Disclaimer: I own nothing, I own nothing, I own nothing. (All hail CLAMP!)
This: is a bit of insomniac drabble. There are no spoilers, and no specific time.
I: value feedback and criticism.
Nemui Desu.
Fai curled around his pillow, clutching it tightly to his chest. It felt good to lean into something, to hold something close. His eyes burned from exhaustion, but he couldn't fall asleep. He didn't want to think about why either.
In all actuality, the mage had become fairly skilled in dealing with these nebulous fears. He was a master of evasion, and that skill served him well in many arenas. He held the pillow more firmly against himself, and listened to the nighttime orchestra. By now, he knew it fairly well. The soft, rhythmic snores of the sleeping children, the occasional murmurings of Mokona, and the steady breathing of the cantankerous ninja were all
familiar sounds. There was a sort of comfort in the familiarity of something so innocuous.
A thoughtful softness edged Fai's eyes as he listened to his companions. The manner in which they had all been thrown together and set out on this journey was completely bizarre; it was almost too strange to be written off as happenchance. The thought that maybe they were all supposed to be together was nice to half-consider. Suppose there was a reason for their quest? Suppose that there was an ultimate goal they were aiming for? Suppose they achieved that goal and everything worked out, because that's how it was supposed to be…? Fai let it dance around the edge of his mind, refusing to actually think about it. If he seriously pondered it, then there was a chance that it would collapse under the crushing weight of logic. No, no, better to let it flutter on the boundaries of his consciousness, better to let the possibility exist rather than knowing for sure that it was wishful thinking.
The mage let out a little bit of a sigh. He didn't want to think about these things. He didn't really want to think at all. He just wanted to exist. He was tired of worrying, he was tired of pretending. Wouldn't it be lovely to just…know people and be known by them? Wouldn't it be lovely to just…but…no, no, these people…Fai's fists clutched the pillow. He wouldn't ever do that to them. He wouldn't. He couldn't.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Fai tried to smother his thoughts in a blanket of idiocy. An idiot with an empty head. That's what he wanted to be. An idiot with an empty head and thus no worries. An idiot with an empty head…
"Fai?" A little voice broke the cadence of the night and jarred Fai out of his thoughts. Mokona left his nest in Kurogane's blankets and snuggled into the crook of Fai's neck.
"Why aren't you sleeping, Mokona-chan?" the mage smiled and stroked the little creature.
"Mokona thought…" his voice was soft with concern. "Mokona thought Fai might want a hug."