the fourth one! just so you know, i'm going away with my school for a week, so i won't be able to post anything until friday afternoon GMT, but i will try and get a few done today before i leave! just... stick with it, i hope! this one was pretty interesting for me to write, it's puck x lauren, but is mostly from lauren's point of view. i don't know if i got lauren a bit OOC, but she hardly gets much screen time, and i always thought there was something going on underneath that tough shell of hers. hope you like it!

TRIGGER WARNING: SET AROUND A THEME OF SELF HARM. nothing too graphic, but if it is a trigger for you, please, please don't read it. i value your safety above reading my poem.

spoilers: 2.09 (Special Education) for lauren existing as a larger character and not just an extra, possibly 2.18 (Born This Way) for lauren being involved in beauty pageants, but it's not really a big spoiler, is it?

disclaimer: me no own. you know the drill.

the first time someone calls you fat

you're six years old.

:it's after another pageant:

f u l l o f pin-thin g i r l s

girls with blonde hair and blue eyes and pretty smiles

you place over them, of course

(but it's not enough)

to w i p e the memory of that b r a t

*face screwed up, eyes filled with hatred*

'well at least i fit clothes that aren't made for pregnant women'

.o0o.

/it only gets worse/

as you pass through [middle school], [freshman year]

:people don't say things to your face:

you scare them

(but you hear the whispers, when they think you're not listening)

{and they get to you}

there's no questioning that

-they are what have brought you here-

to your white tiled bathroom

*razor on the counter*

d r i p p i n g

with your blood

:and god, it feels good:

so, so good

.o0o.

[junior year]

it starts off the same as every other

and then Noah Puckerman strolls into your life

(no, that makes it sound too romantic)

:you pulled him into your life:

*you didn't give him a choice*

{and now, looking back, you're so glad you didn't}

at first, your relationship is nothing serious

+m i d g a m e+

no-one expects you to last

and the whispers keep coming

you keep cutting

.o0o.

-it all changes, on a hot July day, summer before senior year-

he wants to know why you won't come to the pool party

he wants to know why you never show your arms in public

he wants to know so much, he's asking too much.

'fuck off, Puckerman, it's none of your business'

'fuck yes, it's my business, you're my girlfriend!'

before you know what's happening

his hands are on your sleeves, pulling them up

it's out in the open, now.

{those beautifulugly scars}

(there's a sharp intake of breath)

'fuck, Lauren.'

yes, that's about right.

.o0o.

that's the thing, you see, about Noah Puckerman.

he has a different approach to things.

normally, he's prone to violence

(but he doesn't force you to go to the shrink)

[he asks you if you want to go]

-he says he wants you to go, wants you to get better-

=and it's the first time you've ever heard that much sincerity in his voice=

so you go

to the s h r i n k

you get help

it's not e a s y

but you begin to let yourself hope

.o0o.

five years down the line

(you look at the m a r r i a g e r i n g on your finger)

you smile at the way it

t o u c h e s

it's twin, resting on another, more tanned hand beneath it

that familiar voice

{whispers near your ear}

'you're gorgeous, Lauren, don't you ever forget that.'

you haven't cut since you graduated high school.

so... i hope you liked it! i don't know where puck x lauren has been all my life, but i see the fact that the pairing name is luck to be an omen... of an amazing pairing! although my heart remains with puck x quinn, i now see the appeal of pizes. please review and tell me your thoughts - reviews make my day! :)