She had gotten used to it. Closing the door behind her. She closed doors all the time.And not just physical ones. She jumped headlong into a situation, always pitied people and always had good intentions. But the door was still shut, it wasn't easily seen, it was made of glass and everyone saw her heart, but noone. could touch it. The door. was. shut.
It hadn't always been there. That wall of his. He still had emotions, after all Tokijin was powered by his hate, but his emotions were smothered, shoved out of sight, but still to some extent moving him to do things. It was because of his father. His father had left him and his mother for the human woman. His mother didn't even cry, she just said,"I see." Sesshoumaru hated his mother for not becoming angry, or at least making him pay and he hated his father for doing this.
Kagome acted like nothing ever happened between Inuyasha and Kikyou. But she knew it had. She had been so shocked and the only thought that went through her head was "why?" and she had feared Kikyou, and with her broken heart she had done what broken people always did, run away. She had tried, but thoughts of him haunted her and she wanted to see him again and her pain consumed her. After awhile she pretended to herself that it never happened. She loved him. But he only hurt her.
And so he had hated humans, because they had taken away his father from him. He had loved his father, but his father had left. The only thing Sesshoumaru acknowledged in his father was his strength, he could admire that. Sesshoumaru wanted to be stronger than his father, wanting to prove in his anger that he was better. In his last moments, Sesshoumaru asked for his swords, because he could only admire his strength, but his father had asked if he had someone to protect.
"Shut up and let me protect you!" But he hadn't protected her at all.He couldn't protect her. He wasn't strong enough. She seemed to be always saving him from himself and always being compassionate, understanding and loving. He was always brash and never showed any care for her unless the battle called for it, not even in the smallest ways did he thank her or hold her or comfort her and when he did all she could think of was if Kikyou had shown up, he would have gone straight to her. He said she was just a jewel shard detector at one point, and that's what she felt like. A jewel shard detector.
Sesshoumaru hated Inuyasha, for taking his father away, and taking away the power he had wanted and for not cherishing what he had. Sesshoumaru hated Inuyasha for Inuyasha's way of lucky things happening in the middle of a battle, causing him to win. He would rather have Tessaiga broken then used by him. He didn't deserve it, Sesshoumaru did.
The second girl to travel with Inuyasha disagreed and told him so loudly. In that moment all he could think of was his father, and how this was how his father wanted it to be. Sesshoumaru suddenly hated her for hurting him, but he smothered it again before anyone could see and said what he wished he had said to his father to Inuyasha and did what he wished he had done to the woman to the girl. But she lived and he felt like the world was laughing at him. Tessaiga had saved her and the hanyou was going to test it on him.
One of the things that annoyed Kagome was that Inuyasha and his brother didn't get along. She felt that a lot of it fell on Sesshoumaru though, she loved Souta, why didn't he love his younger brother? Was it because of human blood? But that couldn't be. He travelled with Rin. There must be something more meaningful than that, and Sesshoumaru is strong without Tessaiga, why does he want it so badly? Kagome realized she knew next to nothing about Sesshoumaru, she knew so little it made her curious. He was a mystery to her, and it was a somewhat nice change from Inuyasha, whose emotions were always right there, even if you didn't want to see them.
Everytime he attacked Inuyasha, she was there, worrying over him and throwing herself in front of him to protect him from Sesshoumaru. Once Inuyasha had lost control of his blood and had tried to attack Rin and Jaken, he had moved to protect them, but the girl had gotten there first and used a subduing spell on Inuyasha. She had saved him, and Rin. The girl had said she was sorry and passed out and the fool Inuyasha told Sesshoumaru to leave handling Souunga to him. Inuyasha was stupid, he could barely control his own blood and had nearly killed a child and yet he was still too stubborn to let Sesshoumaru, who knew more about Souunga than he did, help. If it weren't for that girl he would have killed Rin and Sesshoumaru would have had no mercy on him. She was always supporting him and throwing herself into danger for him, she was a fool. A brief thought crossed his mind, though he crushed it as soon as it came-I wish someone would be foolish for me.
Kagome began to make a list of what she knew about Sesshoumaru in her head and found she couldn't tell his feelings about anything but Inuyasha.A thought came to her head, he ignored her once, when usually he would acknowledge her somehow, even if it was negative..She had asked him to help Inuyasha, but this had been after she had asked Inuyasha. What did that mean? Maybe...he had wanted her to ask him first...or maybe...he just doesn't like her. It didn't matter anyway..she loved Inuyasha, right?
She loved Inuyasha. He hated the fool for that, he had spoken with her predecessor before, wondering why Kagome stayed when the hanyou was stuck dwelling in the past and with the miko not wanting her there. But he didn't hate the miko, she had done nothing wrong. He hated the girl for not giving up on such a useless creature, he wasted her kindness. It reminded him of his mother and how she did nothing when he left for another, he pushed the feeling away, suffocating it before it could fully grow.
He had saved her more than once, tried to kill her more than once and all the while she couldn't tell what he was thinking. He was a mystery.
The door could be opened.
The wall could be pushed down.
But they stayed with the door shut, wall up and shoved their feelings away, pretending it didn't exist.