A/N: Hey there, guys. Just another oneshot I'm posting to keep my creative juices flowing for There You'll Be and Six Years Ago Today (I'm having a bit of writer's block with There You'll Be, so if any of you have any suggestions as to where the story should go PLEASEEEE feel free to e-mail me). So this is a quick Post-Undercover oneshot. Definitely not my best writing and it's rather short, but hey, it's something right? Enjoy!
P.S. Go check out my new EO video, "Lost". The URL is on my profile. :D
-Natalie :)
Summary: Elliot Stabler is my partner and best friend, but he will never know what happened to me in the basement at Sealview because I don't plan on telling him.
Disclaimer: If I owned SVU, Chris Meloni would be wearing those same ultra-tight shorts he wore in Gym Teacher: The Movie in every episode of SVU. ;D
"What happened in the basement?"
I look over at Elliot, shocked that he's so blunt. His question is echoing in my ears. What happened in the basement? Everything I stand against, that's what. He's staring intently at me, waiting.
I want to tell him, I do. But I can't. He's my partner and my best friend, but ever since that Gitano case, his words have been stuck in my mind like a bad pop song.
I can't be looking over my shoulder making sure you're okay.
I take a short breath before finally answering his question.
"Nothing. I'm fine, El."
I feel a stinging deep in the pit of my stomach knowing that I lied to him. I hate lying, but lying to Elliot kills me. I see him still staring at me and I can tell he knows something happened. But as long as he doesn't know what that something was, we'll be okay.
Elliot squints his eyes at me, scanning them over my face and upper body. I roll my eyes, fully aware that he's trying to search for damage. I turn back to the paperwork on my desk, deciding to simply ignore him.
We're both silent for a while until I hear him finally speak up.
"Don't lie to me, Liv."
My eyes widen slightly and my head shoots over to look at him. His eyes are fixated on the bruise on my cheek, where Harris had beat me countless times in a matter of minutes. I feel tears pressing at the back of my eyes as I remember what really happened in the basement. Quickly, I swallow them back, knowing that if I show any sign of emotion, Elliot will know what I went through at Sealview.
I watch, confused, as Elliot brings up his hand and brushes the bruise softly with his thumb. I wince briefly, the bruise still being very painful, but soon I exhale a breath once I'm accustomed to the feeling of his skin on mine. I'm truly surprised at his gesture. He's never been so gentle...not with me anyway.
In all the years I've known Elliot Stabler, we've rarely had physical contact. Other than the hug we shared after Eli was born, the only contact we'd ever had was the occasional brushing of fingers as a file is being passed or a comforting pat on the back; it's a standard, sort of platonic touching. But the way he was gently stroking my cheek was definitely not standard.
I feel my eyes shut and I unconsciously lean my face against his thumb. Those tears that were pressing at my eyes have returned, except the burning is stronger. I shut my eyes tighter, hoping to push them back. I'm not going to let Elliot see me cry. I can't.
I abruptly turn my face away from him and focus my eyes on my desk. I'm thankful when my hair falls in my face, covering the bruise and the single tear that is now streaming down my cheek, which I quickly brush away with a finger.
Elliot doesn't say anything and I feel his eyes boring a hole into the side of my face.
"Olivia...what happened?"
He's emphasizing every word and I know that he's desperate for answers. I want to tell him so badly, but I can't. I cannot, will not, have him think that I am weak. That I can't handle myself without him.
Elliot is searching my eyes, looking for any sign that I'm going to tell him what happened. Worry and disappointment are evident on his face when he realizes that I don't plan on telling him.
I shake my head and meet his eyes. "Nothing."
"You're lying," he whispers. "Something happened."
"Nothing happened, Elliot. Drop it," I tell him, once again turning to face my desk.
I feel Elliot's hand on my arm, gently tugging on it so I'll face him. "Olivia," he says, trying to make me meet his eyes. He ducks his head slightly, trying to force me to look at him. I finally do.
"You can tell me. What happened in the basement?" His brow is furrowed and I can see the hurt in his eyes caused by my refusal to give him any answers.
I begin to shake my head. "Nothing," I repeat, slightly more forceful. Elliot cringes slightly at my harsh tone and a wave of guilt washes over me. God, I hate lying to him.
I'm not exactly sure how long we stay in this position- Elliot kneeling before me, his hand gently gripping my forearm- but it feels like hours. We don't say anything or dare to move and I can tell Elliot is praying that I'll tell him, confide in him.
"Why won't you tell me?" he asks suddenly, in barely more than a whisper.
I close my eyes, not wanting to answer. I can't tell him the real reason, that his words from almost two years ago are still haunting me, because knowing Elliot, he'll blame himself. He's been so happy recently with Eli that I couldn't live with myself knowing that I ruined that happiness.
I swallow back the lump in my throat, feeling guilty that I'm about to lie to him again. "There's nothing to tell."
"Jesus, Liv, would you stop lying to me?" Elliot states angrily as he stands up, breaking the contact I'd been reveling in.
I open my mouth to answer, but he cuts me off before I can say anything.
"Don't tell me nothing happened, Olivia. Fin told me Harris had his pants down when he got there," he says, staring down at me.
I turn away from him and mutter a curse under my breath. When I turn back to face him, he's kneeling before me again and his face has visibly softened.
"Please, Liv," he says softly, reaching out to grasp my hand. "Tell me what happened."
I shake my head for what seems like the millionth time that day. "I'm fine, El."
"That's bullshit and we both know it," he says with a scoff.
"Elliot, please," I pause, closing my eyes. "Just drop it."
Even from behind my closed eyelids, I can see him analyzing my actions. I can tell that his brow is furrowing and he's deep in thought. When I open my eyes, I see that I was right. He leans in a bit, examining my demeanor and suddenly, his face flushes in realization.
"Liv...did he- did he rape you?"
From the corner of my eye, I see his jaw clench tightly as he waits for me to answer. I decide to tell him the truth...just not the entire truth.
"No."
I feel his tense body relax beside me and he exhales a long breath. He's still staring at me, expecting me to say more, but I don't. He cocks his head to the right a bit and squeezes my hand softly, hoping I'll look at him.
"Did he hurt you?"
I look over at him and nod a bit. "He smacked me a few times. Nothing big," I say with an unconvincing shrug.
I watch as his eyes continue to search my eyes for any sign that I'm lying.
"You can stop staring," I say softly.
His eyes drop from my face to our interlocked hands. I'm not sure whether he's embarrassed or ashamed, but he seems very uncomfortable. He stands and I sigh as I feel his hand pull away from mine.
"You want to go grab some dinner?"
I look at up at him and notice that he's trying to recover a semblance of our once-healthy relationship. I look down at my desk pensively, realizing that there's no way we can go back to what we once were. Finally, I look back up at him.
"I'm not really that hungry," I tell him honestly. I haven't eaten or slept properly since before I went undercover and ever since the whole basement ordeal, it's only gotten worse.
I see hurt flash across his features and he digs his hands into his pockets roughly, nodding. I let out a sigh and look back up at him.
"I do need a ride home, though."
His eyes shoot down to meet mine and the corners of his lips curl up into a small smile and I can't help but to return that smile.
"I'll go bring the car around."
After watching him retreat to the elevator, I shut my eyes and let out a sigh.
Elliot Stabler is my partner and best friend, but he will never know what happened to me in the basement at Sealview because I don't plan on telling him.
Ever.
