A/N: So this is my second Archer fic which is set during Archer Vice (S5 Ep4) and will contain spoilers so if you haven't watched any of season 5 yet then I suggest that you watch it before reading this story. As you can probably tell, I ship Malory and Ron A LOT and their relationship this series really has me intrigued and also somewhat concerned based on what happened in both this week's episode as well as last week's. Yes, I am in the UK but I watch the episodes online, that's how I'm up to date with American viewings. This story isn't really written in the style of the plot to the show, it's just a cute little piece featuring a different side to Malory and a lot of shipping feels. Enjoy!
"- And I expect them to be delivered by bonded courier!"
Her furs were important to her and if they were going to argue then Malory Archer saw no need for her highly valuable collection to suffer. Her husband was heading to the door as she spoke, he didn't respond to her. "Ron?!" Still no answer...
After being shot in the stomach a few days earlier, Ron was hardly tempted to stay at Cheryl's manor and with all of the ridiculous drug dealing going on, he didn't want to spend the rest of his life in prison either so the only solution was to run, well hobble.
He was welcomed by rain as he opened the front door. Thankfully, one of his makeshift walking sticks would act as shelter for him as he would make his way back to the apartment. He pushed the umbrella up and held it over his head, the sound of his wife calling his name echoed faintly behind him and he sighed heavily. Not today, Ron.
He closed the door behind him, shutting away the nonsense going on inside. He preferred to stay as far away from the cokey monster as possible and normally he would take his wife with him but she was also one of the problems he wanted to get away from for a while. Ron limped down the stone steps and into the rain, slowly making his way down the street as he hunched over from the pain in his gut.
His feet splashed in the puddles forming on the concrete as he walked away from the manor and looking over his shoulder, it was a small building in the distance now. Of course, Malory's apartment was quite a walk away and with the current pain he was in, there was no way Ron could walk it. With New York being full of yellow taxi cabs, Ron whistled and held up a hand to hail one of the vehicles which pulled up beside him. Before opening the door and climbing in, he gave the driver the address of his destination and then settled into the leather of the back seat, relieved to have some peace and quiet. He knew that being married to the boss of a spy agency was going to be difficult but he didn't know it was an illegal spy agency with a tonne of cocaine stashed in the safe which would then lead to the forming of a drug cartel.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion the cokey monster formerly known as Pam was still on the prowl for the cocaine stash while the other ex-ISIS agents were scouting different areas of the mansion armed with tranquilisers, ready to subdue her... again. Malory had isolated herself away from the action in the pantry by returning to the lounge/makeshift meeting room and fetching herself another drink. As she perched on the sofa and crossed one slender leg over the other in an elegant manner, she folded her arms in deep thought and took a sip of her drink. Was their whole argument to do with the drugs or was it Len Trexler? He wasn't exactly too fond of the drug issues but it wasn't until Len was mentioned earlier that he stepped up and done something.
She lost her train of thought when she heard the footsteps of Cyril and Krieger dragging Pam into the room and setting her down on the sofa, which she vacated for them. Cyril sat on the edge and he began to pluck the darts from Pam's body with caution, worrying that she would somehow regain consciousness and deck him in the jaw. "I can't believe we had to use the whole lot. Well... I mean its Pam, but still... that has to be a very unsafe dose of whatever the hell was in those things!" Cyril looked at one of the darts in his hand studiously.
"Oh please, I took one to the neck and I'm perfectly fine." Malory took another sip of her drink with a scowl towards the man who shot her.
"All right, all right I get it... I did already say I was sorry though!" Krieger glared as he pulled a dart from Pam's shoulder.
"Um... no you didn't." Cyril whispered across to him.
"I didn't? Could've sworn that I did..." The bearded scientist looked over questioningly and received a shake of Cyril's head as a silent 'no' in response. "Ooooh... well, you have every right to be mad at me then." His shoulders shrugged as the last of the darts were plucked from Pam.
Malory exhaled heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose, she was having a stressful day as is and just when she thought it wouldn't get any more painstakingly irritating, Sterling and Lana walked in, mid-way through a discussion which she wasn't really listening to. She was only alert of the others' discussion when her son mentioned a particular name that snapped her back into reality.
"Where is Ron anyway?" Sterling questioned as his blue eyes surveyed the room for his mother's husband, he wasn't quite there with the whole 'step-father' thing yet.
