Size Matters
"Jack – coffee?"
Ianto entered his boss' office without knocking, a privilege he'd long ago earned. A tiny smile quirked the corners of his lips as he gazed fondly at his Captain, who was currently glaring darkly at the monitor on his desk.
Jack ran his fingers through his thoroughly mussed hair and sighed, frustrated.
Ianto placed the blue-striped mug on Jack's desk and moved behind the office chair. One hand came to rest lightly on Jack's shoulders as the other smoothed the brown strands into something resembling neatness with gentle fingers.
"What's wrong?" Ianto asked softly, a frown creasing his forehead.
Jack glanced up into smoky blue eyes. His expression softened slightly at the concern coloring those Welsh vowels he adored. He reached back and squeezed Ianto's hand, lacing long, slender fingers with his own.
"I have been grievously insulted," Jack announced.
Ianto arched an eyebrow – an expression Jack couldn't fail to miss in the reflection of the offending monitor.
"Really."
"Disrespected, even."
"Oh?"
"I demand satisfaction!" He glowered at the computer. "Can you do that with Mainframe?"
Ianto chuckled wryly. "Jack. You want to challenge the computer to a duel? That's a new one, even for you." He sighed, amused. "What has she done to so affront our Captain?"
Jack snorted at Ianto's obviously blasé tone. This was serious, damn it.
"I decided to change my system password," Jack began. "Got tired of Owen installing porn on my desktop. I mean, seriously! My porn is so much more interesting than that boring stuff he likes…"
Ianto rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly. Yes, Jack. I know your proclivities with porn, having been shagged to the sound of disco-reject soundtracks on several occasions.
Aloud, he replied, "Right. So the problem is…?"
Jack handed Ianto a Post-It with sprawling Harkness penmanship scribbled across it. "That's what I want to use for my new password."
Ianto skimmed the note and chuckled.
Jack redirected the scowl from the monitor to Ianto, then turned back to the original object of his disaffection.
Working to keep a straight face, Ianto prompted, "And…?"
Jack gestured at the screen with a large hand, muttering something disparaging about Mainframe's parentage.
Ianto leaned over Jack's shoulder and read the dialogue box in the middle of the screen. He reread Jack's new password choice on the Post-It – on which was scrawled "MYCOCK" - and consulted the monitor again before he burst out in a rare and perilously boisterous belly laugh.
The warning text above the password field fairly shouted: NOT LONG ENOUGH.