The Grocery Store
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"DAMMIT! WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS MY TEA?" England yelled into his empty cabinet. "YOU SHOULD BE FULL OF TEA! WHY AREN'T YOU FULL OF TEA?" He then promptly slammed the cabinet, almost ripping the hinges off, and stormed out of the kitchen and into the hallway, where he yanked open a door to a closet and snatched his jacket off a hanger.
"This is just bloody brilliant," he muttered angrily as he forced his arms through the arm holes of his jacket. He just got home from an exhausted day of dealing with America's stupidity and France's perverted-ness for what seemed to be the one-millionth-five-hundred-ninety-eight-thousandth-two-hundred-seventy-sixth time at a world meeting that was more grueling and problematic than usual, and all he looked forward to was a book, a fireplace, and a cup of his favorite black tea. But nooooooo. The time when he needed his tea the most, his cabinet mocks him by laughing in his face and saying things like "That's right, Brit. Get your lazy ass back outside, 'cuz I ran out of your precious tea and now you have to drag your sorry self to the grocery store to buy more, thus wasting your money and time and raising your miserable bar! Bwahahahaha!" Damn evil cabinet. And yes, he was blaming the cabinet. Why not? It's the cabinet's job to hold all that's dear and delicious to man. Or was that the pantry? Or the fridge? Whatever. The point is: his cabinet is supposed to keep him happy. Does THIS look like a very happy England? DOES IT? I don't think so.
…
…
…
"Wait, I'm not even talking to anyone," England realized, glancing around the empty hallway. Not even his fairy friends were there.
…
…
…
Ok. He needed his tea. NOW.
"All this stress must be getting to me," he muttered in irritation as he grabbed his keys off a little hook on the wall, went out the front door, locked it behind him, and continued on his way towards the nearest grocery store.
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Before walking into the grocery store, England tried to focus his mind.
"Okay," he told himself. "Just buy tea. That's it. That's all. Nothing else. Just tea. It's a 'Get In and Get Out'. Get in, get the tea, and get out. Yeah. Yeah! I can do this! Alright." Once he thought he fully convinced himself, he took a deep breath before letting himself inside. The doors slid open with a "whoosh".
And from there, it was like how the saying goes:
"One step for man, one giant leap into a black hole of chaos."
"LATVIAAAAAA!"
Suddenly, something ran over England's foot and zoomed by him at great speed. He only caught a blur of colors before crying out in pain and immediately bringing his foot up into his hands so he could massage it.
"HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" he yelled at whatever sped by while shaking an angry fist. Before he thought of stomping away, he did a double take. "W-Wait a minute! Is that-? BLOODY HELL! PETER!"
And indeed, it was Sealand who sped by while pushing a shopping cart with a sobbing Latvia in it. Sealand looked like he was having fun while Latvia…well, those weren't tears of joy, if that's what you're asking.
"LATVIA NOOO!" Lithuania and Estonia exclaimed in terror as they chased them down.
"Hey, what exactly is going on here!" England demanded as he joined the chase.
Meanwhile…
"Ano…what is this 'Frosted Flakes'?" Japan curiously asked as he picked up a box of it.
"It seems to be a type of cereal aru," China replied, looking at it with fascination as well. "And this seems to be the mascot." He pointed at the picture of the tiger on the front. "Although it's not as cute as Shinatty-chan, of course aru. Let's see…his name is…Tony-?"
"TONY! WHERE?"
The two Asian nations jumped in surprise and turned their heads to see America behind them, beaming with excitement.
"Aiyaaah! Do you always have to be so loud, aru?"
"TONY! You said 'Tony'! Where's Tony?"
Japan handed him the box of Frosted Flakes. America's excitement decreased a smidge. Just a smidge.
"Ohhh, you meant Tony the Tiger! Yeah, he's AWESOME! I love Frosted Flakes!"
"So…they're good?" Japan questioned.
America couldn't help but snicker. "Oh, they're not just good, Japan…" He flashed his killer 100 watt smile and gave a thumbs-up. "THEY'RE GRRRRRRREAT!"
Japan sweat dropped and China smacked his forehead, saying "Ayaah!" again.
Not too far away in the same aisle as them was Germany and Prussia.
"FUCK YEAH, WEST! CHECK IT OUT!" Prussia shrieked as he snatched a cereal box off the shelf. "It's the last fucking box of Trix! And the Awesome me has obtained it at long last!"
"Bruder, we just got a box of Trix for you yesterday," Germany sighed in annoyance while pinching the bridge of his nose.
"That was 'yesterday', West. Yesterday. Today I need to replenish! And nothing will stop the King of Awesomeness from having what's rightfully his- OI! GIVE ME BACK THE DAMN BOX, YOU BRATS!" Prussia demanded furiously as Sealand zipped by and stole the cereal box from his hands.
"Silly, Prussia! TRIX ARE FOR KIDS!" Sealand mocked as he pulled down one eyelid and stuck out his tongue briefly before disappearing around the corner, still madly driving the shopping cart containing Latvia. Lithuania, Estonia, and England were still in hot pursuit.
"Give us back Latvia!"
