My Mother Got Married

(And Other Things That Completely Changed My Life, AKA Sasuke Uchiha)

"Dear Fate…please help Fugaku, the poor coward, to propose to my mother soon, and please help Ino-pig and Shikamaru finally get together, because God knows they'll never settle it on there own. And please help Naruto to see how much Hinata could be to him, and please help Carly Smithson to win American Idol—you know, the Irish girl that sang Blackbird just last week?"

Eyes flicker to the window, where gentle parted curtains reveal a star-sprinkled sky. A star twinkles down from above; and a breath is drawn in, then slowly let back out.

When the voice begins again, it is hesitant, but hopeful.

"And Fate?" A lip is bit, the inside of a cheek chewed on thoughtfully. "That's a wishing star, isn't it?"

There is no answer. Eyelids blink closed on jade-green eyes, and the star blinks back.

Yet another gulp of air is drawn in, and this time the words flow out:

"Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Please grant the wish I wish tonight."

Breathing once more, and exhaling softly, words tumble out in a rush of emotion and desperate hope.

"Please, please, please have Mr. Right find his way right under my nose and stay there, because I really, really, really know he's out there and so what better time then the present?"

A sigh is held, and released. "Thank you, Fate.

"Sincerely, Sakura Haruno."

Chapter 1: Look What the Cat Dragged In

"I made a wish on a star, Ino-pig."

"For what?"

"I asked for Mr. Right to find his way right into my life, right under my nose."

"Forehead, you're too gullible. Mr. Right doesn't happen—all men are arrogant pigs. Like Sai, the selfish bastard. Besides, wishes on stars are so clichéd. Not to mention that they don't come true."

"I don't know, Ino-pig. If I had a million dollars, I'd bet it all on this one thing—that I Mr. Right really will show up right in front of me."

"And this is why they don't let people like you into casinos."

So. Yeah-ish. That is the way I would've chosen to narrate my wonderful, wish-making experience on this freezing Sunday night. Which I did 'cause I'm practicing for my English Tuesday. Self-narration, in case you didn't know.

That and the fact that I had nothing better to do.

I know. Sad, wasn't it?

But still—

Wishes on stars—well, they come true in the movies, right?

So all I needed to do was get an agent, move to Hollywood, and star in a big-picture chick-flick.

Yeah, right. 'Cause that's so easy.

Remind me why I did this again?

Oh, yeah. 'Cause I freakin' wanted Mr. Right.

And at the beginning? When I was asking Fate, that selfish bastard, for help?

I bet you though I was a four year old at first, didn't you? Come on, you know it's true. But seriously, life sucks. That's all there is to it. So why not take the opportunity and try to get on Fate's good side while you can?

That and the fact that as of two days previously, I had read every single freakin' book in the entire house. Twice. So, basically, I had nothing better to do. Yeah. Ish.

It's Sakura Haruno, by the way. Your not-so-average teenage girl. Oh, don't get me wrong--I don't have super powers or anything, although that would be pretty awesome, wouldn't it?

Nope. Nor am an incredibly disturbing fire-eating circus freak. Nothing of the sort, actually.

I just don't...fit in anywhere. I mean, Hinata's the stereotype shy-girl-in-love-with-an-oblivious-boy, and Ino's your typical Prom-Queen-painted-nails-has-dated-every-boy-in-the-school, and Temari's pretty much the poster child for Goth.

As for me? It's just like I said--I'm your normal, every day, book-reading, naturally pink-haired, sunglass loving, Spiderman worshipping Dramione fantasizing teenage girl that watches Nickelodeon cartoons obsessively. (Hey! Avatar: The Last Airbender is awesome, and will one day dominate the world. With the help of Avril Lavigne, of course.)

Which means—exactly. That I'm not your normal, every day teenage girl. No boyfriend or anything. But see, that's why I'd wished for Mr. Right to turn up right under my nose.

Sometimes, I thought that everyone was gonna pair up and leave me all alone. Shikamaru and Ino, of course, and then Naruto and Hinata, and Suigetsu and Karin, and even Fugaku and my mom—

And then I'd grow up to be an old cat lady, and live in a mansion and feed my cats all day because I had nothing better to do.

Which is stupid, really, 'cause I knew I wasn't that bad.

…Was I?

Sighing, I glanced at the clock. 10:15. Well, I could still fit in one Spiderman movie before midnight, right?

You're probably going, WTF? right now and wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Well, see, I have this, err—

Well, I have this…superhero fetish.

Basically, I've seen ever single Spiderman, Batman, or Superman movie ever made. Which actually had made me really defensive about, you know, the general movie-bashing that goes on normally.

Don't ask. I have sworn to never speak of that day ever, ever again.

