Warnings: A few spoilers about new characters if you're not at the current Bleach episode or chapter, but I mean, how much can I spoil just describing how they would eat a pizza?
A/N: This is the product of a crack idea my friends (Anime Penguin and Empress of Misfits) and I got a while ago. Read if you wanna giggle-snort a bit? Sorry if a character you wanted to see isn't here--if it really matters, you can always message me or something and I'll update with the new character.
Ingredients: One road trip to NC, three Bleach fangirls, one stop at Taco Bell, three orders of Mexican pizza. Bake at 88 or 813 degrees fahrenheit.
P.S. Renji's method of eating Mexican pizza has to do with this hilarious comic on Deviant Art, so . . . you can go look it up for even more laughs! (Seacrh "Renji" and "Banana Phone," and I think it'll be one of the first results. Or the only result.)
--
In a surprising turn of events, the opposing forces of Bleach stopped midway through an epic battle, everyone claiming to be tired and hungry. Since Taco Bell was the only restaurant still standing in the surrounding vicinity, all the battle participants trooped inside and ordered . . . the amazingly tasty Mexican Pizza!
The characters coincidentally sat grouped by spirit type, then associated grouping, and by squad if applicable.
Hisagi Shuuhei, preparing an article for the next edition of the Shinigami Associated News Letter, took notes on how each member of the party regarded his or her Latin delicacy. The notes are as follows.
Yamamoto: EXECUTE IT!!—wait, where'd it go? MATSUMOTO!!
Soi Fon: Ooh, I think this tiny piece of cheese looks like Yoruichi. It does her no justice!
Gin: :)
Kira: Well, I guess I'd eat it with Mastu—wah? Wait, where is it? Mastumoto?
Hanatarou: Well, I wouldn't want to hurt the pizza . . . Or make it angry . . . I mean, pizzas have feelings too. Don't they?
Aizen: Well—what? Hinamori? No, get away! No, so, anyway, I would conquer the pizza and be god of it! Ha ha ha!
Hinamori: I'd eat it if Aizen-taichou wanted me to! Eheeheehee! Aizen-taichou!
Byakuya: I could never eat something as lowly as that peasant food.
Renji: Hang on, the phone's ringing. Wait—a banana?!
Komamura: Er, the pizza won't go through the mask . . . -.-"
Shunsui: With sake, of course!
Nanao: I would divide it into equally spaced and cleanly cut slices and eat it with chopsticks. Hmph.
Tousen: Only if I would do the pizza justice.
Hitsugaya: Excuse me, I have something important to do.
Rangiku: It would be gone so fast you wouldn't even know I ate it. Along with any other pizzas I come across. Come on, where do you think all the calories go?
Kenpachi: I would hack it into pieces because it didn't put up a good fight.
Yachiru: Pizza? Is that CANDY?! springs into candy-hunting mode
Yumichika: Beautifully, how else? Wha—Taichou, please, show some class!
Mayuri: Pizza? Hm . . . I must first run numerous cruel and painful tests in order to discover the true nature of this "Mexican Pizza."
Nemu: . . . (However Mayuri-sama instructs me to consume it.)
Ukitake: Uh, how would I eat it? Well, I guess I'd pick it up, put it in my mouth, chew, and swallow. Er, or is that not what you meant?
Kiyone and Sentaro: Well, obviously, I'd give mine to Taichou—
No you wouldn't! My pizza is fresher than yours! He'll eat mine!
You idiot, you didn't even cut your pizza into slices!
Yeah, well, you . . . (This goes on until they both realize their pizzas are missing, and Matsumoto seems to be walking away . . .)
Ulquiorra: Stupid human. What does it matter how I eat a pizza? That's irrelevant to Aizen-sama's purposes.
Grimmjow: PIZZA?! -NOM- Hahaha, TAKE THAT, ULQUI!
Nell: Well, I'd eats it as long as Itsygo doesn' wan' it.
Orihime: Well, first I'd have make sure all the yummy toppings are on it, like peanut butter and coconut shavings and some halibut and maybe a bit of teriyaki . . .
Chad: . . . (can't see it through his hair)
Ichigo: Well, how else would you eat it? Unless this is a challenge? Wah—I'll show you! BANKAI!!