This is my first attempt at a crack-fic/parody. With the overhyped release of 'Saw 5' in England, I decided to go one step too far and completely rip the ideas and context to shreds, whilst unleashing the inner insanity kept within my mind. Basically, in short... prepare to die.
...Well, on that happy note – enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers or Nintendo. I only own me.
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T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a...
"Dude, this is Halloween! Not Christmas!"
Oh... sorry. Anyway, today we shall view an interesting tale... one of darkness, and horror. Beasts who comb the land in search of blood, and zombies who...
"Regii, cut it out!" There was a slam as the door opened, and Red walked into the room, "This fic has no zombies or beasts in it! Shut up and write, Regii!"
"Ugh, get out of my room and back in the fanfic!"
"Hmph..." Red turned around, and stormed back into the fanfic, closing the door behind him. I sighed, leaning back on my chair and drumming my fingers lightly on the keyboard.
"Now that he's gone... let's begin, shall we?"
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"Trick or treat!"
Ganondorf raised an eyebrow at the expectant kids at the door of the Smash Manor, all with colourful costumes and eager faces. He sighed, picking up a big tub of sweets and chocolate bars near the door, and held them out.
"One each, no squabbling," He grunted, as the children clambered for the first pick. He sighed. He hated Halloween, really. People worshipping fake demons and silly ghosts, people asking for sweets, and egging others if they don't give them. This day was stupid, to him.
Once the kids left, Ganondorf was about to close the door, when he was rudely tackled by something running past him. He snarled, regaining his balance, and looked over to see Red pick himself up from the floor. Ganondorf stared at his costume in amazement.
It was obviously home-made. Red had a black cloak on that covered most of his body, with black wings made of cardboard and covered in feathers, which left Ganondorf wondering where he'd gotten all the feathers from. He had dyed his hair darker, and had a black bandana on. Red folded his arms in irritation, glaring at Ganondorf, "Mind moving your fat butt out of the way of the door, Ganondorf?"
Ganondorf groaned in annoyance, "Don't tell me you're doing this crap, too..."
"It's not 'crap'!" yelled Red, furiously, "It's a fun time where you can meet with friends, have a good time, and get free sweets! What's not to like?"
"The fact that everyone acts like a moron, and you all have to dress up in stupid costumes that look ridiculous!"
"You don't need to dress up, Ganon," Red sneered at him, "You're scary enough as it is."
Ganondorf growled, "You son of a—"
"Red!"
The two turned around to see Sonic slide down the balustrade. Sonic had died his fur and spikes black, and was adorning a pair of red tinted sunglasses. He had a long, black cape with red on the inside, and a pair of black gloves. He was wearing his black shoes, too, and he approached the two, grinning, revealing plastic fangs.
"I am Sonicula! The vampire hedgehog!"
"Nice!" Red high-fived his friend, grinning, "Now all we gotta do is wait for Pit..."
"You both look like idiots," Ganondorf huffed, and stormed off.
Red frowned, watching him leave, then turned to Sonic, "Dude, don't listen to him. I think you look great."
"Thanks Red," Sonic grinned, "Now all we have to do is wait for Pit... He can't take THAT long to get ready..."
There was a bang, and a sound of "GEDDOFF ME!!" followed by Pit tumbling headfirst down the stairs with Pikachu attached to his leg. Both Red and Sonic began to laugh as Pit shook the Pokemon off of his leg, who gave him an angered look and bolted off to the kitchen.
Pit was dressed in his usual black, or rather, 'dark angel' outfit, but was also now wearing a pair of black jeans, and had made his hair much longer so it went down his back. When the two looked closely, they could see he also had red contact lenses in, which made him look even more threatening.
Red whistled, "Whoah, where'd you get the contacts?"
"And the hair extensions?" Sonic added, amazed.
"Guys, in case you haven't realised, this is a fanfic," Pit explained, "It really doesn't matter at all..."
A pause followed this. Pit sighed.
"...Wals-Mart."
"Oh."
Red sighed, "Can we go? We don't want to be late, right? Or all the good stuff would have gone already..."