Taking the stairs in huge leaps and nearly tripping over my fuzzy slippers in the process (Oh, come on. You know you want them.) I rushed to the freezer.

And withdrew two cartons of Rocky Road and Marshmallow Mash, because Peter and M.J. deserve fangirl-ish squeals and compulsive consuming of ice-cream. Come on, you know it's true.

The Food of the Gods tucked under my arm, I snatched my favorite blanket (the one that happens to have Orlando Bloom's face across it, from Pirates of the Caribbean) and rushed to the basement.

Where I proceeded to gain five pounds over fangirl-ish squeals and ice-cream.

Now, as we all know, although it is very important to get on her good side, Destiny is a bitch.

A big, fat, ugly, Spiderman-hating bitch.

Because just as M.J. and Spiderman (who was really Peter) were about to kiss freaking upside down (Which is the best part in the entire movie, dammit!) my mother came home.

Screaming.

Now, when I hear my mother scream, it always means one of four things:

a) Something is on fire.

b) So-and-so have done something-or-other and cause an international scandal. 'Cause those are just that much fun to hear about.

c) OMG Fugaku is so awesome and when the hell is he finally gonna propose to her?

d) All of the above.

From the way she was carrying on about who-knows-what (I mean, seriously! Her shrieks were so high-pitched I couldn't understand a single thing she was saying), I put my money on d.

"Sakura-chan!" she screamed, feet pounding as she sprinted down the stairs, green eyes wide. "You'll never believe what happened!"

I jumped up from the couch. "What is it, mom?" I asked, now completely alert. What had happened? Had Moochie, my stuffed cow, been set on fire by the delinquents next door, and thrown out in the garbage due to excessive bad-smelling smoking? Had Fugaku actually broken up with her?

Had Simon and Paula finally gotten together?

What? What? What?

Mom drew in a deep breath. Jumping up and down ecstatically, she shrieked, "Fugaku just proposed to me! Sakura, I'm engaged!"

My mouth dropped open. Fugaku? Proposed? Oh, Fate, thank you!

"Oh my god mom that is so awesome!" I squealed, as we proceeded to dance around the room like the dorks we are. "When's the wedding? Oh my god we'll get you a wedding dress and everything! Can I be a bridesmaid? Oh my god we get to move into his house!"

Well, mansion, that is.

See, Fugaku is…rich, to say the least. My mom doesn't really care—they met at Starbucks, where Fugaku proceeded to spill coffee all over her favorite shirt. Why, he even paid the dry-cleaning bill!

Tch. Lucky bastard. My mom let him off way too easy.

Hell yeah. The women of the Haruno family are tough.

Where was I?

Oh. Yeah. The mansion. Well, my mom probably would have married him anyway—

But let's say for me that it's just one of those little perks that comes with getting a new step-father. Wink wink.

"Yes! And Sakura! Guess what guess what guess what!" my mom screamed out at me, now jumping up and down on the couch and squeezing a pillow to her chest in excitement.

"What? Oh my god what?" I joined her on the couch, bouncing up and down as she continued to jump.

"You're going to get two new step-brothers!"

Oh.

Fuck.

Step-brothers.

Two.

They would make my life hell! They would ruin everything!

They would turn my entire existence into re-runs of Life With Derek!

Yes. It was clear: Sacrifices must be made. It was for my—err, that is, our--own good.

"Uh, Mom?" I said awkwardly, as she continued to bounce. "Is it to late to...you know...marry someone else?"

Yes, you read that right. I was ready to give up the mansions, home movie theatres, and cotton candy machines (I like my spun-sugar) just to avoid the Brother From Hell.

Which he was totally going to be. Even if I hadn't, you know, met him yet.

Actually, I was feeling kinda guilty. 'Cause if I had to give up that? My mom would have to give up love.

Ouch.

But, never fear. The totally tough soon-to-be Mrs. Uchiha was not going to give up that easily.

Yes, that's right. It was mother-daughter bonding time.

AKA Let's All Talk About Our Feelings, All Right, Dearies?

"Sakura-chan?" Slowly, my mother's incessant jumping came to a stop. "What's wrong?

"Err—nothing!" I lied badly. "Yeah! That's right! Nothing!"

"Sakura," she said patiently, "if it's about Fugaku—"

"No! No!" I shook my head quickly. "Fugaku is awesome! Totally! Amazing!"

My mother stared at me, exasperation creeping into her green eyes (just like mine! I know, the Haruno woman really are the best, aren't they?). "Sakura, is this about your step-brothers?"

"Err," I said awkwardly, which pretty much means, 'Hell, yeah! How'd you guess?' in Haruno speak. Just a little lesson for all the newbies out there.