"Come back here, Peter! When I get my hands on you…!"
"NO! MY AWESOMENESS REPLENISHER!"
Prussia then followed after them. Germany sighed heavily.
"What just happened, aru?" China asked Germany as he, Japan, and America approached him.
"I was born with an immature older bruder, that's what," Germany replied shamefully.
"Um, Doitsu-san…where did Italy-kun go?" Japan questioned with a raised brow. Realization dawned on the German.
"Mein Gott! ITALY!" he exclaimed in shock as he frantically searched around. "Dammit I lost him!"
"Looks like we got a mystery on our hands, gang!" America declared. "Quick, we'll split up and look for clues! Being the handsome and heroic guy I am I'll look for Italy with the lovely Japan while you two will search in the other direction! Just don't go searching for food to get fat on again, ya got that?"
Germany, China, and Japan all stared at him dubiously.
"America…why…?" Japan said, not knowing what else to say.
"I saw it in a cartoon! Now chop, chop, people!" America hurried the three.
"H-Hold on aru! We don't have to do that aru!"
"And why not?"
"Just look aru."
China pointed to Italy who was heading their way on a grocery store scooter with its basket filled with pasta.
"Veeeeeeee~!" Italy cried as he rode by. Quickly following him was Spain and Romano on another grocery store scooter, only their basket was filled with tomatoes.
"Hurry up, Tomato bastard! Can't you drive this thing any faster?" Romano yelled crossly at him.
"Well there are two of us, Lovi," Spain teased. Romano flushed.
"Sh-Shut up, dammit! I'm not stupid!"
"Never said you were. I just adore how your face gets so red. You're too cute!"
"Am not! Dammit, stop touching me! Eyes on the road, er, floor!"
They sped by as well.
"…what the hell?" America, Germany, and China said at the same time as they gawked. Japan just said, "Nani?"
Over on the next aisle, Hungary was having a dilemma. A HUGE dilemma. At least to her, anyways.
"Hmm…" she thought deeply as she darted her eyes back and forth between the paper towel in her left hand and the paper towel in her other hand. "Brawny. Bounty? No Brawny. No Bounty! Brawny! Bounty! Brawny! Bounty! Brawny! Bounty! Bra-!"
"Elizaveta, just PICK ONE!" Austria cried in exasperation, his patience wearing thin. "You've been standing there for fifteen minutes, and I'm telling you now that they are both good paper towels, just different brands!"
"But I want to pick the BEST one!" Hungary argued with a pout.
"WHY?"
"Because! Because…I…I just want the best one!"
Austria groaned as he tried to rub away the headache throbbing in his head. "Ok. How about I just pick one for you?"
"Oh, Roddy, I couldn't let you-
"No really. I insist."
"But-
"I INSIST."
Hungary widened her eyes in surprise. "Uh, o…kay." She handed both of them to him. He then instantly threw them over his shoulders and grabbed a Scott paper towel brand instead.
"Hey!" she snapped with her hands on her hips. Austria just gave her a tired look.
"What? Cheaper brands ARE the best. Go frugal for once, dear."
Hungary sighed. "Fine." She let Austria throw the Scott paper towel pack into the shopping cart. "Now let's go- OMG! NEW FRYING PANS!"
She rushed towards them, her eyes glittering in excitement. She absolutely loved the sharp gleam and the firm grip of each one, but there was only one that truly caught her interest. "Ooooh, look Roddy! This one has a pink handle and comes with a pair of free mittens with flowers on it~!"
"…uhh…fascinating…?"
"I know right?" she gushed. "I just absolutely must have it!" But as she reached out to take it, another hand reached out to take it too. She looked up in surprise. "Vietnam?"
"Hungary?" the Asian woman said, surprised as well. "Wow, nice to see you again! What are you doing here, girl?"
"Oh, you know, shopping~" the Hungarian giggled. "I was just about to take this lovely frying pan…"
She gently tugged the frying pan with the mittens out from Vietnam's grasp. Vietnam's eye twitched and she tried to laugh jokingly. "I'm sorry, but I believe I was going to take that frying pan…"
Vietnam tugged it back, but much firmer than Hungary did. Hungary was slightly taken aback and failed to mask the irritation in her laugh. "No, I saw it first, so I think I get to have it…"
Hungary grabbed it, only aggravating Vietnam. She forced a smile. "Sorry, Liz, but this frying pan is mine."
She snatched it back, and Hungary clenched her fists. Through gritted teeth, she said, "No it's not. It's mine."
She snatched it back harder. A huge red vein popped on Vietnam's head and she warned darkly, "Liz. The frying pan. And mittens. Are. MINE."
"And. I'm. Telling. You. They. Are. Not. They. Are. MINE."
"Give me it back, Hungary." Vietnam hissed lowly for the last time. "NOW."
And because this is Hungary and a frying pan we're talking about, the only obvious response she gave back is, "HELL NO."
That was when the tension finally snapped and Vietnam whipped out her oar. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU'RE MESSING WITH!"
"I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR YOU!" Hungary shouted in fury, whipping out her old frying pan. They reeled back their weapons and death glared each other, ready to battle.
