TOO MUCH LOVE WILL KILL YOU
A TORCHWOOD FANFICTION
AUTHOR: Djap
PAIRING: Jack Harkness x Ianto Jones
RATING: PG13 for some kissing and hints on bed acrobatics
GENRE: Established Relationship, Romance, inspired by the song from Queen, but not really a songfic
BETA: Neenabluegirl – thanks for your work – it was great, like always
LANGUAGE: English
SPOILER: Up until the end of season two
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the boys and I won't make any money with them. Pity.
…
Too much love will kill you
A Djap story
…
I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I'm far away from home
And I've been facing this alone
For much too long
It was dark in the room but like usually sleep just wouldn't come for Jack. Instead he listened to the deep and even breaths of Ianto, who was currently sleeping plastered against his side. Jack didn't like sleeping at all, but on some nights he indulged in the luxury of his lover sleeping beside him. It gave him an odd sense of normality and sometimes it made him even feel alive, if only for a few moments.
Jack felt well fucked and very content, so he let his mind wander to the past, which was another luxury he indulged in very seldom. A lot of things had happened in the past weeks and he had been confronted with many past lovers and even found a new one. There was probably nothing that would make him feel better, and now even Ianto had started to wonder, how it would feel for Jack when death came to take Ianto away.
Jack had no words to describe how it felt to lose so many lovers over such a long time. He just couldn't die with them, but he also couldn't stop falling in love. It probably was the only thing keeping him sane anyway. There was Estelle with her kind heart and her loyalty to nature. There was John, who was always a challenge to tame, but really great in bed. There was Captain Jack Harkness, for whom he'd fallen for in only one day, with all his fears and his bravery. So many of them already dead, taking a part of his heart with them.
"Penny for your thoughts."
Jack grimaced. He hadn't been aware that his current lover was awake and now he felt bad for having thought about past lovers with him here in his bedroom. He didn't answer though, as Ianto always seemed to know when he was lying. Ianto never called him on his lies, but Jack despised the hurt look in the young Welsh's eyes.
Ianto sighed before speaking again.
"Just tell me, Jack. You know I won't get mad."
"I thought about you." Jack lied automatic, going for a fake smile and hoping that Ianto would leave it alone. He did most of the time, whenever Jack obviously didn't want to tell the truth.
This wasn't one of those times though. At least Jack didn't earn the hurt look, just an annoyed eye-roll.
"If that would have been the case, you'd be fucking me blind right now. At this time of the night you have a one track mind." Ianto pointed out with a real smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. Jack tried to distract his lover from his earlier question with one of his own.
"Why do you think I was thinking about sex?"
Ianto rolled his eyes again and made a possessive grab for Jack's erection, which obviously had been poking the man in the hip. "Duh."
Jack grinned again and this time it reached his eyes.
"Busted."
"Who were you thinking about?"
Sometimes Ianto was like a puppy with his chew-toy. Jack groaned and asked back "Are you sure you want to know?"
Ianto mimicked the eye-rolling and sighed again: "Yes. Otherwise I wouldn't been asking, you know."
Jack finally shrugged and offered the truth.
"Past lovers. All of them and how it feels to lose them."
Ianto lifted his eyebrows "That got you horny?"
Jack chuckled "No, I remembered how it used to be with John and that got me horny."
"He is sexy." Ianto admitted.
Jack nodded.
"But also dangerous."
"True."
"That's what got to you, isn't it?" Ianto sounded merely curious and not offended so Jack stayed with the truth. "Yeah."
Ianto mulled that over in his head for a while, but he didn't tense or show any discomfort, so Jack just stayed quiet, waiting for the next questions. He knew this conversation wasn't over yet, but he wasn't bothered by the silence.
"What happened when you went back to 1941? You fell for someone, didn't you?"
Jack suppressed a surprised gasp, but couldn't stop himself from tensing, telling Ianto more than he wanted to. But his young lover just nodded his head, as if he'd known the truth all along.
"Thought so. You just love to be in love and for a few days you acted strange. You didn't need to hide it though. I wouldn't have made a scene or anything."
"You wouldn't have?" His mouth had been quicker than his thoughts, but Jack was too perplexed to think before speaking right now. He was very surprised at the turn this conversation had taken.
Now Ianto looked affronted. "Of course not. Who do you think I am? A child? Some stupid tea-boy? I know this can't last forever, and I know why people fall for you. I know you are different. I was actually surprised you came back to me. I didn't think I could keep you for as long as this has been going on."
And just for this moment Ianto looked anything but the young man he still was. The Welsh looked mature and wise, and definitely more grown-up than Jack felt. So Jack leaned in and just kissed him lightly on his lips, as words had deserted him for a moment. He didn't deepen the kiss though and instead he just softly stroked Ianto's cheek, locking gazes with him.
"You are right, and I'm sorry. But you shouldn't worry though. As long as you want me, you got me. It's you who will tire of me. And I think we really need to work on your self-esteem."
"That means you tell me the next time something like this happens?"
"Promise. Do you want me to tell you about him?"
"Yes, please. He must be really something if you fell this quickly for him."
And Jack told him everything he knew about the man whose name he took. A weight lifted from his heart with every sentence he spoke. Ianto listened quietly to his words, sometimes interrupting him with questions but mostly just letting him pour his heart out.
Much later, after their talk and a second round of inventive love making, they lay bathing in the afterglow when Ianto asked another question.
"Did I bring this melancholy on you with my question today?"
"Don't worry about it. It happens from time to time."
"I'm sorry I reminded you of your losses. I just…"
"Don't apologize. It's okay, really. Not your fault and not mine. It's nothing either of us can change."
At first Ianto looked skeptical and obviously wanted to contradict but then he decided against it. "Okay."
He resumed his earlier position, plastered to the still sweaty side of Jack and suddenly began to hum. When he finally started in on the lyrics, Jack smiled bitter-sweetly. He pressed a kiss to Ianto's temple and leaned back to enjoy the song, thanking every important entity in the universe that has this particular lover with him in his lonely fate.
Torn between the lover It'll drain the power that's in you
And the love you leave behind
Make you plead and scream and crawl
And the pain will make you crazy
You're the victim of your crime
Yes, too much love will kill you
And you won't understand why
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul
But here it comes again
Too much love will kill you
…In the end
…
Endless End
Finished 26thAugust 2010