Disclaimer: I don't own Pretty Little Liars.
Hanna say weird stuff
Hanna Marin and Spencer Hastings are walking along a street in Rosewood on a nice spring day.
"Last night, my mom had too much to drink. So sharper than a dildo's tip it is to deal with a drunk mommy, I tell you." says Hanna.
"That makes no sense." says Spencer.
"Flip your pussy-lips backwards, Spencer. Getting a new point of view downstairs can be a very sweet thing." says Hanna.
"What the hell are you talking about, Hanna?" says Spencer.
"You're supposed to be the smart one." says Hanna.
"Indeed, but what you say is really weird. It makes no sense at all." says Spencer.
"Seems like you need some sexual action. No fuck, no luck." says Hanna.
"Oh, bless me!" says Spencer.
"Doesn't you and Toby ever fuck?" says Hanna.
"Well, sure we do, but I don't wanna talk about it." says Spencer.
"Really? Sex is awesome." says Hanna.
"Can't deny that it can be very good. Still I'd prefer to not discuss it in public." says Spencer.
"Nothing to be shy for, you're quite the catch." says Hanna.
"Indeed." says Spencer.
"Toby probably has no problem getting stiff in his dick when he sees you." says Hanna. "No happy ever after without a good sexy time in bed."
"Hanna, you focus too much on sex." says Spencer. "There are things that matter more."
"Not for the one and only Hanna-Boo. I need to get fucked on a regular basis, otherwise I'll become a sad pile of mess and no fun." says Hanna.
"Are you serious?" says Spencer.
"Yeah." says Hanna.
"I can't believe it." says Spencer.
"Chill, Spence." says Hanna.
"Hanna, do not tell me to relax." says Spencer.
"Why?" says Hanna.
"I don't want anyone to give me orders." says Spencer.
"And I didn't..." says Hanna.
"Right, but it was still quite close." says Spencer.
"No, it was not." says Hanna.
"Try to be less sexual. Alison's already the slut and we don't need a second one." says Spencer.
"Alison's amazing and I'm proud to share some of her skills." says Hanna.
"Her skills are not something you should be proud of, trust me." says Spencer.
"I don't agree." says Hanna.
"Alright then. Whatever floats your boat." says Spencer.
"You're so uptight." says Hanna.
"No, I am not." says Spencer.
"Okay...if you say so, Spencer." says Hanna.
"Sure." says Spencer.
"My pussy feel so empty. Just like the cookie jar usually did during my hefty days." says Hanna. "Una vagina vacía no es divertida."
"Changing your slut talk to Spanish makes it no less dirty, my friend." says Spencer.
"Perhaps so, but me don't care. Los orgasmos son increibles." says Hanna.
"I don't like what you're talking about." says Spencer.
"Yeah, but I can talk about anything I want." says Hanna.
"Damn..." says Spencer.
"My pussy is a paradise for men." says Hanna.
"Keep it down, Han. You shouldn't speak of such things out loud." says Spencer.
"Why? I'm very confident in my sexuality." says Hanna.
"Apparently a bit too much so, it would seem." says Spencer.
"I don't think so." says Hanna.
"So you'd consider yourself a sex-crazy woman then?" says Spencer.
"Me prefer to be called a sex-princess." says Hanna.
"Okay..." says Spencer.
"Caleb love my sexual personality." says Hanna.
"Yes, because he's your boyfriend. I on the other hand is clearly not, so for me it is not good that you're a very horny woman, Hanna." says Spencer.
"I love sex though." says Hanna.
"Hi, ladies." says Aria Montgomery as she walk up next to Hanna and Spencer.
"Hi, Aria." says Spencer and Hanna.
"Where are you two going?" says Aria.
"To the Brew." says Spencer.
"So come all ye orgasm." says Hanna.
"What...?" says Aria.
"Hanna's being weird." says Spencer.
"Me not weird." says Hanna.
"Okay...whatever..." says Spencer.
"Yeah." says Hanna.
