You and me...
We used to be together...
The dreaded day has finally come.
Warm rays of sunshine peek through the window onto the salmon haired dragonslayer caressing his face; eyes flutter as they open slowly from the vibrancy of the light.
As he bathes in the sunlight Natsu hums enjoying the warmth with a grin. He nearly dozes off back to sleep if not for remembering that today there is much to be done. He moans with displeasure realizing it's time for him to fully wake up and leave the comfort of his bed.
Natsu shifts out of bed and yawns as he sits up while looking at the clock to see what time it is. To his side on a smaller bed, in comparison to Natsu's, his blue feline friend Happy lies asleep with a fishbone hanging out of his mouth.
The fella probably had a midnight snack.
"Heh..." Natsu snickers.
A small bubble rests on the top of Happy's nose as he snores mumbling something about fish and Carla. Amused by Happy's silly sleeping habits Natsu stifles a chuckle with a hand, however, his amusement is short-lived.
It's been a week since the events of Tartaros and everyone has been trying to recover.
Makarov thought it was best for the guild to be disbanded.
Everyone else has ideas on what they are planning to do with their lives and Natsu has one himself but it isn't exactly a plan he will enjoy doing.
Not one bit.
Natsu wakes Happy up so he can start packing his belongings and requests to have some time alone when Happy is all done. Happy nods, answering Natsu's request with a sad smile, and quietly begins to pack his things.
In the meantime Natsu puts on his usual outfit then takes a seat back on his bed with his hands closed together in his lap.
As Happy continues to pack, Natsu's eyes glance at the table. A small piece of wrinkled paper lies on top with a quill pen to the side of it, ready to be used for writing.
A single sigh escapes from Natsu's lips.
The more Natsu stares at the paper from afar, the more he feels his stomach churn as he thinks of what has to be done.
Natsu promised himself he wouldn't back out of it because it was for the best but it still didn't make this any easier for him.
Natsu must leave Magnolia, at least for a year, at most.
The death of his foster parent Igneel has affected him greatly. He needs some time to get away from Magnolia; to recollect his thoughts, to heal, and grieve in peace if possible. So much has happened and so very quickly, it is the best idea to get away, just for a while.
There are still many things Natsu doesn't understand.
Just what exactly who and is E.N.D?
What of the book?
And what of the black mage Zeref?
The dragonslayer has many things on his list of things that need to get done; especially doing some hardcore training to toughen up so that no one else he loves will get hurt or worse...die.
Yes, he must get stronger, for his friends, his family, and most of all for Lucy.
The celestial mage has been his best friend and partner. She's been good to him despite him always bugging her and getting under her skin. Throughout knowing Lucy he's grown fond of her.
Lucy is someone he treasures and values deeply with his life. He finds her to be utterly captivating and fun to be with. Her hair is beautiful and he loves that she styles it so often but loves it the most when she wears it down. She's his favorite person to go on quests with, if not Happy, and enjoys how much of a weirdo she is. In fact, he loves that weirdo with all of his mind, body, and soul.
And it is because of it that Natsu can't help but imagine all the scenarios that can go wrong with this plan. Even though there aren't any more dangers there is still that small possibility something can go amiss while he's gone. He starts to bite his lip in distress; one of his fangs pierces through his bottom lip making it bleed a little.
So lost within himself he doesn't even notice Happy has been calling his name for quite some time now.
"Natsu!" Happy shouts loudly as he tugs at the ends of Natsu's baggy white pants hoping to get his attention.
"Huh? Eheheh." Natsu laughs softly as his eyes focus onto Happy.
"Heh...Oh." He then licks the blood off of his lips after realizing his lip tasted a bit like copper.
"Geez. Almost thought you weren't in there." Happy mutters.
"Sorry little buddy, I got lost in thought!" Natsu shrugs with his usual grin as he scratches the back of his head trying to play it off coolly.
"..."
"Hey are ya hungry—Cuz I sure am! " Natsu asks trying to break the awkward silence. He follows up with a big toothy grin to try to justify himself hoping Happy will buy his poorly done lie.
