I stood there watching. Watching for what I did not know. I have been doing this since Rachel left. Since she looked at me and said that she was going to New York. Maybe if I had been better. Maybe if I had actually tried. Now she is in New York. I have to understand that. I caused it. I caused all of pain. Because I knew that I loved her. I knew that I wanted her. But I never told her. I lied on the bleachers sophomore year. The only person that knew that are me, myself, and I. Then I got the idea. I should go after her. But then I think of Finn. The guy that is probably with her right now. The guy that I did not understand how she could love. The guy that hurt her. But then again I hurt her too. I told her that I did not want to be with her. That I did not even want to be friends. But I did become her friend. Maybe I was hoping that as her friend I could show her that I could be more. But it never happened. I just stuck to being her friend. I allowed Finn to love her. I allowed Finn to have her heart. I choose to seat back. I choose to hope that she could read my mind. But she never did. She never saw how much I loved her. That was all my fault. If I had just grown a pair like everyone told me to do. If I had just did the thing that I was scared to do. But then again when was I ever scared of going after girls. I guess that Rachel was different in that way. She was not just any girl. Rachel was a woman. She was strong and independent. She stood up for herself. She always held her head up even when the bulling was going on. Rachel was different. She was not just some girl that I wanted for a night then never talk to again. So maybe I was scared of my feelings. I had never felt anything like that before. So I allowed my feelings to scare me off of telling the girl that I loved that I loved her. As I take another sip of my drink I tried not to cry. I was not going to cry. Crying was only going to show more weakness than I wanted to show. But that is what I get. I am weak. I never told the girl that I actually loved that I loved her. I allowed her to go after Finn. I allowed her to find another person to love. Even if I loved her. But maybe I should still go to New York. Maybe I can show her that I am better than Finn. But then I think about it. I really start thinking about it. I am just a Lima Loser. I was never go to amount to anything. If I go to New York I was probably just going to pull her down. If I was going to go to New York I was going to need a plan. A plan that I did not have. I really did not have a plan for anything. I was going to be the forever Lima Loser. I remember the day that Rachel told me that I was not a Lima Loser. That made me chuckle. Look at me now. I am that. I will never be anything. I screwed around in high school. I allowed the girl that I loved to walk out of my life. So I will keep watching. I will keep hoping. Hoping that she will think about me. Think about the guy that she had faith in back in high school. Hoping that she will fall in love with me. Hoping that she will call and tell me that she needs me in New York. But that is just wishful thinking. She has New York and Finn. I need to allow her to have that. So I take one more look at the street. I knew that it was an 8-hour drive. But I was not going to make it. I was going to stay in Lima. I was going to stay where I belonged. The forever Lima Loser.