My nerves shake as I pack what little I have brought here into my small carpet bag. Baroness Elsa Shraeder had scared the living daylights out of me and also brought the fires of hell out of me. The anger that was stewing inside me was actually stonger than the fear itself because of her last comment she made.

"I'm sure you'll make a fine nun..."

What was that supposed to mean? Yes, she hit the nail on the head that there was something going on between me and the captain. I tried so hard to conceal the odd feelings I had started to get whenever he was around but I guess I wasn't fooling anyone. Certainly not Brigitta and certainly not Baroness Schraeder. If they could see it, surely everybody else could too, whether or not the spoke up about it.

That's all going to change because I won't be around. As hard as it's going to be to face the Abbey again, it would be better if I just went back to being the nun I wanted to be. It's obvious I have strayed away from God and I need to get back to him. I just need to focus on me and God and forget what the nuns may say or how heartbroken the children are going to be when they wake up to find I'm not here...Stop! I can't think about any of those things. I have to do what I have to do. I finish my packing and I pick up my guitar case while I silently promise God that I would not practice music without permission once I get to the Abbey.

With my bag in one hand, guitar case in the other, and the clothes I came in with on my back, I am prepared to take off. Everybody should be getting ready for the dinner but I still keep very quiet as to not disturb any of the children. I make it down the stairs fine but I dare not open the door until I have another look around. I was still in the clear so I made my break. I sobbed when I made it to the bottom of the stairs. Why am I doing this? How can I do this? I can't; I love those children too much. No, I have to keep moving on. They'll learn to move on without me, after all that letter I wrote them...

Oh Lord, I forgot about that letter I wrote to them! I never even wrote the darn thing! I had every intention to write one and then I never...

That was when I heard a rumble. It was thunder. Oh no, the children are going to be frightened! If this wasn't a sign from God to go back I don't know what was. I believe He never made me leave that bottom step for a reason. I have plenty of time to run back into the house.

" Fraulein Maria," Brigitta shocked me as I skidded through the front door. She was standing there looking as quizzically at me as she does with almost everything and everybody. That girl never misses a trick!

"Brigitta, baby," I say, putting my things down and pulling her into a hug. "Did the thunder frighten you?"

"What thunder?"

"Don't you hear it?"

"No, the band started to play again and they woke me up."

"Oh, well," I didn't know what to say. "Thank God for loud music, huh?"

"You are acting very strange tonight," she says with a worried look. "Why on earth are you going for a walk with your carpetbag?"

"Well..."

"You were going to leave, weren't you?"

"No, honey, it's just..."

"What did we do?"

"Baby, it was nothing you children have done."

"It was us," Brigitta started to cry. "It's always us."

"Listen to me," I took her by the shoulders. I knew what I was doing before was ridiculous and I'm really starting to hate myself. I didn't even leave and look what I've done to her. "I was going to leave. Listen though, I came back for you children. It broke my heart to try to leave but when I heard that thunder I came right back for you. I love you."

"Why would you leave us at all? What made you want to do that?"

"I was scared."

"Scared of what?"

"That I wasn't doing the right thing."

"What is the right thing?"

"I don't think I'll ever know," I finally admitted out loud. I may not be going into detail but I'm not lying to her either. She deserves the truth.

"Are you still scared?"

"A little."

"Just do what you tell us: Just simply remember your favorite things."

"I have," I say with a chuckle. "You children are my favorite things. I came back and saw you and now I don't feel so bad."

It was Brigitta's turn to hug me. We both laughed as we embraced one last time.

"How about you go back to bed?" I suggest with her still in my arms. "I'll be up there soon."

"Thank you for coming back," she says as she plants a kiss on my cheek. I kiss her cheek back and then she runs back up the stairs. I smile to myself knowing now that I really had done the right thing by not leaving.

"Fraulein," I heard Captain's voice boom out of nowhere. "You certainly are not coming to dinner dressed like that are you?"

"Oh no," I say as I look down on myself. "I was feeling restless so I went for a walk."

"Oh, well, you were invited to dinner. Don't you want to come?"

"No, sir. The children and I have a routine of going to bed at the same time so I would like to keep that as such."

"Well, all right then. See you in the morning, Fraulein."

"See you in the morning," I say as I turn on my heels and up the stairs. I smile at the thought of going to bed in the Von Trapp home for another night.

"You could have gone," Brigitta said as I met her on top of the stairs.

"Brigitta, I thought I told you to go to bed," I say as she begins to frown. "Besides, I've frightened you enough, I still wanted you to know that I would be in my own bed while you were in yours. Just like always."

"There's something I never got a chance to say to you downstairs but I want to tell you now..."

"What?"

"I love you, too."