"Yeah, sure, let's move," Sonic hurried to the door and opened it, as the three left. Sonic closed the door behind him, and followed his friends, each ready to fill their bags with sweets and chocolate, and other such goodies. Red was leading, with Sonic and Pit trailing behind, talking to each other.
"You know, people came knocking at our door earlier dressed like some of us."
"You're kidding," Pit laughed, "Like who?"
"Someone was dressed as you, I remember..." Sonic leaned back, "Then there was a kid dressed as Marth, and a Lucario, too."
"Wow, neat-o..."
"Hold it!" Red stopped, making the other two walk into him, causing them all to fall to the ground in a heap. Red groaned, and pushed the other two off of him, "I said HOLD IT!"
"A bit LATE?" Pit growled sarcastically, "Say it EARLIER next time, Red..."
"Humph..." Red stood up, and looked in front of him. The others followed his gaze to see what he was looking at. Red was staring at a green, glowing, spinning light that was situated in the floor. The three approached slowly, staring at it, and Red turned to the other two, "You know what this is?"
"What's a portal doing here?" Pit questioned in a bemused voice, "Master Hand never mentioned anything like this..."
"Should we...?" Sonic began, staring at the swirling light. Red shook his head in disagreement, making Sonic puzzled, "Why not?"
"Can you hear something?" Pit suddenly cut them off, his head to the sky. The three listened to the noise, which turned out to be a voice, droning and repetitive.
Hey! I don't drone! I may be repetitive, but...
"Uh..." Sonic raised an eyebrow, "Is the voice arguing with a sentence?"
...No. This is your imagination.
"What are you supposed to be saying?" Red asked, perplexed. There was a disheartened sigh, and an irritated voice replied back to him.
Well, I would have been saying, 'Go into the portal... go into the portal... go into the portal...' I mean, that MAY BE repetitive, but it's not droning... is it?
"It kinda is..." Pit muttered, shaking his head, "And that's kinda cliché. Getting a disembodied voice to tell you to go into a portal to try and lure you into a trap..."
Listen, if you don't go into the portal, there won't be a fanfic. Just do it, idiots.
"Hey!" Sonic retorted, "We're not idiots!"
"Yeah, and you have no right to call us—" Red was cut off as a giant black boot flew down from the sky, kicking all three into the portal of spinny-whirly-omgness. All three cried out as they were sucked into the portal, and dragged down, down, and even further down into darkness. All the while, the song 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' by Green Day was being played in the background for no particular reason.
There was a loud thud as finally, they hit a cobbled floor. The three slowly sat up, rubbing their respectively injured positions. Sonic was the first to speak up after this death-defying fall from above. He turned to the other two.
"Thank Chaos Emeralds this is a fanfic, or that would've killed us..."
"I agree, that would have killed us..." Pit growled, slowly standing up. The angel looked around, as Red also slowly got to his feet, "Where... are we?"
"Beats me," Sonic muttered, "Looks like a dungeon of some kind..."
"A portal to a dungeon?" Red blinked, "That's stupid. Was someone trying to trap us?"
"Beats me," Sonic repeated, shaking his head, "But whatever. We need to find a way out of here."
"I agree with Sonic," Pit nodded, "This place is creepy as it is."
The three began to walk around, looking at the stone walls and marble ceiling. It was then that Red noticed something odd, "Hey guys, where exactly did we come in from?"
Sonic blinked, "There should be a hole on the roof where we... fell..." He broke off, realizing that the hole had vanished, "Um..."
"This place is weird..." Pit muttered, but he suddenly yelled out, "Hey! I found a way out!"
The two ran over to where Pit was to find a large, stiff door on the far side of the room. The three all pushed simultaneously, and the door creaked open to reveal...
...Another empty room.
"Great, another room... What is this, 'bare-room-day'?" Pit cried sarcastically. Sonic, however, ran past him to the other side of the room.
"I found another door!" Sonic cried, and pushed it, "But... I think it's locked!"
"Explains the padlock," Red pointed out the large, golden padlock on the door, with a sign under it that read, "Locked. Do not push, losers."
"...Oh," Sonic moved away from the door, frowning, "I don't see a key..."