Happy isn't born yesterday though; clearly, he can tell that Natsu looks as if he's going to break at any moment. Not to mention the bags under the dragonslayer's eyes are noticeable and they even seem as if they are bloodshot from lack of sleep.
The way Natsu is speaking to him sounds shallow and his movements are sloppy. Happy wonders if this is really the right thing to do, then again he knows how Natsu handles his grieving; preferring to be away from everyone. And after everything Natsu has been through it only makes sense Natsu wants to leave for a year.
But Happy decides to just play along with Natsu anyway.
"Yup! I'm all done packing now." Happy replies with his fishing pole in hand returning a smile.
"I'm gonna go out to the river and get us some fish okay? I'll be back in a bit see ya Natsu!" He adds as his tongue hangs out a little from imagining catching a juicy big fish for them to eat.
"Bye!" Natsu waves.
And as the door closes Natsu is finally alone.
I sure hope he's gonna be alright, I'm really worried about him… Happy thinks to himself. He wonders how Natsu is going to handle it all by himself and is a little worried about leaving him.
Natsu sighs as he gets up and walks over to the chair, plopping himself onto the seat. A hand picks up the quill and he opens the drawer to get some ink then dips the pen portion of the quill into the ink. He allows his free hand to rest on the desk as he leans forward and stares at the paper.
"Well, I better at least try and write something..." Natsu mumbles to himself.
Dear Lucy,
I'm sorry for bringing this up on you but Happy and I will be going on a journey to train for a year…
"No...That doesn't sound right." He grumbles and then crumbs the paper into a ball with his hands then throws it on the floor.
Natsu opens the drawer a second time and reaches for another piece of paper and tries again.
Dear Lucy,
I know this probably isn't the best time to do this but Happy and I will be going on a journey to train for a year…Please don't be sad.
Various recollections of Lucy's future self flash before Natsu's eyes, blood was all he remembered and the catastrophic feeling of his heart shattering, as he stood watching and could do absolutely nothing.
He recalls the memory way too well.
Natsu was there himself and so was Lucy of course, along with her future self, Leo, and Wendy.
He feels a sudden wave of anger boil within him from remembering the next person that with was them; Natsu grits his teeth together, at the thought of him.
That bastard from the future, Rogue.
"We can't escape fate. Some people live and some die." Rogue explained to the group smugly. "The one who closes the door will close it, as long as they live."
"I don't really get it," Natsu said with a sigh. "Who is it anyway?" He felt extremely impatient, wanting Rogue to just get on with the point already.
"You." Rogue simply stated answering the question. His eyes opened wildly as he pointed at who he was talking about.
"Lucy Heartfilia!" He roared charging full force at Lucy.
Rogue conjured his shadow magic from within and waved his hand redirecting the magic straight towards Lucy.
"Eh?" Lucy gasps in shock unable to find time to dodge the upcoming spell.
"Lucy!" Natsu shouted and attempted to block the magic from hitting her but he was too slow and unable to reach her in time.
On the other hand, Lucy's future self was closer to Lucy and dived in front of her taking the blow instead.
"Gah!" Future Lucy gasped from the impact of the attack, blood spurted out of her mouth as she closed her eyes saliently falling to the ground.
A lone tear falls onto the paper.
He sets the pen gently down and wraps an arm around his abdomen as he feels a pool of nausea swirling inside of him.
"Agh..." Natsu gasps feeling his breath become short.
Lucy never actually died but Natsu still has nightmares every now and then of the incident and it still haunts him. But Natsu can never forget the indescribable amount of not only heartbreak but anger, such unbearable anger.
Natsu had wanted to destroy him; decimate him.
He remembers it took his entire will power to hold himself back.
From the uncontrollable urge to bawl his eyes out...to forcing himself to hold his ground—
His best friend and the one most precious to him had almost died in front of him—if not for her future self protecting her instead.
But it's not like that was any better either.
What if she didn't have to take the hit?
What if he could have been more aware or faster?
