"I can't make this weekend's dungeon run. Wiggly says we have to go on this silly couple's retreat."
"What! But the latest update included six new levels—I had a bullet pointed plan and everything."
'Vork—it's not like Wiggly picked this weekend on purpose."
"Clara—you are our frost mage this is a fire based dungeon. You are an integral part of the attack strategy for the fire warriors."
"Whatever—I can't make the raid this weekend either."
"Tink! Without our mage we need someone with reach."
"F* off Vork."
"Ooh! Tink what are you doing?" Clara enthusiastically squeeled over chat.
"MCATs."
"Bummer, that doesn't sound so fun. So you can't watch the kids?"
"Sorry Clara, I might be into making money off of pregnant gamers but I still don't like watching the sproglets."
"Excuse me for interrupting but I am CPR certified and for the right price will watch them."
"Dude, you can't Vork. My mom is worried about us cooking so she's taking us to one of those dinner-in-a-flash places."
"Zaboo, I proposed to your mother to get her out of my life. Why would I want her back in it."
"It's free food."
"Let's go!"
"No! Don't even think of asking me Clara, I'm 17."
Codex, who had to this point been reorganizing her inventory getting ready for the dungeon, realized a hush had fallen over the guild.
"Uh, guys?"
"Perfect! Thanks Codex!"
"What?"
"Just show up at 5pm on Friday! See you then." And with that Clara logged out.
"But Friday is today! What just happened?"
"Well, Clara and Wiggly are going out of town for the weekend and needed a babysitter. Babysitter'd."
"No no no no no...I can't do this I'm horrible with kids."
"Well, the rest of the guild is all booked so it has to be you Codex."
"The poop factories aren't that bad—except they smell. Anyway losers I'll see you on the flip side." And with that Tink logged off.
"Don't look at me. I'm too famous to be babysitting, plus would you really trust me with kids." And with that Bladezz was gone.
"Zaboo...can you help me? I bet kids love you."
"Uhh...sorry! Vork and I are doing this thing with my mom."
"Super weird respawn."
"Mrs. Zaboo's paying for food. Happy Presidents Day to me."
"Vork, it's not even President's Day yet."
"Codex, it's the closest holiday that hasn't passed." And with that Vork was gone.
"Zaboo, really you can't leave me. I can't do this."
"You'll be fine. I bet you're great with kids. I mean, you were a kid once."
"And the other kids pulled my hair."
"You're bigger than Clara's kids. Anyway, Vork's my ride so I have to vamoose. Vamoose'd."
"And then there was one. Stupid stupid stupid, why didn't I say no to Clara. I need to stop being such a pushover. And wait, we didn't even run the dungeon. I need to be more like Tink. Agg!"
Two pudding cups later (old lady butterscotch) things seemed a bit better.
"Okay I can do this. It's just a weekend home much trouble can 3 kids cause. Face it Cyd you're doomed. And talking to yourself. Weird."
And then she looked around. She was still in the starting room for the dungeon all alone. She was just about to leave when.
"The beginnings and ends of shadow lie between the light and darkness. Da Vinci."
"What are you doing here?"
"Easy there tiger. The same thing I imagine you are doing—waiting for my guild."
"My guild totally bailed out and left me all alone...Hmpf!"
"The opposition of loneliness, it's not togetherness. It's intimacy. Richard Bach. We could still role-play on that fainting couch. "
"Seriously? Does that line ever work?"
"I don't know. Why don't you tell me. You haven't left yet."
And then Codex was struck with an idea. What would Tink do?
"Do you like children?"
"What?
"Uh, nevermind." Be like Tink. Be like Tink. "I can do this."
"Me? Oh you most certainly can do me."
"Clara's gone for the weekend and I'm...house sitting. I suppose if you want. You could, you know, come over."
"I knew that painting didn't lie. Ha"
"Um, I'll text you the details. Got to go."
As Codex tried to not hyperventilate, she felt a little pit of shame sitting in her stomach. "How does Tink do this? I already feel guilty. Then again, my ex-boyfriend did cheat on me with oboist and managed to make me feel like our break up was my fault, so maybe I'm not the best person to judge for guilt. I am kind of a Skeevy McSkeeverson though. I can't believe I just lured Fawkes in to help me with babysitting with the promise of fake sex."
"Oh no, there is no guarantee he'll stay."
Codex arrived at 4:45pm a mere 15 minutes early.
Clara and Wiggly were all packed.