"Ladies, ladies, please!" Austria, who had kept quiet (for fear of getting caught in the middle) during this little…argument, bravely stepped in and tried to calm them down. "Can't we just talk this out like civilized people-?"
"STAY OUT OF THIS!" they shrieked furiously in unison as they flashed a dangerous look at him before returning to glare hard at each other and begin to fight. Austria quivered under their rage and quickly proceeded to – no, he was NOT cowering – "take shelter" behind their shopping cart…and crawl into a fetal position… Damn, where's his piano when he needed it?
"This is quite nice, da~?" Russia sighed contently to himself.
He was over in the meat section of the grocery store, and right now, he had his head under one of those lights that keep your fried chicken warm or something. He sighed again, and smiled that childish smile.
"Uhh…sir?"
Russia only tilted his head to the side a little to look for the source of the voice. It was a man with black hair turning gray and dull dark eyes. Russia smiled creepily at him. "Da~?"
"S-Sir, I'd l-like to grab some fried chicken, i-if you don't mind…" he stuttered nervously.
"Oh, but I do mind! I am quite happy about my position right now, so no. I will not move~"
"B-But, sir, please understand. I have kids at home, and tonight my son specifically asked for fried chicken for dinner-
"And I always have snow at home, so today I shall embrace this heavenly warmth~"
"But, s-sir, my children-
"Sorry, but Ivan's happiness comes first~"
"B-But-
"Say the word 'but' one more time, and you will find a lead pipe shoved down your throat. Kolkolkolkolkol."
The man fled in terror. Russia smiled wider. "Ahh, bliss~"
"Yes. Bliss."
Immediately, Russia's smile dropped and a rare terrified look replaced his creeper expression. Did he dare to look over his shoulder…?
A hand gripped his shoulder a little too tightly. "BROTHER…"
"EEEEECK!" he squeaked as he jumped and bonked his head on the lights-that-keep-your-fried-chicken-warm. "Ouch! B-B-Belarus! (Somewhere, a mirror shattered.) Don't sneak up on me like that!"
"Aww, did brother hurt his head? Let me kiss it better…"
"NOOOO!" he cried as he ran away.
"Marry me, brother! MARRY ME, MARRY ME, MARRY ME!" she chanted just a bit too extremely nutty…
Just as the two left, America, Germany, Japan, and China arrived in the meat section, wondering where did Italy, Spain, and Romano went.
"Ayaah, I thought you said they went this way aru!"
"I swear I did see them go this way…" Germany said uncertainly now while scratching his head.
"Oh DUDE! CHECK IT OUT!" America pointed out overenthusiastically.
"Ano, what is it, America-san?"
"LOOK, LOOK, LOOK!"
"Keep still aru! We can't see it if you keep waving it around aru!"
He only kept still for two seconds before waving it around again. "It's MEAT!"
"…and…?" Germany said, not getting it. Japan and China didn't get it either.
"Not just ANY meat! It's meat; from HILLSHIRE FARM!"
"Hillshire Farm?" Denmark said as he popped up from a pile of Vienna sausage cans.
"Hillshire Farm, da ze?" Korea said as he popped up from a pile of Lunchables.
"Oh no, here it comes, aru…" China muttered while rolling his eyes. Germany and Japan were bracing themselves for whatever randomness was about to come.
America: I said a Beef Hot Links!
Denmark: I said a Beef Hot Links!
America: I said a Beef Hot Links!
Korea: I said a Beef Hot Links!
America: I said a Brat, BeefKielbasa, Hot Smoked Sausage, CheddarWurst!
Denmark & Korea: I said a Brat, BeefKielbasa, Hot Smoked Sausage, CheddarWurst!
America: When I say Hillshire, you say Farm! HILLSHIRE-
Denmark & Korea: -FARM!
"GO MEAT!" all three of them rooted, fists pumped in the air.
Japan sweat dropped again and Germany pinched the bridge of his nose again as China flicked Korea's head, which made him yelp in pain. America and Denmark just put their arms around each other and laughed their asses off.
In some other aisle, Ukraine was just browsing around until France came along.
"Oh, hello, Ukraine~" France cooed as he sidled next to her. "How are you, mon cheri?"
"Er, I'm f-fine," she replied nervously. "Just looking for, you know, stuff to buy…"
"Do you really have to? After all, you already got the right stuff," he flirted as he brushed some of his blond hair off his shoulder and winked while checking her out, up and down. His eyes lingered a bit when he would stop halfway to drool slightly over her…chest.
"I-I'm sorry? I don't understand…"
"How about I speak in terms of l'amour? You. Me. Date. Tonight."
"Um, that's kind of you and all, but I already had plans…"
But France wasn't listening to her anymore, for he saw a girl pass by wearing a very VERY short skirt with black stockings and brown ankle boots with high heels. His attention was instantly swapped to her, so he left Ukraine to stalk her. He had that whole rape face turned on as he got close enough to the girl to grab her ass. She yelped in astonishment and whipped her head around. "Hey! Like, totally not cool, you…oh, France?"
France suddenly froze and his rape face turned into an expression of horror. "P-Poland?" For the first time, France stared at his hand in disgust.