He remembers watching Lucy horror stricken with tears watching her future self protect her from a hit that could have nearly given her the same fate. He remembers her asking to see her guild mark and Lucy noticing her right hand not being there.
It was that moment where he really had lost it.
He remembers watching Happy—hugging the other Lucy as she lay dead on the ground—who couldn't stop crying. His poor exceed didn't deserve to have had seen something so tragic.
And Wendy...she didn't deserve to have witnessed it either. She already had lost so much in her life already and the look on her face after watching Lucy's future self take the hit only furthered Natsu's heartbreak.
Natsu's hand clutched onto his chest where his heart was; his eyes begin to water, the familiar pain all coming back to him.
He just can't bear to watch that ever again. Not in a million years. He can't even think of Lucy dying because he isn't strong enough to protect her.
It has taken Natsu a long time to realize it none of it is his fault. For a while, Happy had to even constantly to repeat to Natsu—nearly daily—that it wasn't his fault.
Natsu's dark eyes glance downwards at the paper noticing a small wet mark, probably from him crying. He quickly dries it with the heat from his fire magic.
He moves the paper a bit away from him, to save it, from a few more droplets that oozed out of his eyes.
The thought of Lucy dying is enough of a drive for him to get stronger and if that meant leaving her for a year to do it, then that's what he will do.
But it's so painful,
Endless thoughts of Lucy cloud his mind and the more he thinks of not having her around give birth to a surge of emotions that ripple throughout his heart.
Unbroken streams of tears roll down his cheeks.
Everything hurt.
Lucy...Lucy...
The worst thought of them all is how she's going to feel after this. How she'll probably hate him afterward.
That scared him the most.
But he had to leave; he had to do it for her.
Maybe she can find it in her heart to forgive him one day.
...
"Um...Natsu?" A familiar voice whispers; it's a bit hoarse, in fact, it even sounds like they are crying too.
Natsu looks up at the door entrance of the room and saw his small pal looking nearly as miserable as him.
Similar to Natsu, Happy's eyes are red from crying and he has some snot dripping from his nose that trickles down his mouth and chin.
Poor Happy is a mess, though at this point they both are.
Little did Natsu know but Happy had gotten home a while ago. He did gather some fish but decided to drop it off and leave again giving Natsu more time for himself. Happy had snuck by the window to their room to keep an eye on Natsu but after a while couldn't handle watching anymore.
The blue exceed flies over to his friend and gives him a hug; trying to give some form of comfort. Natsu buries his grief stricken face into his furry friend and softly moans for a while about Igneel, about Lucy, about everything. Every now and then he'll spat; cursing Zeref and Acnologia, and just about anyone that targeted the various people he kept close to his heart.
There isn't much Happy is able to say to make him feel better but he holds as much of Natsu as he can, Often consoling gently to him telling him it'll all be okay and even voices his own concerns and troubles.
The two stay hugging one another for a good time.
...
"Natsu, you feeling any better?" Happy asks as he let go of Natsu. He soon finds out how drenched his cheek and arms are.
"Man my fur is gonna be all frizzy now…" Happy giggles, trying to lighten the mood a little. Natsu smiles but only a little. Happy then pretends he has an afro earning a better reaction from Natsu who bursts into laughter after imagining the image.
"Sorry Happy…" Natsu sniffles as he holds his stomach from laughing, regaining himself as he wipes away the leftover tears in his eyes.
"It is very much okay Natsu and you know that." Happy pats the head of his friend. "Feel any better though?"
"Yeah." Natsu exhales as he smacks his cheeks trying to compose himself.
"Natsu are you sure you want to write a letter and not just tell her yourself?" Happy asks wondering if writing the letter is really the best option. He knows sometimes Natsu stumbles with showing his feelings but writing it may be even harder.
"No...I. I don't think so, buddy. I thought about it but I'd chicken out. Hell doing this is hard enough; I don't think I can handle seeing the look on her face..." Natsu mutters sadly.