"I've pumped enough bottles for the weekend and there is food to make for the kids. They'll probably entertain themselves they certainly do when I'm here."
"Ah, Clara...I..."
"See you on Sunday at 7pm! Bye bye kids, have fun with your Auntie Codex!"
And with that Clara and Wiggly left leaving Cyd with three children—and only one child whose name she knew.
"So."
Oh goodness, what was she thinking? She was an only child with older cousins. She knew nothing about caring for little ones. Truth be told, they kind of frightened her. And right now all three of them were staring at here. It was very children of the corn.
"So, who wants to color?"
And with that they all began wailing.
An hour and a half later she had never been so happy to hear the doorbell.
"Thank god you are here!"
"Anxious for our little love rendezvous, are you Codex? Wait, is that baby spit-up on your shirt."
"WAHHHHHHHHHH!"
And with that the gig was blown.
"Just come in here," and Cyd grabbed Fawkes' jacket and dragged him in before shutting the door.
But once Cyd had pulled Fawkes into the house she didn't know what to do and sat there silently staring at him. Until another cry echoed the air.
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Fawkes had the most curious look on his face. She had no clue what it meant. And her grand idea spun from a desire to be more like Tink who always seemed to get what she wanted seemed a distant thought far away.
"I..."
"Yes"
"I...," damn even in her child overwhelmed state he was looking particularly cute. Stupid cute gamer boy.
And then the third one joined in.
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Please don't leave, I can explain."
"Excuses change nothing, but make everyone feel better. Melvyn Douglas."
And with that she returned to the kitchen. The baby was screaming and Cyd had no idea why she had just fed and burped her. The little boy was screaming and pounding his crayons on the ground. And Gabby was screaming—perhaps because everyone else was. Cyd wanted nothing more than to sit down and cry too.
"Okay, one at a time," and she started with the smallest and picked up the baby. Except Cyd did know much how to hold the baby so she was so gently holding out and away from her.
"What do you want Baby? I've fed you. I've burped you. What is it? Oh no, it's diaper time isn't it."
"WAHHHHHHH!" Well, the child she was calling Baby in her head seemed to agree.
"I'm going to take a wild guess and say you are an only child." Fawkes' voice interrupted her current panic attack as she stood at the changing table trying to figure out what exactly went where.
"Yes, is that obvious."
"Give the baby here."
"What? Why? What do you know about babies?"
"More than you apparently," and with that Fawkes proceeded to show Codex how to change a diaper.
"Thank you?"
"Also, you aren't holding the baby right. They like to be held a bit tighter." He put the baby in her arms and reached around her, his arms encircled her and she could feel his chest pressed against her back. His hands ghosted over hers as he instructed her how to support the neck and cradle the baby.
Her arms and body were on fire and she couldn't help but exhale, "Fawkes," and she didn't know if it was her pleading for more or begging him to let her be. Just in that moment she felt so right.
Finally, the baby quieted.
"Feed, burped, and changed. I bet you are ready for a nap." Fawkes said from behind her. Cyd was about to agree that indeed she was ready for a nap—babysitting was hard—but then realized that he was talking to the baby.
"Wait, the rest of the house is quiet. What did you do with the other kids, Fawkes?"
"Your lack of trust in me is quite comforting," Fawkes said with a wry smile and a look she couldn't decipher on his face and he then said nothing further.
She ignored the pang and tiny trickle of shame that told her she was, perhaps, being a bit unfair. She'd lured him here under false pretenses and he hadn't left yet. Weird. While she was thinking, the baby must have tired itself out crying because as soon as she put it in the crib, the Baby fell right asleep. And how much did she hate not knowing the Baby's name. Made her feel like a bad member of her socially approved support system.
He still hadn't said anything.
She still hadn't explained anything.
They walked in silence back to the kitchen where Cyd found the other two coloring quietly at the table.
The next few hours passed as if in a dream. She and Fawkes cooked dinner for the remaining children together—and that feeling of want that was burbling at her center soared as he seemed to find excuses to wrap his arms around her when cooking; to trail his hand lazily up her spine; and to guide her places with his hand on the small of her back.
And the children behaved! They went from coloring to dinner to watching old school Disney movies—and his arm wound around her shoulder; his hand petting her hair as if she where a cat; and his breath creating a trail of goose bumps in it's wake. His affect on her made her feel like a character in one of her romance novels. No matter what her brain said, her body was screaming at her that he something to grab a firm hold of and never let go. Thankfully, Cyd ruefully thought, she was far more used to listen to her brain—though even her brain wasn't quite sure what to make of it.