Pit. Red. Sonic. So good of you to join me here tonight... on Halloween.
"Who said that?" Red looked around, then at the roof, "The disembodied voice..."
"Hey there," Pit replied calmly, "Can you help us find the key, Mr. Voice? We're kind of stuck without it..."
The voice gave a cruel laugh, and growled loudly.
Red... Pit... Sonic... I'd like to play a little game with you.
"Ooh! Ooh!" Sonic grinned, bouncing on his toes, "Is it Tetris? I love that game!"
No, it's not Tetris. Listen, one of you has the key to the door opposite you.
"No we don't," Red protested, "If we did, then we would have—"
LET ME FINISH, IDIOT.
Red fell silent and into a small sulk. The voice continued as if nothing had happened.
Now... one of you has the key. However... it is inside you.
"I-inside us?" Sonic panicked, shaking, "Th-then how do we get it out?"
The voice cackled evilly, and continued on.
One of you must be cut open by another, and the key removed through your stomach.
This was met by a pause, and a collective amount of worried looks from the three. Red slowly raised an eyebrow.
"Um... Okay, so we have to amputate one of us to get out the key... right?"
Yes.
"...Okay... random..." Pit turned to Sonic, who'd turned pale, "Sonic, what's wrong? You don't look to well..."
"I don't... feel too good..." Sonic suddenly wretched and coughed up a load of stuff onto the floor. There was a clang as a metal object hit the floor, but it was a bit muffled from the two cries from Pit and Red.
"EWWW!"
"GROSS, MAN!"
Sonic bent down, and looked at the metal object on the floor, in a pool of his coughed-up fluids. He blinked, staring at it as he picked it up, "...No wonder I felt ill! I coughed up a key! What was that doing in my stomach?"
"It's THE key to open THAT door!" Red cheered, pointing at the locked door, "Take that, disembodied voice! Teen Smashers one, voice nil!"
...Darn-knock-it. Oh well... heheheh...
Red unlocked the door, opening it into another room. He let the other two walk in, then closed it behind him. Turning around, he was annoyed to see... another bare room.
"Awww..."
However, on one side of the room, there was an indent in the wall. It was barred off by a set of very thick bars. As the three approached, they could see the key a fair bit back in the cage. A little closer was a button, which was currently unpressed. Sonic raised an eyebrow.
"Now what? We can't fit our fingers through those gaps..."
Precisely.
"You still here?" Red yelled angrily, "Buzz off and leave us alone!"
But I'm gonna tell you how to get the key.
"How then?" Pit snapped, now annoyed, "Or is it another game that's stupid?"
Hey! They're not stupid!
"Yes they are," Sonic retorted, glaring at the ceiling.
No they aren't!
"Yes they are!" Pit yelled, now boiling with anger. This back-and-forth commenting motion went on for a fair bit, until finally, the voice snapped.
Do you WANT me to tell you how to get the key?
"Yeah," Red began, "but we don't need one of your—"
THEN SHUT UP!!
All three fell silent, as the voice let out an agitated sigh, and began to explain.
To get the key... you must make your hand smaller.
"And how, oh-so-great-one, do we do THAT?" Pit asked, his face burning with rage. The voice began to cackle, infuriating them even more.
Why, isn't it obvious? What's in the centre of the room?
The three looked on the floor in the middle of the room, to see a metallic glint shine up at them. When they'd got close enough, they saw it was a long, sharp dagger with a rusty edge on one side and a wooden handle. The voice spoke up again, re-attracting their attention.
Remember... make your hand smaller...
"...This guys a sick, twisted weirdo..." Sonic muttered, staring at the blade, "So what? We cut out hand in half?"
"Seems like it..." Red muttered, shaking his head, "I agree with Sonic though. This guys a sick retard."
Why thank you. Much obliged.
The three rolled their eyes, and Red stared at the blade, weighing it out in his hand, "So... got any plans?"
"Can I see the blade?" Pit held out his hand to his friend, who placed the large dagger in it. Pit studied it, and began to smile, "Heh... moron..."
"Who's a moron?" asked Sonic, but his question was answered as Pit raised his head.
"Hey, Mister Absent-voice!"