"Alright, I just wanted to make sure Natsu that's all." Happy puts his paw over Natsu's hand to give him more support.
As the two sit in silence, they both stare at the paper and Natsu groans knowing they were on a tight schedule.
It needs to get done asap.
Happy on the other hand just thought of a brilliant idea that will make it a bit easier for Natsu; they can both write it instead.
Natsu approves of the idea with no hesitation, part of him just wanting the entire damn thing to be written and done with.
Firstly Happy recommends to not begin the letter with Dear Lucy, as that makes it sound even more like a goodbye. Second, he suggests that Natsu writes it as if he's just going on a trip sort of thing and will be back soon. That way it isn't nearly as sad.
Natsu loves the idea.
Bringing the piece of paper close to him and his pen he dipped again in the ink, Natsu begins to write the final letter…
Happy and I will go on a journey while training…
After finalizing it through Happy, Natsu is given the okay and slips the paper into the envelope, stamping it shut.
Afterward, Natsu realizes he really needs to start packing his stuff. He feels a bit better but felt stupid for not asking Happy to help in the first place. Though it doesn't make this any easier maybe Lucy will handle it better with it written this way.
Time went by they are both finally finished packing and now in the living room looking through various bags and treasure chests.
"Happy, how much more do we have?" asks Natsu.
"13 million jewels…" replies Happy.
"Hmm…that's not right…" Natsu mumbles a bit irritated in disbelief.
"Aye…Nobody broke into our house so there should've been much more…about 10 years' worth of fish…" Happy agrees.
"Well, we'll think of something," Natsu reassures his feline buddy chuckling flashing his classic Dragneel smile.
"Aye!" Happy smiles back.
"The problem's this though…" Natsu says sadly with the letter in hand.
Time passes once more and the hardest part of it all has finally come at last.
It is early evening.
At first, along with the way, Natsu is his cheerful self, laughing and making jokes with Happy but as they get closer to Lucy's apartment Natsu's usual persona fades.
Natsu and Happy arrive at the apartment soon after.
"Natsu, are you sure you don't want me to do it?" Happy asks as he holds Natsu while he flies up to the window—so they can barge in—like they always do.
This will be the last time we'll be doing this for a while... Happy thinks sadly to himself.
"Y-Yeah…" The dragonslayer's voice almost seems as if it is caught in his throat as he struggles to form words answering Happy's question.
Happy frowns due to picking up on the pain in Natsu's voice but nods guiding them both into the room.
Luckily Happy has been checking on Lucy's schedule on/off throughout the day of when she will be in and out of her house, so they can time it to where they can just quietly leave the letter then journey off.
Once inside they suck in the view of her apartment room. It's always so tidy and clean. There is never any trash on the ground and the bed is always made.
It seems as if she has planned for company coming over as there is food on the table near the couch.
Natsu wonders if maybe the company is them. He is about to grab one of the fruits when Happy smacks his hand telling him this isn't the time. Natsu snorts realizing the sad irony in all of this—that if it is them she planned for—it won't be exactly what she expected.
Natsu closes his eyes, his nostrils flaring, the room smells good. He can pick up the smell of vanillas with light touches of a floral aroma.
Are those scents coming off her bed or just the apartment in general?
There is also a sweet fragrance he inhales.
Mmm...Lucy's scent.
Could just be the fruit on the table though.
Natsu can just bathe in everything; he loves her apartment because her scent is pretty much all over the place.
His nose is very keen and smells are always heightened thanks to being a dragonslayer. Natsu blushes realizing he is technically enjoying the scent of Lucy. He feels a bit of fire brush off his face due to him blushing rather intensely.
"Fufufufu..." He hears a snicker from Happy.
Natsu turns to see the blue exceed's mouth covered with his paws as if he is trying very hard to withhold saying something. His cheeks are puffy and he is tearing due to quelling his laughter.
He can't hold it in much longer.
"You liiiiiiike her!" Happy breaks teasing while laughing hysterically.