They had talked but it was the inconsequential chatter of cooking and caring for the children; it was conversation that oddly made her feel like she had stepped into a parallel dimension where these were her and Fawkes' kids and they had years of shared experiences and had spent hundreds of nights just like this. It was so odd. How could someone be so different? In game, he was a larger than life titan that crushed all he considered unworthy—he tortured her guild for the fun of it. One on one, he was fun, and nice and made her feel pretty. Who was he?
Was he the jerkface that rained destruction in his wake or was he someone else? Someone that smelled good and that she could date?
With that she looked up at the television screen and noticed that the credit were rolling.
"It's bed time for Thing1 and Thing2 and then we are going to talk."
Uhoh! Cyd's stomach sank to the floor as she realized their previous unspoken détente was about to end.
"I didn't realize that houses came with babies now."
"Uh...about that...," Cyd nervously trailed off.
They were still sitting on the couch. She refused to have an uncomfortable conversation on the uncomfortable kitchen chairs. He was still next to her.
"Am I right in assuming there will be no what is colloquially called hanky panky tonight?"
"Well, um...I..."
"Am I right that you lured me here to help you babysit?"
"I wouldn't call it lured..."
"BWAHAHAHAHHA!"
"What?"
"Oh Codex, I don't know whether to be upset with you for your trickery or feel proud of you for breaking out of the Knights of Good gooey mold."
"Hey, I'm still good."
"Because good people use deceit and trickery to get other people to do things, all the time dear."
"Stop with the word trickery. I'm not evil."
"The absence of good isn't evil, it's anarchy. Me."
The day had been a bit stressful for her. She had woken up expecting a early afternoon dungeon run that would probably last into the night and had ended up babysitting children who cried all the time and then had a kind of nice night with her faux-ex-boyfriend. Cyd had reached her limit. "Fine, I just didn't know what to do. And I'm horrible with children..and I just couldn't...," Cyd trailed off into higher regions of her voice and tears.
"Hush there. You are interesting Codex. You are an absolute pushover to your guild and yet you have these flashes of fire. I like it." Fawkes put his arm around her and pulled her close.
"Wait," Cyd thought, "is he comforting me? What?"
And then his hand starting moving lower on her back and his face moved closer and—"what are you doing?"
"Well, I figured since we are sitting here on the couch babysitting like high school students we could make out like high school students. What?"
"I've never.."
"Ah, but never means should. Besides, it's pretty clear you like me."
"What? I said no to you when you asked me out."
"And yet, here I am. After you asked me."
"No. No. We can't do this."
"You can only say no so long before people stop trying to ask. American proverb."
Be like Tink. Be like Tink. Cyd repeated to herself. His closeness and scent was making her waiver. Making her forget why it was such a bad idea. What was that thing Tink did? Her brain foggily tried to remember—having her stupid cute gamer boy so close was making her thought patterns drowsy. It was a test of some kind, a litmus test! Kind, intelligent, loyal, gamer...he had already failed the test though. Hasn't he? Had she used it?
The silence had grown.
"Codex, as much I love role-playing enemies finding love. You are going to have to decide whether I'm your enemy—in which case I'm always up for one time crazy monkey sex—or if I can be more. The confused and contrary thing you have going on is cute, but I didn't ask you out again because I wanted another one-off, I asked you out again because you are interesting to me." With that he got up and the warmth, the feeling of peace, the warm ache in her chest was gone.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm leaving."
"But, you can't leave."
"You keep saying no. Do you really want me to be here for you or for helping you with the children."
"I want...," her heart said "you", her brain "I'm not sure", but her mouth hesitated and said, "...I want you for the children."
For a moment his face looked crushed, but Cyd thought she must have imagined it.
"Well, I didn't lay down like an emotional doormat unable to say no to my guild. So, I'm out."
"But...I.."
"I won't wait forever Codex. If you want me, you are going to reach out and grab it."
Fawkes stormed out and, curse her silly heart, she thought it looked kind of majestic in a way.
The kids were in bed, the house was empty and it was only 9pm. Normally when she felt like this she'd log on and everything would be better. She could fight monsters externally instead of dealing with her internal ones. But he might be online, and maybe, just maybe, playing the Game couldn't fix everything.
So she sat alone in the dark and thought.
Kind. Intelligent. Loyal. Gamer.
This was how she always ended up it seemed. Alone. Again.
