This fic was written around 2am with Johnny Cash's famous cover of the Nine Inch Nails song, Hurt, stuck in my head.
The single strand of hair was wiry and black, about the length of the tip of his thumbnail to the knuckle when it was straightened out. A pubic hair, Hiruma thought to himself. Standing out like a sore thumb on his "fresh", white sheets.
Any other day he wouldn't have noticed it. Or if he had, he would have brushed it off without a second thought. But today, it was all he could do to just drop everything and stare at it, the pillow he'd been casing hitting the ground almost soundlessly. Whumph.
It was probably his. Y-yeah - of course. It was his bed after all. Only, what if it wasn't? What if it was Musashi's? Agon's?
He tightened his grip in mid-air, hands held out as if he were still holding the pillowcase. So here it was, then. Let it be recorded that Hiruma Youichi, master of mind games, had been trumped by a single strand of pubic hair.
He saw it perfectly, then; Agon's broad shoulders as he sobbed into him, the comfort sex over Musashi's definite decision. He saw, even before all that, Gen's back when he refused to look at him, his stale words of how he had no more time for football or school or other things, "other things" being his uncouth way of slapping a name on what he and Hiruma had. Hiruma could see, before that, falling in love with Musashi all through middle school. Meeting Agon. Losing his virginity to Agon and feeling so damn guilty he went and "gave himself" to Musashi, pleasantly surprising the older-looking boy, making him think they were sharing something so fucking sacred and exclusive together. He remembered how after all that Agon had shoved his fingers in Hiruma's jeans and whispered in his ear when he was mad at Musashi and drunk, so drunk, that it seemed a good idea for them to have sex and get Gen jealous.
Ponder over how similar these three central characters are, how movie-like their relationships are. How different and yet the same these two men are, that our anti-hero loves.
Fast forward, again where Musashi leaves. Skip the scene where Hiruma pours his heart out to Agon and they have sex. Completely disregard Agon's eyes on Hiruma as he dozes, only he's not really asleep, not really as ignorant towards Agon's feelings as he thinks.
Fast forward to Agon not being there when he wakes up, or the next day, or when he calls. Shut your eyes as Hiruma hurts himself in a bitter and confused rage.
Fast forward again, skip a few years. Hiruma is now forcing Gen to build silly things for him, and soon they are once again "okay", and they get better because Musashi comes back and it's some sort of unwritten thing that by doing this he is also accepting Hiruma back in his life. Completely miss how Hiruma feels an empty, half-hearted nagging in the pit of his stomach despite this.
Watch as Agon shoves his dirty face back in Hiruma's life and suddenly things go from good to sour, because Hiruma's feeling and doing things he thought only Musashi could make him do and feel, and before you know it, before you can say I told you so, Musashi is walking in on him and Agon and things are, to him, suddenly very, very clear.
Come back to reality, where Hiruma begins to cry over a god damned, stupid pubic hair, and falls to his knees in hysterics at what he has done.
He's pretty sure he wants them both, pretty sure Musashi doesn't want him, pretty sure he can't function without either one. One-hundred percent sure he doesn't want to have to choose.
Fast forward. Skip ahead. Shut your eyes.
All Hiruma wants to do is go back to the day before yesterday, to when he had both. To rewind.