"Tsk, like, sorry France, but I like, totally already have my Lithuania!" Poland said with a flip of his hair. He then widened his eyes. "Like, oh em gee! Where did Liet go? Like, seriously, I hope he didn't like, go after Belarus…" (Somewhere, a vase was smashed.)
France was still staring at his hand though, as if it was some ugly creature that crawled out from the sewers. He staggered backwards, and accidently had his other hand brush up against something.
"UGH! YOU PERVERT!"
A heel squashed his foot and France cried "OUCH!" He spun around to see a little old lady glaring rather viciously at him.
"N-Non! You misunderstand-
"Oh don't play games with me, mister! You touched my tushy!"
"I d-didn't mean to-
"SAVE IT, SLEAZE-BAG!"
She then proceeded to whack France with her purse and France yelped with each hit.
"ACK! Je suis desole! Je suis desole!" he repeated over and over as he tried to get away, but the old lady – bless her little heart – pursued him and kept whacking him.
In the snack aisle was Taiwan and Hong Kong.
"Oh look, Hong Kong! Pocky~!" Taiwan chirped with a cute smile on her face as she took a box of Pocky.
Hong Kong smiled at his little sister. "Yeah. You want to buy one?"
She nodded her head eagerly. "Yes please! Kiku says it tastes really good-
"HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON?"
"EEP!" Taiwan squealed in fright, quickly hiding behind Hong Kong and trembling. Hong Kong raised an eyebrow at his sister and then stared weirdly at a guy with short blonde hair who showed panic and worry in his violet eyes. A bell rang in Hong Kong's head. "Hey, aren't you…Finland?"
"Y-Yes!" Finland confirmed with slight relief. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, but I'm so worried! I've lost my son!"
"Who?" both Hong Kong and Taiwan questioned in curiosity, Taiwan now less afraid and stepped out from behind Hong Kong.
"Seal'nd," Sweden answered as he approached and stood by Finland. Hong Kong and Taiwan felt a bit intimidated by his towering height and piercing greenish-blue eyes. "We seem t' h've lost h'm and we would appr'ciate it if y' t'll us where h' w'nt. M' wife h're is g'tting anxious."
"S-Su-san! Really, stop calling me that in public!" Finland spluttered, blushing a deep red.
"But y' 'r' m' wife," he stated matter-of-factly.
Finland's blush only darkened. "Su-!"
"HELP ME!"
Finland was shocked to see Russia charging up at them and then hastily hid behind him. "Santa, save me, da!"
"W-W-What?" Finland stammered, baffled.
"BROTHER!"
In a blink of an eye, Finland came face to face with who seemed to be Lucifer in a dress. He gulped nervously, a bead of sweat running down the side of his face. "Oh, uh, h-hi Belarus…" (Somewhere, a puppy was kicked.)
"Hand over my brother, or else," she snarled with her knife poised and her cold eyes glaring harshly at him. A shiver of fear ran down his spine.
"N-Now wait just a s-second!" he tried to defend himself. "Y-You shouldn't be acting this way! This is no way to treat Russia! You're supposed to love him-
"But I DO love him."
"I-I meant not in that choking-obsessive kind of way! It's not nice!"
Belarus scoffed and lowered her weapon a little. "Oh, and just because you symbolize Christmas you think you know everything about being nice?"
"Well that's not-
"Because breaking and entering people's home is SO nice of you to do. Especially when you repeat the crime over and over and over again across the globe and never get charged for it because you brainwash people into thinking that your some sort of saint by bringing them presents in exchange for cookies that the people slave over to make for you while you just gain weight and have to resort to forcing 'magical' reindeers to drag your lazy ass everywhere not even caring the slightest bit about the poor animals' health and getting 'magical' elves who are really forty-year-old midget men that have no lives and you sit in your fancy chair monitoring children around the world and watching their every move even when they use the bathroom because you want to figure out who's naughty and nice and secretly save that naughty list for when you go out in disguise because you're really a pedophile who enjoys the sensation of having a cute little girl or boy sit in your lap."
…
…
…
Russia and Hong Kong slowly back away from Finland while Hong Kong had his hands covering Taiwan's virgin ears. Sweden only raised a brow at Finland. Finland's face was burning up and he was spazzing a lot.
"Th-Th-That is completely absurd!" Finland protested desperately.
"Hey! What did she say? I didn't get to hear!" Taiwan said quite irritated and with a pout.
"Nothing. Nothing your innocent mind needs to know," Hong Kong replied with a frustrated sigh.
"But-
"Hey, let's go buy that Pocky now, ok?"
"Oh, ok~!" she agreed happily as they hurried off.
"TAKE ME WITH YOU!" Russia frantically cried, trying to catch up with them.
"NOT WITHOUT ME!" Belarus shrieked as she ran after him again, an evil glint in her eye.
"Su-san, don't believe anything that odd girl has said! None of it is true!" Finland sobbed. He was so embarrassed. Sweden's eyes softened and he bent over to wipe away his tears.