...You mean me, right?
"Yeah! You made this dagger too long!" Pit exclaimed, walking back over to the bars of the cage.
What? No I didn't!
"Oh yes you did," Pit corrected, and to prove it, he slipped the dagger blade in between the bars, and made the tip press the button. The bars slid upwards, and Pit grabbed the key from inside, with a triumphant, "Told you so."
...I hate my job...
"Then why do you do it?" asked Red, looking puzzled.
Because it's my role in the fanfic. I don't have a choice.
"Well, whatever, let's just move..." Sonic pushed past the other two, and headed to the door. Red followed him, and waited for Pit to move to them. Pit shrugged, and flew over, unlocking the door and walking through. The three stopped at another empty room. However, this time, there was nothing in it. Just a blank, bare room, with nothing in it. Red took a tentative step forward, then ushered the other two to follow. All three slowly moved into the room, unsure of what to expect.
"What have you got planned now?" Red called out, but was cut off as the door slammed shut behind him. All three wheeled around, and as they did, bars dropped from the ceiling, blocking their way forward. Pit ran up to the bars, and began to bang on them.
"Hey! Let us out!"
Oh, but I can't let you do that, Icarus.
"Huh?"
You're trapped. I'm sick of you breaking free with no-one getting hurt. So, I'll lock you here and leave you, without a key. Goodbye.
"Wait!" Cried Red, but the voice had vanished. The Pokemon Trainer snarled, kicking the metal bars of the miniature cell they were now in, "Pffft, now what? We're trapped."
"C'mon guys, think," Pit motivated the other two, "we need to find a way out of here! And fast!"
"Think, think..." Sonic grabbed his head, shaking it from side to side, "Come on, Sonic, thiiiiink..."
This went on for at least ten minutes, before Red looked down at his feet in despair, "Oooh... I can't think of anything..."
Pit sighed, and shook his head, "Me neither. There's no button... no key..."
"If only there was someone who could get on the other side of the bars and get the key..." Sonic grumbled, "Someone we knew... someone who could get us out..."
Red's head snapped up, "Hey...! Hey, I GOT IT!!" He suddenly whipped out a cell phone from his pocket, and dialled a number. Pit and Sonic both raised an eyebrow, wondering who he was calling.
"Hey man, it's Red," Red spoke into the phone. There was a brief pause, "...I'll call her back. Listen, can you get us out of here? You know where we are? ...Good. We need a key. Kinda small-ish. You think you can find it...? Score! Okay, thanks!" he clicked off the phone, and grinned at the other two's sceptical looks, "Done."
"Who did you call?" Pit asked curiously, watching the smug look on Red's face.
"Regii."
There was a pause. Finally, Sonic spoke up, "You... called the author?"
"Why not? You said we needed someone to get us out of here? Why not the guy who's writing this whole thing!"
"But doesn't that, like, destroy the fourth wall?" Pit raised an eyebrow, "Is that even possible? Is it even LEGAL?"
"And the most pressing question..." Sonic added, leaving a dramatic pause to put the other two on suspense for a moment.
"...How the HELL did you get his number?"
"Stole it," Red grinned, "When I walked in his room before the fanfic, his cell was lying on the table. It was on his number anyway, so I memorized it and saved it in my phone."
"I knew I shouldn't have left my phone like that..." the teens turned to see a tall, thin boy with long, light-brown hair and sharp, green eyes behind square glasses. He was wearing a blue, furry fleece, with a white t-shirt and jeans. He had on white sneakers, and...
"Okay, okay, we get it!" Red sighed, rolling his eyes at the above paragraph, "Enough of the character development scene already!"
"Sheesh, fine!" I cried, walking towards them from the other side of the bars, "I'm just trying to give the readers details, alright? No need to be so uptight about it!"
Sonic stepped forward, "Cut to the chase. Do you have the key, Regii?"
"Yup, right here," I pulled the tiny silver key out of my pocket, along with a piece of paper, "And I have some messages for you three. Sonic, your shoes are back from the dry-cleaners."
"Sweet!"
"...Also, Amy spammed your e-mail box with about twenty messages. I deleted them all."
