Quinn lay on the sofa and looked out the window, now and then throwing a look up at the clock. She reached for her phone and for a second she thought about sending Santana and Brittany a message, telling them she wasn't feeling well, which was not far from the truth. She put the phone back on the table and let out a breath. She couldn't back down – she needed to get it off her chest. She only hoped that after what she had come out to them, their friendship wouldn't be changed, or even worse: over.
A knock on the door broke her reverie. Her stomach was filled with thousands of butterflies when she got up and headed for the door. In the hallway she stopped and looked at herself in the mirror. She wore a simple white tanktop and sweatpants. Her hair was pulled back into a pony-tale. She was surprised at how calm and collected she looked on the outside.
Another knock on the door caused her to flinch. It wasn't too late to call the whole thing off. She didn't think she would be able to muster the courage to tell them if she didn't do it right away. Postponing it further would only create more of a turmoil inside her, make the burden of keeping it a secret to feel heavier on her shoulders.
She opened the door and was met with an impatient-looking Santana and a smiling Brittany.
"Hi", she greeted, stepping aside and allowing Santana and Brittany entry.
"Hi, Quinn," Brittany said, smiling. "About time," Santana muttered, as she followed Brittany inside. "So, spill – what was it you wanted to talk about?" Santana didn't waste any time once she had gotten seated on the sofa.
"San... this is serious. I really need to get this off my chest," Quinn said, feeling the plague of butterflies in her stomach. Both of them caught the tone of her voice and she nodded, understanding that Quinn was serious about whatever it was she needed to tell her.
"You two are the only ones I could talk about this to..." Quinn began, sitting down in the chair opposite them. "If my family knew what I'm about to tell you, they'd never want to see me again," Quinn said, closing her eyes as she fought back the tears that threatened to show.
Santana seemed like she finally got something. It was like a light-bulb went off over her head and she looked conspiratorially at Brittany, who seemed to be on the same page as her.
"Quinn, you can tell us," Santana and Brittany looked at her worriedly, sending her a comforting and encouraging smile, that Quinn couldn't help but respond to.
"I've been so torn – confused... And it's been so hard to keep this all to myself... I don't want to lie to my friends, my family, but I fear that if I come out..." she didn't finish the sentence. She recalled the long night she had spent lying awake in her bed, the agonizing feeling that she got whenever she lied to her friends who asked if everything was OK.
Quinn let out a breath and steeled herself to continue. "I've come to a conclusion about myself and who I am. It's been a gradual process, and I've finally come to terms with who I truly am. In the beginning I went to the library to look some things up in the books there, but I think my mom knows the librarian so I didn't dare to borrow anything... Then I checked online and did some research there." Quinn took a short pause and let Santana and Brittany take everything in.
"I might not be ready to yell it out in school, but I don't want to keep this a secret from you two," Quinn continued. She looked at her two friends, who had listened intently to her every word, and smiled when she saw the look of understanding on their faces.
"I'm just a little nervous that you will look at me differently once you know," Quinn went on, mentally preparing herself to say out aloud, for the first time, what she had only dared say in her own head ever since it became clear to her.
"Quinn... you will still be the same and Brittany and I will still be your friends no matter what happens." Santana said matter-of-factly. "Yeah, Quinn, San and I will always be there for you," Brittany chimed in, holding onto Santana's hand. "Quinn, Brittany and I have gone through exactly what you are dealing with now," Santana continued, looking at Brittany and squeezing her hand.
Quinn blinked, slightly puzzled and confused by Santana's statement. "You have?" she asked, looking from Santana to Brittany. "San can be really perceptive about these things," Brittany said proudly, resting her head against Santana's shoulder. "I'm glad that you've finally figured out who you really are. Brittany and I have been waiting for you to come to terms with this," Santana said, relaxing into the touch of her girlfriend.
"Thanks... Eh, What?" Quinn wasn't sure in what direction her two friends were going with their comments. "We've seen the way you and the midget look at each other, but I never thought you'd finally come around and figure it out for yourself," Santana said, with Brittany nodding and smiling at everything in agreement. "Her name is Rachel, San," Brittany corrected, to which Santana just shrugged. "Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if you and Rachel could give each-other lady-kisses too?" Brittany mused, a dreamy look on her face.
Quinn felt herself at a loss for words at first, but finally managed to find her voice.
"What? No, that's not what... - I'm an atheist."
