Chapter one: Actions

"Yes I remember"

"When you get to safety I want you to radio me and tell me that story" Kate never took her eyes off of sawyer, his face now screwing up into that tell tale frown, some thing was really wrong. Kate had come to associate those lines in his brow with something serious. He always glared, that was true but that stare, that look he was giving her now, that meant something deeper. They were free now, they had their ticket out of here, yet he was looking at her as if she was a traitor, like he hated her, and she couldn't stand it. They could be free, she needed to be free, and she knew he did too, then what was wrong? Why were his eyes telling her otherwise? Looking at him now it was hard to see the man he had been yesterday, caring, sensual and loving. It was a side of him she knew was there but had never seen. Kate took great pride that it had been her to make him show his sensitive side. And how he'd held her after they made love was perfect. The sex- it was primal, they both knew that. The need to be close to each to another person, to feel human again, that final exchange proved that it was more though, there was raw emotion behind it, feelings they shared, that neither could keep to themselves any longer. And he'd said it hadn't he "I love you too", he really did feel it. And he said it. Sawyer, the man who took joy in shooting a bear and who used all his macho bullshit to push people away, that man had truly opened up and showed himself to her, it was amazing. But here they were, just a few minutes after they'd woken in each others arms, a look of hatred in his eyes.

"I can't, I can't" she blared down the walkie. "I can't leave you". Was she still talking to jack? He didn't know. Her eyes were still on him, piercing his, like she was trying to give him some kind of message, a reassurance that this display of pure emotion was for him, not jack. Not the man everyone knew she felt something for. Not him. Anyone but him. If it had been anyone else he'd have taken this as part of her selfless nature, the need to keep everyone safe, but was it? Maybe she felt more for Jack than she did him. I mean, look at the comparisons; the doc is the good guy, he helps people, as far as the islanders are concerned he's their goddamn hero, how could he compare to that? How could the low life murdering con man compare to that? She said she loved me. That's enough. He told himself. Twice. Twice she'd confessed her feelings, once with words the other with the most sensual kiss he'd ever experienced. But maybe, maybe it was just the intensity of the situation, what if she was only showing this cause she thought he'd be dead. Cause she wouldn't have to deal with it. With him. Still he held her gaze, trying to read her. "DAMN IT KATE RUN"
She just stood there, frozen. She dropped her eyes from sawyers, he was questioning her, she could tell that from here and it hurt her. She needed to talk to him, explain her reaction to jack, that she wasn't crying for him, for the doctor being kept in reasonably good conditions, the man who refused to help her save sawyer. Did the freedom extend to him? Would Pickett let sawyer leave in exchange for Ben's life? "Jack" she screamed down the radio "Jack come back…JACK? Jack answer me…JACK???" she could feel his eyes on her; she could picture the pain in them, but she needed to know if he was free too, free to run along side her- with her, if only he could trust. All she heard was static. She wasn't going to take this risk. She couldn't leave. Not without him, the times they'd been separated, the feeling in the pit of her stomach when Pickett had pulled him from her, it nearly killed her. She wouldn't go through that again. Raising her elbow to shoulder height she launched it over her right shoulder, feeling the crack as it connected with her captors face. Tossing the radio aside she launched herself at the gun that had slid across the cage floor, the site of such happiness only hours previously. Picking it up she turned to face Pickett, who still had his own gun trained on sawyers head. The next crack she heard was one of a gunshot, echoing throughout the jungle, the sound of what she had just done rebounding off the cage bars to her ears, a ringing reminder her actions.

He watched her, the determination in her face grow as she mustered the force to knock out the other with the gun on her. As her elbow smacked into his face he could see the regret almost immediately flare within her, if time wasn't so brief here he would have sworn she'd have stopped and helped him up, apologize and explain, instead she leapt across the cage grasping the handgun with both hands. He wanted to stop her, he so wanted desperately to save her from the torment the next second's decision would cause her, take the responsibility for himself, but it was too late. He turned to the man at his side, just in time to see Pickett's falling form. No longer a man, simply a body, lost of all that makes a person human, all emotion and all spirit. Sawyer felt no regret, this was probably better than what his life could have been, the man had lost his wife, the woman he loved. What could anyone's life truly be like after that? Sawyer lifted his eyes to Kate, standing in the cage arm raised, a straight expression, she hadn't moved. Not an inch. She just remained, staring to where Pickett had been. Finger still squeezing the trigger. It's a good job that wasn't an automatic he thought, else there'd be a blaze of bullets flying right now. Then she broke. Her face scrunching into one so wrought with emotion he thought she'd explode, he waited for the tears, for his sign that she was approachable, that he could comfort her without being pushed away. Instead she walked over to the bars, sliding down them and clinging to her knees. Stifling her sobs into the already soaked denim of her jeans. Sawyer entered the cage with no concerns for letting too much of himself be shown, how she felt about him no longer mattering, how she felt about jack not important, he didn't care about anything other than making her better, bringing back the strong Kate, the Kate that would save them both. He needed her, but for now she needed him more. He bobbed down infront of her. Taking her hands from her legs and holding them in his, thumbs stroking the back of her wrists. "Freckles, shhh" he heard the sadness in his own voice and loathed himself for being so weak, he felt her hands grasp for his. Tightening her grip. "I ain't leavin freckles. Come on now, that son-of-a-bitch got what was coming to him, shoulda known better than"
"Don't" she interrupted, a broken whisper from within her own tight embrace.

She'd shot him. She didn't understand how she could be so remorseless, so uncaring. She had taken a mans life, another man who would never take another breath because of her, yet she felt no real regret, as far as she was concerned she'd done what she had to. What was needed. She hated being so cold, the type of person who could obliterate a soul and feel nothing but the gentle dripping of the rain, running down her face and off onto chest. Or were they tears. She knew nothing, stood there arms still holding the gun upright. Towards the space that should have been occupied by a life, but was empty nonetheless. As she slid down the bars she felt only relief. Sawyer was alive. Stood there with a more creased face than she though possible but breathing, she watched intently as each breath was drawn into his lungs and slowly released. He was alive, burying her face in her jeans she allowed herself to let go, to release all the emotion she felt at the past few minutes. He could have been gone, left her alone forever, instead she'd killed another. She felt him close to her; she could feel his breathing, and the essence he brought with him, that electricity that surrounds him. Like an aura. Suddenly he was holding her arms, soothing her tears. Telling her Pickett had deserved to be shot. No one deserves to be shot.
"Don't". She heard him release the air he was holding in a controlled sigh, one not loaded, just him changing tact. "Let's go", gentle pulling on her arms he raised them both to standing, and his hand on her chin raised her eyes to his. "Come on baby." Kate looked around her, tentively at the bars, this was where she deserved to be, caged and controlled. A murdered belongs behind bars. Pleading him with her eyes, she knew she couldn't leave- she wasn't strong enough.

Sawyer saw in her eyes that she couldn't make it out. She was exhausted, in all manners of the word. He scooped her up into his arms, holding her close and resting her head under his chin, feeling her bury herself in his neck. He made toward the door. He could get her out of this camp, but after that was mystery. All he knew was that he had to get her safe, if it took all his will.

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