"Ugh, I need a drink" Annalise mutters to herself as she walks out of the office building. Work this week had already been grueling and today she had a therapy session with Sam-Dr. Keating, she corrected herself. Sam? Needless to say, her brain was fried and she couldn't stand to go back to an empty apartment again. Tonight she just wants to forget. Didn't she at least deserve that?
Before she realizes it, Annalise is almost at PJ's, the bar her and Eve used to frequent. She considers turning around but she can already smell the comforting aroma of alcohol. The small smile that had crept up on her lips fades quickly once she walks in and she sees the pool table where they used to compete over who was buying that night. The sadness starts to well up again, but perseveres to the bar.
"Double shot of vodka. Keep 'em coming." She says to the bartender, barely able to make eye contact in case he saw how broken she felt. She downs the first shot immediately, ignoring the way it made her stomach turn. It's not long before she feels her head starting to spin. A familiar song begins to play and Annalise starts to hum along all the while smiling to herself as the liquid therapy begins to take effect. This feeling is her happy place. All of her stresses, her insecurities melt away until she feels nothing but the warm burn at the back of her throat.
As the sounds and lights begin to blur, Annalise absentmindedly spins on her stool to the beat until she feels an abrupt resistance as she is suddenly slammed up against a solid weight.
"Woah easy there," the man chuckles placing a hand on her shoulder to steady her as she teeters backwards.
"Mmm…" she hums placing a hand on his toned chest. Maybe this was the distraction she really needed. It had been a while. She hadn't been with anyone since her and Eve broke up. There had been some flirting between Sam-Dr. Keating-and her, but it probably meant nothing. In fact it was probably all in her head. After all what would a man as charming and sensitive as him want with her, Anna Mae Harkness from the secondhand box.
"Hello?" the man asks again confused. "Are you okay?"
Annalise jolts suddenly from her train of thought before stammering out "not really" before she can even think to filter.
"Wanna talk about it?" he says looking down at her with kind eyes.
"Not really," she repeats this time smiling shyly back at the warm face across from her.
"That's okay. I can do the talking if you want." She laughs at how forward he is. It feels good to feel this kind of levity again, even if just temporarily. As he continues talking she looks warmly at him. After weeks of therapy sessions, it felt so good to just be the one sitting back and taking it all in. It's only when he catches her eye and smiles that Annalise realizes she has been staring at him the entire time. Embarrassed, she quickly glances away only to see Eve just sitting down with another woman.
"Sorry, I gotta go." She blurts to the guy, cutting him off mid sentence as she bolts for the bathroom. Maybe Eve hadn't seen her.
In the bathroom she splashes some water on her face as she tries to plan her escape. Faced with her reflection in the mirror she suddenly becomes aware of how tired she looks. Why were the lights in bathrooms always so goddamn bright? Desperately she wipes at the bags under her eyes, only to let out a loud hiccup. She knew she would probably have to see Eve again, but why tonight. Tonight was supposed to be about escaping it all, not facing it, and like this: exhausted, drunk, and an all around mess. The first couple weeks after she left Eve she had dressed immaculately, trying to compensate for her inner state by at least looking put together on the outside. But she had already cried off most of her makeup at therapy earlier that day while Eve on the other hand looked stunning as usual.
And who was Eve with? Annalise felt so silly for all of the nights she had laid in bed feeling guilty wondering if Eve was somewhere curled up all alone and hurting. How could she have been so naive, so stupid? Of course Eve had already moved on. There had never been a shortage of girls flirting with her and Annalise always felt Eve had settled with her. Why did she flatter herself with these lies, fantasies even, of Eve pining for her?
"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Annalise whispers as she hopelessly tries to fix her hair. She hears the door opening and without thinking she whips around only to be practically face to face with Eve.
"Oh," Annalise grunts as she turns back to the sink, decidedly staring down at her hands which she begins to scrub vigorously.
"Didn't think I would ever see you here again." Eve says with a tight lipped smile. "I had this crazy thought that you were avoiding me or something…"
Annalise flicks her eyes up to look at Eve in the mirror's reflection before feeling her eyes start to water. She quickly averts her eyes back downwards hoping that Eve hadn't noticed.
But Eve had. Feeling a little guilty for teasing Annalise, Eve shifts into her default mode of comforting Annalise, reaching her hand out for Annalise's shoulder before stopping herself.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come in here." Eve says lowering her hand.
"Eve," Annalise says as she turns around and presses her lips firmly to Eve's.
Eve can taste the liquor on her love's lips and hopes that Annalise doesn't taste the desperation on hers. She had thought about this for weeks after realizing she wasn't even sure of their last kiss. Now Annalise's hands are in her hair, on her back pulling her in deeper, deeper.
Eve pulls her lips away, still cradling Annalise's face in her hands so that their foreheads are touching. "I'm sorry. I can't..." she gasps trying not to let her emotions come pouring out.
Annalise pulls away abruptly and straightens up, smoothing her shirt down. "Yeah, you should get back to your girl before she starts to worry."
"Annalise…" Eve barely manages to get out, her voice breaking on the last syllable. She can tell Annalise is hurt so she reaches for Annalise's hand only for her to pull it roughly away.
"I was drunk. You were here. Don't overthink it, Eve." Annalise lashes out. Eve had never heard Annalise say her name with such menace and it felt like needles to her heart.
"Screw you," Eve chokes out as she storms off.
Annalise looks at herself in the dirty mirror once again. Why was she so fucking destructive?
She marches out of the bathroom and goes straight for the door.
"Hey are you gonna pay?" The bartender yells at Annalise as she hurries for the door. Instead of turning around, she just walks faster. She can't bear to see Eve's face again. That dumb hurt look she always got was so frustrating.
The bartender yells again, making her pause as she realizes how foolish she must look getting called out in front of the whole bar, but before she could turn around she hears Eve say "I got it."
It was all too much and she rushes out the door, but not before hearing the woman Eve was sitting with ask "Who was that, babe?"
Babe. The word rung in Annalise's ear and left a bitter taste in her mouth that no amount of vodka could wash out.