The silence of the street outside the bar left a ringing in Amanda's ears. Her throat hurt from talking too long, too loud. From being just plain tired. Other parts of her hurt too. Her stomach. Her mouth—her entire face really. It hurt from not quite knowing how to carry herself around Olivia. Smile? No, not too much. Wait, now you're frowning. Try not to be so damn obvious.

"Thank God," Olivia said, taking a breath. The air wasn't particularly fresh out there on the sidewalk but Amanda got her point. "Now I can hear myself think."

"Yeah, well. I'm not really ready to start tomorrow all over again," Amanda said, hearing the way her voice went up at the end. She was relieved when Olivia nodded.

"I know what you mean."

They started to walk aimlessly until it seemed they were drifting towards the park. Amanda looked around.

"It's kinda hard to get anywhere near Central Park at night without thinkin' about it. A case, I mean."

Olivia stared over at her and Amanda closed her eyes, wanting to shake her head. But then Olivia let out a breath.

"No, you're right, and it doesn't get much easier," She stopped at a park bench but they didn't sit. Olivia put her hands deep into her jean pockets and Amanda tried not to stare. "It may sound strange, but it's like there's more than one New York. You know? There's the New York I work in, and the one I wish I lived in."

Amanda gave the bench a dust-off and sat. It immediately made her cold. She rubbed her arms. Her legs.

"Pretty philosophical for a Tuesday night."

Olivia gave her a look, but seemed to relax when she saw no sting in Amanda's smile.

"You asked a serious question, I gave a serious answer."

She sat too, tilting her head upwards. It wasn't too cloudy, but even on a good night the stars never did feel like competing with the city. Amanda watched Olivia instead of the skies, wondering what it was Olivia saw—if she knew enough about the constellations to fill in the blanks for the dim stars that couldn't make it through.

"This other New York," Amanda said. "Is it nice?"

"Oh, yeah," Olivia said. "The weather's always beautiful. Bad things never happen to good people. Puppies live forever. The tooth fairy's real too."

"Now, hey," Amanda said. "If you asked Nick's little girl she'd swear black an' blue that the tooth fairy's been in her bedroom."

That earned her a smile.

"I guess I think about this other New York on bad days," Olivia said. "Because people always seem to think they live in it, until something terrible happens and they wind up in our squad room."

"I get that," Amanda said. "You never think anythin' can happen to you until it does. Before that it's just other people."

Olivia seemed to be thinking on that. She wasn't looking up anymore, just straight ahead at some unseeable thing in the distance.

"Can you ever go back there?" Amanda asked. Olivia turned to her with a slight frown so she added. "The other New York. Can you go back?"

"After?"

"Yeah. After that. When you're hurt."

"No," Olivia said.

"That's pretty damn sad," Amanda's hands were starting to sting from the cold. And her nose. She crossed her arms. "And I don't agree."

Olivia's laugh surprised her.

"You never even knew about the other New York until just now."

"Sure I did, little miss philosopher," she said. "It's called childhood. Innocence. Everyone's been there."

"Not everyone."

"Most people then," Amanda sighed. She stood up, and tried to move on the spot a little to bring some warmth back.

"You're cold," Olivia said. "We should go."

"I'm happy to walk a little more, it's just all this stayin' still."

"Sorry for getting so morose," Olivia shrugged.

"Don't be. I started you off."

They made their way back to the busy street without really talking about it, meaning this was it. This was over, whatever it was. Night time philosophy with Olivia Benson. Cynicism 101. But Olivia hesitated before waving down a cab.

"You really believe that, don't you?"

The question confused Amanda for a second before she thought back and back, and settled into the groove of what they'd been talking about. Arguing? Disagreeing.

"Look, I'm no idiot," she said back. "I know some damage is there to stay. But not everything gets the life sucked out of it, Olivia."

"Where…" Olivia seemed to be searching her face for it, this other place. "Where is it?"

"It's there, ok? It's right in front of you," she said, but her insides hurt a little because Olivia wasn't looking away. "Even if you can't go back and live in your so-called other New York, it's not like you don't get a glimpse of it every now and then."

"And the tooth fairy," Olivia said, smiling a little.

"Yeah, and your goddamn immortal puppies too."

Olivia's laugh made her face look completely different. The smile that followed gave her eyes an extra something that Amanda couldn't name. A look that lingered. There was a moment then, something small that made Amanda aware of how fast her heart was beating and of the pulse in her temple that began to throb. Olivia licked her lips. Swallowed.

"Pretty philosophical for a Tuesday night," she said. Amanda felt herself blush, grateful for the dimness of the streetlights.

"Yeah," was all she could manage back.