"Of c'rse I d'n't b'lieve h'r. I put m' tr'st in m' wife f'rst," he spoke in monotone, but Finland could hear the compassion in his words. Sighing in relief, Finland gave a sheepish smile before realizing something. "Uh, Su-san…what were we here to do again?"
"…y' kn'w, I f'rg't." He shrugged. "Oh w'll. We w'll r'memb'r ev'ntually."
Little did they know, Sealand passed by them while still pushing the shopping cart with the crying Latvia in it. Latvia clung to the box of Trix to dear life. "P-P-Peter, c-can't you drive s-slower?"
"No way!" Sealand refused stubbornly. "This is too much fun! Have a sense of adventure, Raivis!"
Latvia whimpered. England, Estonia, Lithuania, and Prussia were still hunting them down.
"Why is Sealand doing this anyways!" England asked in frustration.
"We…we don't know! We just…saw him grab…Latvia while…we weren't looking!" Lithuania explained between huffs.
"Ugh, that bloody git!" England scowled. "He's almost as irritating and hard-headed as America!"
"Shut up and keep running! The Awesomeness has cereal to devour!" Prussia ordered, so they continued their chase.
"Oi, oi! Would you look at this?" Denmark called over the others, a sly grin on his face. "I found turkey!"
China scoffed. "Obviously you will find turkey in a meat section, aru- …oh, that turkey."
Indeed, they had found Turkey, the country, looking quite uncomfortable and pissed off with Greece sleeping on top of him on the floor. America and South Korea cracked up the moment they saw him.
"Yeah, yeah, har de har har," he mocked. "Now someone get this bastard off of me!"
"H-How?" America wheezed, laughing so hard. "The view looks…pretty good from here!" (In fact, if a certain yaoi fangirl wasn't so busy right now, she would have snuck a quick picture of the two. Oh wait, what's that camera in Japan's hand…?)
"Screw you. Now somebody shove him off!"
As America's and South Korea's laughs died down, Denmark's smirk widened. "Alright, then. Who wants to wake up Sleeping Beauty with a big ol' kiss- NOT IT!"
"NOT IT!" America, South Korea, Germany, and China all shouted. Japan was the only one looking very confused. "E-Eh? I am not familiar with this game…"
"CRAP! JAPAN!" America exclaimed. "How could you?"
"What?"
"YOU JUST LOST THE GAME."
Germany and China smacked their foreheads while Korea, Denmark, Turkey, and Japan groaned and complained, "Americaaa!" or "This sucks!" or "Dammit I was winning it for months!"
"Ehehe, sorry, I couldn't resist~" he apologized guiltily. Denmark punched him lightly in the arm.
"Anyways," Germany rolled his eyes. "How are we going to wake Greece up? Waking Greece is like getting Belarus (Somewhere, a llama was head butting children off the side of a ship*) to stop stalking Russia – IT'S IMPOSSIBLE."
"Not entirely," spoke up Japan as he approached Greece. "There is only one way to wake up a Greek man."
"Kiss him?"
"Get an air horn?"
"Make him listen to Tik Tok?"
"NO BAKAS!" Japan exclaimed. "The only way to wake up Greece…is to use…the secret weapon." Japan reached into his long wide sleeve.
"The secret weapon? What's the secret weapon?" America whispered to Denmark.
"How the hell do I know? It could be his secret doujinshi for all I care," Denmark guessed with a shrug.
"You should give more credit to Japan! He was a ninja, after all. He might pull out his shuriken, or kunai, da ze!" Korea said.
"I don't know," America doubted. "Something tells me (omg he's finally reading the atmosphere for once!) that it's something so obvious, Italy could figure it out-
"Meow!"
The three turned and gawked at the sight of a cute gray kitty licking the cheek of a now awoken Greece. Turkey had at last shoved him off, but Greece was too busy cuddling the kitty to notice. America, Denmark, and Korea stared at the kitty and then Japan. Japan looked at them. "…Nani? Is there something on my face?"
"…How'd you get the kitty in your sleeve, da ze?"
"Yeah, and how did you get in with it? You're not supposed to carry any pets…" Denmark pointed out.
"A better question is: Why was Turkey and Greece on the floor anyways?" America loudly brought up. "And finding Turkey in the meat section? Either that's a really weird coincidence, or some sick fangirl's idea of a joke! And why are all the nations here in a grocery store in London at the same time? And why is there always something bad happening every time Belarus (Somewhere, a girl with glasses is absorbing all her time and energy creating the most ridiculous Hetalia fanfic) is mentioned? I mean, what the hell is going on here-!"
"ENOUGH ARU!" China interrupted him, catching everyone's attention. "The Authoress has informed me that you are breaking the fourth wall, and thus must stop and just go along with it aru! This is Hetalia after all, right, aru?"
"But this is all a bunch a nonsense-!"
"This. Is. HETALIA. It doesn't have to make sense. We can be historically inaccurate and still be…awesome," Germany told him, forcing the last word out.
"Holy shit! Germany said 'awesome'!" Denmark announced as he pointed at him.
"Quick! Let's find Prussia and tell him we are no longer the Awesome Trio; we are now the Awesome…Quad!" America exclaimed excitedly. The two then ran off to find their albino awesome comrade.
