Songfic
"The Perfect Drug" by Nine Inch Nails
fanfiction by: Icicle Raindream
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters within do not even remotely belong to me, so I'm not making anything off writing this stuff.
Notes: Heh…I have absolutely no idea where this idea came from. I was just innocently listening to music in my room the other day when this song came on. I had been trying to think of some fic ideas, and suddenly, a whole new meaning to this song just leapt into my brain. What if this was how Heero felt about Wing Zero? I know it sounds weird, but please give it a chance! Listen to the song and tell me it couldn't work! "^-^" Anyway, enjoy…drop me a message, okay? I'd love to know what you guys think of my little…interpretation. Maybe I just have a twisted mind…?
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The strap was pulled down, binding me to my chair. With swift motions, I flicked a few levers and depressed various buttons, depositing my feet on the correct controls located by the floor. I jerked on my seatbelt once, testing for durability as Wing Zero roared to life around me. The cockpit suddenly blazed with life and my screens lit, focusing on the outside. I wasted no time in getting my mobile suit off the ground and speeding towards space, my mind set on my goal, Zero complying as if we shared a brain. This time there would be no easy way out. I had a mission, and I was a soldier, and Zero would see to it that my gameplan went into action.
Wing Zero broke out of Earth's atmosphere like nobody's business, zooming through the pull of gravity with the ease of a thick baseball cleanly smashing through a glass window. The black of narrow space now surrounded me, and the stench of recent battle and stinking death hung thick in the air. I kept Zero racing through space at an unbelievable speed.
I held onto my controls, feeling Wing Zero respond underneath my hands, and focused on my screens, which were rapidly pulsating with light and sound, trying to hone in on my preplanned target. The incessant beeping overhead was starting to pierce my eardrums and I gave the ceiling a hard impatient punch, cursing tensely under my breath. I only succeeded in ripping open my knuckles and I sighed disgustedly as the blood dripped from my hand onto the panel in front of me.
Suddenly the beeping stopped, replaced instead by a higher note that sounded, my target ring appearing on the screen in front of me, a red circle pinpointing my destination. The blood running from my hand was instantly forgotten as battle strategies flooded my head and adrenaline coursed through my veins.
"You're mine, you arrogant bastard," I proclaimed through clenched teeth. Outside, the purple hue of Epyon gleamed in the starlight amidst the bitterness of vast space, pompously waiting for me to arrive. I sneered at the sight, reaching down to my right. I clicked another button and entered the code. Before I knew it, the Zero system had swallowed my mobile suit whole, digesting the plans for the upcoming battle.
I sped in Epyon's direction with a tenacity that burned like fire, unrelenting in my path of intended destruction. I wanted to see the hulking parts of Epyon scattered carelessly through space and I would stop at nothing to get my way.
"Coward!" I screeched, jerking my left hand. Zero swung through space, following Epyon as it abruptly turned and fled away, like a frightened child running scared through a dark forest. "Stand up for yourself and fight!"
The beeping was back again, ringing in my ears, telling me that the Zero system was frantically trying to provide me answers, possible outcomes, maneuvers, anything to help me blow that purple tin can up. I clenched my eyes shut momentarily, trying to block out the noise, but then I focused sharply as Epyon turned and powered up its beam saber.
"Finally," I said, activating my own saber as well. "Let's get this over with."
Epyon sped toward me. My screens flashed. My ears burned with high-pitched white noise. I raised my beam saber in a defensive stance and shook my head roughly. A loud whine chewed through the cockpit, the shrill noise bouncing off the alloyed walls.
"No, stop it, Zero!" I yelled, pounding my free fist on my control panel. "Don't go doing that now!" The screens blasted swirling colors, making illusive patterns in my face and now I couldn't see anything, dammit! My head was throbbing, my eyesight suddenly tumbling over itself, the screens blinking white-dark-sapphire-emerald-crimson in front of me, buttons glowing eerie lime-colored shapes in my blurred mind. I slashed away through space, hefting my beam saber in the last direction I remembered seeing the target.
I got my head but head is unraveling
Can't keep control, can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
You're the only one, that's understood
Nothing happened.
Seething, I gave the ceiling another violent punch, right where Zero's sound was emanating. Yet again, I only managed to slice my hand open more. I cursed loudly, blinking madly in the cockpit, held restricted in my seat by the belt over my head. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like Zero was trying to suffocate me as well as fight the enemy, squeezing from the inside and stretching outward to Epyon.
I disabled my saber, yelling in reckless frustration. In two seconds flat I was rammed, presumably the shoulder of Epyon trying to take out the shoulder of Wing. I yelled again, clutching my controls insanely hard as Wing was shoved ass over head, vaulting backwards in open space. I shook my head a second time, trying to regain my vision, and frantically clicked for thruster control. The three screens in front of me flashed periodically, like the lights of a nightclub set to a rapid tempo, blinding me every chance they got. I finally settled Zero into an upright stance, feeling the knot of nausea in my chest.
