LOL, WHAT DID I JUST WRITE. Oh, crack, how I miss you wonderfully.


Ash and his buddies Brock and Misty were walking down the side of a generic road with generic bushes, generically looking at the vast grass (hey that almost rhymes!) and trees. In the corner of his eye, Ash saw a tuft of blond hair and turned around. Regardless of being several hundred feet away, Ash was able to communicate, "Hey, Mister! Who are you?"

The above mentioned cowboy hat-wearing mister turned around with a creepily cheery face and rectangular glasses that, in fact, did not shine mysteriously when pushed up. "Hohoho, let's battle, ya shrimp!"

Ash looked dumbfounded. "Wh-what? I didn't even get to meet you-"

"Listen, dude," America said, walking closer and closer that always seemed faster in animation. "Let's just cut the crap, because obviously we're gonna battle and I want to be the hero faster, okay? Geez." Brock and Misty stared at the strange foreigner, stunned. "Wait a second, you're black, and you're a redhead, why are you guys in a Japa-"

"You're right! Alright, gooo, Pikachu!" Ash commanded energetically, pointing in front of him. The yellow electrical rodent raced in front of him, with a battle cry of "Pikaa!"

"CHINA, I CHOOSE YOU!" America screamed, also while pointing aimlessly in front of him, and out of nowhere an androgynous Chinese man with a black ponytail ran swiftly in front of him, shouting "aru!"

"Pikachu, use Thunder Bolt right now!" Pikachu's cheeks of tomatoes sparked with the intensity of a crowd during Black Friday in a Walmart, and let out a constipated groan of "CHUUUU!" China pulled out a huge piece of shu mai out of his ass, absorbing the harmful shocks of rodent-juice.

"China, finish off with Bootleg Pokemon Toy Production!" China nodded his head with a sharp "aru!" and pulled a plastic box, decorated with hot-pink stripes and red stars, and a picture of a Pikachu that had all the colors wrong. He stuffed the box onto Pikachu in a snap, trapping it into its polycarbonate doom.

Regardless of how much voltage Pikachu tried breaking the box with, Pikachu just ended up exhausting itself and fell over. America danced around, petted China softly, and said, "Great job, China! Let's eat! Not your weapons, of course." America then turned to Ash and his gaaang, and said, "Since I won, I think I should get something."

Ash stood, feeling hollow inside that he was defeated so easily! He defiantly said, "No! You cheated-China's not even a Pokemon!"

"Yeah he is! Why else would he respond to my commands?"

"You're cheating, Mister! What sort- aaachhk!" Ash yelped as he felt his backpack raided by grabby American hands. "No, don't take my Pokedex!"

"Crap, there's nothing in there!"

Brock screeched in horror when he felt an arm plunge into his bag. "No! Not those! I worked so hard to make those!"

"Great, you got the jelly-filled donuts! Let's go, China!" Ash, Brock, and Misty were too shocked to move as America and China ran off into the distance with scrumptious baked goods that curiously were made out of rice and seaweed.