Read My Mind

I would like to thank Befanini for BETA-reading!

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I fucking hate this weather.

And now it's as bad as ever. The rain just keeps falling. It drums so fiercely I fear the windows might break. If that is about to happen, I better move away

from the window, or I'm going to get wet.

I fucking hate getting wet.

I sigh as the smoke from my cigarette rises towards the ceiling. I close my eyes and think about the day. I sigh again, rubbing my hand over my face.

I hear a soft knock on the door.

I know who it is. But I don't move, just keep staring out through the window.

My damn pride.

The door creaks open and I hear the person entering. My skin starts to prickle and I shrug my shoulders in an attempt to get rid of the feeling.

But I can't. It won't go away.

I will never be able to deny my feelings for that man... My feelings for you. 'Cause it's the only thing that keeps me sane.

''Sanzo...''

I wince, closing my eyes, the pain in your voice too much for me to bear. But I don't turn my head, I don't look into your eyes. I don't do a thing to ease your pain. I just take another drag on my cigarette.

And it hurts me as much as it hurts you.

''Gomen ne, Sanzo... Gomen ne...''

I don't know what you're apologizing for. What the fuck are you aplogizing for, Goyjo? What have you done now?

But I don't ask you.

My stupid, stupid pride.

You're close now. I can sense you, even if I'm not looking at you, even though you're not making a sound. I can even smell you. You smell so fucking good.

Too good.

We're quiet. The rain makes me wanna scream, scream until the end of the world.

But I don't. I never do.

''Sanzo, please look at me.''

The pain in your voice is heartbreaking, and even I have a heart deep down. And I surrender. I turn my head and look at you. You're wet, your clothes clinging

to your body, hair in a mess. I see relief wash over your face, and you reach out your hand towards me.

A thought flashes through my mind.

How can you be sopping wet and yet still be so beautiful?

You don't touch me, I don't stop you.

I stab my cigarette into the ashtray, waiting. I wish that you could read my mind, because I don't dare to speak my thoughts in words.

Love me, my mind screams

Hate me, my mouth whispers.

You touch me, your hand brushes against my cheek. Fire shoots through me, and I automatically lean into the touch.

Soon, we're on the floor, touching, panting, moaning.

As we always do.

But this time, it'll be different.

This time, I won't let you go.

Afterwards, you get out of bed, beginning to get dressed again, ready to sneak away to your own room. But I grab your wrist, making you jump. You stare at me.

''Where are you going?'' I ask, looking you in the eye.

''Back,'' you answer after a while, still staring at me.

I pull slightly on your wrist, making you sit down on the bed once more.

''You're not going anywhere,'' I proclaim, letting go of you and scooting closer to the wall, leaving room for you to lie down again.

You just sit there, and I wait.

''Are you deaf, Goyjo? I'm not letting you go tonight.''

Slowly, slowly you lie down, and I immediately pull you close, entangling one hand in your mass of red hair, the other around your middle. You put your arms around me as well, kissing my forehead before nuzzling my hair.

''Sanzo, you know what?'' you whisper.

I grunt in answer, sleep attacking me.

''I thought you would never ask.''

A smile plays at the corner of my mouth.

''Nice dreams,'' I whisper back.

Read my mind one more time, because I don't dare utter those words to you. Read my mind, so that you at least know.

Love You

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Read my mind

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