written as yet another dare...
PROLOUGE
Feb.14. Valentine's Day. I was looking at the calendar hanging on my bedroom door, looking at tomorrow's date. I had figured out what I was going to give to my friends. Almost. I decided on brownies with pink Cool Whip and M&Ms on top. I always made some sort of dessert on Valentine's day. Then, I thought of HIM, a really good friend whom I had begun to develop a crush on. Sure, I'd given him a bunch of food in front of his friends before, but this was Valentine's Day now. I felt kinda weird and embarrassed to give him something. "Would he be okay with it? Would I make him uncomfortable? I hope not...But what about his friends? Will they start making fun of him and he'll stop talking to me? I can't bear that..." the thoughts continued to go through my head until I heard a BOOM, a flash of colors, and people wearing strange clothes. Since it was raining really hard, I invited them in (I was going to be the only one home for the rest of the week) and got them into more normal clothes, got their names, and what they were doing.
the next day
"I'm going to school! See you guys later!" I said to Fay and Sakura, who were in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Syaoran was sitting on the couch reading a history textbook.
"When will you be back" Fay asked.
"...around 3..." I looked at my watch. "Sorry! I have to go. My bus should almost be at my stop." I said in a hurried voice. I walked out the door with my bag, lunch, brownies, and cookie cake. HE was on my mind the whole time and my questions from the night before began to haunt me again.
Everything was normal all day, until lunch. I had forgotten what day it was until my friends began talking about who they gave things to and what they gave them. Then I walked to my locker and saw the brownies and the mini chocolate chip cookie cake with pink icing for him. I went out to lunch with my treats and began to hand them out. Now only 1 was left. The cookie cake. I began to argue with my self.
Should I give it to him?
Duh! Of course! What else are you going to do with it?
Give it to my brothers and sisters?
Nah, they don't deserve it.
So? Fine, but will he be okay with it?
...You care too much about what he thinks.
But I don't want him to feel uncomfortable...or not like me as a friend anymore.
Maybe he likes you too! A lot of people have told you that he likes you!
Only...4 people! Besides, they might be wrong...
Why are you still arguing? You've been doing this to yourself since 7th grade!
So?
It's been...4 years! You're 16 now! You've changed!
...But my feelings haven't...
Just go!
But...!
"Hey! Are you okay? You've been staring off into space again..." one of my friends startled me.
"I-I-I'm fine!!" I say back.
"...Okay. Who's gonna get the cookie cake?" I stayed quiet, a blush creeping onto my face. "Please don't tell me it's for him!!"
I nodded.
"You've been giving him things for 5 years! What makes this year so different?"
I shrugged.
"..Just go!" with that, she shoved the cookie cake into my hands and pushed me towards the table he sits at.
I walked over to his table and tapped his shoulder as he was talking to his friends.
"You want it?"
"Yeah, sure." I gave it to him. "Oh, and I have something for you, too."
This was new. He never gave me anything before. He only stole some of my stuff playfully... I smiled and thanked him, and one of his friends whistled. I blushed, and he just waved it off. I returned to my table with the wrapped box. My friends were about to ask about the gift, but the bell rang and I went to my locker, still curious about the box.
I'll open it at home...I thought.
at home
"I'm home!" I announced as I opened the front door.
"Welcome home!" Sakura exclaimed.
I put my things down at my desk and took out the neatly wrapped box with my name on it.
"Hyu, hyu, what a pretty box!" Fay commented.
"What is it?" Sakura asked.
"A gift...from one of my friends at school." I replied.
"A Valentine's Day gift?" Fay teased.
I nodded, feeling a blush on my face. "Do you celebrate Valentine's Day in your world?" They all nodded. "Well, there's a dance at my school later at night. Anyone can come. Do you guys wanna come?" They all said yes, all but Kurogane.
"I'll stay home. I don't like to dance." he gruffed.
We found some suitable clothes for everyone and we walked there. It wasn't too far away, so we got there in about half an hour.
Strange, I thought, none of my friends are here...HE'S here?!
As soon as I saw what he was wearing, I almost burst out laughing. He was usually wearing a t-shirt and jeans, now he was wearing a shirt with a peter pan collar and dress pants and shoes. He didn't see me yet, so I stayed in a dark corner and watched him. Then, I remembered Syaoran and the others. They had found an empty table and were sitting down, so I joined them.
"Do you guys want anything to drink?" I asked.
"No thanks, we're fine." Fay replied. Just then, a girl walked up to him and asked him to dance. He accepted and they went off. Syaoran continued eying them and seemed to be thinking. An action he's considering? Syaoran isn't very loquacious. Just then, he turned to face Sakura, who was playing with the hem of her blouse.
"Umm…may I have this dance?" He stood up from his chair and offered her his hand.
At first, Sakura was silent. Just when Syaoran was about to change the subject, she gave him a small smile that grew exponentially.
"Yes," she answered, taking his hand as he escorted her to the dance floor.
Sakura and Syaoran concentrated only on dancing, even as the band proceeded to play a different song; one that made women lay their heads on their men's shoulders, and men wrap their arms fondly around their women's waists. Sakura sighed – but the effect was ruined when she accidentally stepped onto Syaoran's foot.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"
"It's all right, princess," he said, his warm smile never fading one bit. He drew closer to her, and she blushed, feeling happy, feeling his hand at her side, seemingly guiding her, and Sakura couldn't help but put her arms around his neck. At first Syaoran looked alarmed (or at least, that was what she thought) but he smiled again, and they continued to, not a single word passing between them, listening only to the music. Even the reason why they were at this world, seemed millions of miles away…
When Sakura erred in her steps again, he said, "Are you…tired? We can take a rest…and then we can dance again if you want to."