"WAIT! NO! Don't tell him!" Germany shouted, dashing after them. "It was in the script! The Authoress made me say it! ARGH!"
"Hey, wait up, da ze!" Korea said, following them. "I thought I was a part of the Awesome team! Awesomeness originated in Korea, da ze!"
"No it wasn't aru!" China yelled angrily at him as he chased them. Now there was only Turkey, Greece, and Japan left. Oh, plus the cat.
"…so Japan, if you had to choose your best friend, who would it be? Me or sloth guy over here?" Turkey questioned. Japan's eyes widened and he fidgeted nervously. "Ah…ano…"
Turkey, Greece, and the cute gray cat seemed to stare at him expectantly. Japan felt pressured and a bead of sweat formed on his cheek. "I…I…would…uh…LO AND BEHOLD THE FINGER TRICK! LOOK! MY THUMB IS GONE!"
"EH?" Turkey and Greece gaped in amazement. They then both passed out. Japan panicked. "Ah! Oh no! Gomenasai!"
"But, Icelaaaand!" Norway whined to him.
"No."
"Iceland, pleeeeease?"
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"No."
"Pretty pretty please?"
"I said no!"
"Pretty, pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top-
"FOR THE LAST TIME NO!"
"Aww, c'mon! Why won't you acknowledge me as your big brother?"
"Because I would rather have originated from a tribe of native peoples, that's why!" Norway looked hurt. "Please, I'm just here to buy food for Mr. Puffin, so stop pestering me already!"
"B-But Ice-
Suddenly, Norway froze and narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he turned his head from left to right. Iceland noticed this and gave him a weird look. "What are you doing?"
"My…idiot senses…are tingling…" Norway said.
"What?"
"It's this feeling I get when I sense Denmark around…" Norway explained without paying much attention to him. "No, wait…there's more than one…three? No, I think…five…no, six!"
"And he wants me to call him Big Brother…?" Iceland mumbled to himself as he stared at Norway as if he was crazy and sweat dropped.
"GET OUT OF THE WAY!"
"Huh?" Iceland said, quite confused as he and Norway saw Netherlands and Belgium running their way. They looked absolutely terrified.
"THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" Belgium shouted in fear as she and Netherlands ran by Iceland and Norway.
"W-What? What do you-
"HOLY CRAP! ICELAND, C'MON!" Norway shrieked, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him as they hurried off.
"W-WAIT! What's going on-?" Iceland tried to stop him, but just as he looked back, he widened his eyes in astonishment and understood. Coming up fast was Sealand and Latvia, followed by their pursuers.
"ACK! RUN FASTER!" Iceland yelled, yanking away from Norway and running as fast as he could.
"HEY! DON'T LEAVE ME!" Norway called after him, speeding up to catch him.
"THAT'S RIGHT! RUN AWAY! FEAR MY AWESOMENESS, PEASANTS! HAHAHAHAHA!" Latvia cried heroically. A suspicious empty box of Trix was tossed into the corner of the cart.
"That's the spirit, Raivis!" Sealand encouraged.
"NOOO! LATVIAAAAA!" Estonia wailed with worry and shock written on his face.
"This is why we vowed to never feed him colorful cereal again!" Lithuania exclaimed.
"WHAT? What do you mean, 'again'?" England asked, flabbergasted.
"Uhh, er, let's just say that if you feed Latvia Trix for example, you see a side of him that you never knew existed…"
"WHO GIVES A SHIT? THAT DAMN SQUIRT ATE MY CEREAL AND NOW HE'S GONNA PAY! NO ONE IS MORE AWESOME THAN THE MIGHTY PRUSSIA!"
"Hey Prussia! Guess who said he was awesome?" America called to him.
"NO! I didn't say I was awesome!" Germany argued.
"Did too!" Denmark argued back.
"Did not! I don't want any part of your Awesome Quad thing!"
"Hey! If Germany doesn't want to be in it, can I be in it, da ze?"
"No! That's a terrible idea, aru! Do not encourage him aru!"
"JAPAN! Pick one of us, already!" Turkey shouted.
"I-I apologize, but I can not! Please leave me alone!" Japan cried as he tried to run away from him and Greece, holding the adorable gray kitty in his arms.
"AUSTRIA THE FRYING PAN AND MITTENS ARE MINE!" Vietnam yelled at him.
"HELL NO, THEY'RE MINE!" Hungary shrieked.
"YOU TWO ARE RIDICULOUS!" he spat back, while trying to escape them.
"AND THIS IS FOR DEFLOWERING ANYONE WHO HAS A HEARTBEAT!" the old lady scolded, continuing to whack France with her purse.
"GAAAH! MADAME, ELLE N'EST PAS TRES SYMPATHIQUE!" France wept, upset that his beautiful face and flawless skin were now battered and bruised.
"I told you to stop following us!" Hong Kong barked at Russia while trying to pull Taiwan along.
"But then my sister would tackle me!"
"EXACTLY!"
"BROTHER!"
"NOOOO! GET AWAYYY!"