"Good man!" Sonic cheered. Next, I turned to Pit, who was eyeing me in a rather bizarre way.
"Pit, Palutena told me to clean your swords for you. It's done and dusted. Literally."
"Thanks, Regii. I owe you one."
"Also, Reenie called. She says you have her twin guns, and she wants them back."
"...Darn it, that's not fair..." Pit sulked slightly, "I wanted to shoot some birds with them..."
"Red," I turned to the Pokemon Trainer, "Zelda called. She wants to know if you were the one that put the camera in her shower."
All three of us turned to Red, who fidgeted uncomfortably, his eyes darting left and right, "Um... no?"
I shrugged, "Look, it means nothing to me. But here's your key," I threw the key at Pit, who caught it and unlocked the cell, "Come on, let's get you out of here."
"B-but what about the fourth wall?" Sonic cried, "It's broken, isn't it?"
"Sonic, if it makes you feel better..." I turned to him, and took a deep breath.
"...I smashed the fourth wall, shattering it into millions of pieces. I then took the pieces to a volcano, where I turned them into liquid. Next, I took them to a glass-making factory, where I turned them into useful items, like windows, screens, and even..." I pulled a glass flask out of my pocket, filled with orange liquid, "This flask. There, you feel better, Sonic?"
"No, not really."
"Good, now let's go," I walked out of the door I'd come in from, "I'll get you out of here."
"'Bout time..." Pit mumbled, as the three followed me out, "So where are we headed?"
"If we get to the end of this corridor, there's a portal that leads you out to the manor," I continued to walk along the hallway, "Unfortunately, it's about a mile long."
At this, all three Brawlers did an anime-style fall, their legs sticking into the air at odd angles, "A MILE?!"
"Yup, so we better get moving. Come on."
The next few minutes were filled with an eerie silence, nothing being heard but the sound of their own footsteps, rapping on the floor. Rapping like gangsters. Yeah.
"Soooo," Red broke the silence and the rapping, "you're the author?"
"You know the answer to that, Red," I replied, as we continued to walk, "...but yes, I am. Why do you ask?"
"Um..." Red thought for a moment, "Can you, uh... manipulate stuff?"
"Depends," I folded my arms, thinking, "I can if you want me to... why?"
"Can you make Zelda not get mad at me about the whole camera thing? She'll freak if she finds out... please Regii, don't let her find out..."
"Aw, but it'd be funny!" I cried in defence, glaring at him, "...and a good idea for another fanfic, too."
"REGII!!"
"It's true, though."
"Hey, Reg," Pit questioned, "Why is your writing in bold?"
"Because I'm the author," I simply explained, "I can do what I like. I'm epic like that."
"But that doesn't mean you can—"
Before he could finish, I wheeled around and grabbed the front of his dark tunic, "I AM THE EPIC, YOU ARE NOT! FEEL THE POWER OF THE EPICISM THAT IS IN ME!! FEEL IT OWN YOUR SOUL WITH SHEER EPICNESS!! ...Epic!"
Pit gave a 'wtf' look, and quickly pulled himself away from me, "Uh... okay..."
What's all the ruckus?
"You!" Red yelled at the ceiling, "Get out of here! We're almost home!"
Aw, but I want one last game! The author can join in too, if he so wishes.
"A game?" I asked, puzzled, "...Can we play some Brawl? If we do, DIBS ON LINK!!"
NO, we are NOT playing Brawl! Haven't you realized yet that my games involve death and real life situations?
"No," Pit folded his arms, "Your games are of a sick, twisted, demented weirdo, who probably gets sexual pleasures from watching people torment themselves and/or other people. Furthermore, it's inhumane, and stupid. People don't want to play your games, so why do you do it? Revenge? If that's the case, take it out on the person who caused you the problem, and not on innocent bystanders like us. Got that, you freakishly demented death-aholic?"
There was a long silence, where nothing could be heard at all. All remained completely still and quiet, as Pit slowly calmed down. I folded my arms, looking back up at the ceiling, where I guessed the voice was, and shrugged.
"...I think you need some ice," I grinned, making the three Brawlers turn to me, "because you just got burned."
