a number on Spike's nose and the blood... well, there was a lot of it.
"Let's get you inside and clean you up. Then we'll have something to eat. There might even be some blood in the freezer I can warm up for you. Looks like you could use a boost." Buffy picked up the bag, set it inside the front door then led Spike up the stairs.
"Have a seat," she instructed, not even noticing that he hadn't followed her into the bathroom. "I'll just grab a cloth and we'll have a look at that nose. You're a mess." She ran cold water on the cloth then turned to find Spike standing in the doorway with a somewhat frightened look on his face.
His mind was flashing back again. Spike turned his head down to the fuzzy green mat and cold tile floor onto which Buffy had fallen that night. He could hear her pleas for him to stop, see her terrified face, hear his own voice growl at her... "You'll feel it again, Buffy. I'm gonna make you feel it."
"Spike? What is it? What's the matter?" Buffy looked at him as tears rolled down his face.
"Buffy I..."
She took him by the arm and sat him down on the lid of the toilet. "Is this about... about that night? Is that why you're acting so..." Buffy sighed and rested her hands on his shoulders.
Eyes wide and teary, Spike gazed up at her.
Those eyes... such pain. Without another thought, Buffy leaned down and kissed him gently then turned her head to whisper in his ear, "It's alright. Don't think about it. I know you're sorry. And now that you're here, I want to tell you... I'm sorry too."
Her words made his chest ache. I can't believe I'm here. That she's so close.
Slowly pulling away, Buffy began to wipe the blood from his face. Once the cloth was covered in blood, she returned to the sink to rinse it before continuing. When she looked up from the sink, she caught a startling glimpse in the mirror.
There behind her reflection was Spike, his soft blue eyes looking back at her.