"Never heard of him." Malory responded quickly, much like she had done earlier when asked about Len. As soon as she finished the words she mentally kicked herself for saying something so ridiculous but she was hardly going to tell them the truth now was she?
"Ooookay..." Lana chose not to question her further but she was curious as to why Malory's behaviour had suddenly changed and why she just so happened to change the subject so the others would be addressing the issue of the brain chip, rather than her own personal matters.
As much as Malory had wanted the brain chip to be used on Cheryl to make her a confident country singer, she had somewhat hoped that Krieger had used it on Pam to sort out her cocaine addiction. Her question was answered when Cheryl walked in wearing a plaid shirt, jeans and cowboy boots, dragging a guitar behind her.
After dealing with Cherylene's diva-like behaviour, Malory had managed to slip out of the room unnoticed and she quietly made her way across the landing to grab her coat and then she walked towards the front door. She reached for the door handle and gently nudged it but she instantly froze when she realised she had been caught.
"Mother?" As she turned around, Malory saw her son standing in the foyer and he was looking at her curiously but also as if he was suspecting something. "What are you doing?"
"Hmm? Oh, I'm just... going out for a bit." That was the lamest excuse ever, she had to come up with something more believable so she lowered her tone and glared. "So I can get a moments peace from the group of idiots in there. I feel like I've lost several hundred brain cells today."
"Your words... and it was probably whatever the hell was in those darts Krieger used... which probably isn't good news for Pam either." Sterling trailed off as he then began to ponder over his mother's excuse which he wasn't buying for a second. He knew his mother too well and in fact, that thought frightened him sometimes. He took several paces closer to Malory and he looked at her carefully- she wasn't in her usual domineering and defensive stance so he knew something was troubling her but he decided not to act upon it and unsettle her further. "Well, whose idea was it to make Carol a country singer? Everyone knows that country singers are dipshits and even Carol was somewhat smarter than them... before she was brainwashed into being one."
"Firstly, she could make us money which we so desperately need right now, no thanks to you or Drugs Bunny over there and secondly, shut up." Malory glared coldly at her son.
"But my point is, mother, that you should have thought about Carol becoming a mega-bitch bimbo before giving Krieger the option to brainwash her." Sterling rolled his eyes at his mother's rude response. "You never give Krieger options."
"Why do you care anyway? I thought you wanted Pam to stay as she is and that chip can't go to waste." Malory folded her arms across her chest as she questioned Sterling.
"Well, who wouldn't? I mean, her tits are just... amazing!" He stopped himself from continuing and cleared his throat when he noticed the look of disgust on his mother's features. He was only making his point about Cherylene because he didn't like country music and he liked pointing out his mother's mistakes, he just wasn't going to tell her that though.
"When you're quite finished being perverted, Sterling... I don't expect any of you to follow me and when I come back we better still have all of the remaining cocaine in the pantry otherwise there'll be hell to pay!" She waved a scolding finger in Sterling's direction before pivoting on her heels and heading towards the door.
"Yeah! Well... you better be back by midnight otherwise we'll declare you legally dead!" He called to her as she made her way out of the door. He knew she wouldn't care but making a mild and very poorly executed threat and casual insult is what Sterling Archer did best.
It was still heavily raining outside and Malory had no time to search for an umbrella, nor was she the type of person to use public transport so she ran for it. She held her coat tightly around her waist and she ran down the puddle-soaked streets in her heels all the way to her apartment, using anything nearby to shelter her from the rain as best she could. Running in heels in the rain was no easy task and at one point she had stumbled, scraping the side of her ankle against the pavement, but after a mild curse she was running again and ignoring the stinging pain in her now reddening and partially bleeding ankle.
As she reached her apartment, she exhaled out of exhaustion and she composed herself as best she could before knocking on the door. It certainly felt odd to knock on the door of your own apartment.
There was a moment of silence before the door was unlocked and Ron slowly pulled it open. "Ron, we need to talk..." Malory's crystal blue eyes gazed into Ron's and gleamed with something that he hadn't seen before- sadness.
"Come on, dear... you look rough." He sighed as he spoke softly and stepped aside to let her enter the apartment. "What happened? I thought you wanted me to send you your furs, so why are you back here?"
"Because, Ron...I just need to tell you some things, that's all." Malory turned to look at him and she brushed the stray hairs from her face.