Another long pause, until finally...
...You're all going to die, right now. I swear to hell on Earth.
Without warning, loads of beasts and dark creatures began to appear around us, surrounding us into a small group in the centre. The three stared around at the monsters, now becoming obviously worried. Sonic turned to me, grabbing my shirt, his face contorted with worry and fear.
"G-get out weapons for us," he cried, "M-my shoes, Pit's swords, Red's Pokemon! We gotta get out of here!"
"Relax," I yawned, "You're already armed."
"We are?" Pit asked, puzzled, but he was interrupted as Red barged past him, "Hey!"
"I thought you said there'd be NO monsters in this story!" Red yelled angrily, "You said at the beginning that—"
"No, YOU said," I corrected sternly, "If you look up the page, it clearly states YOU said it."
"But—"
"Who's the author here?"
Red growled, and glared back at the creatures, "So how do we win? We have no weapons, Regii! Can't you just get our stuff back from the Manor?"
"No, because you're already armed yourselves," I grinned, "Look at yourselves, seriously – Red, you're a demon... thingy, Pit's a dark angel, Sonic's a vampire hedgehog! For Arceus' sake, use your heads!" and with that said, I 'poof'ed myself away in a puff of pwnage. Red frowned, and then took a fighting stance.
"But... this isn't real..." He leant back, and touched one of his wings, and was surprised to feel it twitch under his fingers, "Holy cow... guys, this crap is REAL, we're really monsters!"
"You're kidding...?" Sonic raised a hand, and felt his fangs, which were now long and sharp, "...Whoah... AWESOME!"
"Does that mean our strength's improved, too?" Pit asked, taking a stance next to Red, who shrugged.
"Dunno man, but let's hope so..."
With that, all hell broke loose. The creatures closed the gap with relatively fast movements, baring their teeth at the three Brawlers. Red was the first to react, swinging around and kicking one of the creatures into another behind it, sending them both flying. Pit ducked a slash from a claw, and counterattacked with a powerful uppercut to the chin, instantly knocking its head off and destroying it. The creature vanished in wisps of dark smoke, as a second appeared behind it. Sonic dived in front, sinking his fangs into the creature's chest. The dark beasts yowled in pain, and vanished in more wisps of smoke. Two more creatures tackled Sonic, but were thrown off as Red slashed with a backhand, his fingers growing into claws and slicing their faces. Both creatures howled and vanished, and Red helped Sonic to his feet.
"You okay?" Red asked, and then turned back to the creatures, "They just keep coming... how we get out of here?"
"We gotta keep fighting!" Pit cried, swinging his fist around at another creature. There was a bright, purple flash, and the creature disintegrated into nothing, "We can't stop!"
UGH!! You're taking too long to die! Hurry up already!
"Shut up!" All three yelled, as the creatures charged again. This time, the three made a break for it, running down the hallway towards the portal was presumably located. The creatures followed closely, not wanting to lose them. They were gaining fast, and the portal was nowhere in sight.
"WE'RE DONE FOR!!" Sonic yelled, "I CAN'T RUN WITHOUG MY PROPER SHOES!!"
"Oh Palutena, I'm sorry..." Pit lowered his head, "I failed..."
Red just looked at the floor in despair as his new wings curled over his head to protect him. The creatures dived down upon the three, their teeth gnashing, and their claws slicing, ready to rip them to shreds.
A sudden whir caught their attention. The creatures all stopped, looking back down the hallway to where the three had first come from. Along with the whir came some exceptionally awesome boss battle music, and a loud shout.
"OH, BUT I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT, STAR FOX!!"
A large silhouette came into view, whirring and grinding its way towards them. As it approached, the three saw what it was, and sweat dropped.
"Holy Arceus, is there nothing this author can't think up of?!"
The whirring turned out to be... a giant lawnmower. Attached to the back of it was an enormous aeroplane turbine, blasting the giant lawnmower forward and towards the sea of beasts. I leapt up, yelling at the three of them, "JUMP ON, QUICKLY!!"
The three obliged, and landed on the back of the lawnmower. The huge, jet-powered lawnmower shot through several of the beasts, destroying them instantly. The three teens hung on for dear life, as I began to laugh hysterically in my own little sea of randomness.