And so, a parade of insanity ran around and around and around in endless circles in the grocery store. Lots of screaming, yelling, shrieking, crying, shouting, wailing, hitting, smacking, insulting, laughing, whimpering, pleading, screeching, growling, kicking, and…well you get the idea. It was just plain madness, until…
"PASTA~!" Italy proclaimed happily as he turned the corner, still riding the grocery store scooter with the basket full of pasta. His joyful expression abruptly dropped when he saw the horde of chaos coming fast at him. "UWAAAH! DON'T HURT ME!" He tried to turn around or hit the brakes, but he was panicking too much.
"Come back here, Veneziano- HOLY TOMATO SAUCE!" Romano exclaimed. "Dammit! Turn this thing around, Tomato Bastard!"
"I can't do anything if you have your hands over my eyes, Lovi!"
"SHIT! WE'RE GONNA CRASH!" someone hollered out, which made everyone gasp and scream in horror before they finally collided. The impact was huge and thunderous, as if a car smashed into another car, or a wrecking ball smashed into a building, or an awesome giant robot body slammed an evil giant robot. A cloud of dirt and dust lingered over them before slowly clearing away, revealing a mass of entangled bodies all groaning and moaning in pain, and somewhere in the mess was a frying pan, mittens, a gray kitty (which miraculously survived unscathed, but then again it has nine lives, er…eight now I think), a box of Pocky (its delicious contents now sprawled on the floor), two grocery scooters, pasta, tomatoes, an empty box of Trix, and a shopping cart.
"Mein Gott…what happened…?" Germany murmured before gasping and blushing a deep red. "I-Italy! Get off of my lap!"
"Ve~? Doitsu! I found you!" the Italian exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Germany's waist.
Germany sweat dropped and gave him a tired smile. "More like I found you, idiot…"
"Ayaah, I feel sore everywhere aru… I'm too old for this aru- WOULD YOU STOP GROPING ME ARU!" China scolded Korea as he shoved him away.
"Your breasts WILL be mine, aniki, da ze!" Korea teased with a smirk.
"FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M A GUY ARU!"
"Oh yes…that's it…don't be shy, Austria…" France moaned in his sleep. He was quickly bonked on the head with an oar and a frying pan. France immediately yelped and woke up. "Sacrebleu! W-What the…? What did I do!"
"That's for being a disgusting freak!" Hungary huffed and gave a victory high five to Vietnam; something they both could agree on.
Austria face palmed and sighed heavily. "Francis you fool, look at who you really are touching."
France looked and gave a loud unmanly squeal. "Mon Dieu! It's that crazy old lady!" He instantly backed off and scooted a good distance away. Hungary, Austria, and Vietnam came over to the little old lady and stared. She looked as stiff as a board.
…
"…is she…?" Vietnam cautiously questioned.
"Great, France. Not only are you a molester; you're an old lady murderer as well!" Hungary shouted in anger and irritation. France was mortified.
"N-N-No! This is all some sort of mistake!" he whined.
"Hold on here. Look!" Austria pointed out. "She's still breathing."
And it was true. If you stayed still, you could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest. They all let out a sigh of relief they didn't know they were holding. Praise the Lord!
"Ugh…oi…Oi!" Denmark said to Prussia as he pushed himself off the floor and rubbed his head. "You alright?"
Prussia groggily got himself up. "Yeah…"
…
"Awesome?"
"Awesome."
They flashed each other a cocky grin and a thumbs-up.
"Aw man…I feel awful…" Hong Kong muttered, trying to get himself to sit up. "Hey…Taiwan, you okay- TAIWAN! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Taiwan was currently picking up each Pocky stick and popping them in her mouth. She turned to her brother. "Um…eating?"
"YOU CAN'T EAT THOSE ANYMORE! THEY WERE ON THE FLOOR!"
"You don't have to yell! Sheesh, I was just…using the five second rule…"
"THAT WAS THIRTY SECONDS!"
"That was…quite the crash, da…" Russia said as he tried to get up as well. "Hmm…I can't seem to move-
"Glad you are ok, brother~"
Russia gawked at Belarus who was hugging his middle at the moment. He paled. And almost jizzed in his pants. Almost.
"RUSSIA!"
"LITHUANIA!"
"SEALAND!"
Ukraine, Poland, Finland, and Sweden rushed towards the group. Thankfully, Ukraine pried Belarus off to help Russia, Poland helped up Lithuania as well as Estonia and Latvia, and Finland and Sweden helped Netherlands, Belgium, Iceland, and Norway get off of Spain, Romano, and poor Sealand on the bottom.
"Damn Tomato bastard! I told you to turn around!" Romano insulted.
"I'm happy you're okay too, Lovi~" Spain said as he embraced him.
"Dammit! I told you not to t-touch me!" Romano fussed as his cheeks became red and tried to struggle out of the Spaniard's grasp.
"Like, you should totally be more careful next time, Liet!" Poland told him.
"I know, I know," Lithuania said, grateful of his friend's concern and help. He then turned towards Latvia. "Latvia…do you have any desire to make people bow down to you like peasants?"
"…w-what are you t-talking about?" Latvia stuttered anxiously.