"Well, first of all let's get you into something warmer. You must be freezing and also crazy to walk here in the rain." Ron noted how drenched she was and how she was leaning on one leg. "And we'll have to see to that ankle too..."
"I would've taken an umbrella but apparently Clutsy McMoneybags only has two, which were both taken earlier and if I tried to search for another in that maze of rooms then I would probably still be there now." Malory took off her coat and draped it over the coat rack. She noticed Ron giving her an odd look "What?" she asked with her hands on her hips.
"You are so stubborn, you know... Follow me." Ron gently took hold of his wife's soft hand and he walked her towards the bedroom, opening the closet upon arrival. "You need to warm up otherwise you'll get ill and have only yourself to blame."
"I blame myself for all of this anyway... well, mostly... well, partially." She grumbled as Ron was digging out something for her to wear. There was no denying that Ron can be such a sweet man and many do wonder why he and Malory are married but he can see something within her that no one else can, he can see a small shred of kindness and compassion which rarely surfaces but when it does, he simply marvels at it.
"Here we go!" He smiled and pulled out her blue pyjamas and white dressing gown. "Something comfortable and warm." Ron walked Malory over to the bed and indicated for her to sit down so he could remove her shoes and clean up the small trickle of blood from her ankle. Kneeling down was a little difficult for Ron but it wasn't often that his wife would pull a stunt like this and it only left him concerned for her.
After tenderly cleansing the wound, he let Malory change into her pyjamas and as she was fastening the buttons on the shirt, he appeared behind her and enveloped his arms around her waist to fasten them for her. A small smile formed on her lips as she rested her hands on his, hoping that this gesture meant that he had forgiven her. "Ron... thank you."
"So what did you want to talk to me about?" Ron looked over at Malory as he sat on the bed and waited for her to join him.
"Well, there are several things actually..." She sighed and pulled the dressing gown sleeve up her arm and done the same with the other before tying it around her front and then sitting next to him on the bed. "I think we need to talk about Len first..."
"I thought you 'never heard of him'." Ron used air quotes before folding his arms.
"Yes, well... perhaps I did know him for a while... before his brain turned to lettuce." Malory muttered the last statement as she reminded herself of the whole incident.
"Well... who was he and why did you lie to me about him earlier?" Ron just wanted answers, the tone in his voice suggested that he was getting fed up with her dancing around the truth all the time.
"I lied because I knew you'd be well... this! I knew you'd be jealous over something that you don't need to be jealous of."
"I don't have a right to be jealous when a man from my wife's past is mentioned and she pretends to not know him?" Ron knew his wife was a catch, she was a very attractive and sexually active woman so when she behaves suspiciously when other men are mentioned, it was logical to assume.
"Yes, exactly! You should've just accepted the fact that I didn't want to remember his existence and moved on from it."
"But I want to know who he was and why this is such a big deal to you, he must've been important."
"All right I'll tell you the full story... but you have to promise me you won't get mad." Malory sighed as she knew he wasn't going to give up until she explained.
"That depends on when this all happened." Ron folded his arms defiantly, still standing his ground.
"It happened a few years ago when ISIS had to deal with a rival spy agency, ODIN, and the leader of ODIN was Len Trexler. He and I... had a relationship of sorts." Malory wasn't looking directly at her husband as she casually fiddled with the tie on her dressing gown whilst she spoke.
"What kind of 'relationship'?" Ron now shifted to fully face Malory. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer as he was very aware of Malory's... flirtatious nature.
"Kind of... a serious relationship which might have possibly almost involved a wedding." She awkwardly smiled, hoping that Ron wouldn't get too angry with her considering this was all several years ago and the added words emphasised that there wasn't a wedding.
"A wedding?! I hope you weren't planning on marrying this guy while you were seeing me!" As he spoke, Ron's hands clenched into fists, gripping the material of his shirt tightly.
"Of course not! This was several years ago, before I started seeing you." Malory waved a dismissive hand in her usual uncaring manner.
"So why'd you stop seeing him?" This was the important question; Ron wanted all of the details.
"I already told you, his brain turned to lettuce."
"Wait... literally?"
"Well, not literally... kind of literally."
Although it sounded completely insane, Ron could see this being plausible given the events of today but he didn't know that Malory had skipped over the details of Sterling brainwashing Len into thinking she was evil, she didn't want to damage her pride. "I see... so you haven't been seeing him behind my back or anything?" Ron looked over the rims of his glasses, now feeling a little guilty.
