A/N: My first ever Buffy fic, and I hope I didn't mangle it too much. This scene just completely broke my heart, even though I knew it was coming, so this is what I wish would have happened instead. Read and Review!

"I want my life to be with you." Buffy had to work hard to hold back her tears, the look on Angel's face too familiar: it was the look he had when he knew he was going to do something he knew she'd hate.

"I don't." And for a moment, she believed him. It was one of the most horrible moments of her life, and that was saying something.

But something on his face belied his words. On the surface it was his usual determined, stoic mask, but underneath there was something else... something troubled and sad and selfish that begged her not to believe him.

"Angel..." She started, choosing her words carefully, "I know you think you know what I want. And maybe you're right, maybe one day I'll want a happy husband and a load of kids. Maybe I'll want a house and a normal life. And I know you think that means I won't want you."

"Buffy, I'm a monster. I can't even step into the sunlight. Why should you want anything more to do with me?"

"Because I love you."

"That doesn't make everything all right."

"No? Well who made this all your decision, huh? Who said you could just run off and leave me here? Angel, I lost you once, and it nearly killed me. I ran away, I tried to be normal... and I just ended up killing demons and saving the world all over again." She stopped, trying to gauge his mood. She'd never told him about her life between his loss and his return, just as he had never told her about his time in Hell. Aside from a brief talk they'd had once about Angelus, they barely spoke of their time apart at all. This was breaking their unspoken rule, and she wondered for a moment if that was why he suddenly looked so scared.

"Buffy, I can't do this any more. I can't be the man who pulls you out of the sunlight."

"But you're not the only freak in this relationship." She spat his former word back in his face. How dare he think so little of himself? She wasn't just some stupid little girl who couldn't look after herself. "I'm a Slayer; I'll never have a normal life. Everyone I love is in danger all the time - Willow, Xander, my mom, even Giles. What would happen if I had a normal, human husband? Someone every bad guy in Hell would be after, to hurt me? Someone who couldn't protect me from the dark when I'm weak? And kids? How could I save the world and protect my own children?"

Angel seemed to be at a loss on that one. She took advantage of his confusion, stepping forwards, placing a hand lightly on his chest, where his still heart rested, "We're a perfect match - I save the world, you save me." She nearly whispered this last, looking up into his eyes.

"One day, you'll want a man you can sleep with without costing him his soul." His voice was quiet, without the cast-iron determination of his pervious words. It was a tone of despair, of utter grief and defeat.

"So? You love me, I love you. Nothing else matters. We'll find a way around anything as long as we're together. One day we'll even save your soul... for good, this time. We can work this out."

She felt it; the moment his resolve crumbled. His broad shoulders slumped just a little, his arms came around her and clutched her as close as he could to his chest, close enough that it could have crushed a normal human's bones. "I'm not a good man, Buffy." He murmured into her hair, "I never was, even when I was human I was weak. You deserve so much more than me."

"I deserve to choose something about my future. And I choose you. Always."

She didn't feel the tears on her cheeks until he raised her head, his fingers under her chin. She could taste her own tears as he crushed his lips to hers, branding his very soul into her, sending a message into her heart that he wouldn't say out loud.

Always.