I wracked a bloody hand through my hair, trying to get the disheveled locks out of my face. I slammed a hand down on the panel in front of me, calming the blinking and flashing screens set over it. There was no room for failure in this cockpit and I gripped my controls once again in determination, trying to search out my enemy. As of right now, there were no signs of attack anymore, but Epyon knew it would be hunted down to the ends of the Earth. Trying to hide from me would prove to be fatal in the attempt.
"What the--" I began to yell but was abruptly cut off as Wing Zero took off like a bat out of hell, cutting through the thick monstrosity of space in front of me as if it had a mind of its own. The stream of dreary white stars slurring together passed me by on either side and I felt the lump rise higher into my throat. The cockpit shook mercilessly, as if claimed by an unforeseen earthquake.
"No, stop it, Zero!" I shouted, yanking back on the controls. "What the hell are you doing?"
Zero ignored me. It kept racing through space, following nothing that I could rightly see at the moment. I blinked dizzily and struggled even harder with the controls. The beeping rose in pitch, gaining volume, screeching with heightened fervor. I was going to be deaf and blind if I ever made it out of here alive.
This is ridiculous! I fumed silently. Who was the goddamned soldier here, the one with a brain? Clearly, though, Zero was beginning to dominate this mission. It pissed me off.
Zero clanked loudly, swooshing through space, squeezing around old debris, the motors thrumming through the machine, massaging my body at every possible angle, making me feel like I was a functioning part of the mobile suit itself. I held on for dear life, ripping my sore knuckles open further, eyes locked on the screen in front of me like radar. Zero was heading for something that resembled an old satellite station.
I pressed the buttons harshly, trying to give the order to abort. Zero wasn't chasing anything as far as I could tell, it was just weaving through space as if it had a mission of its own. As if there was something of worth on that old satellite. And the damn machine was going to crash into it! A deliberate murder of its only occupant…me.
I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching, dragging, shaking me
Turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
The more I give to you…the more I die!
I braced myself for impact, pressing my back against my chair, clinging harder to the controls on both my sides. I wouldn't give it the satisfaction. If the damn machine wanted to kill itself, fine. But I wasn't going with it.
I counted silently in my head, closing my eyes and leaning contentedly back in my seat, slouching. After one had come and gone, I slouched even more. I sat limp as a ragdoll in my chair, my hands falling from the controls and my feet resting lightly against the pedals below. My head hung to the side, motionless on my own shoulder, and my hands sat peacefully in my lap. I waited.
Nothing happened. Zero kept right on cruising through space.
I opened my eyes and frowned, but then it dawned on me. Zero hadn't crashed into the satellite, it had gone through a doorway located on the satellite.
I was spontaneously engulfed in darkness. The only illumination sped by, strange orange lights pulsating in my vision as Zero continued to fly through the satellite tunnel. I gripped my hand controls again, replacing my feet into their earlier positions. I clicked a button and demanded, "Report."
My screen filled with words, but I couldn't read them as they scrolled rapidly across, even though my eyesight had finally returned to normal. The white of the letters smeared together, melting down the screen like hot water pouring over icicles, leaving streaks of white for me to stare at.
"What the hell is going on?" I screeched angrily, lightly baffled. I pressed another button to clear the screen, but it didn't work. I was staring at a Zero-created Rorschach test, lividly ready to burst at the seams.
I stabbed another button, trying to peer around the white mess in front of me. Suddenly the cockpit sang out with, "Target located." Zero came to abrupt halt and flung me forward. The seat belt caught and knocked the wind out of me.
I gasped for breath, desperately struggling for air, all the while staring through the whiteness of my screen. Standing in front of me was that conceited ass of a mobile suit, Epyon. The damn thing had a hand on its hip, looking as if it was tired of waiting for me.
"Time to finish this," I growled. I pointed my machine gun in front of me, an evil smirk curling the edges of my lips.
And I want you…
And I want you…
And I want you…
And I want you!!
Without hesitation I let go with a round of bullets, the metal shooting from my gun and searing through the empty space that occupied the length between Zero and Epyon. I watched as the holes formed in the purple suit, bullets joyously streaking through the alloy like rice paper. Epyon shook underneath the attack and I couldn't help but widen my smile.
The loud thunk of Epyon collapsing onto the tunnel floor in front of me was music to my ears. I lowered my gun and stared through the white slop on my screen, eyeing the smoldering piece of junk that had fallen before me. Because of me.
I sat back in Zero and sighed, then brought my hand up for inspection. The blood had crusted over my split skin, fresh drops slowly oozing around the large scab. It didn't hurt at all as I flexed my hand inquisitively.
Then, my head shot up. A noise coming from the outside drew my attention away from my hand. I was only able to stare as Epyon climbed to its feet and activated its beam saber in one motion. My voice tore from my throat.
"NO!"
I tried to twist away as the beam sliced through my screen, taking me wholly by surprise. It slashed through my arm, blood pouring everywhere, down over my legs, dripping to the floor. I yelled again as the beam burned through my chest, flesh popping and crackling underneath my shirt. The pain shot through my body in a wave of white heat and striking lightning as I glanced down at the jagged mess that was once my skin and clothes.