"Hanna, act your age, please." says Spencer.
"I've at least not had a secret identity like some damn fucking version of the Scoring Pussysmell like you did when you joined the damn A-team." says Hanna.
"It's Scarlet Pimpernel, not Scoring Pussysmell." says Spencer.
"Right. Whatever..." says Hanna. "Good bless ye merry pussy, as May Rory would say. She's awesome and sweet."
"Who's May Rory?" says Aria.
"One of my favorite pornstars." says Hanna.
"I so did not need that mental image." says Aria.
"I agree." says Spencer.
"C'mon, guys. Porn is sexy and fun." says Hanna.
"Hanna, please..." says Aria.
"Sorry." says Hanna.
"Yeah." says Spencer.
"Okay." says Hanna.
When they get to the Brew they find Emily Fields waiting for them.
"Hi, Em." says Spencer.
"Hi, girls." says Emily.
"You never know what secrets can be found inside a pussy." says Hanna. "Or in a dick."
"Ewww." says Emily.
"What...?" says Hanna.
"Don't be a perv." says Emily.
"Alright, Em." says Hanna.
"Oh, damn." says Spencer.
"Yay." says Hanna.
Spencer, Aria, Emily and Hanna take a seat by a table.
Mandy Caruzo serve them coffee and cake.
"Cum belong in my pussy." says Hanna.
"Hanna, please." says Spencer.
"What...?" says Hanna.
"Stop talking about sex." says Spencer.
"You're not my mom and I'm 24 years old, free to say anything I want." says Hanna.
"Please, Hanna." says Emily.
"Alright then, Em. Just 'cause it's you, girl." says Hanna.
Spencer, Aria, Emily and Hanna get 45 minutes of sweet silence before Hanna says "Did any of you get any sexy bedroom action last night...?"
"Uh...Ali and I had some sweet fun in bed." says Emily as she blush a bit.
"Yay, so nice." says Hanna. "I had a very good time. Caleb fucked my awesome pussy and sprayed a lot of creamy cum over my boobs."
"Too much detail." says Aria.
"Aria, tell us what you did." says Hanna.
"Not much. Ezra is still out of town, but he'll get back on Friday." says Aria.
"Okay. Spencer?" says Hanna.
"I refuse to tell you all what I did last night." says Spencer.
"Oh, that means it was something sexual and kinky. Me wanna get all the erotic details." says Hanna.
"It was the opposite of sexy." says Spencer.
"I don't think so. Tell us the truth." says Hanna.
"Trust me, there's nothing worth to mention." says Spencer.
4 hours later.
"Toby, what did you and Spencer do last night...?" says Hanna.
"I didn't spend last night with her. I was working late." says Toby.
"Oh...I thought you fucked her to a big cozy orgasm." says Hanna.
"Why did you think that, Hanna?" says Toby.
"Because sex is awesome." says Hanna.
"Still as sexual as ever, I can see." says Toby.
"Yeah. I love sex." says Hanna.
2 hours later.
"Spence, forgive me. I talked to Toby and he cofirmed that nothing sexy went on btween you two last night." says Hanna.
"You're forgiven, Hanna." says Spencer.
"Thanks." says Hanna.
"No problem." says Spencer.
"And the Hanna-Boo score like a damn football player." says Hanna.
"What you said makes no sense." says Spencer.
"Gran polla en mi coño me hace feliz." says Hanna.
"I feel blessed to not know what that means." says Spencer.
"Espero que le des una mamada a Toby pronto." says Hanna.
"Je ne fais généralement pas ça." says Spencer.
"Uhuh...?" says Hanna.
The next day.
"Caleb's big dick is what I love to lick. Suck it and make all the white spray out." sings Hanna as she cook lunch for her mom and herself.
"Hanna, do you need to sing that stuff out loud...?" says Ashley Marin.
"No, but I want to." says Hanna.
"I do understand that you enjoy sex. I do as well, but I don't talk or sing about it." says Ashley.