"Sh-Shut up Happy!" Natsu barks back, his face growing even hotter as a flame surrounds him due to his embarrassment along with annoyance. He grabs roughly onto Happy shaking him, denying everything as Happy laughs even harder.
Unbeknownst to both of them, Lucy isn't too far from them, as she walks higher up the steps, she hears quite a bit of noise coming from her room. She walks faster—hearing the volume of the noise increasing— and stops right at her door.
"There's somebody there…it's probably Natsu and Happy…" It dawns on her that the company she was originally going to invite over has already arrived.
She gently grabs the doorknob slowly—
Gachak.
At that moment Natsu and Happy both immediately freeze at the sound. They gulp becoming aware they have been stalling for far too long and are on the brink of getting caught.
Happy hurries over to the window waiting for Natsu to set the letter down on the table.
"Natsu, c'mon hurry up or we're going to blow our cover!" Happy whispers frantically.
"Ri-Right!" Natsu responds in a low voice trying to place it on the table while being as quiet as possible.
For a brief moment Natsu feels a small feeling of regret and if he really wants to he can ask her to join.
But it's too late now. There is no time. And then the whole point in all of this is for nothing.
The door is nearly open, Natsu lets the envelope fall onto the table and Happy—in a flash—grabs Natsu by his scarf and zooms out into the sky as fast as his little body will take the two of them.
"Goodbye Lucy..." Natsu chokes.
He watches for a couple of moments before turning back his head to the direction of their flight.
Tears drip down the faces of Natsu and Happy knowing that even if they stayed any longer everything they have been enduring for this moment will cease to exist.
"YOU'RE IN MY ROOM AGAIN!" Lucy yells as she slams the door wide open hoping to catch them off guard. But to her surprise, no one is there.
Lucy looks around to see if they are hiding. She checks her bathroom, more so her bathtub, assuming she will find Natsu in it but he isn't there. She even checks all around her bed and under the blankets because she knows he enjoys sleeping under the sheets of her bed and sometimes hides under there to scare her but the dragonslayer isn't there either.
The blonde swears she had heard voices, their voices.
Upon coming back to the living room Lucy saw an envelope on the table.
"Huh? A letter?" She gently peels off the stamp to open the envelope and finds a clean white sheet of paper with some rather…messy handwriting.
"Woah…that's some horrible handwriting…" Lucy looks closer at the words trying to make out as much as she can, most of the writing looks like scribbles but she is able to read most of it. There also seems to be a very small wet spot on it as well but she doesn't pay too much attention to it.
Lucy stands frozen in shock reading something she just cannot believe.
Happy and I will go on a journey.
And we'll be back in about a year or so.
So take care of everybody alright!
See ya Lucy!
Natsu & Happy.
"Wha…wha…" Lucy gasps unable to even process the news; her hands shake as her lips tremble, trying to keep her grip on the paper. A rush of adrenaline forces Lucy to run out the door as she drops the letter—hoping to catch them—before it's too late.
A waterfall of tears rapidly falls down Lucy's cheeks as she sprints as fast as her legs can take her.
"What the hell!" She cries as she speeds up her running speed hoping to gain more momentum.
"What are they thinking, going on a trip just like that!" Lucy cries even harder, letting her thoughts be heard throughout her path. She hopes maybe, just maybe, if she's loud enough—if they aren't too far already—they might hear her anguish.
Of all times. Of all times they choose to leave.
Just when she needs them the most.
"If they did something like that..."
Lucy remembers everything they have all lost.
She remembers most of all losing one of her celestial spirit friends, Aquarius, and a memory of her broken key lying on her table comes to mind.
The blonde has been wanting so badly to tell someone about it—Natsu in particular—about all the emotions she has been bottling up. She even planned to have him over for dinner to discuss it. She even had meals planned just for their dinner.
It isn't fair what they did.
Another thought crossed the blonde's mind.
They could have taken her, but why hadn't they?
Why did they leave her to bear the pain alone?
Lucy feels too many emotions at once.
Anger combines with sadness inside her; there is no happy medium, not just a constant vortex of pain.
Natsu Dragneel her best friend—no—partner.
