Invasion of the battery eating penguin by Truro

Little Tokyo is a city of progress and tradition. Where the old meets the new. Speaking of new; Hello! I'm the storywriter! Unfortunately, the narrator couldn't be with us, due to tragic circumstances-

I couldn't afford to pay him a wage packet.

Anyway, we start this chapter at night, where Speedy, Guido and Polly, are giving the pizza parlour its pre-bedtime cleanup. Starring up at the stars, out through the windows can get one's mind to wonder. Well, not mine course. I get mentally stimulated by listening to a bit of S Club.

"I see the storywriter's tastes are no better, than the narrator." said Guido. What do you know; you're just a cartoon character!

"The moon sure looks bright, tonight." Said Polly, "Almost makes me want to sing." she made a quick grab for the tails of the tomcats who were trying to get away, before she burst into song,

"Where do you think you're going?" she growled.

"Just down to the pharmacists!", Speedy blurted,

"Yeah! The kids next door are always playing rap music, and keeping us up, so we thought we'd get some ear plugs!" added Guido,

"You honestly expect me to believe that?! What kind of bimbo do you think I am?!"

"The really scary kind?"

The cry of "Wrong answer!" pierced the night, almost drowning out the sound of a feminine fist forcing its way into Speedy's mouth."

Francine entered the ring, with a mop and bucket,

"Hey, that cloud looks like its moving pretty fast." Nice way to break it up! The other three gazed out of the doors to look at the fast moving cloud. Well it was moving quite fast, considering that there was no wind.

"Maybe it's got a hot date." Guido suggested,

"Wait!" said Speedy, "I have the answer! Even Michel Fish couldn't come up with an explanation as good as this!"

The others gave him their full attention. Waiting in anticipation, for the end of the sentence-

"Aliens!"

Their expressions turned blank.

"Your explanation for everything is aliens." said Polly, "Lucile turns you down- you blame aliens. No one sends you a Valentine-its aliens. That time we used a whole roll of toilet paper in one day- aliens again."

"Well WE didn't use it all. Unless Guido has an embarrassing habit he wants to talk about."

"Don't be disgusting!" squealed the blue samurai, burning red in the face.

Meanwhile, before my jokes get stale, we move over to the plush chamber of the Big Cheese.

"Honestly, how amateurish!" groaned the cheese, "Putting my appearance so early in the story! How can my revelation shock the audience, at this early point?"

"To be honest Seymour, I think the readers would have guessed that we were the ones behind the whole scheme anyway." said Jerry, "Unless the writer actually has the imagination to create a new boss character, instead of just recycling the ones from the old video game."

"And this is the writer we gave up the animator for? What kind of idiot is directing this thing?!"

Jerry decided not to insult him, by answering.

"How's construction of the Deluxe Ultimate Mega Big Awesome Secret Superweapon progressing?"

"Project D.U.M.B.A.S.S. is progressing slowing, my lord." said the old crow, "We still need explosives and a power source. Remember, this behemoth will need a lot of energy, in order to operate at maximum efficiency."

"In that case, Bad Bird can pick up some batteries, in the morning." The boss looked upwards, to the perch of Bad Bird; the greatest ninja in Little Tokyo, and the strongest warrior the Big Cheese commanded.

"It'll be my pleasure." He said calmly.

Next morning, Speedy faced a great dilemma. A dilemma that was eating him up inside, and driving him to the brink of madness-

"You've been in the bathroom an hour, Guido! It's my turn!"

"Suddenly love, comes calling…Love comes falling…"

"And stop that singing!"

In frustration the white wonder stormed off to the ironing board. A cheesed off Polly slammed the coffee pot down onto the table, as Speedy struggled to prop up the ironing board.

"Hurry up in the shower Guido!" she squawked, "I still have to wash my hair!"

"Suddenly love comes yearning…Love comes burning…"

"AND STOP THAT SINGING!"

