A/N: okay, this is a fic that jazznsmoke asked me to write. It is supposed to be based on "By The Way" by Hinder. I'm sure this is nothing like what she had in mind but I hope like hell it's good.
WARNING: Contains possible triggers for EVERYTHING.
By The Way
"In the winding down hours I let your heart down again
(What did I do to make a scene so gory?)
(I'm no better than the ones before me)
Old habits die hard I always end up hating the end
(What did I do to make a scene so gory?)
(I'm no better than the ones before me)"
Beth's eyes were wide as she stared at Merle, the rain washing away her tears but not the scent of the cheap perfume he was covered in.
"How could you?!" She screamed at him. "You promised it wouldn't happen again, Merle!"
"I told ya that I'll always stay tha same," he shouted back, "so don't say I didn't fuckin' warn ya!"
"Yeah, Merle, that's it. You warned me. This is my fault this happened because I believed you could change. Is that it? It's my fault you're doin' that shit every chance you get? It's my fault you fuck those whores instead of comin' home to me?"
He stood there, frozen in place and speechless while Beth continued to scream at him.
Merle pinched the bridge of his nose and snorted at her words.
Of course it was her fault. She was always pushing him, telling him she loved him and believed in him, trying to change him and make him a better man. It was all her fault. Didn't she know him by now? Hadn't he told her that enough times?
There was an uncomfortable silence again. Just like there was when she found his bag of Meth and when she caught him with another woman, just another in a long line.
It was an uncomfortable silence, one that had several meanings to Beth. But she knew this one all too well. She knew what was coming when he took a step forward. It was always like this with him.
Lying in bed hours later, she opened her eyes to find him next to her.
She winced at the pain that shot through her entire body when she sat up.
He grabbed her wrist. "Where are ya goin'?"
"To the bathroom," she said, he let go of her wrist and rolled over.
Beth stepped over their clothes on the way to the bathroom, not bothering to pick up a shirt or anything to put on.
She opened the medicine cabinet, pulled out a pill bottle and washed them down with the bottle of whiskey that was sitting on the counter next to the sink.
She took a deep breath and finally looked into the mirror.
What she saw reflecting back at her should have made her cry but she didn't. He had broken her some time ago.
Her fingertips brushed over the hand shaped bruise on her neck, the bruises on both arms where he had held her down.
She let her hand slid down until it rested on her stomach. She didn't need a mirror to see the damage, she could feel it.
The pain that shot through her side when she pressed her fingers to the bruise forming on her ribs caused her to cry out in pain and double over. But even that didn't compare to the pain she felt when she thought about Merle.
He treated her like glass, like a China doll. It's only when he was high or drunk did this happen.
Beth climbed out of the shower, got dressed and braced herself for what was to come when she stepped out of the bathroom.
To her surprise, Merle was still in bed but he was awake.
A lump formed in Beth's throat as he stared at her.
She could see the hurt in his eyes. The pain they held when he saw the work of the monster he had become.
Merle got out of bed and moved until he was standing in front of her. Dropping to his knees, he reached out for her.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled.
Merle hadn't touched Beth in weeks, something they were both thankful for.
Beth quickly tossed what she had been holding in her hands into the kitchen trash can when Merle stumbled through the front door.
He was slowly making his way to her, she braced herself for what she knew was coming.
The first hit stung, the second burned, the third sent her to the floor, knocking over the trash can.
The contents went flying across the floor beside her.
She saw the look in his eyes when she reached for what could have been, what should have been cause for celebration.
Merle's fists clenched and once again she braced herself for the blow but it never came.
There were sounds of glass breaking, slamming doors and then nothing, complete silence.
She picked herself up off the floor after waiting for him to return then made her way to their bedroom.
Merle was passed out on the bed.
She reached into her nightstand then climbed onto the bed.
Straddling Merle's hips, she kissed him.
His eyes opened and with an evil grin, his hands roughly gripped her hips.
The words he had said the first time he hurt her echoed over and over again in her mind.
"And by the way what made ya think you'd have it yer way?"
She could feel her face swelling and blood running from her nose as she placed one hand on his chest, the other reached out beside his head.
She ground her hips against his, making him close his eyes. Leaning forward she kissed him again.
"I love you, Merle," she said, breaking the kiss, letting her lips brush against his.
Pulling away completely, she slid her hand from his chest to his neck, encircling it with her small hand as best she could.
Her hand moved from beside him to place the barrel of the gun against his forehead.
His eyes opened again and he laughed at her but she couldn't stop what she started.
"And by the way," she whispered and clicked the safety off, "this time we both lose."