A/N: Woah, dang! It's me! How long has it been, a month or two? Well, I'm back with more tragic one-shots. Miss me? For those of you who have "Author Alert"ed me (all three of you) thanks!
This is kind of a sequel to my EdWin fanfic, "Goodbye". You can read it without reading "Goodbye", but it wouldn't hurt (and I love to see high hit numbers on my stories). Basically it is set post chapter 104 and how I think things could happen if the five sacrifices died but still saved the world (Aka that means Ed, Al, Izumi, Roy, and Hoenheim are dead). Hawkeye is the Fuhrer. (There are some military ranks mentioned, here is the FMA military ranks chart: .com/wiki/Military_Ranks )
This was written to a poem that I wrote during L.A. class under the very inattentive eye of my teacher. The prompt that I gave myself was, It only hurts when I'm breathing. Halfway through writing the poem I realized exactly how good of a angst Royai fic it would make. Three hours and a day after completing my math homework here we are.
(Here's the poem)
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
s It only hurts when I'm breathing. /s
Sometimes I forget to breath.
s Eating makes me sick. /s
I don't feel like eating today.
s I want to get out of here. /s
Sorry, I just spaced out.
s What's the point? /s
That sounds like a great idea.
s It feels like I'm drowning. /s
Great weather today, huh?
s Help me. /s
I'm fine.
I'm not a poet, can you tell?
FFnet is being a poo face, originally some of this text was crossed out for better effect. But it doesn't support text cross out (strikeout), so I'll be using html code instead. Hopefully you get the idea. If anyone knows how to strikeout text with FFnet please PM me.
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She entered her work early every day, not because she wanted to be at her job but rather, it was better than staying at home. Her loyal canine, Black Hayate, would have been her only reason to stay at home but her work allows work dogs.
She would always be the first in the desolate halls and would often greet the night shift workers on their way out. First she would collect the days paper work for herself and her fellow sub-ordinates. In her section the next to come would always be Kain Fuery, a meek little nerd who is surprisingly boring despite his epic name. He would always greet her with a smile and ask how she arrived before him. "How are you today, Fuhrer?" he would ask.
s "Help me." /s
"I'm fine." She would answer with a smile.
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Sometimes during her breaks she would grab her coffee and disappear to an abandoned part of the building. She would desperately gulp down the liquid til it burned her throat. To sooth the pain she would cease breathing. Her chest would stay still as long as possible until Hayate whimpered and she would draw a gasping breath that shook her frame. "Sorry," she would apologize to the small Shiba Inu.
s "It only hurts when I'm breathing." /s
"Sometimes I forget to breath." She would answer with a smile.
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During lunch her young, pretty secretary would bring her lunch. Chirpily she would tell the blonde Fuhrer what the brown sack contained before being dismissed for her own lunch.
Breda, Falman, Rebecca, Fuery, and even Havoc would come and join her later. They would smile and chat like the Colonel never had been there (technically Major General with the promotion, but he still would be remembered as the Colonel).
Sometimes she would pretend that her entire existence was not just an echo of him.
Sometimes she would pretend that everything was fine and smile with them.
Sometimes they would pretend that she was actually there with them and not lost in an echo.
They would ask her, "Why aren't you eating today, Ms. Hawkeye?"
s "Eating makes me sick." /s
"I don't feel like eating today." She would answer with a smile.
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Sometimes she would sit in her big cushy chair (there were perks to being Fuhrer after all) and gaze out the large two story window that over looked the city. Idly, she would thumb the scar tissue that had formed from when she was stabbed back in the tunnels, lost in thought. Often she wondered what would happen if she had not been wounded, would she have been able to save him? And at what cost, the world?
Long ago she had given up on blaming it on herself - she was too logical for that anyway.
But still she missed him. It hurt, goddammit, it did! She hardly ever considered suicide anymore, both she and Roy didn't believe in much besides themselves and their dreams. And her people needed her. They even wanted her as Fuhrer over a democracy.
Sometimes her secretary, or Breda, or Valman would interrupt her thinking. She would blink as she recollected her surroundings (office life seemed to due the senses).
s "I want to get out of here." /s
"Sorry, I just spaced out." She would say with a smile.
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Sometimes the Board would actually come up with something on there own. A miracle in itself that they didn't need her "gentle" prodding in the right direction to vote for the right decision. It was rare that they would think of something by themselves and thus they needed encouragement.
They would turn their smiling faces (some fake, but mostly real) at her as they showed her the bill, or proposed legislation.
s "What's the point?" /s
"That sounds like a great idea." She would say with a smile.
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Sometimes - when her bodyguards let her – she would take public transportation home. It was nice, to immerse herself in the people she fought for. The common people, united as one nation, but each with their own struggles. Every now and then someone would recognize hers. "Fuhrer Hawkeye!" They would gasp is admiration, the People's Fuhrer they called her. They had such blind faith in her to drag them from the muck their nation had created. It would tickle something in her heart, and she would laugh.
s "It feels like I'm drowning." /s
"Great weather today, huh?" She would say with a smile.
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Look, there she is now. The night shift workers are leaving the building as she enters. Her dog gleefully trails behind her barking at passing butterflies. Now she is collecting paperwork from her mailbox, she even gets her assistance's so he doesn't have to work as hard (she knows the feeling).
And now, here comes Fuery. "How'd you get here before me, again, Ms. Hawkeye?" He asks, surprised.
"I get up early." She answer with a smile.
And now, now, he'll ask her how she is. "How are you, Ms. Hawkeye?"
What she really wants to say is, "Help me."
But, she doesn't. Instead she swallows the truth and tells the poor, young man a comforting lie.
"I'm fine." She answer with a smile.