"What are you so moody about?" asked Speedy, gruffly

"I didn't get my nine hours of beauty sleep." said Polly, "Two drunken idiots came through my bedroom, doing a conga line."

Speedy blushed, "It was on our route…"

The squeaky clean Guido came out of the bathroom, drying his long black hair. Speedy and Polly jumped for the bathroom (Speedy trapping his fingers in the ironing board), wrestling like a dog and rabbit, battling it out for the phone. Slamming the door, Polly proved victorious.

The angry Speedy returned to his steam less ironing.

"There's nothing like a long cool shower to make you feel like a new man!" Guido boasted, "Of course a facial scrub, and ten face washes are all part of the treatment."

The iron was about to be smashed into the smooth talking Cats face, when Francine burst in.

"Al Dente's on the line" Hurry up everyone!"

The four cats were gathered round the monitor. Al Dente's image appeared in the web cam box.

"There's a giant penguin knocking over convenience stores all over the city."

"Convenience stores? What does he need all those groceries for?" asked Francine

"That's the strange thing." Said the canine Bushi, "All it's been taking are batteries."

"Sounds like he's going a little too far." said Speedy, "I mean, I'm addicted to my Game Boy too, but I don't go through that many batteries."

"You did when Pokemon first came out." said Guido, his hair still dripping,

"Where is it now?" asked Polly wrapped in a towel, "The sooner we stop this monster, the sooner I can have my shower."

"It was last seen in the Eastern shopping district, heading towards the Southern district."

"Alright!" cried Speedy, "Let's fry this penguin, and be back in time for breakfast!"

The sounds of the pizza cat launcher thundering in the distance, were unheard, by Bad Bird (no rhyme intended).

The Pizza Cats arrived on the scene. The giant Penguin was stuffing its beak with AA batteries, as if they were California raisins.

"Wow, he's worse than Polly, with chocolate…" Speedy was cut off by Polly's boot flying down on his tail.

"Damn! It's the pepperoni brigade!" said Bad Bird, "Calling all ninja Crows! Hold then off, while I finish by battery run!"

A latch on the Penguin opened up, and as it sped down the road, a flock of Ninja Crow's flew out.

The trio just stared blankly, "Why am I not surprised?" moaned the still dripping Guido,

"Because the storywriter has no imagination." Polly answered.

Speedy soon perked up, "Hey, now we can have some fun! Lets kick some tail feather!" and drew Binky; the overworked and underappreciated partner blade of the Magical Ginzu Sword, charging towards the birds.

Polly scratched one with her £7.00 Manicure, and leapt onto the roof of a small house, kicking off another crow, leaning into a graceful back flip, before slashing her claws down on the unfortunate bird.

Guido parried a sword blow, with his open Parasol, and did a quick repost, knocking his adversary away. As another ninja tried to jump him from behind, he hopped out of the way, spun around in midair and launched a kunai ninja dart at the attacker

Speedy loudly carved his way through four ninjas, before coming to a crossroad. A larger flock of Ninja Crows were flying towards them, and there were three routes they could take- One straight ahead, one through the subway tunnel, and one over the rooftops.

"I call the high road!" said Polly, jumping up onto the tobacco store roof,

"Dips on the low road!" said Guido running down the stairs,

"Great. Leave the big flock of insane ninja birds to me." Moaned Speedy, "This isn't my day."

He raced towards the crows, beginning to sweat, from the earlier clash. Suddenly, like an angry feline with a frying pan, an idea struck him!

"Polly, I didn't get something I should have got this morning!"

Polly turned red, "We can't do that here, in front of all those prying eyes!"

"Can't do what? I'm talking about my shower."

"Oh." Polly was defiantly embarrassed, "What does that have to do with any of this?"

"Elementary my dear Polly. Body odour can send anyone running!" And he raised his armpits, and ran towards the ninjas.

The unbearable pong had the Crows dropping like flies.

"Thank goodness for clothes pegs." Said Polly, sticking one on her nose.

They finally caught up with the robot. Guido resurfaced, from the subway, via the nearby entrance.