"No, since I've been with you I haven't had a relationship of any kind with any other man... Sure, I've charmed a few here and there but it never escalated." Malory made sure to make the last few words very clear; she wasn't having an affair with anyone. "And the only reason I lied to you was because I didn't need a wounded, jealous husband on my case on top of everything else that's been going wrong." She rested her head in her palm as she drew her knees to her chest.
"Hey, it's okay... I understand." Ron shifted closer and he gently draped an arm over his wife's shoulders in a comforting manner.
"How could you possibly understand? All you do is sit around and read all day." Malory grumbled as she slowly lowered her forehead to her knees.
"That's where you're wrong, I have to manage the whole company and because most things are done by computers nowadays I thought it'd be easier to manage things with technology so I could spend more time with you but things are just as hectic, the only difference being that I'm here instead of there. Honestly, you should listen better when I tell you about my job because it's not too different, apart from that I sell cars instead of manage a spy agency, now drug cartel." As Malory slowly lifted her head to look at him, he offered a small smile. "I love you babe, but sometimes you let the things around you get the better of you and it results in things like this."
"I just can't help it if those idiots keep losing the only thing that can get us any money! And... without ISIS I feel like I've lost a limb, I've been the boss of that agency for so long and now I have nothing to show for it."
"Now you know I don't think this drug dealing is such a good idea and I know getting stressed about it won't help at all but now you have Cherylene to get you money, just dispose of the drugs and you won't be doing anything illegal any more. I don't want to be the one paying for everyone else's bail if you get caught."
"You wouldn't have to pay for everyone's bail... just mine. But we're not going to get caught so that won't happen."
Ron rolled his eyes with a heavy sigh; of course she had completely skipped over his point again. "Listen sweetheart, I'll stand by you with whatever you do but you've just gotta promise me that you won't let it affect you any more than it already has done." He gently pulled Malory closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her in a protective way.
"I can't promise anything... but I'll try." She offered him a smile as she tilted her head to rest against his shoulder.
"Close enough..."
Ron pulled the duvet up to cover them both as he slowly laid back to rest his head on the pillow and he held his wife close to his side as he made himself comfortable. Malory was resting her head on her husband's chest and her arm was draped across his torso while he held her in a tender embrace to keep her close. "Ron... I'm sorry about today... and about you getting shot last week and dragging you into this coke-dusted mess."
"Babe, shhh..." Ron gently threaded his fingers through her soft hair as he spoke. "We've talked about it, we know the problems and we'll figure out a solution."
"We? As in... you won't be leaving me?" She lifted her head slightly so she could look up at Ron directly.
"That's right. I married you because I love you and I want to help. After today I've realised that we both have faults we need the other to help with and I will help you deal with this cocaine issue so you won't get stressed trying to take charge by yourself. You don't have ISIS any more; you all have to work as a team if you want to get anything done." He knew telling Malory, the most dominating person in quite possibly the whole world, this and for her to listen would be no easy fete but it had to be said.
Her response to this only shocked him as it was so uncharacteristic of her that most others would question if she was feeling all right. "I know..." She nodded her head slowly and she exhaled heavily. "Ron... I love you."
"I love you too." He smiled at her words; it was very rare for Malory to say such... kind things to anyone, really. He knew she did but it always felt even more special when she said it to him. He placed a tender kiss to the top of her head as he wrapped his arms around her beautiful body a little bit tighter to embrace her with his affection. "Now, tomorrow's a new day and we're gonna treat it a lot differently to how we've treated the last few."
Malory glanced over at the clock on the bedside table as Ron spoke of tomorrow and when she realised it had gone midnight, she sat up swiftly and reached for the phone. "Oh crap, I forgot to tell Sterling I was going to be late!" She frantically began dialling his number. "Pick up, Sterling..."
"Hello..."
"Sterling, it's me. I-"
"The most simple voicemail gag ever and you fell for it, stupid-"
"Oh screw it!" Malory tossed her phone aside and settled back down next to Ron in bed. "They can think of me dead for one night, it never hurt anyone before... much."
"Wait... what? You've been declared dead before?" Ron was genuinely shocked by this revelation, he knew his wife was capable of many things but pretending to be dead was a little extreme. "I hope you got that changed when you returned."
"Hmmm... maybe, oh who remembers?"