Kind.
Intelligent.
Loyal.
Gamer.
Was he? He actually seemed serious. Was she being unfair? Was she?
Kind. At first glance she wanted to say that no, he wasn't kind. And yet, when it counted he usually was. Even post their first night in that horrible "non-deductible business meeting" he hadn't been cruel. While he embarrassed Zaboo at that dinner, he hadn't been cruel to her and, depending on how you looked at it, maybe he wasn't even cruel to Zaboo and Vork. He had brought her weeds, but he hadn't been cruel when Zaboo tried to reconcile them. While he had been rude to Jeanette, that wasn't cruelty—more almost socially awkwardness. And he had been amazing with Clara's kids. So, that was a tentative check.
Intelligent. He was kind of obnoxious about it actually. With the quotations and everything. But, he carried on intelligent conversation with her and seemed quite smart. So, that was a definite check.
Loyal. Never. Except, wait. A memory rose to the front of her mind. It was when she was first trying to reconcile with Tink, words of "she's in this guild now" and "no one gets away with messing with members of our guild." Twisted, and yet their original attack on Bladezz had been destruction of his character like he had destroyed Tink's character. That was a type of loyalty. And after the battle royale the Axis had stayed away from the Knights of Good in game and—with the exception of the weird situation she had going with Fawkes—out of game. So he was loyal to his word when given. So, maybe that was a check too.
Gamer. No question there, top of the server and didn't that excite her a bit in a disturbing way. So, check.
Egads! He passed her litmus test. He even had the not-on-the-official-list-but-still-kind-of-awesome callused fingers.
Maybe she was being a bit shrill? Maybe she was viewing him from a defensive standpoint when he was no longer her enemy. Maybe a third date wouldn't be so bad.
Cyd tossed and turned as she tried to sleep. She was still thinking about this and still thinking about him. Finally at 2:30am she gave up and logged in.
To: Fawkes
From: Codex
Re: It was you
What my mouth was too scared to say but my heart wanted to was that it was you; you that I wanted to stay; and you that I wanted.
-Codex
After sending that email she finally was able to sleep.
Morning came with no response from him. But it did find her exercising her rarely used culinary skills as she and the kids made pancakes.
"Where is Unca' Fawkes," the one boy she privately referred to as Thing2 in her head asked.
"Auntie Codex, Uncle Fawkes said we could go to the park today," Gabby said.
"Gaa!"
Even the Baby seemed to be in on it. What should she say? Your "Uncle" Fawkes and I got in a fight and now he might not be here at all. Yeah, that would go over good. It had been a good morning. No one had cried yet and things had seemed stable. Ignoring it was like a good plan.
"We'll pack a picnic and go later." There she sidestepped the question and maybe they'd forget by this afternoon that their "Uncle" had promised anything. Ha, as if that would happen. Fawkes had a way of getting under your skin and captivating you. She was sure even children weren't immune.
It was with a heavy heart that she packed their picnic lunch and gathered everyone together to go to the park. She slathered on the sunscreen—SPF 65 for both her and the kids. No point in getting a burn or more freckles.
The sun was beating down on her as she pushed the stroller with the Baby in it. Thing1 and Thing2 were being extra well behaved as they crossed the street and then they got to the park. She was put more sunscreen on everyone and was bent down putting it in the diaper bag so she missed whatever had Thing1 and Thing2 shouting joyously.
When she looked up, she saw a scene that made her heart stop for a second. "Uncle" Fawkes had returned and was swinging Thing2 in the air and onto his shoulders.
Cyd though her jaw must have dropped when he came over.
"Had to bring cookies to my favorite itty bits."
"Yay! Thank you Unca' Fawkes!"
Cyd nervously looked up, "You are here?"
"For the kids," and her world crumpled a bit but then he winked and said "and you of course."
With the picnic devoured, the cookies eaten, and Thing1 and Thing2 off on the monkey bars, Cyd smiled—a bit shyly—up at Fawkes.
"I'm sorry...I was a bit hasty in my judgment."
"We don't need to talk on it again. I prefer you honest even when it hurts."
"So, how do you know so much about kids?"
"Unlike you, I wasn't an only child...not at all," Fawkes began to tell her a bit about his family. They passed the afternoon talking about family, getting a bit more tan (Fawkes) or a few more freckles (Cyd), and having an all together delightful time. When it came time to leave, Fawkes walked back with them.