"And now for the best part." Said Speedy, emptying a couple of cans of deodorant

"The henshin?" asked the other excitedly, "The Henshin." The leader grinned. That's the usual introduction that they do in every episode. I believe in Japan such a role call is called a henshin.

"Oh Penguin!" Came Speedy's voice,

"Who could that be I wonder?" said the crow in the driver's seat

"Three guesses. The handsome ladies man in blue is your first clue."

"I'm the cute girl in pink. Clue number two. Love ya!"

"And your third clue is the master swordsman who dresses in white and leads the group."

"Aw great, the Samurai Pizza Cats! Who else?" groaned the bird,

"Wrong!" they chanted, "We're the Power Rangers!"

Bad Bird nearly fell out of his seat at the sheer stupidity of their statement.

"Very funny! Lets see how the handle the robots hover bombs!" pressing the button, Bad Bird activated the weapon system. Hovering UFO-like objects glided out of the shoulder pads.

"Aha! Aliens! I knew it! I knew that they were the source of the problem!" Guido bopped Speedy on the head,

"How does this have anything to do with that cloud?" he snapped.

The gliding bombs sailed down and exploded, just as our heroes leaped out of the way. More gliders emerged from the Penguin's shoulders, chasing the cats down the street.

"Are we losing them?" Speedy puffed,

"No they're still gaining on us!" Polly yelled, "These things are worse than my ex-boyfriend!"

"Our only chance is to get enough distance to do the Cat's eye slash, and finish the monster with one blow!" said Guido, cutting his hover engines and turning around, "I'll draw their attention! The rest is up to you Speedy!"

The blue samurai valiantly stood, holding out his umbrella, like a Knight's shield, bravely egging on the glider bombs.

"Polly! Give Guido some cover fire!" Speedy ordered,

"You got it! One extra large order of heartburn, coming up!" Polly stopped him her tracks, and tossed a barrage of heart-shaped ninja darts, obliterating a number of bombs. The ones that got away kept on course for Guido, who defended himself from the full force of the blasts with his Samurai Sunspot Umbrella.

At last, Speedy got enough distance. He leaped onto the rooftops, to get the right angle of attack.

"I don't want to waste all those batteries, but I'm sure all the Game Boy players in Little Tokyo would rather wait for a new shipment, than see the power behind the legendry handheld fall into the hands of evil!"

With a flash of lightning and a burning wave of fire, the mighty samurai warrior called forth his ultimate weapon; the Magical Ginzu Sword. The rest, you've heard time and time again, from the good old narrator.

"Oh no!" squawked Bad Bird "With all the batteries in this machine, not even the Big Cheese could survive the explosion! Eject! Eject!" he hammered the button, and was catapulted into the sky, where he flapped his wings like a man possessed.

As predicted, the explosion was pretty powerful. So powerful in fact that it blew the Pizza Cats all the way back to the Pizza Parlour.

"Well, I guess we'll skip the victory pose just this once." Speedy muttered before passing out.

"I don't believe it! Not only did we fail to get the power source, but we lost a perfectly good robot!" Seymour raved.

"Not to worry, my liege." Said Jerry, calm, and cold, "The Pizza Cats, may have won this battle, but the war is far from over. Project D.U.M.B.A.S.S. still remains a guarded secret. There are plenty of other power sources available in the city. Mark my words Seymour, the Samurai Cats are doomed, and nothing will be able to save them."

"That easy for you to say Jerry! You're not the one who had to fill out the insurance form, for the robot!" electricity sparked all over the Big Cheese's body, before a violent explosion filled the room.

Back at the restaurant-

"Actishoo!"

"Make sure you don't sneeze on the pizzas Guido!" Speedy teased,

"It's the bad guys fault." Moaned Guido, "Making me go out without even having time to dry my hair. It's no wonder I caught a cold. Couldn't they at least have waited until I got my hands on a hair dryer?"

For the answer to this and other useless questions, log on to the next chapter!

To be continued