Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or anything else.
The Dark Lord Rants
An Exclusive Interview with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
Brought to You by yours truly, snarryislife.
Hello, dear readers. I am Snarryislife, and today, I bring to you news from inside a place where none have willingly ventured before and come out unscathed. The Lair of The Dark Lord.
Our interview began with normal questioning, "Hi, I'm Snarryislife, how are you doing." Those kinds of questions. And then our real discussion began.
Snarryislife: So, Mr. Dark Lord, I have been listening to many of the younger generation discuss their choice of literature. What are you opinions on 'Twilight'?
The Dark Lord: I think it is complete shit. Complete and utter shit. A rip-off of ourselves. And have you ever met a Vampire that doesn't drink human blood? It defeats the mythic description of a vampire! And the fucking sparkle. Who the hell sparkles! And at least our pedophiles look like pedophiles! Who wants to watch a person sleep! It's creepy! And Bella, at least my Bella can fight her way out of a situation! Their Bella can't even fight her way out of a paper bag! At least when the ginger left the mudblood in Potter's little group, she still kept going, and, she managed to save Potter from me! Bella did dangerous stuff just to hear the boys voice! And didn't I already kill him. If I had know he was going to turn into a sparkling fairy princess, I would have just crucioed him and then let him go! And the Blacks. Two men who think they know everything. Our family of Blacks are interrelated group of Pure-bloods who suffer incest, different sides of the war, disinheritance, and abuse! And Sirius Black is a Black, who turns into a Canine! Stephany Myer is a rip-off artist wannabe! She can't even rip-off stuff correctly! Its a waste of our children's lives! We need to band together to make sure no child, magical or muggle, are forced to suffer through this waste of words! I hereby surrender to the Light side on the premises that we put a stop to this waste of existence!
Snarryislife: Oh, okay. Do you mind if I quote you on this?
The Dark Lord: Go ahead. Tea?
Snarryislife: Please.
So there you have it readers. 'Twilight' is our newest enemy. The enemy of the world, and will shall band together to destroy it! And this concludes the first installment of The Dark Lord Rants. Take THAT, Rita!
Harry laid the Daily Prophet back down on the table. Harry sighed, ignoring the surprise at this morning's front page. Life sucked. Since the Dark Lord was now on their side, now he really had to study for O.W.L.S.
The End.
This is pure crack. I might do a sequel, have the Dark Lord rant about bunnies or something, if I get enough review requesting it.