"Sakura," my mom sighed, sinking back onto the couch. "Fugaku's told me about them, alright? Itachi and Sasuke. Apparently, Itachi's rather—err—distant—"

I rolled my eyes because, God, Fugaku is freaking rich and who'd be dumb enough to give up that?

"—and Sasuke is doing very well in school, although he's been broken up about his mother's death for quite some time."

I gazed at her uncertainly. Were they gonna, what, dump some emo kid on me? 'Cause that would suck.

But, seriously, he probably deserved to be emo. 'Cause his mother dying? That totally sucked.

"So—Itachi and Sasuke," I repeated, furrowing my brow. Mr. Oh, Look What a Moron I am For "Distancing" Myself From My Rich Daddy and Mr. I'm An Emo But Actually Have a Good Reason For It.

Aw! Wasn't I so sweet? I'd already given them nicknames!

"Yes," my mother confirmed. "Itachi and Sasuke." We sat there for a moment, both thinking our own thoughts—my mom probably wondering what color the flowers for the wedding would be, and myself internally creating a list of 'How to Kill Yourself On Short Notice, Due to Incredibly Retarded And/Or Sensibly Emo Stepbrothers,' the first of which detailing the grip that should be used while stabbing yourself with a dull spoon.

And many, many, more.

I had a feeling that in times to come, I'd be needing them.

"Okay," my mom suddenly began in a business-like tone, "So should the flower-girls' dresses by puce or bubble-gum pink? You know, to match—"

"—Your hair," I finished with a squeal, and just like that all thoughts of evil step-brothers fled my mind.

Thank God. What a relief. Itachi was a dumb name, anyway—who the hell would name their kid after a weasel?

Tch. If Fugaku and my mom ever had a kid, I was so gonna help them name it.

Besides, I was running out of ideas for my list.

Due to the all too necessary task of planning The Wedding, as it will hence be known (because it's too awesome to be referred to as otherwise), we didn't get to sleep until three in the morning.

So. Duh. I was freakin' tired.

Which is why, when the doorbell rang at literally before the crack of dawn, I wanted to, um, ignore it. But when my mother called, "Sakura, will you please get that!" for the twenty seventh time, I figured I should probably, you know, answer the door.

God I was gonna kill that freakin' moron.

I stumbled down the stairs sleepily taking my own sweet time, because God who freakin' rings a doorbell at five in the morning? A complete and total idiot, that's who.

Yanking open the door, I was prepared to give the annoying little bastard a good tongue-lashing—

But, alas, my plan was foiled, as the moment my eyes fell upon The Moron Who Must Be A Robot, For Anyone Else Would Know Common Courtesy and That Ringing a Doorbell This Freaking Early Was Bad, I was immediately rendered speechless.

Because standing before me was the most beautiful man I've ever seen. His hair formed these perfect spikes, falling around his face in a way that was absolutely stunning (never mind that it also looks like a chicken's ass)—

His eyes were obsidian black, deep and unreadable and mysterious and oh-so-gorgeous—

His features were so refined; so elegant, that he could be a freakin' movie star. For all I knew, he was.

And I could tell, even through his shirt, that he had muscles. Not super-muscles, like you'd find on Spiderman, 'cause Spiderman is just all around super. See, he thinks, hm, I might want some muscles, so I can get laid more and bam! He has muscles and his own personal whore. So, not Spiderman muscles. Just, you know, the kind that you find on guys you'd stare at and drool over whenever you see them beach.

So. Overall rating: Mm-mm good.

And now for the big question: What in God's name was he doing ringing the doorbell at my house?

Trying to appear impressive, I straightened my shirt.

Oh my God I was wearing Hello Kitty pajamas.

Clearing my throat, I opened my mouth to speak.

I would like to tell you that I said something so witty; so stunning, that God's Gift to Fangirls fell for me immediately, asked for my hand in marriage, and became my love slave forever more.

But no, I just had to go and blurt out, "Who the hell are you?"

God's Gift to Fangirls, henceforth abbreviated as GGTF, observed me coolly, and fixed the collar of his jacket (SQUEE oh my god it was leather. Could this get any better?).

"I take it that you're Sakura Haruno?"

My mouth worked soundlessly, while inwardly I shrieked: Ohmigod he knows my name.

GGTF let out a long sigh. "I'm your new step-brother."

…Oh.

Wait, I realized, panic growing within me, Step-brother?

Who cared if he was emo, he was freaking hot!

But I was more concerned with other issues.

Like, isn't incest a sin against god or something like that?

...Well, shit.

Whoo-hoo for my very first Naruto fanfic ever! Kinda decided to try it out first...I think I'll continue it, though. Depends on how much feedback/encouragement I get from readers. Btw, thanks to anyone who IS reading this!