"DUDE, WHAT IS THIS?!" Sonic yelled over the roar of the engine. I turned to him, grinning.
"Sonic, this is the lawn-a-matic Ten-Thousand!" I cried, "And to prove it, look at its power level!" I threw a small, metal object at Pit, who caught it in his hand, and pointed it at the engine. His eyes widened in amazement, and I began to laugh.
"So, Pit... WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT ITS POWER LEVEL?!"
Pit held the scouter to the engine, where it promptly beeped, and exploded. Pit drew back, screaming, "IT'S OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAND!!"
"WHAT, NINE-THOUSAND?!" Red stared at him, "THERE'SNO WAY IT CAN BE THAT HIGH!!"
"Okay, please, enough with the obscure references already!" Sonic cried, putting his hands over his ears, "Please, stop with them!"
"Okay, okay..." I sighed, "But we're almost there! Don't worry guys!"
The four of us continued to ride the lawnmower, as the end came in sight. A bright, white light shone from above, signalling the portal and the way to freedom. I cried triumphantly, but it was soon stifled as there was a roar, and the four of us looked back to see the creatures gaining on us. I shook my head, and stood up.
"I guess there's no other way..."
"R-Regii, what are you doing?!"
"Get behind me, guys!" I cried, and ducked in front of them, staring at the creatures. I took a deep breath, and let my eyes go wide, and my energy build up inside me. I leaned back, and then screamed at the top of my lungs.
"...I'M-A FIRIN' MAH LAYZUUUUR!!"
The huge, blue laser shot through the darkness, incinerating everything it touched. The creatures were obliterated, and nothing was left except a smoking, slightly luminous crater. Pit, Sonic and Red all stared, unable to say anything. The lawnmower hit the column of light, and was suddenly sucked upwards into a spinning vortex. All three Brawlers cried out in fear and panic, where-as I just sat in mid-air, unfazed by the huge whirlwind of portal-travel which was zooming on around me.
Eventually, with another loud thud, the three Brawlers landed on the grass. They all sat up simultaneously, to see no sign of the portal, the lawnmower, or any remnants of their costumes being alive. Red frowned, looking around. As soon as he spotted that I was still 'hanging around', he stood up, looking at me sternly.
"...So is that it?" Red asked, folding his arms, "It's all over?"
"Yeah, I guess so..." I muttered, folding my arms, "Well, it was good working with you guys. I hope we can do it again sometime."
"What...? So this was all just another day for you?" Sonic raised an eyebrow, "Do you end up going through this every day?!"
"Preeeeetty much," I grinned, "You just travelled through my mind. From its chaotic, emo, 'kill-yourself' start, to the random, happy, hilarious end. How do you feel?"
"...Scared," Pit said, shaking a little, "...Scared, and freaked. I never want to go through that amount of randomness again..."
"Me neither," Sonic sighed, "One weird trick-or-treat evening THIS turned out to be..."
"Oh, speaking of..." I raised a hand, and three pots appeared, each one filled to the top with candy. All three stared at them, as I began to laugh, "A present for surviving."
"Wow, thanks!"
"No problems. Now, I'll be excused. Some jack-ass troll is spamming the Smash boards of Fanfiction dot net. So long!" And with that, I quickly spun on my heel, and vanished in a puff of pwnage. All three teens sat there for a moment, unable to comprehend the amount of insanity they'd just endured.
"...I think," Red began, picking up a pot of candy, "We should go back to the mansion. Let's just... try to forget about this..."
"Y-yeah, he's right..." Sonic mumbled, taking the second pot, and walking after Red. Pit picked up the third pot, but paused, looking back to where the portal was.
"Strange..." Pit murmured, catching up to the other two, "We never DID find out who that voice was, did we?"
"I don't know, and I don't care," Red snapped, "Now move it and forget about it."
And so, the three Brawlers decided to pretend none of it had ever happened. But no matter how hard they tried, the images of death and destruction that lingered in the hallways would remain in their minds. They believed it was a dream... but how wrong they were...
...Sweet dreams, viewers...