And then came the explosion. Zero suddenly wasn't beeping in my ears anymore. I heard the gigantic metal splash of Zero parts being splayed from each other, banging into the walls of the constricting tunnel around me. I fell end over end from the seat that had once been the control center in Wing, finally flopping facedown onto the cold, steel floor.
I coughed and scraped two fingers through my eyes, ridding them of the blood that poured generously over my forehead. I struggled to lift my head and found that Epyon had fled the scene once again. It no longer stood in a showdown with Zero, seeing as my mobile suit was apparently lying dead in pieces around me. I pushed myself painfully to my knees, feeling the scarlet liquid drip through the ragged remnants of my shirt, and made it successfully to my feet. I turned slowly in a circle, assessing the damage of Zero.
It was totaled. Completely and utterly ripped to shreds, crackling, smoking, some parts still on fire, some melted into puddles of Gundanium goo, sparking, cords and wires protruding everywhere imaginable, the once shining colors sliding dejectedly down into a burnt pool of paint underneath the smoking parts. And all I wanted to do was laugh. I understood it now. I understood Zero now. I knew what it did for me, and I knew not to push its limits any further. It would be a futile attempt to fulfill my personal vendetta, although the suit itself was the one thing that fueled my hatred for the enemy.
You make me hard when I'm all soft inside
I see the truth, when I'm all stupid eyed
You'll go straight through my heart
Without you everything just falls apart
I threw my head back and let loose with a shattering burst of laughter. Evil laughter, permeating from deep within, from within the stinging cuts and broken fingers and bloody flesh and torn clothing. I just laughed, my ribs aching inside my chest. I had this idiotic impulse to try to piece together my destroyed mobile suit and make it out of here, and with that thought I laughed even harder, standing in the half-illuminated hall with burnt mobile suit parts surrounding me and blood pouring down to my feet.
And I want you…
And I want you…
And I want you…
And I want you!!
Then suddenly, I jerked awake and almost fell out of my chair. I blinked dazedly around the cockpit, then disgustedly reached up and plucked the wires off my skin. I tossed them aside and clicked a few buttons in front of me, lighting up my data screen.
That's when it started again. That damn beeping and flashing, rotating around me, filling my ears, making my head spin. The nausea leapt further, higher into the back of my throat and I clapped my hands over my ears, hunching into my seat. I already knew that giving the ceiling a stern punch would only hurt my hand even more than it was, but Zero was filling me and I couldn't stand it anymore. This was only supposed to be a test run!
The door in front of me whooshed open and I found the ground coming ever closer to my form. Quickly, I was introduced to the hard steel of the hangar floor and I sprawled haphazardly on my stomach, passed out for a second time. The only good thing was that the wires no longer connected me to the system, so Zero wouldn't be messing with my head while I was out of it, and I wouldn't have any more unconscious urges to punch the holy hell out of the ceiling. I drifted into the abyss of nothingness with that evil smirk at the corners of my mouth. I could still feel the morbidity of the false reality Zero had trapped me in not five minutes ago.
* * *
A few hours later, I was discharged from the hangar sickbay with my hand wrapped. I had been told that the soldiers who were monitoring my progress hadn't woken me up because I had emitted mental pictures of the battle with Epyon that had become increasingly interesting to them. They wanted to find out what was in my head and how I was dealing with Zero. Obviously, I wasn't quite adjusted to it yet, seeing as the damn system knocked me out twice. And certainly it had to mess with my brains first, fry them a little bit, play with my psyche as a soldier, and totally obliterate my mobile suit. I guess the system had been testing me out, seeing what I was made of, and its actions were deliberate because inside my head it could get away with anything.
I strode up to Wing Zero now, my hands stuffed into my pockets. It didn't get the best of me and it never would. Not as long as I had a mission yet to fulfill. I would conquer Zero, it was a goal already burned into the back of my head. Nothing would stop me from becoming one with Zero and destroying the soulless evil in this war. I smirked up at my suit.
Take me, if you want…
Take me, if you want…
Take me, if you want…
Take me, if you want…
"I'll be back for you," I promised Zero. "You can bet on that."
Without you…
Without you everything falls apart
Without you…
It's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
I turned and nearly bumped into a technician, a young girl with bright green eyes and a huge smile. She hopped right up to me and blurted, "Are you Heero Yuy?"
I narrowed my eyes at her, but nodded.
"Oh, well…" She glanced behind me at Zero. "I heard Wing Zero here totally kicked your ass today. Tough luck."
I clenched my jaw and stepped around her, not willing to get into anything serious. She was just some punk girl who didn't know the first thing about being a soldier and I wasn't about to waste my time with her.
"Hey, can I ask ya somethin'?" she called then, from behind.
I stopped in my tracks, annoyed. She took it as a yes.
"You look like hell. What have you been taking?"
I shook my head, the smirk sliding across my features again. I jerked a thumb over my shoulder at Zero, then replied lowly, "The perfect drug." I lowered my hand and walked away, leaving the young girl to ponder over my meaning. I knew it perfectly, and so did Zero.
Without you…
Without you everything falls apart
Without you…
It's not as much fun to pick up the pieces