Chapter One: Fruit Snacks
"Draco, darling, need I remind you of the time you spilt nail polish all over Blaise's hand-made scarf? Honestly, watch it!" After kicking Draco hard in the shin, Pansy wrinkled her nose delicately, layering a second coat of black nail polish on her middle finger. "Do be more careful, we both know how touchy he is about his crocheting habits."
Blaise looked up from his book, glaring fiercely. "I don't crochet, I knit."
Massaging his shin, Draco turned to a snorting Pansy. "Fucking hell Pans, I was only tapping my foot!"
She shrugged her shoulders. "The effects of your oh-so-important foot-tapping could lead to bloody murder by way of Blaise Zabini, embroider extraordina-"
Blaise smacked her arm, though much gentler than Pansy had kicked Draco. She flipped him off with her impeccably manicured finger. "Some people are so high-strung."
Draco rolled his eyes, flipping to the next page of Witch Weekly. He and Pansy had permanent subscriptions to every newspaper, cooking journal, and gossip rag available. Each week, they cleared the common room and indulged themselves in reading about sex, scandal, and the newest smoked salmon recipe. Blaise, however, preferred to study, drink black coffee, and generally be boring. They loved him for it, though.
'HOT FOR POTTER: Harry's first love!' the article read. 'Harry's view on dating, hair colour, and the perfect… BOYFRIEND?'
Draco nearly choked.
Many a girl has fallen for the heroic green-eyed Gryffindor… but was it all in vain? Violeta Longspring of Witch Weekly visited Hogwarts last weekend to score an exclusive interview with the Chosen One himself.
V: So, Harry, how are you doing today?
H: Well, I suppose!
V: Happy to have a break from classes? Particularly… Snape's?
H: Er, I'm happy to have some free time, yeah.
V: [laughs] Forever the peacekeeper. But is there anything occupying your free time? A girl, perhaps?
H: A girl? Well, I'm usually with Hermione and Ron, but it's not like that with either of them.
V: Either of them?
H: Yeah, we've just only ever been friends.
V: Are you open to dating anyone at the moment?
H: I suppose it depends on the person, doesn't it?"
V: Is that a yes?
H: Your words, not mine.
V: And at the exciting age of 16, is there anything else on your mind?
H: Like… Quidditch teams? I'm rooting for the Chudley Cannons, same as Ron-
V: [laughs] No, Harry, I'm talking about sex.
H: Oh.
V: Are you a virgin?
H: A vir- wait, what does this have to do with the interview "primarily focusing on wizarding sports"?
V: I take that as a yes.
H: Er…
V: Next subject, then. If you were to make a list, what would your perfect girl be like?
H Um, good at Quidditch…
V: You sure do like Quidditch.
H: That's why I agreed to an interview mainly about Quidditch.
V: Indeed. But first, back to romance. Blonde or brunette?
H: Blonde.
V: That was the most confident answer you've given this entire interview.
H: Well, blonde hair is an attractive quality.
V: And why is that?
H: When the light hits at a certain angle, it looks like an incorporeal Patronus… and right after the match ends, and everyone's just gotten off their brooms, how ruffled it is…
V: [laughs] Sounds like someone's got a crush. Give us a hint?
H: Er, I was thinking about veelas.
V: I may not be as big of a fan as you are, but I don't think veelas particularly excel at Quidditch. Just one detail about your mystery girl?
H: I'd rather not.
V: No one reads the side column…
H: They would if you wrote about Quidditch instead of this bullshit.
V: Harry, remember the Galleons we're donating to S.P.E.W. in exchange for this interview!
H: [sighs]
V: Yes?
H: I do fancy someone, but they can't possibly feel the same.
V: Impossible!
H: I'm positive.
V: And why are you infatuated with an attainable blonde?
H: I- it's complicated. It's the last possible thingI would've expected, but I've always seen something special, something vulnerable… I think I've always fancied him. Er, I mean, Lin. I fancy a witch named Lin.
V: Him?
H: …
V: Harry, this is big news! Are you gay?
H: So as I was saying, the Chudley Can-
V: But this is bigger than Dumbledore's elaborate coming-out party! Harry Potter, the Chosen One, in love with a boy?
H: I'm not in lo- I don't think-
V: Tell me, is he in your year? Or do you have your sights set on a platinum- silver fox?
H:What the fu-
V: Top or bottom?
H I-
V: Does this mean we can call you Harry Otter now? Or do you classify yourself as a twink?
H No-
V: Is the blond beauty queer too? Or is he missing out on a delicious fruit snack?
H: I don't-
The interview was cut short by a very aggressive red-haired boy, who burst into the room and hexed our journalist, reportedly shouting "Son of a witch!". Could it be a past lover of Harry's, heartbroken by that mysterious blonde? Only one thing is for sure: our Harry Potter Fan Club ladies don't stand a chance!
Draco dropped the magazine. He's talking about Seamus for sure. Every since he became a Beater, Harry hasn't left him alone… 'talking strategy', what rubbish. No wonder he takes so long to shower… Not that Draco kept track of that or anything.
"Something wrong, sugar?" Pansy asked, trying to appear concerned, but looking eager for a bit of juicy gossip (she found this week's articles to be a bit tame, almost no lesbian affairs).
"Potterrrrr," Draco moaned.
His friends shared a knowing look, and a smirk played on Blaise's lips.
"I just found out he's shagging that sandy-haired twat, Finnigan."
Pansy's eyes widened. "You're bloody joking! Fuck, I have to go tell Padma! Wait until everyone- oh, wait. Draco. Honey." She scooted towards him and put her hand on his shoulder, surprising gingerly. "Are you alright? How do you know?"
"Stupid fucking Witch Weekly!," he said hotly, handing her the issue. "And yes, evidently I'm just fine!"
Skimming the article, Blaise reading over her shoulder, her mouth quirked up a bit. "And you saw the name "Seamus" where, exactly?'
"Come on Pans, it's obvious!"
Blaise raised his eyebrows. "Draco, you can't possibly-"
Pansy smacked his hand under the pretense of re-retrieving Witch Weekly. Her eyes were dancing, though her mouth formed a straight line again. Draco didn't notice, he was busy staring out of the window forlornly.
"Well, now you can find someone new to fancy, like, mm… Theo. He has nice arms. And a good bloodline."
Draco's eyes flicked to Pansy's, sneering. "Yeah, that's exactly how it works. I just find another object of affection, and suddenly all of my problems are fixed. What does true love compare to biceps? Thanks Pans, I feel better already."
She looked as if she might cry, and Draco immediately felt bad. However, she was actually fighting to hold in her laughter. For a Slytherin, he was so bloody dense! Could he not read…?
"No need to lash out, love. Just trying to help. But you never know, 'true love' may be closer than you think."
Draco sighed dramatically, propping his elbow against the windowsill and gazing at the rain again. "The closest thing to true love I've ever seen is being in the same room as Blaise and his crochet hooks."
"Knitting needles!"
