It may be said that Fanny Bennet was a frivolous creature, that she had no shred of sense in her head. This rather blunt statement may be true, or it may not be. Fanny, at times, knew she was being a bit ridiculous, and would be all set to start to reform herself. Then she would think: Why should I care? I can be whoever I want to be, and no one on this earth can stop me. And so Fanny had continued to be the silly woman that everyone knew, and loved despite this quality.
Then things went too far, and Fanny did not check herself, and out of the blue there were serious consequences. Her husband was leaving her, with five, still young daughters. It was like a nightmare, and Fanny didn't understand why it was happening. She despised this fact, on account of being a faithful slave to gossip, Fanny wanted to know what was happening every time and every place. And Thomas leaving was an insult she didn't know how to deal with.
But Fanny put on a strong mask and hid her confusion, and raised five, in her opinion, successful daughters that were intelligent and gorgeous to boot, even Elizabeth, as much as she hated to admit it. And now she had big names such as Darcy and Bingley in her dining room, all intent on marrying her daughters, when a figure from the past just shows up.
Fanny usually had an opinion to say on every subject, even a made-up one if need be, but as she stared at her ex-husbands face, she simply could not utter a word. Dozens of emotions engulfed her, forcing her sense out of her head and leaving her with a dizzying roller coaster. However, one shred of sanity was holding on to her mind, persistently screaming to talk to him…alone.
Thus it was Fanny did something she hadn't done in a long time: she listened to instinct, and she took a risk. Adopting a cool, polite face, she dismissed her guests from her dining room, sweetly suggesting that they go chat in the living room. And when that William Darcy glared at her, she glared right back. As she did this, Fanny mentally conjured what she would say to Thomas. She would demand exactly why he had left her, rendering him speechless, cowering, yet in awe of her bravery. He would beg to be taken back, telling a woeful tale of his misfortunes while they had been apart, and she would coolly refuse him. Fanny thought about this aspect a bit more than the others, though. If he did apologize…would she forgive him? Fanny could not reassure herself, that she wouldn't forgive him, and her Gardiner pride would still be intact. But I'm a Bennet…Fanny, during the divorce, had decided to keep her Bennet name. It had sounded so much better than 'Fanny Gardiner' she had reasoned.
Yet when she was alone with Thomas, she found that she was the one rendered speechless by Thomas's all cool and smiling face. He appeared so comfortable…was he not so confused and hurt on the inside as she was? If not…why was he here? There! There was what she would say!
"Why are you here?" Fanny squeaked, instantly cursing herself. Her tone was supposed to be cold, but firm. Not like a scared child!
Thomas just smirked, his green eyes flashing in that certain way Fanny always thought irritating. He had always thought him so cleverer than her, playing jokes and openly snubbing her.
"Don't do that!" Fanny said. His only response was quirking an eyebrow, which only infuriated Fanny more. "I hate when you do that. You make me feel like some sort of child. I'm not, you know!"
"How do you expect me to believe that when you act like one?" Thomas challenged her, still smiling. But before she could protest, he continued, casually, "in any case, I'm here to see this Bingley guy. I don't want my daughter going out with any sort of arrogant snob," as an afterthought, "Oh, and of course I wanted to see the illustrious William Darcy." He waggled his eyebrows in mocking, and Fanny could not help but sigh in disgust. He said she was a child…he was just as much as a child if she was!
"You mean you were finally feeling guilty about abandoning all your children and decided to just bound in, pretending to be the good and supportive father?" Fanny said angrily, "Well, just so you know, you're not their father. Not now, not ever. You gave up that title fourteen years ago." The word seemed so foreign as Fanny listening to herself say it. Had it really been fourteen years? That sounded so long ago.
Thomas stared at her, his expression one of being found out. Fanny was disappointed to find herself not taking pleasure in being correct. Instead, she was hurt to find out it had been true. Why now that Fanny had started, she couldn't stop. There was no shred of sanity now, no restraint, not dam to hold back the flow. All the pain and emotion form fourteen years ago came flooding back, and for the first time in her life, Fanny Bennet lost it about a serious subject. This was no list of complaints about an inane subject, no, was something real, and it was happening right now. Fanny was scared, but she could not stop. It was too late for that.
But finally Fanny could find no more air to voice herself, and she just stopped, breathing heavily. To her horror, she found that she was crying. Wiping away the tears furiously, she looked up at Thomas, who was white as snow. Fanny could tell he was thinking, and it gave her no satisfaction that his mind was now in turmoil like hers had been.
"That's how you feel then?" He said, not meeting her eye. Fanny nodded, hot tears spilling from her eyes. Cursing, she wiped them away, and found they came back anyway. Her frustration only made the tears come back faster.
"Well then…" Thomas hesitated, and Fanny was amazed. He had always been so sure…so confidant. Why not now? Fanny searched her disordered thoughts for a solution, but none came. And so it was like being doused with ice water when Thomas said, "I love you, Fanny." Fanny looked up, her vision bleary, in pure shock. He was nervous, she could tell. "I always have, despite, your lack of decretion…everything. I love you, Fanny, and I love your and your family's faults. And I want you to…" He trailed off miserably.
Yes! Her mind screamed. This was what she wanted! She had wanted to be with him all these fourteen years, to hear his snide jokes, and the little quirks of his eyebrow. She loved it all. It didn't matter if he insulted her or her family, he loved her! Fanny could not be happier. Fanny looked up to catch Thomas's eye, to say everything, to tell him everything, but he was gone. And just as quickly as her spirits had been lifted, they went barreling back down. He had left her, again. He had not trusted her with his feelings. He expected her to be cold and cruel. And just like that, Fanny decided that if Thomas didn't love her enough to not back down to his feelings, than she would have nothing to do to him. Clearly he didn't love her enough to not hurt her like her had did fourteen years ago, and like he had done now.
As Fanny made her apologies for her 'disagreeable husband' she glanced at Elizabeth, and could not help but wonder what Elizabeth would've done if a man insulted her and her family. Fanny doubted she was just surrender…she was stronger than that. Fanny sighed.
She was not as strong as her daughter...not now, and not fourteen years ago.
I am very happy with this piece. I alwasy admired the Bennets, and thought all deep down, they still loved each other, but each would be too stubborn to admit it, like somehow they would lower themself in each other's eyes if they did. This is a missing scene from Chapter 4 of 'It Started With A Very Happy Day' Hope you liked it!
Becca