Harry knew he was in real trouble this time! Lord Voledemort had joined forces with AOL and there was no stopping his rain of terror. Luckily Harry had enough pea soup to last him a whole month. Little did Harry know, however, was that none other then Draco Malfoy was stealing his diet sprite. For you see, dear readers, Draco is the one responsible for the Dreamcast, the game engine that brought death to 2000 Chinese people.
On the other side of Hogwarts Ron's excessive lovemaking was getting him into trouble once more! HE was serving detention with Severus Snape. Snape was making him clean all the goats in the building until he learned his lesson. Ron reasoned that the goat ratio was significantly down since the Goat Massacre of 83, but Snape concluded that females were also goats. Ron wasn't exactly sure how Snape managed to prove this because he was busy thinking about his sexual escapades with Herminoey. Curse Snape and his double trickery! Ron was not going to stand for this kind of remark against his mother so he ran outside to play a friendly game of quiditch. Little did he know he'd be playing for HIS LIFE. And a pizza hut coupon.
Herminoey had her own problems to deal with at the time. Unbeknownst to her beloved cat Crookshanks, whom is also in a band known as "the magical dudez", had lost her golden watch. She went back to her apartment to get it but unfortunately there were two hitmen waiting for her. She dispatched of them fairly easily with her sexual appeal and proceeded to steal their wallets. " A job well done" she thought to herself. However there was one more job in store for this "ice queen". (What she liked to call herself) When she got back to her swinging bachelor pad to find that her favorite TV sitcom "the Brady bunch" was canceled she knew it was the doing of none other then " Ice cream King", aka Draco Anthony Malfoy, or as his mother often called him "Snuggly wuggley boo". Herminoey had punched Malfoy once in the third movie so she wasn't afraid to do it again. Unfortunately for her Professor Lupin had turned himself into a milk shake. After Herminoey dealt with that she was ready to tackle the Ice Cream King head on. She went to his secret lair rang the doorbell and ran away. "That ought to teach him" she said satisfactorily." He'll think twice about messing with me!" she said.
"It's just not fair!" Malfoy said as he let out a long sigh. "Every other character gets at least a paragraph in this festering wound of a fan fiction and I only get this stupid sentence."
Dumbledore was in a sticky situation this time. Those Puerto Ricans had him right were they wanted him. He had made the mistake of selling his corn and this was not the first time he was shot in a drug bust. Fortunately the tooth fairy would be here at any moment to help him out his tight fix. (Yes, even Dumbledore has the occasional problem) However Microsoft had bought the tooth fairy and all Dumbledore got was a free copy of Windows XP. "I already have toilet paper" Dumbledore exclaimed. He would have to live to fight another night.
Harry woke in the middle of the night to find his scar hurting. This troubled him deeply since the last time it hurt it was because Voledemort was trying to contact a prostitute. Harry went to ask Dumbledore what the problem was only to find that Dumbledore had escaped into the night. Harry knew this could only mean trouble but for now the only thing that mattered was Herminoey's loving firm grip on his knee. Later he found out that that "firm grip" was actually the squeezing death grip of malfoy as he slowly chocked Harry to death…by the knee. Oh, also this is all a dream!