What if god existed? What if it's not just all a myth, a fable that people create to satisfy their need for an explanation? Bella might have believed, but Edward never did. Now, they both face the consequences.
AN: I don't believe in god. This is simple a "what if" story. (One-shot)
EPOV
Fire rages around me; flaming, licking, nibbling at my clothes. It scorches my flesh, transforming the soft, pink skin into an ugly black color. I slap the flames, taming them a little, but not stopping them completely. They can't be stopped, and I have only myself to blame for that. I'm in Hell: a torturous place where fire burns constantly, causing continuous pain.
Why am I here, you may ask. It took me a while to figure that out myself. You see, I was a fairly good person during my life. I studied hard, had a good paying job, and supported my wife and myself. I never did anything illegal: no drugs, bar fights, or even speeding tickets. I didn't hate on anyone, and, to the extent of my knowledge, nobody hated me. I loved my wife unconditionally, and never cheated on her. But I didn't believe in God.
For my entire life, I thought life was dictated by the choices you made. I met Bella, my wife, when she came into the hospital. We met, not because of fate, but because she decided to go ice skating. Then that idiot, James, (who had always had an unreasonable hate for Bella) decided to run into her, and she decided to come to the hospital to be checked out. That wasn't fate, it was just a chain of decisions…or so I thought.
I really should have listened to Bella. If I believed her, then I would be in heaven right now, sitting next to her, loving her with all my heart. I wouldn't be sitting in this God damned forsaken place, allowing fire to scorch my skin while I regretted my disbelief in God.
Suddenly, I see of a flash of light. A fire burning brighter than the rest grows from the ground where the light struck. A woman appears through the fire. I see her pale, bare feet, first, and then her silky legs. The hem of a white dress floats just above her knees. After her hips appear, I see the wings that flutter softly behind her arms. Finally, her slender neck leading up to her narrow, shiny face, a halo floating above. An angel, I realize.
Taking delicate steps, her feet dancing around the small patches of fire that were unable to move out of her way—though the majority of the fire had dispersed for her—she stops in front of me. With a wave of her hand, I stop burning. The relief I feel is amazing.
"Hello," she says.
I stay silent. If God punished me for not believing in him, he certainly would not want me to be talking to one of the beautiful creatures he created.
She studies me in my silence.
"Are you Edward Cullen?" she asks.
I contemplate answering for a minute. Would God be more angry if I degrade his angel with my voice, or if I ignored her? He would be upset if I insult her by ignoring her, I decide.
"Yes," I whisper, my voice raspy.
"Speak up, Edward, please. I can barely hear you."
Just a little louder, I repeat myself. "Yes."
She smiles, and it like sunshine in the middle of a dark pit.
"I came from heaven."
I want to say, "Obviously. Where else do angels come from?" but I hold myself back, and allow her to continue.
"My father sent me. I'm his only daughter, and I was in a rush, so I apologize for my attire," she says, waving at her outfit.
"You don't normally dress like that?" I ask, unable to stop myself.
"Oh, no!" she exclaims, as if it was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. "Of course not. This is formal attire—only worn for meetings with my father."
"Your father?"
"Oh! Right," she says. "You don't know him. God. God's my father."
And then, it didn't matter how beautiful she was, how her voice flowed, or how she seemed like she was one of the nicest girls I had ever met. Her father was God, and that meant that her father was the reason that I wasn't sitting next to Bella right now.
She watches my eyes fill with rage, uncontrollable rage ready to burst. She's calm, even though she knows I'm about to go all crazy on her ass. Maybe it's because she knows that her father would make Hell five times more torturous if I do. Realizing that this, I calm myself down, taking deep breaths.
"Are you okay?" she asks, as if nothing happened. As if she didn't know that I was about to freak out. As if she didn't know what her father had done to me.
"Yes," I reply, my voice strained. It comes to my attention that most of my part of the conversation was just the word "yes", but I couldn't bring myself to care. Her father was God, and she didn't deserve anything more from me.
"So, like I was saying before, my father sent me to give you a message."
She pauses for a moment, and searches my face. She wants me to say something, I realize. I don't want to, so I stay silent. After a moment, she continues.
"Bella has been asking for you—"
I cut her off at the first mention of Bella. She knows my wife. I need to know how my wife is doing. "Bella? Is she okay? How is she?"
"She's fine. Like I was saying, she was asking for you—"
"What? If she's fine, then why is she asking for me? Are you sure she's okay?" I sound panicked, but I don't care. I had to know why Bella was asking for me.