"Okay."
Still holding her hand, they stepped off the dance floor and wove their way towards their table, where I was sitting
During the time they were dancing, I had been watching them and my crush. Sakura had gone off and begun to talk to a Yuzuriha-look-alike. That left Syaoran and me (Mokona was in Sakura's purse). I sighed, resting my head on my arms on the table, still eying my crush. Syaoran followed my gaze and saw him. He must've seen the look in my eyes and how I turned away when he faced me. Suddenly, Syaoran spoke up.
"You like him, don't you?"
I nodded.
"Why not go talk to him?"
"Because, he's with his friends...and he might just ignore me..."
"But how will you ever know if he likes you too?"
"He doesn't. He couldn't. He probably just thinks of me as a friend. Nothing more." I sighed.
"I know how you feel." he said, sneaking a glance at Sakura.
"You like her, don't you?"
He nodded. "But she probably doesn't feel the same way."
"But I DO know that she thinks of you fondly." I smiled.
"I don't know..."
"She's always smiling at you and seems to be happy whenever she's around you. I just wish that he would care for me like you care for Sakura..."
"How can she have any feelings for me?"
"Well, for one, you're always there for her when she needs someone. And you do everything for her...and besides, if she's supposed to stay how she was before she lost her memories after she gets all of them back, wouldn't she return your feelings?"
"And what makes you think she loved me before?"
"...I can tell."
"Just like how I can tell he likes you too."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Well, whenever you weren't looking, he was always sneaking glances at you and he did give you a present, right?"
I blushed. "I guess you're right..."
"Anyway, Sakura thinks she has only known me for a short time. How can she already have feelings for me?"
"That's just my opinion. If you don't want to believe me, that's fine. I don't really care. You're gonna find out sooner or later that I'm right." I teased.
"What makes you think that he doesn't like you the way that you like him?"
"Almost the same as you. We've known each other since we were kids. He has met other people which I think he may like more than me. Like my best friend. He asked her out and she said no, and he didn't really care. When she told me that he asked her out, I was really upset, but I did get over it eventually. Because now he doesn't really talk to her anymore. But still, even though he might always seem happy when I'm talking to him, how do I know that he's not really wishing I wasn't there and that there's someone else he'd rather talk to? There were times I thought I could forget how I felt. But forgetting is not something you do, it just happens to you. Only it didn't happen to me."
He watched me, the pain on my face and how I looked over to where he was standing.
"Did you want to?" he asked.
"Want to what?" I said, confused.
"Forget him."
"No, though for a long while I did wish that. I thought…" I stopped, and then tried again. "I thought that my life would have been easier somehow if we had never met. But deep down, I knew that without him, I would be a different person. He changed my life without even being aware of it." I turned back to him. "No, I don't ever want to forget him." I continued. "It just...feels so nice to be able to tell all this to someone. And to someone who's feelings are exactly the same as mine." He smiled, which made me want to smile back.
"Same here. I had all these feelings locked up inside and I felt I was going to explode if it didn't come out. I do have one friend I tell things to, but this is something that I keep back."
"Me too."
"But if I did tell him, I don't want to trouble him because he might not like me back. If he doesn't return my feelings, he may feel bad because he might think he's being mean or might upset me. And he IS the type of person to do that..."
At that time, Sakura came back as well as Fay. We decided to leave. As I was going out the door, I heard someone shout my name. I turned back and HE was waving to me. "See you tomorrow!" I smiled and waved back, my heart's beating going faster and faster.
at home
"We're back!!" Fay chirped. Kurogane didn't say a word.
I changed back into the clothes I wear at home and as soon as I stepped into the living room, the only person that was there was Syaoran.
"The others already fell asleep." he explained.
"So soon?" I was surprised. I sat in the opposite direction of him and opened the box HE gave to me. Inside, there was a note, a teddy bear, and a bag of cookies. I opened the note and read it.
"To the best friend that I've had for years,
Happy Valentines Day!!
your best friend now and always.
I read the last part over and over again. "your best friend now and always." It was so sweet! I completely unfolded the whole letter and at the bottom, it said "I love you." scribbled messily and a necklace with a silver heart dangling at the bottom was attached. I was very happy, until I realized it wasn't his handwriting: it was his friend's that has always been annoying me. I sighed, but knew that the necklace was really a gift from him.
I turned to Syaoran, who had been watching me. "You know, it makes me think of this song I heard once. The lyrics were 'It's tearing up my heart when I'm with you. But when we are apart, I feel it too. And no matter what I do I feel this pain- with or without you.' Kinda makes me think of this right now." I smiled to myself, a secret smile that I only shared with him. "Well, it's getting late. I'm going to bed. G'night."
"Good night." Syaoran replied, getting up.
As I laid in my bed, he came to mind again. Yet, every time I saw the illusion, I never wanted it to end. If not in reality, I was at least with him in my own mind. And he was there in my heart. He was irreplaceable.
And even though I knew that this façade was piercing through my heart and slowly and agonizingly killing me from the inside, I could so nothing else. I was completely helpless.