"Chill. I'm not a kid anymore." says Hanna.
"True, but while you're in my house I prefer if you skip talk about anything sexual." says Ashley.
"Why? You're almost as much of a slut as me." says Hanna.
"Yes, but I keep a low profile with my sex life. I don't sing about it at random while cooking and such." says Ashley.
"Okay..." says Hanna.
"Guess I should be glad that you and Caleb are still together though." says Ashley.
"Yeah. Thanks, mom." says Hanna.
"You're welcome." says Ashley.
"Sweet. Los orgasmos me hacen feliz." says Hanna.
"Remember that I know Spanish as well, Hanna." says Ashley.
"No me importa un carajo if you know or not." says Hanna.
"Alright." says Ashley.
The next day.
Hanna and Emily eat pizza at the Grille.
"Em, you're lucky to live in this century. In the 1600s lesbo chicks were burned alive." says Hanna.
"True...and...wait...you know that...? I didn't know that you study." says Emily.
"I don't study much, but I got a tweet about it this morning." says Hanna.
"Oh, from who?" says Emily.
"Mona." says Hanna.
"Alright. Makes sense. She's someone who study." says Emily. "It is actually true that gay women were burned alive during the 1600s, believed to be evil and users of witchcraft."
"That must've sucked." says Hanna.
"Very much so." says Emily.
"Yeah." says Hanna.
"Indeed." says Emily.
"Do you still swim?" says Hanna.
"Yes, of course." says Emily.
"Awesome." says Hanna.
"True. I love swimming very much." says Emily.
"And you also love pizza and Alison." says Hanna.
"That's correct, Han." says Emily.
"I think it's awesome that you picked Ali over Paige. You made the best choice, Em. Sure, you and Paige have a lot of stuff in common, but with Ali you'll get much more sex." says Hanna.
"Ali is the best chocie for me, not for the reason you mentioned though." says Emily.
"Really? I always thought you picked Ali for her sexual personality." says Hanna.
"Yes. I picked her because I really love her." says Emily.
"Okay. You still made a wonderful choice." says Hanna.
"Sweet that you think so." says Emily.
"Yay. Cutie Em noticed the scent from super-sexy Alison's pussy and fell for her big time, yeah. So cool. fun and cozy." says Hanna.
"Whatever." says Emily with a cutie smile.
"Awww!" says Hanna.
"Yeah." says Emily.
Emily giggle a bit, thinking about what the sexual scent of Alison actually is like.
"Giggles. That means I wasn't completely wrong." says Hanna.
"True..." says Emily in atiny little voice that Hanna can barely hear.
"Yay!" says Hanna, happy that she was at least somewhat right.
"Right, let's talk about something else." says Emily.
"I can do that." says Hanna.
"I've decided to rent a vault at Rosewood Bank for my most valuable swim medals and swim trophies." says Emily.
"Nice." says Hanna.
"Yeah. Of course I won't be able to look at them as much as before, but they'll be safer in a vault than in my living room." says Emily.
"To rent a vault seems like a good idea." says Hanna.
"Very true. My mom was the one who suggested it." says Emily.
"She's smart and sweet." says Hanna.
"I know. My mom's awesome." says Emily.
The next day.
"Mom's keeping some sort of secret from me. It seems to be a secret the size of the Seqoyan Desert." says Hanna.
"You mean the Sonoran Desert, Hanna." says Spencer.
"Right. Whatever..." says Hanna.
"Don't give your mom crap for keeping secrets. It's not like you've never kept stuff from her." says Spencer.
"Good point." says Hanna.
"Indeed." says Spencer.
"Sweet Power to my pussy." says Hanna.
"Oh, no!" says Spencer.
"Hanna-Boo is all awesome." says Hanna.
"You've quite the ego, Hanna." says Spencer.
"Awww. Thanks." says Hanna with a cutie cute smile.
"Crap..." says Spencer.
The End.
Author's note: I hope y'all enjoyed this. Hanna is so funny. Carpe Diem.