No not even those...he's special.
Someone she can't imagine living without.
Not after all he's done for her.
Someone who has helped make one of her biggest dreams come true.
Joining Fairy Tail.
Someone who took away her loneliness.
Who has given her friends and a family to love her.
Someone who always makes her smile.
Her sun.
Natsu was always there for her and always made her life more fun, sure sometimes there were moments where she just wanted to punch the hell out of him but she valued him so dearly.
It was always more fun when they're together.
Always.
Wasn't it always more fun for him too?
She can't accept this.
That happiness is now all gone.
She's alone now.
Did he not feel the same anymore?
Did he leave because he doesn't enjoy her company anymore?
No...
She can't handle this.
All these negative thoughts as to why he left clouded her mind, plunging it deeper into the darkness.
"If they did something like that….I'd be so lonely…STUPID…" Lucy howls feeling all her emotions reaching the highest peak.
She then slows down feeling her energy leave her; her legs give out, prompting her to fall to the ground landing on her knees.
"Natsu..." Lucy croaks and then buries her face into the palms of her hands.
Natsu and Happy are just at the exit of the town. Bit by bit they come in close length to the doors heading off into the far wilderness.
"Sorry, you guys! I'll be stronger, a lot stronger when I come back..." Natsu cheers, with confidence having a whole new outlook on his plan.
Happy close by his side smiles mimicking Natsu as well
"To protect all of you!"
Despite being dearly departed, the two one day will cross paths, again.
Everyday together...
Always...
A/N: AHHHHHHH I have been wanting to revamp this for months now and since I was bored this past week I got around to it! This was a fic I did for angst week back in May of this year for the FT fandom on tumblr. And oh man snapples. It was so so bad when I wrote it. I cringe remembering just how bad. I recently went back to read it again last week and good gracious it really needed some tlc. X'D I was so embarrassed by how many errors it had and like... I needed to fix it. I also updated this on my tumblr account so nope you won't ever be able to read how awful this was before it got edited. MUAHHAHAHHAHAHA.
Storytime! This was actually my very first time posting a fanfiction anywhere and I laugh. That of all genres I decided to do for my first fic it was angst. (My least favorite genre) I mean I don't hate angst or dislike it, but I'm one of those people that just gets SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SAD WITH IT. Like I'm talking about crying and going to bed crying, and sometimes they just make me depressed lol. What can I say though? I just get way too invested plus I'm a big crybaby. So I tend to not read much of it especially Nalu angst cuz I love them too much and I just want them to be happy. ;n; That being said I don't mind angst if it has a happy ending though.
Fun fact! At the time I had written the fic I was actually really depressed which was probably a reason why I did it. X'D I tend to create and vent through pictures and I guess this time I did it with writing. I think one of my friend's and I were having a fight so I was sad because of it. Plus there were all sorts of angsty things going on in the Fairy Tail manga at the time so I think everything kinda combined and behooved me to write it out. LOL.
Besides that, I honestly really wanted to see a version of chapter 416 where it's like from Natsu's POV. A fic where we see how Natsu handled this. How he planned this. Why he planned it. How hard it was for him. Because I remember when the chapter came out he got so much hate and crapola for something I know for sure must have killed him inside to do. So Natsu really doesn't deserve the hate he got for this decision lol. Yes in a way how he did it was kind of messed up and even I got mad but I really like to think that something like this happened. Pretty sure he felt like complete crap doing it too.
Anyways this fic is pretty much my interpertation and version how I thought it would have gone! Hope you all liked!
I was listening to Dearly Beloved by Kingdom Hearts when I was writing this back then I remember hence where inspiration for the title came from.
And like always, I drew the cover art. (Which is also honestly reallllly old and crappy but alas I have nothing else Ive drawn that's fitting for this. ;w; Maybe Ill redraw it sometime? :'D I dunno but hey if anyone wants to feel free I'll credit you!) /Sometimes the image will show sometimes it doesn't. Jesus this site needs to get it's shiz together. *rolls eyes*