There are lots of things I love in this world. The hiss of an RPG launching from Kalina-Ann. The hollow sound a bullet makes when it hits a skull. The ergonomic grips on the Glock 4. The silence after my quarry is downed. I even love the thrill of the fight. I'm a consummate professional and a woman of the world. I eat demons for breakfast.
But loving a half-demon?
Not a damn chance.
This is why I'm equally puzzled and frustrated with Dante and Tess. Little things like these shouldn't bother me. But I can't shake the feeling that what they're doing is... strange. I want to say that it's 'wrong' and yet that doesn't seem to be the right word for it. It doesn't feel wrong. But it bothers me.
Dante probably thinks it's funny; that it's all a big joke all laid out for his entertainment. Something to fill the hours between jobs and demonic attacks. But Tess isn't like that. I know she's smart; probably smarter than me, even. She's sensible. She has plans and contingencies up the wazoo. She goes overboard to protect herself against demons and undue influences. So why the hell would she let him past her guard and play this ridiculous charade with a demon?
I've checked to see if she's under a spell but no dice - completely clean. I've laid down good money on a top-notch seer and bribed her familiar, to make sure that redhead isn't being influenced, and the results are always the same.
No potions.
No curses.
No spells.
No intervention of any kind of supernatural being.
I don't get it. How could she just let him in so freely? What does she get out of it? Does she even get anything out of it?
I mean, sure. Dante is handsome, if you like the demonic, I'm-a-hip-bad-boy type; annoying as hell, can't take anything seriously. No sense of shame, no concept of personal space. Teases the shit out of her, but I suppose that's better than his atrocious attempts at flirting. He's damn good in a fight, and has probably killed ten times more demons than I have. But he's still a demon.
The evil is in his blood. It's not a question of 'if' but a matter of when he will turn. I just cannot understand how Tess can't see that. Seeing the unseen is her thing. She can see auras, things nobody else can... except that.
And it's driving me insane.
Christ's sake, you wouldn't know it to look at them, either. We're all pretty fucked-up people, to be honest, us hunters. Making friends isn't something we're good at; Roy once said that the bunch of us 'don't how to people' and I actually agree. We've all got so much baggage and massive chips on our shoulders. Our relationship as partners and associates is based on marginal trust, snark and antagonism rather than anything nobler - I'm not a genius on social matters but I doubt it's the healthiest basis of a working relationship, let alone anything further. And those two are even more so problematic. Dante's a half-demon, a ticking bomb just waiting to go off and has his family issues. Tess won't admit it, but I know that she's afraid that she's one bad day away from a padded cell.
People like them don't act like morons because they fancy each other.
I honestly can't understand how Tess can be alright with it. He's a demon. It doesn't matter if he's half-human; it doesn't change what he is. I like him enough not to shoot him on sight now, but that's the extent of my sentiments for him. I can't feel anything more. I can't just ignore or forget what I've seen. What demons do. Things that most people can't accept as part of reality in their minds without going mad or sinking into despair. Demons destroyed my family. I hate them with every fiber in my body. It will never change. The very idea of having anything to do with even a half-demon, on an intimate emotional level, revolts me.
And yet Tess doesn't even blink an eye. When I confronted her with the issue, she seemed genuinely nonplussed; "I don't think it'd change anything about him if he wasn't" she said. I swear to God, I love her for her cool head but I almost want to slap her for the casual way she says stuff like that.
I don't know, maybe she's comfortable with situations like this because she's a witch or because her own father wasn't fully human either, and she deals so much with the restless dead and non-human entities. But I can't find her kind of tolerance in myself. I think about them, what they get up to, and I cringe. Especially the intimacy - I know what they do, neither of them is innocent. It feels wrong, on so many levels.
For fuck's sake, they don't even have the kind of relationship you'd call noble or romantic. There's no 'redeeming the monster' story with them. She's not... making him a better person, she's not his salvation - far from it. They're both just so obviously cracked it would be an insult to call this 'love'. Nero and Kyrie, those two have that kind of relationship. I trust Nero even less but at least he's making an effort. That's love.
Dante and Tess are not.
They have... something.
I don't know what to call this closeness they have. They're terrible. Those idiots annoy the shit out of each other. They snark and tease the other to death. It starts with endless amounts of sass (the fact that Tess can keep up with him is an impressive feat) and proceeds all the way to insults and arguing. They get angry, in ways they don't when it comes to others. Sometimes I'm sure that it'll be the last straw and someone is going in a grave. Dante could lose his temper at last. Tess can whip a curse out faster than a sharp shooter can draw, and Dante has suffered the brunt of them often enough. Not like it slows him down, though. Heh, as if anything slows him down!
But they never go through with it. A lot of hot air and an hour later, Tess has passed out next to him on the train ride back from some job out of town. They'll be back to cracking jokes like buddies and then bickering like they're married in no time.
Fucking idiot. As if a demon could ever be trusted. It's in their blood. It's never a question of 'if' it's just a matter of when.
But all the same, I envy them. It drives me crazy, but I do. This closeness they have. The liberties they take with each other. The trust. It's terrifying. How do they manage? All it would take is one bad day and it would become a disaster.
And yet here they are, being childish. Stubbornly avoiding to admit to anything. The idiots. I don't know why they do it. And I have it on good authority that this is not new. They've always been like this. Are they afraid of admitting anything, of dropping the charade? What could they be afraid of?
It isn't some kind of big secret.
She'll get angry and upset when he puts himself at risk, even though she knows there's nothing that can permanently hurt that damn fool. He'll laugh it off and that just makes her angrier. And Tess, with her infuriating do-or-die attitude, pays him right back. I enjoy watching him squirm when he's cornered but it's not funny when she does something insane and he panics quietly, trying to keep face. He snarks and keeps teasing her but this is literally the nicest I see him act.
Oh yes, Trish finds this all very entertaining. She's all too happy to be the third wheel in this theatre of the absurd they have going on. But then again, she is a demon, too.
I still don't trust them. It's maddening to sit there and watch them carry on, knowing what they get up to... and not feeling like it needs to stop. Because as strange as it makes me feel, as much as I find it unsettling... they're happy. I can tell. All the same, I worry about Tess. Witch or no, she's still human and I like having her around. She understands what it's like better than Dante or Trish.
I know what they're doing, but I'll be damned if I know how or why. They shouldn't work. By all rights they should hate each other.
I don't know why it isn't like that.
But I wish I did.