"Edward!" she exclaims in annoyance. "Will you fucking let me finish?"
I flinch. No wonder I was in Hell. I was so horrible that I managed to make an angel so angry with me that she cussed. I stay silent and let her finish.
"She was asking for you because she misses you, okay?" Her tone is still annoyed. "My father told me to tell you that he'll give you a second chance with Bella."
"What? Why?"
"He is quite enamored with her. My father will do anything to put a smile on her face…even if it means allowing her to be with you." She pauses for a moment. "He really doesn't like you, you know."
"Yeah," I mutter. I pause for a moment before voicing my question. "When can I see Bella?"
"Actually, you can't just yet."
"What do you mean?"
"My father isn't one to grant someone an easy way out of Hell. Only good people can live in heaven, and so, in order for you to live in there, you have to prove that you are a good person."
"How am I supposed to do that?"
She opens her mouth to speak, but before she can, her halo starts to glow a bright blue. She holds her index finger up to me. "Hold on for a minute," she says.
She reaches up to her halo and pushes a button I didn't notice before. Turning to me, she says, "Close your eyes."
"Why?"
"Just close them." I decide not to argue with her, seeing that her father was God. If I angered him, then I would never see Bella again. So I close my eyes.
I hear a small buzzing noise and then static.
"But—" she says.
"I'm not—"
"I'm still—"
"I haven't told—"
She sounds like she's talking to herself, but she's obviously arguing with someone else. I can't hear the other person, though. Whoever she's talking to is obviously not allowing her to voice her side of the argument. I wonder if that blue button is allowing her to speak to someone, or if she was just talking on a cell phone.
"Okay," she sighs.
To me she says, "You can open your eyes now."
When I open my eyes, she continues. "I was talking to my father. He wants me back in heaven. I'll be back later to tell you how to get Bella back."
"Wait!" I yell out as she disappears in a flash of light. "Wait…"
As soon as she disappears, the fire starts again, lapping at my skin, charring it. The pain is worse now. Previously, the pain had dulled because I had gotten used to it. Now, since I had gone without burning for a while, the pain was fresh; a knife tearing into my skin.
I sit down on the ground. It's on fire, but so am I, so I figure it doesn't matter. I'm tired, and I want to sleep. But, in Hell, sleeping is impossible. The pain is so unbearable, that all my energy is spent on taming it.
My fists are clenched, my jaw straining. I stay in this position for I don't know how long. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks…I wouldn't know. I had no comprehension of time here.
At last, I see the tell-tale sign of her approaching. There is a flash of light and a fire, and she steps out of it.
"Edward," she says, stopping in front of me. "I've spoken to my father. He changed his mind. You'll not be allowed in heaven." And with those words, she disappears, again, in a flash of light.
To say I am upset is an understatement. I am furious, spitting angry. She had come to hell, lifted my hopes and told me that I had a chance of being with Bella, then came back and tore those dreams apart. And for that reason, no matter whose daughter she was, I wanted to punch her.
Nothing is here. There is no release for my anger.
"Argh!" I pained scream rips from my throat as my fist meets the ground. It hurts, but I embrace the pain. I deserve the pain. It is my fault that I'm not with Bella right now, I tell myself.
I look out into the flaming fire, and realize that nobody has heard me. I am alone.
Briefly, I wonder why. There were so many bad people in the world, and not many people believed in God, so why was Hell so empty? Why was I the only one there?
Something was going on here. Angels are cussing, Hell is empty, and halos have buttons on them. That couldn't possibly be normal.
For the first time in a long time, I stand up. I grimace when I realize my foot had fallen asleep. I walk back and forth, letting my foot wake up again. The pain from the fire has dulled since I had gotten used to it. It didn't bother me anymore.
I walk through the fire, just calling out to see if anyone is there.
"Hello?" I say. "Anyone there?"
No response. I was right—I'm alone here. There is nobody in Hell.
Another flash of light and I sigh. Why is she back here again? I wonder to myself, annoyed.
She walks to me. Today, she doesn't say "Hello" or acknowledge me in anyway. She simply starts speaking. "Look, I know that you are upset that you can't be with Bella. I'm sorry that you are in Hell while she's in heaven. I'm sorry that I'm the angel that speaks to you, and not Bella. It's not my fault. I don't make these decisions, my father does. So please, stop blaming me for this, and accept my apology."
I look at her for a few moments, digesting her words.
And then, I say, "Who said I was blaming you?"
"Don't think I don't know how annoyed you are every time I show up. I could feel how devastated you were when I told you that my father decided that you couldn't be in heaven with Bella after all. I know these things, okay? I'm an angel."