As they passed an old woman on a bench, they heard her mutter, "it's so nice to see families outside instead of paying those darned computer games."
They waited until they had passed her to start laughing hysterically.
As the sun faded down in the sky, the five of them (well or four of them, since the Baby wasn't really an active player) played the kid friendly RPGs that Fawkes had brought over, Cat and Faery's Tale.
Unlike last night where everything seemed dreamlike because it was so unbelievable, the rest of Saturday passed in a surprisingly contented fashion. Games gave way to cooking dinner where Cyd didn't even hide her delightful when Fawkes found excuses to touch her. Dinner turned into the 1967 version of Dr. Doolittle. And before Cyd knew it she found them with all the kids in bed and back on the couch, just like they had been 24 hours before.
Their hands were intertwined and Cyd wondered what Fawkes was thinking—wondered if she would ever understand all the subtle expressions on his face. Because, as she was slowly learning, he really was quite expressive. If only she could figure out what it all meant.
"I'm not a nice person. But the world isn't divided into nice people and evil people. I like winning. I like a little anarchy. And, I like you. With the exception of you, I've never spent more than one date with anyone. And they weren't so much dates as seductions. I'm not going to promise to be a "good" boyfriend. I'm not even going to promise to be good. I'll simply be myself. And that means that some times I'm selfish, that some times I'll go to far; and that some times I'll be a bit intense. But it also means that I'll be true, I'll be committed, and you'll never be bored."
It was perhaps the longest Fawkes had gone without using a quotation to hide his feelings under a veil of obscurity. And the honesty he displayed deserved honesty in return.
"I'm neurotic. I let people walk all over me because I don't want them to leave. I worry and I fret and I probably have self-esteem issues—even my therapist dumped me. I've had two boyfriends before, excluding the time I fake-dated you and I'm not sure I know how to be in a good relationship. But I like you. And I think that maybe we could see where this goes. After all, it's not every day you find someone willing to help you babysit three little monsters." Cyd made sure her voice changed tone a bit on the end so he knew she was kidding about them being monsters.
"I'm going to make you upset. Our guilds are going to clash. Gaming very well might come first. And I'm going to frustrate you beyond belief when I take something because I think I can."
"And I'm going to drive you crazy with my neuroses. My guild already hates you. Gaming likely will come first at the beginning. And I'm going to bother you to pieces when I'm all-passive. But then we'll see each other at the end of the day and all that will be just words."
"And then we'll see each other and I'll remember just why I can't keep my hands off of you."
And unlike the previous night, they did indeed make out like high school babysitters on the couch.
Sunday found them still ensconced in their bubble. Homemade waffles for the kids, apparently a Fawkes' specialty and more fun for all. Cyd was coming to enjoy playing with Thing1 and Thing2, and they hadn't even pulled her hair, which was a definite improvement over when she was little.
They decided that Fawkes should leave mid-afternoon so that Clara and Wiggly didn't come across him. As he was preparing to go, she looked at him and softly said.
"We have to go back to the rest of the world don't we?"
"Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. Meredith Grey"
"Grey's Anatomy, really?"
"My feelings don't change once I cross the threshold, do yours?"
"No, I just like our cozy bubble."
"Wow Codex! I half expected the house to a disaster when we got back. Who knew you would be so good with kids!"
"Thanks for the support Clara," Cyd said somewhat peevishly.
The next day Cyd was back in her apartment and back in game. They were finally running that dungeon.
"So, Codex, you'll never guess who Gabby said she missed."
"Clara—we are running a dungeon not having a social hour."
"Oh, stuff it Vork. I am a supreme multi-tasker. Anyway, Gabby said she had a great time when Auntie Codex and Uncle Fawkes took her to the park."
"You went outside! Voluntarily? Have you been taken over by a pod person Codex?," Tink was quick to chime in.
"You went to a park with Fawkes! I thought you two were through, best friend girl."
"Can we stop gossiping and just run this dungeon? I have a live chat scheduled for 4pm."
"Thank you Bladezz. And yes, I was outside and yes, Fawkes and I went to a park. We are dating."
"Like actually dating or dating like you were last time."
"Zing. Good one Tink!"
"Enough with the magpie chatter. Let's down this boss."
Later that night, after they'd run the dungeon, beat the boss and got epic loot, Cyd called Fawkes.
"So, as it turns out Clara and Wiggly ended up paying me and since you helped out I was thinking you deserved at least some form of reward. You. Me. Drinks. Renata's?"
"Wasn't that my line?"