"HE'S BACK!" Estonia exclaimed, and he and Lithuania embraced a confused Latvia.
"Sealand? Sealand!" Finland cried in worry. "Sealand, dear, are you fine?"
"Th…That…" he mumbled.
"Wh't?" Sweden asked.
"That…THAT WAS SO COOL!"
Finland sighed as he watched Sweden karate chop Sealand's head once. "He's fine…"
"G-Greece-san! Are you alright?" Japan expressed concern as he sat up from where he laid.
"Yeah…I…was able to…save the kitty," Greece said, holding out the kitty. Japan sweat dropped.
"Lovely. Now tell me how I always end up under your ass?" Turkey grumbled to Greece. Greece merely shrugged and got off of him again.
"Mmph…Ja…Japan…? Could you please get off my arm…?" England groaned.
Japan blushed and saw that he was indeed sitting on the Englishman's arm. "G-G-Gomenasai, Arthur-san!" he spluttered before quickly getting up.
"Thanks…and- BLOODY HELL! AMERICA! SOD OFF!" he shrieked, blushing furiously as he shoved him off.
"I'M NOT AMERICA! I'M CANADA!"
"EH?" England said, quite baffled. The real America approached them. "Oi! Mattie! Is that you? When did you get here?"
"I WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME!" Canada yelled at him. "I was the one who hollered before we crashed, remember?"
"Uhh…not really…" America sheepishly admitted.
Canada clenched his fists and at last blew up in his face. "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? WHY DON'T YOU EVER REMEMBER ME! I AM CANADA! CA-NA-DA! IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO PRONOUNCE, NOW IS IT? I AM THE SECOND LARGEST COUNTRY, THE HOST FOR THE 2010 WINTER OLYMPICS, AND THE SOLE REASON WHY MAPLE SYRUP EXISTS!"
"There he is!"
Everyone switched their attention from the angry Canadian to Lichtenstein, who stood with Switzerland. Neither looked very happy or amused.
"Are you Canada?" Switzerland questioned him while approaching him.
Canada scoffed. "That's what I've been saying this entire time!"
"Then Canada, you are under arrest," he declared as he handcuffed him.
"WHAT?" everybody shouted simultaneously.
"Canada here is charged for stealing all the maple syrup bottles that have been disappearing in every country lately, since he was the only one who hadn't had his maple syrup taken," Switzerland explained. That sparked glares and similar responses of "So that's where my maple syrup went!" among everyone.
"Oh yeah! Now I remember! So that's why everyone came to this grocery store! We were searching for more maple syrup!" America figured it out.
"You're so slow aru…" China sighed.
"But why?" Prussia asked Canada. "Why did you do it? That's so not awesome…"
"Because I'm always invisible; you acknowledge Sealand more than me! So I decided that if I'm miserable, then everyone else has to be miserable too, and stole everyone's maple syrup because NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH PLAIN PANCAKES OR WAFFLES OR FRENCH TOAST! Besides, you forget about me anyways so you would never suspect me! And I could've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids! And you're little kitty too!"
"Meow?" the gray kitty in Greece's hands said cutely with its head tilted to the side.
"Officer, take him away!" America pointed boldly out the door. All the nations cheered and rooted as Switzerland along with Lichtenstein took Canada away.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
"What a day…" England muttered when he finally got home. It was late. He threw his jacket on the stairs, too exhausted to care about manners now. The next world meeting will definitely be an interesting one. There is still some unfinished business to attend to, like the deal about Canada, and the crime, and Sealand…oh, he's going to get it, just you wait… England let out a tired sigh. "I think I filled my quota of chaos for a lifetime…"
He flicked on the light and dragged himself into the kitchen. He felt so weary and was aching all over after that nasty collision he got himself into back there. Still…
"I can't help but feel like I forgot something-
…
…
Glazed emerald eyes met the emptiness of his cabinet.
…
…
"So…where's that black tea?" his cabinet seemed to snicker.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
THE END.
OH. MY. PASTA.
29 pages. TWENTY-NINE GOD FORSAKEN PAGES OF TOTAL RANDOMNESS.
That's a lot. And yes. I'm tired. Thanks for asking.
I feel like I need black tea. But sadly, I don't drink tea. Maybe I'll get some milk instead. Actually, scratch that. I'll get some ice cream. Ice cream makes everything better, besides hugs~
ANYWAYS.
A big thank you to those who have read this helluva fanfic! Yeah I know, this is sort of like my version of that German Simulator episode, but I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing, er, typing this! If this fanfic didn't at least make you crack a smile, THERE'S SOMETHING DEEPLY WRONG WITH YOU, MY FRIEND.
I will love you forever if you favorite or review! Thanks again and stay awesome everyone! XD
P.S. I DO NOT OWN HETALIA. NOR NEIL ARMSTRONG'S QUOTE. NOR FROSTED FLAKES. NOR TRIX. NOR THE HILLSHIRE FARM COMMERCIAL. AND PROBABLY SOME OTHER STUFF YOU HAVE SEEN OR HEARD FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE. THANK YOU.
P.P.S. *From Llamas with Hats on Youtube. Episode 2. Look it up. I promise you will lmao.