"Even if I'm annoyed with you, it doesn't mean that I'm holding you at fault. I blame your dad for the whole thing. I only act so irritable to you because you are his messenger. I can't help it. There's nobody else to get angry with, and I need to take it out on someone."
"Fine, okay. You don't blame me." She sighed in relief. I wondered why. Why would an angel care if some idiot in Hell blamed her or not? "But you are upset with my father, right?"
"Yes…"
"I have a way of taking him down. You can be with Bella again, living as the new God. My father will be gone. No one will even remember that he existed."
"Even Bella?"
"Not unless you want her to."
"I want her to."
"Then everyone except you, Bella, and I will forget that my father ever existed."
"Is this some kind of 'test' that your father put you up for to see if I was a good person?"
"No. I'm serious."
I debate with myself for a little. A part of me wants to just get rid of God. I wouldn't be in Hell, and Bella and I would live together. The other part of me knows that this is wrong, and refuses to do something so horrible to anyone…no matter how much grief they caused me. The second part of me influences my decision more.
"No," I say.
"Why?" she asks, looking genuinely curious.
"Your father may have caused me a lot of trouble, but I refuse to do anything so horrible to anyone."
She smiles at me. I wasn't sure why, especially given how I just refused to participate in her plan.
"I'm not exactly a perfect angel," she says.
"What?"
"First I cuss, and then I lie. I'm not exactly living up to angel standards."
"Lie? What are you talking about?"
"Twice—I lied twice."
"Huh?"
"My father never decided that you couldn't live in heaven. And that question I just asked—that was a test."
I consider yelling at her for a few moments, but I don't want God's decision to allow me to live with Bella to change.
"Did I pass?"
"Yes."
"So I can live with Bella in heaven?"
"Yes."
"I don't have to burn all the time?"
"No."
And then I realize: I've been burnt severely. My skin is black and gross. Bella would never want me like this. My face falls.
"What?" she asks.
I tell her, and she laughs in my face.
Again, I consider yelling at her, but come to the same conclusion as before. Instead, I say, "What? Why are you laughing?"
"Do you really think that my father would allow you to come into heaven looking as ugly as you do now?"
My feelings should have been hurt. She basically told me that I was ugly and not fit for her father's eyes.
Just to confirm my suspicions, I ask, "What do you mean?"
"I mean that you would be living in heaven, which is the epitome of pure and beautiful. He'll allow you to look like your 'old self'."
"Old self?"
"What you looked like before you died," she clarified.
"I'm not going to look disfigured, am I? Because I figure that car crash probably made my dead body look pretty disfigured."
I'm only joking now, feeling light hearted because I am going to see Bella again.
She gives me an irritated look. "Whatever, Edward. You can just see what you look like when you pass through the pearly gates of heaven." I smile.
"Okay, well, I'll have to tell my father that you passed, but until then, you don't have to burn."
"Thank you," I say, gratefully. The flames scorching my skin have finally ceased.
"I have to go now," she says, and I nod.
I remember what I was looking for before she appeared. "Wait!" I say.
"Yes?"
"Why is Hell empty? Where is everyone?"
She gives me a small smile. "I was waiting for you to ask me that." She pauses for a moment. "This isn't really Hell."
"What?"
"Hell is much worse. Along with the constant fire, monsters are there to continuously torture you."
"Why am I not in Hell?"
"You took a few days coming to, and in those few days, Bella requested that you come live with her in heaven. That's when my dad decided to offer you a second chance. He placed you in this faux Hell until he could decide whether you could live in heaven or not. He didn't want you to have to endure the real Hell if you truly were a good person, but he didn't want to let you off easy if you weren't."
"If I had failed this test?"
"Then you would have been placed in the real Hell."
I nod. "Okay." I have nothing else to say, and she recognizes this.
"Alright," she says. "I'm going to leave now."
I nod again, and she disappears in her trademark flash of light.
I smile, overjoyed. I'm going to be back with Bella!
Another flash of light appears behind me. What is she back? I wonder. I hadn't expected her to be back so soon. I'd expected getting her father's approval would take hours, at the very least.
I turn to face her. But, it's not her that I see coming out of the fire this time; it's Bella.
Her smooth pale legs, tiny hips, plump lips, and big chocolate brown eyes stare at me from the fire.
I stand shocked for a moment, and then I run to her, wrapping my arms around her in a vice like grip, squeezing her to me. She was with me, and that was all that mattered. She was with me.